So this was originally posted as a one-short under a different title awhile ago. Now it's back up, re-done, and now a chaptered fic. (:
Just to warn you now: this is not a happy story. Sure, it's got some cute, fluffy moments, but it's quite dark.

Hope you enjoyyyyy!

Misery

Chapter 01

Tom took a long sip of his drink, inconspicuously watching his twin brother over the rim of the glass. His mind was becoming comfortably clouded from the alcohol, but that still didn't stop the strange, confusing thoughts from swirling around his head. The dreadlocked teen exhaled through his nose and slouched back in the seat he was in, absently drumming his fingertips against the glass in hand. He locked his eyes on Bill once more. Tom couldn't figure out how he could be a twin to such a beautiful, graceful creature. When people looked at him, did they see the same beauty reflected in his face as Bills?

No, Tom thought, no, of course not. There is no way I can ever come close to matching Bills beauty.

Tom swallowed thickly and suddenly felt a wave of nausea pass over him, a feeling that had nothing to do with the alcohol in his system.

The four of them; he, Bill, Gustav and Georg, were sitting in a quiet bar in a city whose name they couldn't remember, wanting a place where they could enjoy themselves without numerous fans swarming around them. Just passing through on the way to another city, another sold-out show.

Georg and Gustav, already wasted, were sitting across the table from Tom, talking to each other in loud, slurring voices. Bill, who had gone to get himself a drink twenty minutes ago, had now pulled up a stool to the bar counter, talking and laughing animatedly with a young bartender, who kept smiling and nodding and looked as if he was trying to flirt with the black haired teen. And Tom… well, Tom was sitting alone, trying to drown his sorrows in a glass of Vodka. The nineteen year old watched as Bill threw back his head, laughing loudly. The bartender looked pleased with himself for making Bill laugh, and Tom frowned slightly. He downed the rest of his drink, slamming the empty glass down against the table, and rose from his seat. Georg and Gustav stopped talking, and Georg asked where Tom was going.

"Another drink," Tom grunted, shuffling away from his two band mates. He wanted to get as drunk as possible, since they had a day off tomorrow, and just forget about everything. Tom approached the bar counter next to Bill, and the younger twin grabbed the sleeve of Tom's shirt and pulled him closer. Tom almost lost his balance and slapped a hand down on the counter to steady himself.

"This is my brother Tom," Bill told the bartender excitedly, who didn't look too happy to have their conversation interrupted. Tom could already tell Bill was buzzed, and didn't say anything.

"Another Vodka," the dreadlocked teen finally mumbled, eyes locking for a split second with the blonde mans behind the counter.

"What's wrong?" Bill asked casually without looking up at Tom.

Tom frowned. "Nothing."

"Bullshit," the younger of the two replied. You're my twin; I can read you like a book. Something's wrong."

"Nothings wrong, Bill," Tom lied, sighing. "I'm just tired."

"If you say so… no girls tonight?" Bill asked, a hint of amusement lacing his voice. Tom felt his cheeks flush uncomfortably for some unknown reason.

"No." The bartender returned with Tom's drink, and he swallowed a huge mouthful, the alcohol burning his throat on the way down.

"Why not?"

Because I want you instead.

"Because I don't want too," Tom snapped, "why is it such a big fucking deal?" Bill blinked, shocked, and Tom instantly regretting snapping at him; but he was getting really fucking sick of everyone thinking his sole purpose in life was to fuck girls or something.

"Sorry," Bill murmured, taking a swig of the beer in his hand. He leaned his elbows on the counter, still not looking at his older brother. Tom could tell that Bill was slightly hurt and felt bad; something else to add to his collection of pained feelings and thoughts tonight. The dreadlocked teen placed his hand on Bills shoulder and gave it a tiny squeeze, and he quickly removed it before he got carried away. Bill turned to look at him, and when they're identical chocolate eyes met, Tom felt butterflies explode in his stomach.

"Tom." Bills voice was barely above a whisper. "If something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

I'd tell you anything but this.

Tom nodded; another lie, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat that just wouldn't go away. He bowed his head, allowing his fingers to ghost over the rim of the glass in his hands; he felt like he somehow needed to occupy them. Without another word, Tom walked back to the table, with Bill following a few steps behind. The two of them sat at the table together, across from Georg and Gustav. The other two men were so deep in their drunken conversation that neither of them appeared to notice Bill and Tom return.

"I wonder who'll end up having to get carried back to the hotel tonight," Bill voiced his thoughts aloud, a ghost of a smile playing across his lips. Tom shrugged indifferently and didn't answer, bringing the glass to his lips again. When he was done, he set the empty glass down on the table next to the other one. He looked at Bill, vision beginning to swim, who was absently tearing the corner of the label on his beer bottle. The brunette downed the remaining liquid in the bottle, sauntering off to get another one.

"Bill," Tom called after him, and the other teen turned around. Tom faltered, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and biting at it in a nervous sort of way. He felt like he should say something… meaningful. But instead, he just blurted out "Can you get me another drink?" Bill nodded wordlessly, and Tom buried his face in his hands with a sigh.

"No, no, I'd totally do the one of the left." Georg's drunken words reached his ears, and Tom looked up, leaning his chin against the table top. He watched the two older men pointing at two girls sitting at a table near the back corner of the bar.

"I dunno, man, she's hot, but the other one looks way more do-able," Gustav slurred in reply. "Plus, I've got a thing for redheads."

"Tom, which one would you fuck?" Tom held in his groan and shrugged listlessly in reply.

"The blonde one, obviously," Georg answered for him with an intoxicated giggle. "I mean, holy shit, just look at her giant rack!"

"Yeah, that's nice, but the redhead is so much more prettier. And from what I can see, she's got a pretty sweet ass," Gustav argued.

"If you want to fuck them so bad, then why don't you go and talk to them?" Tom said waspishly; his patience with their stupid conversation was beginning to wear thin.

"Great idea, Tom!' Gustav practically yelled, and he and Georg high-fived. Tom rolled his eyes and exhaled through his nose while the two G's rose from their seats and walked in the direction of the girls. The dreadlocked teen watched them out of the corner of his eye; the girls had invited Georg and Gustav to sit with them.

Perfect, now I have to be alone with him.

He almost didn't notice when his twin slid in the seat next to him, until Bill prodded his shoulder with his finger.

"Here." Bill pushed the glass into Tom's hand, and Tom tried not to stare at his brothers perfectly manicured nails, his long, slender fingers. He longed to know what they'd feel like all over his body. Tom shivered uncomfortably. Bill looked around, finally noticing the absence of his other two band mates. "Where'd the other two go?"

"Over there," Tom replied, nodding his head towards the back of the bar, "trying to pick up some girls for the night." Bill glanced in the direction of Georg and Gustav and snorted into his drink.

"God, those two always end up going back alone anyways. Why do they even try anymore?" Bill laughed a bit, a high pitched giggle, and Tom could tell he was pretty drunk. What a lightweight.

"Tom, what's up?"

"What do you mean, 'what's up?'"

"By 'what's up', I mean what the hells wrong with you?" Bill frowned slightly. "You're definitely not acting like Tom. Seems like you're moody or depressed or something lately."

"I dunno," Tom replied without looking at Bill. "I mean, I'm fine."

"No you're not," Bill said and hiccupped. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Because I can't tell you the truth," Tom muttered, starting to get angry. "Why can't you just drop it, Bill?"

"Did you ever stop to think that I'm your brother and maybe I care about you?" Bill replied moodily, slouching back and folding his arms over his chest. "Just because you don't care about me or anything I do-" Tom stared at Bill incredulously, his heart aching.

"Stop," he whispered, eyes stinging with sudden tears. "How could you think that I don't care about you?" Bill allowed his eyes to meet Tom's, and he looked sorry.

"If you do, then you don't show it very much," Bill mumbled, looking down. Tom rubbed a hand across his face, groaning softly.

I'm afraid that if I show you how much I really care, I'll just scare you and drive you even further away from me.

"Seriously, Tom, tell me what's wrong. I'm worried." Bill was suddenly interested in everything but Tom's face. "You're never like this."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, I just can't, alright!" Tom said, exasperated. "Now can you please just leave me alone?"

"Fine," Bill said in a monotonous voice, and rose stiffly from the table. "I'm tired. I'm going to go back to the hotel." The younger twin turned and walked away without a second glance back at Tom. The dreadlocked man groaned loudly and buried his head in his hands. He sat up and chugged the rest of his drink, trying not to gag at the strong taste. He could either sit here and get so drunk that he couldn't feel anymore, or he could go after Bill. Tom didn't even stop to think. He just got up and hurried as fast as he could, without stumbling, out the door.

Tom exited the bar, wildly looking around for his little brother. The streets and sidewalks were dark and bare, except for a tall, lone figure about a block away.

"Bill!" He broke into a run, and the other teen turned around to watch him. When Tom finally caught up to Bill, the brunette wrinkled his nose at the older twin.

"It doesn't look like you're in any position to be running, Tom." Tom thought he heard a smile hidden in the other mans voice, but it definitely didn't show on his face.

"I'm not that drunk," Tom breathed in reply, frowning. Bill turned and began to walk again. Tom caught up with him and fell into step with the younger teen.

"I'm sorry," Tom finally said.

"It's fine." Bill sighed and looked at the ground. They were both silent for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only a few seconds. "It feels like we're drifting apart. I miss the way we used to share everything when we were younger. Fuck, we're in a band together, we're living our dream together, and that should be bringing us closer. But it feels like we're getting farther away." Tom shoved his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans and didn't reply. He was scared that if he opened his mouth, he'd end up saying the wrong words.

"I don't want to lose you, Tom." Bills voice was tiny; barely above a whisper, but there was so much emotion packed into it that Tom felt it cut through him like a knife.

"I… I know," Tom stuttered; the words he really wanted to say seemed to keep getting stuck in his throat. "Fuck, I know." He looked at Bill in the faint glow of the streetlights above him, and Tom saw what he thought were tears glittering in the brunettes eyes. But when Bill spoke, his voice was strong and showed no sign of the tears.

"You know, I wish you'd be more open with me, Tom." Bill looked down, tugging at the hem of his fitted black t-shirt. "You don't have to tell me everything, I just… I just want to know when something's hurting you." Bill paused, and when the dreadlocked man made no reply, continued once again. "'Cause when something's hurting you, a little piece of me hurts too."

Tom gnawed at his lip and his heart now ached worse than ever. He spotted the glowing neon sign of the hotel they were staying at in the distance a few blocks away and quickened his pace the best he could. Bill trotted to his side and firmly grabbed onto the older teens arm. Tom tried not to flinch as Bills long nails bit into his flesh.

"Why are you being like this?" Bills voice was so tiny that Tom could barely hear it. And then the reality of this all finally embedded itself into Tom's mind. He was always feeling sorry for himself, feeling like shit because of the way he thought about his own twin. But he was just pushing Bill farther away from himself by being so distant, and it not only hurt him, but it hurt his little brother just as bad. All this time, he had thought he was the only one feeling horrible, but he was also causing Bill pain by acting this way.

Tom trembled, and the tears finally spilled over. He bowed his head and let them fall openly, and Bills grip on his arm loosened.

"Oh, Tom, don't…" When Bill tried to pull Tom into a hug, the older teen struggled to push him away, but the brunette just held onto him tighter. Tom finally gave up and collapsed into the embrace, sobbing his heart out on his baby brothers shoulder.

"I'd help you if I could, Tom. I'd try my hardest to make your tears go away, but I can't because you won't let me in. I can't make it better if I don't know what's wrong."

Tom exhaled shakily. "I-I'm sorry" was all that he managed to choke out.

"I'm scared," Bill breathed softly, "You're the one that races through life without a backwards glance. You always just put you're head down and go, and don't let anything bother you. And I'm scared 'cause now you're falling apart and I can't help you fix it… you're supposed to be the strong one."

"I'm not the strong one," Tom replied in a whisper. "I never was. I never will be." Tom shivered slightly in his brothers arms and looked down at the sidewalk; fat drops of rain were beginning to splatter against the grey concrete. The two twins tilted their heads to look at the sky, and Tom winced as several cold raindrops splashed against his already wet cheeks. Bill unfurled his arms from around the dreadlocked man and gave him a sad, weak smile. Without another word, the two of them began to walk in the direction of the hotel once again. Tom wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve and let out a breathy sigh. He was now beginning to feel embarrassed of crying in front of his brother; he was not the type of person to shed tears in front of another.

"Don't be embarrassed," Bill suddenly said, and Tom wondered if Bill could somehow read his thoughts. "It's okay to let people see you cry sometimes, you know." Tom just grunted in reply.

"What do you say when we get back to the hotel, we stay up all night watching crappy movies and eating candy? Just like old times." A hint of a smile played across Bills lips. Tom shrugged indifferently, and Bill sighed almost inaudibly.

He's trying to make me feel better, even though he knows he can't. But he's still trying…

The rain was now pouring down in heavy torrents, soaking the two teens as they practically ran the last few feet to the lobby of the hotel. Once inside, Bill broke into a string of curses about how his hair was ruined and disgusting, drawing the attention of the older woman behind the desk, who looked at them with disdain, as they were dripping rainwater and mud onto the carpet beneath them. The twins approached the elevator, and Bill continuously prodded the button roughly with his forefinger, until the doors slid open smoothly. They both stepped into the small area, and Tom bit his bottom lip, hard, as he watched the lobby slowly disappear behind the closing doors. Tom watched the glowing green number above the doors that told them what floor they were passing. Two… three… four… It felt as though it was taking longer than forever to reach the sixth floor. They stood in silence, and Bill awkwardly scuffed the toe of his shoe against the floor. Tom leaned against the wall, shutting his eyes momentarily. The dreadlocked teen glanced at Bill out of the corner of his eye. Bill, who was unaware that Tom was watching him, trembled slightly. Tom suddenly felt scared and claustrophobic, and desperately wanted out. He tried not to sigh aloud with relief when the heavy metal doors flew open.

***

Tom was sprawled on one of the beds, lazily watching some shitty English movie with German subtitles, but soon got bored of it. He didn't want to have to read while watching a movie, anyways. Tom shut his eyes, the sound of the shower running in the bathroom almost lulling him to sleep. Almost. But Tom didn't think he'd ever be able to sleep again; there were way too many thoughts still racing through his head. When Bill reappeared from the bathroom, his hair was wet and tousled, as if he had rubbed at it furiously with a towel, and there was barely any of the usual dark makeup surrounding his caramel-hued eyes. Tom thought he looked more beautiful than ever, and he felt that familiar pain shoot through his chest yet again.

You'll never get what you want.

Bill sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing up and down several times. The empty packages of Skittles that were scattered among the bed fluttered to the floor. When he turned to look at Tom, Tom couldn't bring himself to look into his brothers eyes. The dreadlocked man sat up and rubbed at his face tiredly. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat with his shoulders hunched over. He felt the bed shift, and then Bills hands on his shoulders. When Bill leaned closer, and the older twin could feel his warm breath of the side of his neck, Tom went rigid. Tom inhaled sharply and turned his head away from Bill.

Oh, God, I wish he knew what he's doing to me.

Bill slid his hand from Tom's shoulder to his elbow with a gentleness that Tom had never thought possible.

"I want you to be normal again," Bill breathed in the other teens ear, sending a shock of tingles down Tom's spine. "I want you to be okay."

Tom didn't even think for a second before he did what he did next. He quickly turned to face Bill, and their lips collided roughly. In Tom's mind, it seemed to go on forever, but really their lips weren't connected for more than three seconds. Bill jerked his head back and stared at Tom through widened eyes. Tom tried to get up, to leave; he wanted to be anywhere but here right now, but Bill grabbed onto both of his arms tightly and dragged him back down. Tom struggled to get free, feeling the tears coming on again, but the brunette, stronger than he looked, pinned Tom down with his arms and knees.

"Tell me," Bill said in a low voice, "what the fuck just happened." Their faces were mere inches apart, and Tom couldn't read the expression on Bills face. He couldn't tell if it was anger, disgust, or what. Tom felt like he was going to pass out or throw up or something.

Please, this can't be real, this can't be happening. This has to be some sort of fucked up nightmare.

He finally managed to push Bill off of him, but once he got to the edge of the bed, Bill lunged forward and held Tom tightly around the torso. Tears were pooling in his eyes again, his heart was racing wildly and his breathing was becoming quick and shallow.

"Just be still," Bill commanded in a whisper. Bill placed his hand on Tom's chin, tilting the other mans head towards his own face. Tom was surprised to see tears swimming in his brothers identical brown eyes. "Stop trying to run away all the time." The ebony haired man allowed his hands to drift to Tom's sides, and Tom tensed at his brothers touch. Bill pressed his lips to Tom's wet cheeks, kissing the tears away. Tom's eyes fluttered shut, tears still seeping from underneath his eyelids, and Bill moved his lips to Tom's jaw, sliding his hands up and down the dreadlocked teens sides.

This has to be a dream…

Bills lips pushed against the warm skin of his twins neck, and Tom shuddered; each place Bills hands and lips touched seemed to tingle pleasantly.

"Bill, y-you shouldn't-" Tom seemed to find his voice and loose it again in half a second. Bill didn't answer, but just cut Tom off by pressing his lips briefly to the corner of Tom's. The brunette nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck, placing tiny kisses against the area where Tom's neck and shoulder joined.

"This," Bill murmured, "is what you were worried about. This is what was hurting you." It was more of a statement than a question. Tom nodded without meeting Bill's eyes, and the other teen exhaled slowly.

"So it was my fault," he whispered. "I made you feel like this." His hold around Tom tightened.

"Don't, Bill, just… d-don't-" He swallowed thickly and desperately tried to get rid of the urge to breakdown in tears. Tom definitely didn't want Bill to blame himself; he didn't want someone else to feel bad because he was a sick, twisted fuck-up.

"I want to be able to make you happy again… if this is what you want, then I want it too," Bill breathed, ghosting his finger tips against Tom's cheek. He placed his hand on the back of Tom's neck, and their lips collided in a heated, desperate kiss. When Tom's hands finally found Bills hips, he had never felt so disgusted, relieved and overjoyed at the same time.

I originally planned to make this under five chapters, but now I think it's gonna be longer.

Take five seconds out of your day and review; it makes me happier than you know. And also makes updates come quicker. x)