Not Alone
Hitori Janai
Written by: Vamp Charisma
Disclaimer: I do not own anything or any of the characters of Final Fantasy VII or Advent Children the movie. I only have ideas and schematics, which by law, I have no claim to either. Depressing no? But yeah, enjoy nonetheless and no suing please. This was solely written for pleasure and well, cackles, to get some maniacal plots to be finally be shown to the world at large.
Author's Note: Forgive me if my details are wrong, as they are based off of fanfictions I have read and what I deduce from the movie Advent Children. DO note that this is definitely a spoiler for those of you whom have not seen the movie as it slinks in and out, then kinda post AC. This is essentially a rearrangement of good Cloti scenes and mixing them around with personal interpretations. Hope you enjoy it. CLOTI all the way! Please R&R! I'd really appreciate it. Consider it my first fic outside of my classics. grins .
Her dulcet voice rang true on the other end. Though digitized by technology, he recognized her voice nonetheless on the recording. "There was a phone call from Reno who's at Healin. Cloud are you doing fine?" The automated machine signified the finale of her words: "End of message." Flipping his phone shut, he clutched his left arm momentarily as a needle of pain shot through it. Shaking it off, he replaced his goggles on and proceeded to drive on the dusty path on Fenrir's back.
I'm not fine… He shuddered at the thought. A year back, he recollected the horror of discovering that the orphaned child Denzel was stricken with the new disease Geostima. Although no one knew the cause or a method to stop it, the fact existed that there was no cure. The usually hyperactive Marlene had mellowed as Denzel's energy was slowly being sucked away to a point where he had not the strength to even get out of bed. Months later, he too had been contaminated by the disease. Seeing the way Tifa's brow would furrow with concern over Denzel, or Marlene refusing to exit Seventh Heaven just to remain at Denzel's side had been enough to convince him to leave. I wasn't going to be a burden…
Flashback
"You're leaving aren't you…?" It wasn't a question but a statement. She knew. Cloud nodded his head in acknowledgement. He brought his jacket about his shoulders, allowing the fabric to drape over his arm strategically, hiding the surfacing marks of Geostima. "Why? What is it this time?"
"I have something I need to do… somewhere I need to go."
"Cloud…" she bit back her retort and instead walked up to look him square in the eye. "I trust you."
"Thank you, Tifa, for everything."
"You're not coming back are you…?"
"I don't know," he lied. Her face fell flat. She ignored the pestering thoughts that bombarded her mind and instead of arguing, handed him a small care package. She cast him a smile, thought filled with sorrow, she smiled nonetheless. Cloud nodded again apathetically, his blonde spikes shielding his aquamarine eyes. Without a word, he shouldered his way out the door and didn't bother to look back.
End flashback
--
"Another phone call from Reno. He said in any case, hurry it up. Although it sounded a bit suspicious. Be careful, okay?" In his mind, he carefully tucked away the strands of the reminder into a safe place. He silently frowned though to think she would always bother with the simple messages at the end of the voicemails. Always caring Tifa… Forget me please, there's no hope….
--
"He's not here anymore, okay?" Tifa said to no one in particular. Drying the last of the glasses with a towel, Tifa ascended the flight of stairs, noticing the still bedded child. She drew in a sharp breath and released some pented up frustration in the form of a sigh.
"Cloud, where are you?" Denzel whispered. Tifa shuddered and hurried to answer the ringing phone in the next room… It was Cloud's room at one point, turned office, then should've turned storage, but she didn't have the heart to give up on him. So she let everything remain as he had left it. Answering with her usual cheeriness, she smiled a bit at the picture of the quartet streaming down the streets: "Hello, Strife Delivery Service…"
--
Even now, the feeling nagged at him, eating away at his insides. Flashes of imagery and pain, torture. The rotting feeling filled him once again, a side-effect of the lifestream's attempts at expelling the genetics of Jenova… mother.
He winced as the pain traveled down his arm. It'll end soon… was all he thought. It'll end soon.
--
It was time she went searching for him. She was worried. He didn't answer her calls, and worse yet, she knew he was hiding something. Ever since he had left, she had rebuked herself countless times for not asking, but it wasn't the time… but now… She reached forwards and pushed open the doors of the church. It'd be the one place he'd find peace… Aeris' church. The words lashed at her with jealousy. Aeris, a simple flower girl of a church, was just that, simple. But she saved everyone and in so doing, took the one thing Tifa cherished the most, Cloud's heart. I'm sorry Aeris she thought, That's jealousy speaking… I would never… She shook her head. Despite the aching pain that resounded in her heart, one thing was true: she loved Aeris as much as she loved Cloud. You were all I had left in my broken life… my best friend, my sister, my family… Yet you're gone… and all that's left that I can do for you is to watch over the one thing you loved as well…
Flowers had sprung over the rotting boards of the church. Lillies all blossomed. Marlene ran ahead of her and bent to examine the beauties. Her gaze settled on the crate to her right with a lantern and discarded strip of cloth on top.
"Does Cloud live here?"
"It seems like it." Noticing the case of materia, Marlene dashed over to it.
"What's this?" She bent over and scrutinized the box, not understanding. Tifa merely shook her head and smiled. Taking a few steps towards the crate, Marlene picked up the tattered cloth.
"It's just like Denzel's… Is Cloud sick too?"
"He could have told us."
"Did he leave because he's sick?"
"He's planning on fighting it alone."
"Fight?" Marlene stood up; confusion marked itself across her face.
"Maybe not. He has no intent to fight it."
"Tifa." Marlene called from her position. Tifa stooped to her level and smiled.
"Let's go home, Marlene." She dashed away towards the fallen columns.
"No! I want to see Cloud!" For a few moments, Tifa paused and fought inwardly on what to say or do.
"You're right… We want to see him don't we?" She picked up the Geostima remains of cloth.
"Yeah!" Marlene chimed.
"Hey, what should we do when we see him?"
"Go home together!" Marlene responded simply in her innocent mindset. Tifa silently reprimanded herself for thinking the way she did.
"But before that, we need to lecture him, don't we?"
"I agree!" Marlene replied and raised her hand. If only you knew, Cloud, how much we miss you… Tifa thought inside and allowed Marlene to admire the flowers that Aeris had cared for so much. The bang of a door turned her attention back to reality. Marlene ran towards the sound and shouted his name. "Cloud!" Seeing the intruding figure, Tifa's eyes flashed with recognition of the danger and grabbed Marlene back. Retreating, the figure continued to advance.
"Want to play?" the man asked and extended his hand. A thousand things rushed through Tifa's mind. He repeatedly asked, "Where's mother?" Finally, she answered him by snapping the answer.
"Nobody's here."
"Then, you want to play?" Slipping on her leather gloves, Tifa readied herself in a fighting stance.
"This is going to be interesting." Tifa went on the offensive. He parried her moves. In a flurry of strikes, kicks and flips, she had seemingly defeated the uninvited guest by sending him beneath a pile of pews. But the fanfare of his cell phone's ring tone signified the end. He had been holding back, and before she could stop him, he had shot her repetitively in the back with electric shocks, rendering her unconscious.
Cloud entered the church, hours later, and to his horror, the place was in disarray. The already destroyed columns were in worse condition than he had left it, and much of the former structure now lay in ruins, shards of wood and shrapnel. He continued to walk in an unhurried pace and halted at the divide of flooring and flowers. They seemed undisturbed. But a greater fear struck him as he detected the still figure in the midst of the lilies… Tifa. He ran. Lifting her off the ground into the support of his arms, Cloud shouted her name, "Tifa!" shaking her. Fear rose in him like never before and it screamed to a high shrill, ringing in his ears. Don't let her be dead, God, please! He prayed. She groaned in his arms. The held-in breath of air was released in a flurry, but his concern was not abated. What had happened? What was she doing here? A thousand questions pegged his mind, but the one above them all was for Tifa's wellbeing. "Tifa!"
"You're late…" she murmured, eyes still half-closed.
"Who did this to you?" He noted she was slowly processing his question, though slow, she had reacted.
"Some guy I don't know…" Tifa nearly sank back into the darkness until the thought suddenly struck her, "Marlene!" she cried with a jolt, sitting straight up and out of Cloud's arms. She clutched her head and lost consciousness once again, sinking back into Cloud's arms. He scanned the area about him, and cursed, noticing his missing materia.
"Damn it!" Another series of pain struck him. Flashes of Kadaj, the battle with Sephiroth, swirling lights, flashes of flames, pain, destruction, then nothing. His last sight was of Tifa as he blacked out. A droplet in the lifestream sent him into oblivion.
--
The flame-haired guard, Reno, had apparently brought them back to Tifa's place, Seventh Heaven. Cloud could only surmise what had occurred, but as the news of the missing children reached his ears, he cried inside at his lack of ability to protect. Mamoru… He could only widen his eyes with shock and then replay his usual apathetic genre of emotion.
Night had settled. He was waiting. For the first time, he understood what it felt like to be in Tifa's position, always waiting… He stared at the window. Tifa stirred from her position on the bed. "Reno and the others are looking for them," he announced as Tifa sat up straight.
"It's the Geostima Syndrome… right? Are you thinking it's okay for you to die just like this?" Tifa turned to face the darkened windows. "As I thought."
"There's not way to cure it."
"But isn't Denzel trying his best?" He could hear her voice raise an octave, her stress levels heightened by her anger and frustration. She sat with her knees beneath her and turned to face him. "Let's fight it together without running away from it. Let's help each other out and do our best." Judging from his silence, she settled back into her reserve and sighed. "I guess we can't… because we aren't a real family…" Those words cut hard into him. Like a dagger, Tifa's words plunged into his heart and slashed at every ounce of his reserve to not scream contrary to it. He wanted to reassure her, but instead, allowed excuses to play their part, to shield himself and her from getting hurt.
"I think that, I won't be able to save anyone. Even if it's a family member, or friends… Nobody."
"Zuru zuru zuru zuru…" He looked up at her and caught her muttering those words as a reminder. "Zuru zuru zuru zuru…."
"She's asking you, how long you're going to keep on draggin around for?" Reno's voice butted in. Cloud turned around in surprise. Although Reno had interpreted it fairly correctly, the deeper meaning of what she was getting at was skewed. Sure, he got the gist of it, but Cloud knew Tifa… Reno didn't need to tell him and he already knew what she wanted to remind him of: Aeris, the one who grounded him.
As they reported their findings, Cloud hurriedly asked the question: "Where are they?"
"The Forgotten Capital. It's their hideout."
"I'm going to talk to Rufus."
"Don't run away! You might not be able to do anything even if you find the children. That it might turn into something that's irrecoverable again. That's what you're scared of right? But, please take in more of the present and other various things. Is it too heavy for you? Well, it can't be helped because it's heavy. Besides the people who can live alone, need to endure it. You don't like being alone, right? You don't even answer it, but you never let go of your phone."
"She said for you to go to the hideout." Despite Reno's way of condensing Tifa's words, Cloud knew once again. He needed no interpretation. Tifa worded things the best, understood him the best, and could get through to him. You want me to go so that I might save myself from this loneliness… this hole in my heart… You know, but I can't tell you…
"Did we… lose to our memories?" Her words faded as another woman entered his thoughts: Aeris.
"So you came huh? Even when you're about to break yourself, right?" He felt her familiar touch on his arm. "But that's probably a good sign. I have a question. Why did you come here?"
"I think I want to be forgiven. Yeah. I want to be forgiven."
"By who?" He turned around to look at her and she disappeared. What seemed to be merely moments later after he rejoined with Vincent and Marlene, Cloud could hear himself saying: "But… I let her die without helping at all…"
"You sure drag around a lot. Hey, why don't you forgive yourself already?"
"Can sins be forgiven?"
"I have never tested it."
"Test? To test?" The realization struck him. "Marlene, we're going home." As Marlene finally accepted him once again and returned to his side, he muttered beneath his breath, "I'll try it out. I'll call you later about the results," he casually gestured a mock-phone out of habit. Vincent grinned then frowned, realizing he didn't have one. He furrowed his eyebrows with distaste.
"Mattaku…" he grumbled and disappeared into the shadows. "Where's the phone salesman?"
--
"Marlene is safe. I left her at the bar."
"Okay."
"I think my burden has lightened…"
"Huh?"
"Maybe I dragged it too much that it wore down." To Tifa's pleasure, his words lifted the shadow that had crossed her heart since his departure.
"I'll go back to the bar by myself! I'll be waiting with Marlene. You're going to come back too, right?"
"Yeah," Cloud nodded. I'm going home.
--
And then his nightmares came true. Sephiroth. His thoughts could not focus. As Sephiroth returned, everything fell apart. Kadaj had transformed with the help of Jenova… "my reunion" he had called it. My nightmare… Cloud thought. Sephiroth kept questioning, "I have a present for you. Shall I send you some despair?"
As he recollected everything he had vowed to protect, Cloud split his sword into seven pieces and slashed at Sephiroth with all the strength he owned. "Please stay quietly in my memories…"
"I will not become a mere memory…" Sephiroth disappeared in a flurry of tarnished feathers, and Kadaj had returned in his stead. As Kadaj desperately swiped at Cloud, all could see there was nothing left in him. No energy, no life, nothing. As he murmured the words, "Brother," Cloud could not help but feel some slight despair for the boy, though not much younger than he, Cloud could tell he had suffered enough.
The drops of rain began to fall. Everything afterwards was a blur. Cloud could hear Aeris' voice, the rain of lifestream, the other brothers… A shot… pain… he recalled using his blade to destroy something… protect something. Then nothing… silence. He heard her voice scream his name.
--
As the hands settled on him, he could feel it, the memories flashing past. His gaze flickered on Tifa, holding out on her figure. He wanted more than anything to tell her something else if this would be his last, but there wasn't time. Her eyes conveyed the same message and begged him to live. I trust in you… He could hear through his thoughts once more. With the strength of a goddess, Tifa threw him up, yelling after him, "It's not over yet!" And then, he saw her, Aeris. "Here," she uttered those words as strength and energy flowed through him. She would always be there, watching him.
Pure white. Silence, stillness, nothingness. And then he heard it, both their voices…. Alive? He could hear their giggles. "Kaasan?"
"Again? I wonder how many times I've been called 'Mother' today."
"What's wrong with it? Being dearly loved and all," Zack's voice teased.
"I don't need such a big child like him."
"How unlucky. She said, there's no place for you here."
He awoke in a pool of lifestream water. The orphaned children surrounded him.
"Sister said that you will be coming here," a little girl beamed up at him.
"Welcome back," Tifa's voice broke through his thoughts.
It dawned on him suddenly where he was and the people around him. He grinned a little. "I'm home." Saying the words brought a nostalgic feeling to course through him. Though it pinched him in some ways, nagged in others: it felt good to be needed and to be right at home. As Red announced to him the condition of many children at large, Cloud waded towards Denzel.
"Here, go get it cured," Tifa smiled encouragingly.
"It's fine now," Cloud reassured the child.
"Do your best." Cloud took Denzel from Tifa's hands and placed the boy gently in the water. Cupping the lifestream in his gloved hands, he allowed the clear substance to spill over Denzel's head, causing him to jump with surprise. Apprehensively, he waited to feel the affects. As the gentle crystallization of green sparkled about his skin, Geostima was lifted. Examining his features in the water, it was truly gone, and the crowd about them erupted into cheers.
As multiple children began to jump into the water to be cured, Cloud threw a rare smile to the room at large. His gaze settled on Tifa, and she in turn returned the favor and gave him a teasing smile, crossing her arms. Cloud continued to scan the room. To his surprise, a familiar figure was stooped over two children. As she retreated out the door, another figure leaned against the frame of the doorway. "You're okay now, right?" Aeris called, a white light surrounding her. Zack nonchalantly waved goodbye and followed Aeris' figure out the door.
"Yeah…" Although he was bit heart-stricken at the thought of the two people he cared about most, he knew they were safe under each other's care and watch… they wouldn't be lonely and it comforted him to know it.
"Cloud can make things happen if he tries!" Tifa stared at the droplet of lifestream. "You were there for him all along, right? Thank you."
As the celebrations drew to a close, the children had retired to their rooms. Though at first their whispering were obvious, the volume slowly decreased until the rhythmic pattern of their breathing echoed in the empty hallway. Tifa smiled, heart warming at the sight. The others laid scattered about… Yuffie was drunk and would suffer a major hangover the next morning, but at the moment looked content clutching a bottle of booze and a handful of materia. As for Cid, he lay slumped over the couch, with Red and Vincent close by. Though Vincent at first had denied any alcoholic beverages, his inhibitions were soon forgotten after a few coerced swigs. He lay tucked at the foot of the couch, curled about a new device that would prove to be of use: a cell phone. Barret had attempted to act as the "responsible" person at large, but due to the festivities, could not resist and chugged a few bottles himself. However, he had retired early to his room after a few bedtime stories for Marlene and Denzel.
Tifa could only smile despite the mess that lay about. She finished drying the dishes with the usual washcloth and her smile widened at the thought of routine. Though boring at times, it was nice to finally settle down as a family… Tifa cherished the word in her heart and sought out Cloud beyond the confines of Seventh Heaven.
"Cloud?"
"Hn?" He was sitting on the porch. He hugged his knees.
"You okay?" He merely nodded. Tifa smiled. It didn't take much. She knew. It was silences like these that made her glow from the inside out, just being by his side. She sat down next to him in silence. The night wrapped itself about them, a gentle breeze blowing.
"Tifa… did you… did you see Aeris?"
"Huh?" Surprised, Tifa turned to him and shook her head. "I didn't see her… but I felt her. She was watching you all along."
"I won't ever forget her…" Tifa nodded. She understood. Though it hurt her, she understood. I could never replace Aeris. "But I won't forget you either…" Cloud's voice broke through her thoughts.
"Hn?"
"I'll always remember my promise to you… at Nebelheim…" He didn't need to say much more. Their hometown brought a swatch of memories that were both joyous and sorrowful. Tifa only needed to picture the well and knew he wouldn't forget.
"I trusted you."
"Thank you… for believing in me." Tifa grinned. "What are friends for?" She nearly winced at her own mistake of wording… Is that all we'll ever be? Just friends? Daring herself to move, she instead rubbed her arms against the cold. Cloud noticed and placed his jacket about her shoulders.
"You should go inside." He continued to stare at the sky, searching. Tifa bit her lip and fought every desire to scream. Instead, she did the next best thing, ask.
"Cloud… 'atashi ga suki?" His eyes widened with shock, then softened. A mix of emotion had flooded through his mind as he contemplated her question. He could only shake his head and mutter his response.
"Iie… chigau." She turned her head away abruptly. Ashamed, her face fell, tears on the verge of streaming down her face. I should've known…
"Tifa ga dai suki da." A smile transcended her face and the tears fell freely now. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, but it lifted her spirits. Never could she love another. All that waiting was well worth it…
"Cloud mo aishiteru…" He enveloped her in his arms. His thoughts returned to Aeris' words. "Ima, daijyoubu ne?" He smiled and buried his face into Tifa's hair, taking all of her in. Nothing remained. Nothing was stopping him. Now he could let go and feel… to depend, to be needed, to be loved…
"Ware wa hitori janai…"
Author's note: For those of you who don't know Japanese well enough, I'll translate the last part. I felt it sounded better in Japanese. It preserves the reality or just authenticity of the entire sense of FFVII AC.
Tifa: "Cloud, do you like me?"
Cloud: "No, that's not true."
Cloud: "I love Tifa."
Tifa: "I love you too Cloud."
Aeris: "You're okay now, right?"
Cloud: "I am not alone."