John smacks the cup away from Dave's hand before it reached his lips. Dave looks at John in surprise. "That's not water," John says.
"What the hell is it, then?" Dave quirks a brow and raises the glass. He even sticks his pinky up, like some stereotypical Victorian lady at tea. Stupid irony.
John takes the cup and downs it. "That was not water," he repeats. "It's a collection of hydrogen and oxygen atoms arranged in a particular manner in an exact ratio of two to one, respectively." He puts the cup down. "Light traveled through it in a particular manner and struck your retina. That was not water. It was an image your brain formed from the light that struck the back of your eyes." He sticks out his tongue. Egbert: 1, Strider: 0.
Dave, robbed of his glorious not-water, crosses his arms. "Ceci n'est pas une pipe," he mutters. "Very funny, Egbert." He walks over and refills the glass. "I regret showing you that postmodernist crap." Leaning against the counter, he takes a sip and points an ironic pinky at John. "Don't think you're beating me at a show of irony any time soon." He finishes the water and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ahhh," he sighs, flipping his hair as if he were in a shampoo commercial, "Almost as good as AJ." He smacks his lips.
John twitches. No, Dave is not getting on his nerves. "So. Is that a challenge, Dave?"
He shrugs. "It is what you want it to be, Egbert. But - " he raises a hand to silence any protest - "you can't just Magritte everything. That doesn't count."
"But, Daaaaaaaave." John pouts, wobbling his bottom lip, just so. "That's not faaaaiiiir." He widens his eyes (the glasses help) and stretch out his vowels, a super effective tactic pirated from Vriska.
Dave shakes his head. "Nope." He rinses the glass in the sink. "Applying Magritte to everything is not a demonstration of skill." He sets the cup on the dish rack. "While we're at it, do not doodle 'R. Mutt' with Sharpie on urinals. Postmodernism is so last century, anyway."
"Whaaaaaaaat." John follows Dave out the kitchen. "But it's so cool!"
Dave flops onto his couch. "Egbert, it is literally last century. Duchamp did Fountain in 1917, and Magritte painted Treachery of Images around 1929." He shows John the Wikipedia articles on his phone.
"Nerd." John whispers, earning a shove from Dave. Egbert: 2, Strider: 0. Dave is such a nerd, even if he is in a river in Egypt. That's why they're best bros - all hail unironic enthusiasm. "Speaking of not-pipes," John begins, returning Dave's phone, "I'm getting a bunch of Magritte prints for Dad's birthday. To hang in his office." John gives his best prankster's grin. "Including Treachery of Images. He's going to love it!" He bounces on the couch.
Dave remains neutral, but John can see the I have trained you well, young Padawan look. "Men in bowler hats and pipes. Very much his aesthetic." He nods. "Good job figuring that out in the twenty years you've been living with him, Egbert."
John returns the shove. Egbert: 2, Strider: 1.
Dang it.
Inspired by a Tumblr prompt; originally posted on my Tumblr, nuttysaladtree. Thanks to my friends for their encouragement, and to readers like you. Thank you!