This is written for SecretFruits! For the Gift-Giving Extravaganza. Her request was angst from either Sirius Black, or his brother, Regulus Black. I decided I would give her a mix of both. I hope you like this!
[WC: 805]
~oOoOoOo~
Sirius Black loved thunderstorms. He loved to sit at his large window with a steaming cup of tea and watch as the lightning lit up the sky, as the thunder roared, and the rain washed all the sins away. He loved the rain the most - how it could pick up and sweep away the days (or sometimes weeks) mistakes and let everything start a new. He loved it the most when he was over at his best friends house, James, watching as his little sister wrote on the sidewalk with her muggle chalk. He loved watching her childlike creations wash away with the pure water. Leaving little Jessica with a blank canvas to let her run abandon with.
The only thing Sirius cared about being pure was water. He hated his family in that respect. They only cared how rich someone was, how pure their blood was, that they weren't blood traitors. It was one of the reasons he loved his friends so much more. He knew it made his parents see red when he mentioned them, or his school house. He reveled in the fact that they were utterly ashamed of him.
It wasn't always this way though. He used to try to appease his parents. He used to love how his mother would let a small smile slip when he got everything right in his dancing lessons. He relished when his father would slip a small treat when he mastered a new instrument or mastered another proper pureblood social etiquette.
He craved their approval - rushing along with Regulus as they both tried to be the best - the proper son.
However, as they grew older, and Regulus mastered more and more, Sirius started withdrawing. He was no longer the best son. He no longer wished to be the Black heir. He no longer wanted to be the apple in his parents eyes.
No, instead he was wild and disapproving. He loved being as loud and obnoxious as he could. At dinner, he would slurp his soup and bang his elbows, and cling his silverware against his dishes.
He would leave his dirty clothes laying on banisters in the hall, pour his brothers shampoo on the floor, or use his finger to write slurs against purebloods in the steam on the mirror.
He loved how he had banned Kreacher from his room, leaving him able to use permanent sticking charms on all of his poster, he even had a few photos up of him and his friends.
He loved when his parents disowned him, leaving him to be the Potter's mess. He enjoyed spending his entire summer with his friends, heading over to Remus', dragging Peter along.
He finally had parents that loved him - for him.
But, most of all - he loved being free.
~oOoOoOo~
Regulus missed his brother. He missed how they would race to become the best son, the best pureblood. He figured that when they were both at Hogwarts, things would change for them again. Even if he would be a Slytherin, while Sirius was a Gryffindor.
He just wanted his brother back.
In the end, he never really cared who Sirius was friends with, what house he was in, how Sirius lived his life.
He just wanted that common ground that they would always be there for each other.
He knew he would never have that as Sirius pointedly ignored him. Shaming him for really being the perfect son.
He watched as Sirius would have the best years of his life, as he was sucked into a dark, pivoting hole.
He just wanted his older brother to notice him, to save him, to maybe one day - love him again.
But no, his brother turned his back on him. He left him for the wolves to feed. So by the time he was 17, he was branded like cattle and sold to the highest bidder - Lord Voldemort.
He enjoyed the attention that he received. The praise from his older cousin, Bellatrix. How she helped him move up in the ranks, until he was in the inner circle.
He learned that everytime he tortured someone, he imagined that it would finally get his brother to notice him.
He never did.
He'd heard the rumours of what Sirius had called him. 'Nothing but scum under my boot.' 'I'm glad he's gone.' 'Maybe he'll die like the vermin he is, eh?'
He tried to not let the words affect him, to let them slide over him like oil in water.
He'd never be like water though. He would never be pure enough for his brother.
Because one thing he realized about his brother over the years - it was he didn't care how pure your blood was, he cared about how pure your heart was.
And Regulus' heart? By now it was blacker than onyx.
~oOoOoOo~