THE Lord of the Rings: Gone Rum—The Most Rummish of Them All!
One dull autumn day, Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn were in a pub visiting and chatting about "very important things".
"You think we might be getting some rain soon?" asked Legolas hopefully. "I'm trying to grow a petunia in my yard and it hasn't gotten any water for quite some time now."
"I don't know," muttered Aragorn dismissively. He was terribly uninterested, you see.
"Yes, that would be nice," agreed Gimli, "I haven't taken a mud bath in a while and I think I need one." Legolas wrinkled his nose at the dwarf, but said nothing. Aragorn sat hunched over at the table, head resting on his fists. He wished there was something to do. After thinking ardently for a minute, he proclaimed, "I have it! We need to draw some pictures—lots of them—I don't care what of—and then we will critique each others' work."
"I guess it beats sitting around enjoying the pleasantries of small talk," murmured Legolas. "Besides, I was at the top of my art class in school."
"I don't doubt it," chuckled Gimli quietly. Therefore, they found some pieces of paper and began to bestow a myriad of pencil marks upon them. After about an hour, each had close to five drawings a piece. Satisfied with their work, they began passing them around and writing helpful (or not so helpful) remarks about what each thought of the others' work.
"Hm—" thought Legolas as he gazed at Gimli's first drawing, an axe. "This is—interesting." The next picture was the same axe and a decapitated orc.
"Ugh! Dwarves!" thought Legolas. The remaining pictures were a picture of a mine, some Dwarven armor, and what looked like a roaring fire, malt beer, and ripe meat off the bone. Legolas wasn't certain of what to write. Even though he thought his own drawings FAR superior, (they were of flowers, hairbrushes, perfume, etc.) he decided that he wouldn't be overly harsh. But then again—he wasn't going to tell the dwarf that he was Raphael and make him all bigheaded. In the end, he decided to take the middle ground. What he wrote:
Good –Legolas
Then, Gimli passed Aragorn's pictures to him.
"Even worse!" thought Legolas. The first one was a REALLY BAD stick figure of Arwen. What's that? So was the second! The third, as well. The fourth was a picture of Arwen and Aragorn kissing. And the fifth? A picture of Gandalf zapping someone with his staff. Without a moment's hesitation, Legolas wrote his critique on every picture:
Good –Legolas
Soon after, everyone was looking at his own pictures, inspecting the appraisals.
"Ha!" said Gimli. "Legolas, don't you know any other words besides 'good'?"
"That's what I was wondering," agreed Aragorn. "Can it be that he desires to officially change his name to 'Good Legolas'?"
"Ha, ha, very funny!" said Legolas, insulted. "I gave you a good critique. Is that so bad?"
"Yes and no, Good Legolas," replied Aragorn.
"Ah!" cried Legolas. "Stop!"
"Good Legolas!" jeered Gimli.
"Good Legolas!" taunted Aragorn.
"I don't like you guys anymore," pouted Legolas.
"What was that, Good Legolas?" asked Gimli. I'm afraid that Good Legolas was quite offended for some time.
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A few days later, the diverse trio was eating lunch at the Prancing Pony. Aragorn had just taken a large bite of spaghetti, when he, having a full mouth, said, "Umm…" and indicated the pile of napkins on the table. Confused, Gimli and Legolas sniggered for a moment, and questioned: "What do you want? A napkin?" Aragorn nodded.
"Well, why didn't you just say so?" asked Legolas. "We don't speak the 'Umm…hum…mm…umm…' language!" Aragorn was mercilessly teased about this for years afterward, especially whenever he asked for a napkin.
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Days later, they were sitting at the Prancing Pony—again, and were talking about times past.
"You know, Aragorn," said Legolas, "I used to be involved in gymnastics."
"That's—nice," replied Aragorn, noting the expectant look on Legolas' face. "Let me guess, you want me to ask you to show me some of your moves."
"You're good at this," said Legolas. "May I?"
"If you must."
Legolas strode forward and began doing high kicks. To the man and dwarf's astonishment, his legs almost touched his face each time he kicked.
"What amazing flexibility," thought Gimli. However, not to be beaten in anything by the elf, he said:
"Ho, Good Legolas. I'll have a try!"
"As you wish," said Legolas. Gimli stepped forward and made a sincere attempt. Often, however, sincere attempts err. This was no exception. Gimli found himself sprawled on his back, the others' laughter ringing in his ears. He wanted to die right there.
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The next night, Gimli and Legolas were standing out in an alley in the village of Bree. Suddenly, eerie music began to play and a mechanical cat wheeled out from behind a trash can.
"Meow! Meow!" it said. Then, it blew up.
"How—lovely," said Legolas.
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The night after this, Legolas and Gimli, who were now excluding Aragorn because he was taking all of his friends' mistakes excessively far, visited a gift shop, or "tourist trap" as Legolas put it. There, Legolas found something wonderful. It was a toy. However, not just any toy was it. It was a ball, but it was colorful, squishy, and had many tendrils of multicolored rubber protruding like a cheerleader's pom-pom. Legolas dubbed it "Mr. Squishy," and protected it as if it was his own child. Gimli asked to see it.
"No!" cried Legolas.
"Ok," said Gimli. The dwarf would respect Legolas' wishes. Aragorn was another story, however. The second he saw Legolas cradling Mr. Squishy, he ran and tore it out of the elf's grasp, ignoring his desperate cries of protest.
"Don't hurt Mr. Squishy!" screamed Legolas. However, Aragorn, in direct disobedience, threw Mr. Squishy on the floor and began stomping on him.
"NOOOO!" cried Legolas in anguish. But it was too late; Aragorn stepped off Mr. Squishy, revealing a colorful rubber smudge on the floor. Legolas mourned for weeks.
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Weeks later, the trio was again at the Prancing Pony, discussing highly important matters.
"Do you know who the new barkeep is?" asked Gimli furtively.
"I think he said his name was John," replied Aragorn.
"John?" said Legolas. "What race is that? 'Tis not elvish, nor dwarfish. Could it be a human name?"
"Yes," said Aragorn, trying to hide a smile. "In our language, it means 'toilet'." Gimli and Legolas looked at each other in horror.
"I think I'm going to keep with calling him 'Mr. Bartender'," said Legolas quietly.
"The previous barkeep was called—Craig, I think," continued Aragorn. "It means—"
"I don't believe I want to know," said Legolas hurriedly.
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The next morning, Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas finally decided to leave Bree. As they departed from the village, they came upon a strange someone. He was dressed all in tie-dye, had an orange headband, long white hair and beard, and a mood ring. They thought he looked familiar, but were not certain. He was headed for the Prancing Pony.
"Sir—" called Aragorn. "Who are you?"
"Dude," said Gandalf, staring at his mood-ring. "I've never seen it that color before." The varied trio decided not to ask and instead withdrew speedily from Bree.
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As they headed for Rivendell, they came across Merry and Pippin, who (it appeared) were mushrooming.
"Greetings, Hobbits!" said Legolas. "You're awfully far from home, are you not?"
"Yes," replied Merry, approaching them. "But, you know, you can never go too far for mushrooms."
"Here, have some of them!" offered Pippin generously. The Hobbits eagerly thrust one into each of the trio's hands.
"Well—all right," agreed Gimli. They all ate one. Merry and Pippin stared at Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli anxiously. The change was not long in coming.
"The sky is falling!" cried Gimli, laughing like Agamemnon while hopping in circles. Aragorn and Legolas began having a spitting contest.
"Mine went farther!" Legolas laughed insanely.
"Yep," said Merry. "I'd say it worked. They're stoned." Aragorn had grown so humiliated at his loss that he began trying to tunnel into the ground to get away from the others. It didn't work so well. Legolas stood behind him, pointing and laughing like the Stinky Ol' Man. Meanwhile, Gimli was braiding his beard into a fishtail braid. After several long minutes of mushroom induced insanity, Legolas came to his senses.
"What am I doing?" he cried. "And what made me do it?" Merry and Pippin stared at each other, frightened.
"This is the part where we run away," said Merry. They did. Legolas looked over and saw Aragorn and Gimli trying to catch a butterfly, so he grabbed them by the backs of their necks and tossed them in the river.
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Weeks later, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were at Rivendell in Aragorn's room.
"Let's act out a scene!" suggested Legolas.
"Which one?" asked Gimli.
"The part where I marry Arwen?" asked Aragorn.
"No!" said Legolas and Gimli in unison.
"Fine."
"How about we do Boromir's death scene?" proposed Gimli.
"Good idea," said Aragorn. "I'll be Boromir, because I look the most like him."
"And who will we be?" asked Legolas with mock curiosity.
"Uruk-hai," said Aragorn. Gimli and Legolas stared at each other and nodded, raising their eyebrows.
"Very well, Aragorn," agreed Legolas. "Gimli, we must get into costume." Subsequently, they raced behind Aragorn's lavish dressing screen. Aragorn saw clothes and make-up flying up in the air from all sides, and soon, two VERY convincing Orcs emerged. Legolas had smeared every visible portion of his fair skin with brownish-blackish paint and had donned a black wig, which matched the ugly black Orcish-looking garments he wore. Gimli was much the same. They each carried an Uruk scimitar that they had borrowed from Aragorn's collection of prizes he had taken in battle.
"Nice," said Aragorn, stifling a chuckle. Legolas and Gimli (A.K.A. "Lurtz and Ugluk") stepped forward.
"Boromir, you can kill Ugluk three or four times, and then I'll come up and shoot you," said Legolas.
"All right," agreed Aragorn. "But not really. Just pretend to shoot me."
"Very well," sighed Legolas, feigning disappointment.
Scene I:
Boromir is fighting Uruk-hai. Even though there should be dozens swarming him, it appears there is only one. Every time he kills it, it gets back up as if nothing has happened and keeps fighting. After several minutes of fighting Uruk-hai, Boromir sees another Uruk with an elvish longbow entering the scene. The Uruk snarls convincingly, drawing an arrow and putting it on the string.
Scene II:
The Uruk-hai shoots at Boromir, completely skewering him on the arrow.
Boromir: "Legolas, you neophyte! You weren't actually supposed to shoot me! Cut! Cut!"
Ugluk: "You are one of the most idiotic parasites I have ever met!"
Lurtz: "Uh—it looks like the Orcs are getting restless. We'll be back after these messages from our sponsors."
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A few weeks later, Aragorn was selling fruit in Rivendell when Merry and Pippin swung by to procure some. Eagerly peeking up over the wooden table, Pippin tried to see what kinds of fruit Aragorn had to offer, and noticed a large, crisp-looking apple. Pippin was so excited that he leapt up and grabbed it, but in the process, knocked a massive dish of assorted fruit high into the air.
"Catch it! Catch it!" cried Aragorn in a high-pitched voice, diving towards the falling fruit. Merry and Pippin seized some empty baskets and began catching the fruit.
"Catch it! Catch it!" shrilled Aragorn, as a peach splattered his face. "Oh, no!" Merry and Pippin ran around in circles trying to catch the fruit yelling:
"Catch it! Catch it!" But, every time a fruit splashed on their faces or on the ground, they would squeak:
"Oh, no!" Soon, all of the fruit had either been splattered or caught. Aragorn was so angry, he began throwing the remaining fruit at the two Hobbits, chasing them away. At least Pippin escaped with the apple he wanted in his pocket.
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A few days after this, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli signed up for community speech class. Actually, it wasn't exactly Gimli and Aragorn's idea. Legolas signed them up. The first lesson, the teacher assigned everyone a demonstrative speech, announcing that it would be due the next day. Aragorn and Gimli groaned so loudly in protest that the teacher allowed them to do one speech together instead of two individual ones.
The next morning, they all returned to class. Unfortunately, Legolas was the only one who prepared a speech, which was titled, "How to shoot a bow with PERFECT form." Aragorn and Gimli hated their topic. It was called: "How to clean a bathroom." As such, they planned to ad-lib as they went along. After Legolas gave his speech, Gimli and Aragorn made their doleful way up to the front of the classroom.
"Our speech," proclaimed Aragorn, "is on…" He made an odd squeaky noise that resembled the air escaping from a balloon.
"Error in memory!" they said simultaneously in a robotic manner. Legolas, the teacher, and the rest of the class stared blankly.
"Mem…mem…mem…memory…" Gimli and Aragorn began sputtering like robots. "Mem…mem…mem…or…or…error…error…" They then began twitching like out of order robots going out of control. Neither the students nor the teacher knew what to think. Suddenly, Aragorn and Gimli began throwing sparks everywhere, all over the room. They started going berserk!
"Error! Error! Must destroy! Err…mem…mem…" Without warning, Gimli and Aragorn began speeding towards a wall, gathering velocity like crazy robots, until they crashed through it.
"Err…memory…error!" everyone could still hear.
"I'll give them a seven," pronounced the teacher coolly.
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Some time later, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli were formulating a plan as to how they could get a terrible picture of Elrond to put on the front page of the Rivendell Daily.
"I've got it!" said Legolas enthusiastically. He whispered furtively in the ranger's ear.
A few minutes later, Legolas stepped around the corner, rainbow hued clown wig in hand.
"My Lord Elrond," he said, "I was hoping that you might try this on for size."
"Why in Endorenna would I don that ridiculous thing?" asked Elrond quietly, looking up from the paper on which he had been writing.
"Because you're—nice?" said Legolas. Elrond glared at him.
"Because, if you don't," continued Legolas, "my good friend Gimli is going to sing his 'In Moria, In Khazad-Dum' song until you do. Show him, Gimli."
"All right," agreed Gimli. "In Moria, in—"
"No, please!" begged Elrond, who was so shaken that he fell out of his chair. "I'll do anything! Just tell him to stop singing!" Gimli looked hurt.
"Put on the wig," ordered Legolas. Elrond snatched it eagerly and put it on. Gimli stopped singing. Elrond was just about to remove the wig, when Aragorn leapt around the corner and snapped a picture.
The next morning, the Rivendell Daily bore a picture of Elrond with the clown wig, leaping insanely at the camera with a look of absolute horror on his face. The caption beneath read:
"What Elrond does in his spare time?"
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A day or so later, Aragorn was sitting on his bed reading an odd book. Legolas and Gimli sat in chairs on either side of him, silently watching him read. Every few seconds, the ranger would laugh loudly a moment or two, and then continue reading. After about three hours, Legolas said, "Aragorn, I have to ask. What are you reading?"
"Oh, it's great!" replied Aragorn eagerly. "It's a book of mad-libs that somebody did about us!"
"What?" said Legolas worriedly. "Let me see." Wordlessly, he read to himself:
One spring day, Frodo was crabbing quietly while leaning against a big crabapple near a road in the Shire. In the distance, he smelled the faint sound of a Legolas swarming. Who's coming up the sea crab? He wondered. As the swarming came closer, Frodo could hear the clicking of horse pincher and the green swirly twirly sounds of a mustache moving up the road. A deep curly voice rose above the clatter: The whistle and whirligig goes ever on and on. Down through the bathroom where it began... the raspy voice rang. Orlando Bloom! Frodo cried. He quickly jumped up and laughed towards the sea crab to greet the Hobbit.
"What the—?" cried Legolas aloud, leaping from his chair. "This is just nonsense!"
"It's great!" laughed Aragorn. "Here—read that one!" Legolas took the book back from Aragorn and glanced where he was pointing.
But suddenly the Mirror went altogether dark, as dark as if a Legolas had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the black abyss, there appeared a single Aragorn that slowly laughed until it filled nearly all the Mirror. So curly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to cry out or to withdraw his gaze. The Aragorn was rimmed with Gimli, but was itself glazed, stinky as a cat's, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its ripe meat off the bone opened on a pit, a window into nothing.
Then the Aragorn began to run, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things that it flew he himself was one. But he also knew that it could not see him-not yet, not unless he willed it. The Elrond that hung upon his chain about his neck grew heavy, heavier than a great refrigerator, and his head was dragged downwards. The Mirror seemed to be growing pretty and curls of Barbossa's infamous green apple were rising from the water. He was slipping forward.
"That was the dumbest thing I've ever read!" said Legolas. "You, my friend, have a strange sense of humor."
"No," retorted Aragorn. "You, my friend, are the one who has the strange sense of humor. See, I did a mad lib myself, just the other day. I'll read it."
"'Arwen, the kitchen is dangerous!'
'Frodo is flying! If I can get down to the pot in time, the stew of my people will protect him. I do not smell them.'
'As they wish. Arwen, poop hard! Don't look back!'"
"Aragorn," said Legolas, "you are SUCH a child."
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Later on, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli were walking along a craggy mountain. They became jaded and started thinking of what they could do for entertainment. The three friends decided to shove boulders off the mountainside, so they could amuse themselves with the large and loud crashes that they made. They cast about on the cliff-side, looking for suitable rocks, when they came across the PERFECT boulder.
"Be careful," cautioned Legolas, who was in constant worry that either of his rather clumsy friends might lose his balance and plummet off the cliff.
"Stop!" cried Gimli. "You're starting to sound like my mother!"
"I just don't want anything to happen, that's all," responded Legolas.
The three strained to heave the boulder off the edge, and finally it went rolling. It spun down the cliff-side, crushing everything in its path. All at once, they heard a loud shriek. Startled, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli scrambled to the bottom of the cliff to see what had happened. They found the boulder resting on a familiar figure. All that protruded from beneath the gargantuan stone were his arms and legs. It was Elrond.
"Oops," said Aragorn.
They shoved the boulder off Elrond, only to find that he had been flattened like a pancake.
"I'll get you for this," mumbled Elrond.
"What?" asked Aragorn.
"I believe he asked us to inflate him," answered Legolas.
The three peeled him up off the ground. Elrond was about as flat as twelve sheets of paper. Then, Legolas had a brilliant idea. They would use a bicycle air pump to inflate him. Therefore, Aragorn pulled his own out of his back pocket and shoved the end in Elrond's mouth. Then, Gimli and Aragorn started taking turns pumping. Unfortunately, they did not stop.
"That is enough," said Legolas. "You guys, stop. Stop! He's good, guys! Stop!"
They did not stop pumping, causing Elrond to grow bigger than a huge hot air balloon.
"NOOOOO!" cried Legolas. Suddenly, the air pump popped out of Elrond's mouth and he went flying into the air.
"Uh-oh," said Gimli and Aragorn together. Elrond, very angry, was floating away.
"I'll get him down!" declared Legolas. He grabbed a dart and threw it skillfully at Elrond. As soon as it hit, Elrond went flying crazily away like an untied balloon. After he finally came to rest somewhere down the valley, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli ran to collect him. Elrond was now lying sprawled on his face, once again his normal size. Legolas tried helping him up, but as soon as he was half-way up, Elrond's back popped and he could not move.
"I will help you, Elrond!" cried Gimli, running towards Elrond. Elrond's eyes widened with horror and he tried running away. However, he wasn't fast enough. Gimli caught him and knocked him down again. They could hear Elrond's back popping like popcorn.
"Nice," said Legolas.
Elrond finally stood up and said, "Aragorn, you are without doubt the thickest, most foolhardy vermin under the sun!"
"Oh, stop, stop," said Aragorn bashfully. "I've gone bright red!"
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Several days afterward, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli found themselves on a Quest of Mount Doom with the evil ONE RING! When they reached Lothlorien, they were met by Lady Galadriel, who went all creepy and then told them, "In place of a Dark Lord, you shall have a queen! Not dark, but beautiful and terrible as the dawn, treacherous as the sea, stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love ME and despair!"
"Um, milady," said Legolas meekly, "I don't mean to ruin your little 'moment', but you're getting awfully scary looking, and I promised my mom I would watch only G rated things while I went on this quest."
"Oh, sorry," said Galadriel. "I was only practicing." She went off to look for Frodo so she could do the same thing, only creepier, to try to make him give her the Ring.
"You know what," said Aragorn, who had gone rather speechless during and after Galadriel's little "transformation," "I bet I could do that. It would be easy. All we would have to do is find a white background somewhere, put on a black dress and a blue wig, and then find a cool video camera somewhere that would do inverted colors. It would work!"
"Who would be Galadriel?" questioned Legolas.
"Me," replied Aragorn. The others stifled chuckles.
"Ha!" said Legolas. "THAT would be interesting."
"I'll show you," offered Aragorn. He stepped away from them a bit and grabbed the edges of his vest.
"In place of a Dark Lord, you shall have a queen!" the ranger yelled, attempting to throw out his arms in "scary-Galadriel" manner. Unfortunately, he was still gripping the edges of his vest and merely ripped it off, to the others' great amusement.
"Oh, that was lovely," said Legolas, applauding.
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During the battle of Amon-hen, Merry and Pippin tried to copy Legolas by finding an oliphant (escaped from the Southrons. Don't ask us how) and trying to climb it. They were squished. Before they were flattened, however, Boromir tried to save them, but was shot in the chest eight times. When the oliphant stepped off the Hobbits, they were as flat as sheets of paper. Nevertheless, being as resilient as they were, they soon popped back into shape. Seeing this, Boromir began laughing hysterically.
"Ha! Ha! He! Ow! He! Ow!" Then, he wisely sought medical attention. However, Aragorn was the worst physician in Middle-earth and ended up deforming Boromir. The gondorian's legs were switched with his arms, his head was on his right foot, and his hands were on his knees.
After this, Boromir was so angry he tried to bum-rush Aragorn. Aragorn was shocked with the failure of the operation. (He didn't mention anything about wanting to eliminate possible rivals to the throne of Gondor, however)
Aragorn apologized to Boromir and procured for him a real doctor, Elrond. Boromir cartwheeled to Rivendell. When he arrived, Elrond put him back together, but, sadly, he died of arrow injuries.
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One day, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli traveled through Fangorn Forest looking for Merry and Pippin.
After Legolas announced ominously, "The White Wizard approaches," Aragorn said:
"Do not let him speak. He will put a spell on us." All hands went to weapons.
"We must be quick," instructed Aragorn. The warrior trio turned about swiftly with the intention to kill, but their weapons were rendered useless. The wizard emitted a bright light from himself that nearly blinded the three.
"You are tracking the footsteps of two young Hobbits," he said in a voice that sounded remarkably like a digital combination of Gandalf and Saruman's individual vocalizations.
"Where are they?" questioned Aragorn.
"They passed this way the day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"
"Who are you?" asked Aragorn. "Show yourself!" The bright light was cut off, and to the trio's surprise, it was Gandalf. All was perfectly silent until Legolas unexpectedly burst out laughing, followed by Gimli and Aragorn.
"What?" demanded Gandalf. "What is so funny? This is not funny! I order you to stop laughing!"
"We are laughing at—at what you are wearing!"
"Have you never seen tie-dye before?" asked Gandalf. "I happen to be fond of my tie-dye clothes, my hippie glasses, my giant peace sign necklace, as well as my mood-ring and afro!"
"Ha, ha, ha, a…ha, ha! Ungols and ungwes!" said Legolas, pointing at Gandalf's nose.
"What? Spiders and spider webs? What are you talking about?"
"There is a spider hanging out of your nose!" said Aragorn. Gandalf's eyes widened with horror as he looked down and saw that they were right.
"AHH!" cried Gandalf. "Yee, spider! AHH, spiders! I hate spiders! AHHH!" He dropped his staff and ran around like a maniac. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli only laughed the louder.
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As Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were walking near an Isengard watchtower, they heard the strange, retarded, and disturbing noise of an orc yelling, "Defend the towers!" The orc then said it again…and again…and again.
"Bothersome!" yelled Gandalf. He raised his staff and fired a bolt of lightening towards the orc.
"Defend the—!" said the orc before he was zapped and the tower toppled down into a pile of rubble.
"That was odd," said Legolas.
"Very," agreed Gimli.
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While all of this had been going on, Frodo, Sam, and Sméagol had been climbing the steep stairs to Shelob's Lair. The Ring continued to make Frodo weaker by the minute. Knowing this, Sam attempted to make a generous offer, but was assaulted by a strange occurrence.
"I could carry it for a while," he said, but a mysterious echo followed after.
"Carry it for a while…carry it for a while…carry it for a while…"
"Share the load!" continued Sam. "The load…the load…the load…" Frodo and Sméagol stared quizzically at Sam.
"What?" questioned the gardener. "What…what…what?"
"Sam!" cried Frodo. "How are you doing that?"
"Doing what, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam. "Mr. Frodo…Mr. Frodo…Mr. Frodo…"
"Are you stuck on?" asked Sméagol.
"Stuck on what?" inquired Sam. "What…what…what?"
"Stop that, Sam!" commanded Frodo.
"Stop what, Mr. Frodo?" said Sam. "What, Mr. Frodo…Mr. Frodo…Mr. Frodo?"
"That!" replied Frodo. "Just don't speak!"
"Yes, Mr. Frodo!" said Sam in wonder. "Yes, Mr. Frodo…Yes, Mr. Frodo…Yes, Mr. Frodo…"
To Be Continued…