Title: Misplaced Guilt

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or its characters. All belongs to Tsugumi Ohba. If not, I'd really make it into something so twisted it wouldn't be allowed to be distributed in public places.

Warnings: Attempted suicide, self-harming, use of medications and negative thoughts and so on and so forth.

General warning: M, because I'm paranoid ..

Authors note: I have no idea what just happened, again. I told myself I'd not start anything before I'd finished the "In which he.." but apparently that's just BS from my side. This thing is kinda sad, and I felt really bad about writing it but it had to be done.

…

"I'm Kira" he silently whisper as tears find their way down his cheeks. He shakily picks up the knife in front of him and cuts deeply into his wrist. The painkillers he greedily took half an hour ago dulls the pain enough so that he can cut once more.

He is Kira. It's the only explanation to why L keeps suspecting him after all this time.

"I'll end all of it like this. If I'm dead, then Kira can't kill anymore." It makes perfect sense to him and he tries to slit his other wrist too but his hand is shaking far too much and he can't get a solid grip. Instead, he takes a deep breath and puts the knife down before sliding down the wall behind him.

As he sits there on the bathroom floor, he tries to come up with reasons as to why he could've done all these horrible things as L is claiming he have done. Sure, he has perhaps a somewhat twisted view on justice and he did agree at some point with Kira that criminals should just be killed for their actions, but that didn't involve pity crime. People who commit massacre should just be erase- no.

Light shook his head and used his unharmed arm to stifle a sob. He had to stop thinking like this, even if he was Kira. This was going to end now that he finally had a moment of clarity. He was thankful for the memory loss that the detective claimed him to have, it made his mind clear and he could finally do what was right.

After all, it had been his own thoughts hadn't it? Criminals who commit massacre should just die. And he had committed the worst massacre known to human kind, therefor he must die. It was simple logic after all. He just hopes that his family won't be judged by his actions. Surely L wouldn't be that harsh even if they had fostered such a monster as Light,- no. Kira. That was his true name.

Kira.

\\ _Misplaced Guilt_ /

L was greeted with a fist to his face when he first met Chief Yagami that day and not even Matsuda seemed to pipe out how outrageous that was. Something was wrong, and it didn't have to be a genius to figure that one out. Shocked eyes stared at the enraged, elderly man in front of him but before he could utter his question, the man spoke up.

"This is your entire fault, Ryuuzaki!"

"Chief Ya-"

"If it hadn't been for you then my family wouldn't have been in pain right now!"

"What are yo-"

"I will never forgive you for this, Ryuuzaki. Not even if Light wakes up from the coma." Light was in a coma? Confused he stared at the older man as he carefully rubbed his now swollen cheek. His eyes vaguely drifted over the other members of the task force but none of them wanted to meet his gaze. Why was the younger Yagami in a coma, and why did his father blame him for it?

"Chief Yagami, would you care to explain me what this is all about?"

"It's all because of your insistence on him being Kira," well this was a start at least, "even after spending all that time chained to him you had no proof, and yet you kept on insisting," 'yes, do continue mr. Yagami' L thought. However, the old man broke down into tears and Matsuda ran over to him. L was even more confused.

"Light Yagami tried to commit suicide last night."

And L's world seemed to suddenly crumble at those words. Wide eyed he swirled around to face Watari who stood silently behind him with a face made out of conflicting emotions. The old butler didn't seem to know just what to express at that moment as loud sobs and wailing came from Soichiro, rendering everyone in the room speechless.

The police officer had never shown this much emotion before and it broke everyone's heart to hear him come apart. L, however, couldn't bring himself to feel anything but shock and disbelief. He simply refused to acknowledge the feelings that threatened to force their way up his throat.

"What did you say, Watari?"

"I would rather not repeat myself, L, as I am sure you heard me the first time." Watari gave him a look that told him that he would not repeat himself even if L hadn't heard him the first time. So, it was true then. He never doubted Watari when it came to telling the truth.

Light Yagami had tried to commit suicide last night, and as a result, he had ended up in coma.

Exactly how was this L's fault, and how was it all connected to the fact that he had been so sure that Light was Kira? He had no solid proof of course, or the teenager would've been in prison by now, but something about that boy had just screamed 'Kira' when he'd first seen him.

"He was so sure that he was Kira that it affected everything he did." Chief Yagami was talking to no one when he started to speak again.

"He couldn't eat properly, his stomach couldn't handle it and even though his mother and sister couldn't hear it, I heard him throwing up every single night after dinner. Everything about himself became suspicious to him and he was afraid to even hold a knife when cutting vegetables. He was so scared, so broken."

"I found so many pages where he begged for forgiveness for what he had done, and that you – Ryuuzaki, had to be correct about your suspicion. There were so many pages where he said that he had to end it, that he had to die. That he deserved to die." L couldn't move. For a moment he was sure he couldn't even breathe. He hadn't even noticed how broken Light had been when they had been around each other.

"He was even thankful for his memory loss as it permitted him to think rationally, he was so sure that if he had still had his memories he would've continued to kill – and kill, and kill." Every single 'kill' brought a sharp stab to the detective's heart and stomach.

"I don't know if you are correct, Ryuuzaki, and that my son is in fact Kira – what I know, however, is that it is your fault that my son almost died because of his guilt. The guilt that you placed there, and I don't want to be a part of something like that." L followed the elderly man as he got up from the couch that he had been sitting in.

The members of the task force surrounded him and they all kept their eyes away from him, silently giving their support to their chief.

"I understand." How could he keep his voice so calm? "You are all free to do as you'd like, be that to quit completely or take a leave, I will permit it. And, even though I suspect you do not wish this from me, mr. Yagami, I do want to share my deepest apologies. I never meant for something like this to happen."

And he meant it. It had never been his intention to break Light like this. L highly doubted that Light would go so far as to almost commit suicide and fall into coma just so that L would stop suspecting him of being Kira. He felt horrible.

The task force members all left with Light's father, all giving varying degrees of answer as to what they wanted to do. Even the chief said that he would only take a leave for now, but L suspected that it would be a permanent one if something bad were to happen to his son. Could he really blame him?

"L-"

"Watari, I wish to be alone." The darkhaired detective turned his back to the butler and made his way over to his desk. His back more hunched than normal and he didn't even sit with his knees pulled up. Watari was worried but he did as he was told nonetheless. The younger man needed his time alone, it had been a shock and the butler was sure that L felt guilty.

As soon as Watari closed the door behind him, L let his tears fall.

"I'm so sorry, Light."

.

.

.

A/N

Well this wasn't depressing at all. Never. Anyways. Not too sure if I'll continue this or not, it kinda just came to me right before I went to sleep and it wouldn't leave me alone for a second before I had done something about it. If I get five reviews or something, I'll continue this thing (yes, I know – I do the "gimme reviews" thing. Sue me.)