Love.
Love? She didn't know that word.
What was love?
The answer rose in her mind like a slowly creeping serpent, scale by scale,
word by word.
Lust. Need. Envy. Satisfaction. Greed. Torture.
Her tearful eyes rose labouriously to meet those of Harry Potter. He had
discovered her hiding place.
"Hermione?"
She found that she could not bring herself to reply. A strangled cry
escaped her lips and her face disappeared under a mass of bushy brown hair.
She could think of nothing, her mind numbed by the unexpected onslaught of
emotions.
The sudden pressure around her trembling shoulders made her gasp and look
into his sympathetic green eyes. She could see her reflection in them,
how horrible she looked. Her eyes were red, as was her nose, and her
cheeks were raw from a river of salt-filled tears.
"I thought he loved me." The words tumbled from her lips and as they did, a
fresh wave of sobs shook her small frame. Harry held her close and she put
her head to his shoulder, dampening his robes with her anguished cries.
For a long time they sat like this. Eventually, the crying subsided and
Harry noticed that Hermione had fallen asleep. Her dead weight held him
against a bookshelf, and he looked around. She really hadn't picked a good
place to hide, he thought. Who wouldn't think to look for her in the
library? But he guessed she was pretty upset and hadn't dwelled too much
on the subject.
He looked down at her, lying against his chest with her hand in the crook
of his elbow and her hair falling in waves across her back. She looked at
peace now, as opposed to the distressed state she had been in when he'd
found her. Her breathing was slow, her mouth slightly open and frowning
and he could hear her delicate breaths against the silence that enveloped
them.
He began to wonder why Ron had chosen Luna over her. Or had he? Perhaps
the two of them had been talking softly about something, and had to be
close to hear each other. But that didn't mean their lips had to be
touching. Maybe Luna was trying to discern what colour his eyes were...but
why would she?
And more to the point, if they had been doing any of that, they wouldn't
need to be in the Room of Requirement. They wouldn't have been so
secretive.
Hermione stirred and he quickly looked down at her, but all she did was
flinch and mutter something incoherently.
Ron was lucky. Maybe he didn't see it, but Harry did. Hermione was
decent, in all respects. In fact, she was more than decent. She was
brilliant, encouraging, understanding, and in all honesty, beautiful. And
he had thrown it all away. There wasn't much chance that Hermione would
take him back after she had found him with another girl.
Of course there was.
Harry was fooling himself. She wasn't just smart and beautiful, she was
also forgiving. Granted, it might take a while, but Harry knew she would
accept his apologies.
Resentment stirred within him as he thought of Ron's pathetic face, begging
Hermione, pleading with her. He would tell her the truth. He wouldn't try
to cover it up, as there was no way of denying what Hermione had seen.
Trust to honesty.
Harry shifted her weight so that his leg would not go numb and he thought
of how it would seem to Ron if he were to walk in now and see them. He was
sure Ron would feel bad, horrible even, because of what he had done. What
would hit him hardest was that famous Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was
cleaning up after his mess. No doubt the whole school would have heard
about it by the next afternoon, and once again Harry would be put in the
role as the one that Hermione had fled to for comfort. But that wasn't the
truth. It would certainly seem so to Ron, but in his heart, Harry knew how
badly Hermione wanted him.
Hermione was a girl unlike any other. She knew how to hide what she felt,
she had done so for many years. But now, the dam that she had crafted to
keep her true feelings from the world had broken. She'd revealed her
yearning for Ron, and had been crushed for it. It must have taken a good
deal of love to make her do such a daring thing, and Harry hated the fact
that Ron had showed her how unwise her decision had been.
If only it had been Harry. Had Hermione chosen him, he would not have
disappointed her. He wouldn't have gone gallivanting with another girl.
And even if he did, he would have told her, not let her find out on her
own.
These thoughts continued to go through his head, and he tormented himself
with "what if"s and "if only"s until slowly, he drifted off to a restless
sleep.
"Hem hem" Harry grunted and turned over in his sleep. "Oh, I don't believe this. Potter!" He squinted, looking for the source of the sickeningly sweet voice that had not so sweetly awoken him. Catching a glimpse of the words "Dragon Species of Great Britain and Ireland," he realized where he was. "Falling asleep in the library," a woman tisked. "If I knew better, I would say he was studying, but seeing as how it's Potter..." Harry knew that voice. He turned and looked into the toad-like face of Professor Umbridge. He groaned and a grin spread across her face. "Explain yourself, please." "I was just...just looking up dragons, Professor," he said, quickly grabbing the book he had spotted. Hermione was gone. There was no evidence that he hadn't been studying. "For Care of Magical Creatures class?" Umbridge wrote something on her clip board, and Harry had the feeling that it wasn't good. "No, I-" "No need to go on, Potter. You may go back to your common room, however, I'm afraid I shall have to take points from your house for being out after hours." The smug look on her face was treacherous, but he stood up and left the library, shrugging it off. At least he hadn't been given more detentions. Slowly, he made for Gryffindor tower. His mind was bogged with thoughts of Hermione. Where was she? Had she been caught by Umbridge as well, or had she left after he had fallen asleep? He pushed it out of his mind as he spotted Ron walking through the Entrance Hall apparently toward the grounds. Maybe he wasn't so eager to make up with Hermione. Harry rushed through the portrait hole and looked around the Common Room. Hermione was nowhere to be seen. He weighed his chances carefully. He could stay and see if she was in the girl's dormitory (she had to come out sometime), or he could go out and look for her elsewhere. He decided on the latter and turned around, but was abruptly stopped. She was standing in front of him, apparently as surprised to see him there as he was to see her. She didn't look at him, or acknowledge his existence at all, but turned and walked out. "Hermione wait!" She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I..." he couldn't think of anything to say to her. Her shoulders shook slightly. He hoped she wasn't crying again, but as he couldn't hear any sound coming from her, he guessed that she was merely cold. "Do you want to go for a walk?" He watched her quickly wipe her eyes and tuck her hair behind her ears before turning to him. "I'd love to."
The two walked along the edge of the forest silently, side by side. The trees whispered as they passed and the nearest ones reached out as if to draw them nearer. Harry ignored them, and instead focused on Hermione. "If there's something you need to say...you can," Harry said kindly, looking at her. She played with a strand of wavy hair and looked down. "I don't...there's nothing I can say." Her voice was timid, careful. She was weighing her words cautiously. "You must be feeling something. Hermione, you can trust me," he felt a bit like a psychiatrist, but he didn't mind. "I know I can," she looked up at him, her eyes devoid of emotion. "But I really don't want to talk about it." They walked on in silence. Harry tried, but couldn't think of anything to talk about and Hermione was acting as if there was a wall between them.
Ron sat with his fingers in his hair, looking quite unnerved. He looked into the wavy depths of the lake remorsefully. If only they had picked a better spot. No. He shouldn't have done it. Luna wasn't worth risking the friendship he had with Hermione. But she had been so understanding, so sympathetic. Unlike Hermione, Luna could relate to him. Her home life wasn't all peaches and cream either, and he couldn't resist. It was a spur of the moment type thing. It wasn't like he had planned to kiss her. It just happened. He doubted Hermione would believe this. She had been hurt, and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't even think he could look her in the eye. She probably thought he was as unreliable as the Malfoys.
"Dammit, Malfoy, leave her alone!" Harry shouted, fuming with anger as he stood before Draco, Hermione hovering behind him. "What are you going to do if I don't?" Draco asked smoothly, grinning slightly. "I'll-" "Harry, let it go. He's right," Hermione said anxiously. Harry rounded on her. "Ron might have hurt you, but he's still my friend, Hermione. There's no way he could have known he would cut you this deep." Hermione's eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at him. His expression softened. "I'm sorry. I guess I just can't accept the fact that he would do something like this..." "What else did you expect?" Malfoy sneered, and Hermione and Harry looked at him stonily. "I told you, didn't I? Not to go mixing with that crowd. Then again, that does include Mudbloods." Harry reached for his wand, but Hermione screamed, "AT LEAST MY PARENTS ARE GOOD PEOPLE! THEY DON'T GO AROUND IN MASKS FOLLOWING A MADMAN!" There was a ringing silence. Ron looked up at hearing her voice so clear and loud, echoing off the castle walls. "What did you just say Granger?" Malfoy's voice was deadly. "You heard her," Harry said firmly, taking Hermione's trembling hand. She almost instantly pulled away. "Hermione what's-?" He began, but she had already turned and ran off towards the castle. "You'd better do what everyone's expecting you to do, Potter," Draco's drawling voice made him turn to look at him again. "Oh? And what's that?" "Step up and protect her of course. She'll need it." Something flashed in Draco's cold gray eyes and he turned on his heel and walked off. Harry sighed and looked around for Hermione, but couldn't see her anywhere. "You really do enjoy the spotlight." Ron's voice made Harry jump, and he turned to look at his red headed friend. "I don't! I wasn't just going to let him walk all over your name." "I wasn't talking about that." The expression on Ron's face chilled Harry's blood. "What do you mean then?" "I meant Hermione. I saw how eager you were when you heard. You're not very good with hiding your emotions Harry." "You must be joking. Ron, I'd never-" "But you did! I saw Hermione go into the library, and then on my way back to the common room, I saw you go in there too!" "Well, if you saw her, then why didn't you go in to talk to her?!" "Because-" Ron stopped and Harry folded his arms expectantly. "She didn't want to talk to me," he muttered. "You could have at least tried. She was in a pretty bad state without you, I think it would have been a lot better had you at least showed her you cared." "I did! I said I was sorry!" "While your lips were still attached to Luna's!" Ron glared at Harry, his ears turning red. "Well-" "Well what Ron? Are you going to yell at me? I didn't make you kiss her. I didn't even suggest it! I think Hermione deserves a hell of a lot better than that." "Then why don't you give it to her? I'm tired of her "did you finish your homework Ron?", "Ron, why aren't you studying?", "You have homework Ron", "You've got a bloody stain on your shirt RON!" " he said, in a mocking tone, yelling the last word. Harry watched as his best friend went ballistic. "You miss her..." "What?!" "It's simple. You feel terrible. Go tell her that." Ron looked at him incredulously and opened his mouth to speak but Harry cut him off. "You'll be amazed at how well that will work."
Hermione shut the door to the Astronomy Tower and fell against the wall. She curled up, hugging her knees and sobbed. First Ron, then Harry, now Malfoy. Her life couldn't get any worse. She tried converting her name to numbers according to Numerology to keep herself from thinking of Ron and Luna, sitting in the Room of Requirement....kissing. She was unsuccessful because by the time she got to r, she thought of him. And her. She couldn't stand it. A noise outside the door made her gasp. Jumping to her feet, she had only the time to wipe the tears from her eyes the best she could. This only made things worse, as her face was already quite red. As she watched, the last person on earth she wanted to see walked through the door. As soon as his eyes met hers, Draco smirked. "I bet you loved that, didn't you?" Draco's voice startled her but she turned her back to him. "Go away." "All that attention?" "I said go away." "Potter and Weasley kissing your ass all the time?" "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Draco smirked and observed her trembling figure with something that was not quite sympathy, but not quite disdain either. "Poor Granger. Her heart's been broken by a worthless Weasel and now she's turned away her only other consolation. What will she do?" She stayed silent, tears streaming from her eyes as she contemplated the words he was saying. "Oh, I know. She's going to dwell in her self-pity and continue to feel sorry for herself, shutting out the rest of the world, because everyone knows that's the healthy thing to do. Poor, poor Granger." "Shut your mouth," she snapped. "Oh, it's true?" he raised his eyebrows. "I was at a loss. I thought such a smart girl would have figured it out by now." "Figured what out?" she turned to look at him, her expression impatient. She came face to face with the blond haired Slytherin, and their lips connected. Her eyes widened and her first impulse was to push away, disgusted. But there was something about him, maybe it was the way his soft hands brushed away the trail of tears from her cheek, or perhaps it was how the curves of her body seemed to fit so comfortable against his own. Whatever the reason, she stayed in his embrace, completely forgetting the world outside of the tiny Astronomy Tower. Nothing mattered to her besides the fact that she stayed within his grasp, feeding off of the warmth in his body and the touch of his smooth lips against hers. Hours seemed to pass, when in reality they were only minutes, before they finally pulled away. Hermione slowly opened her eyes and looked into the cold gray ones before her, the eyes of her enemy. She didn't understand, but she didn't need to. All thoughts were swept away as she stared deeply into those forbidding eyes. "Have you figured it out yet?" his voice was deep and she could feel the vibrations in his chest against her own. Her voice came out as tiny and fragile as a wisp of wind, "Yes..." He looked at her as she buried her face in his neck, clinging to him. His caress was different than Harry's. She didn't feel regrets, nor did the thoughts of betraying Ron arise in her mind. In fact, she felt and thought nothing. All she wanted was to stay in the arms of the Slytherin that had made her life hell ever since their first day of school. "Granger-" his voice came from above several minutes later and she slowly rose her head to look at him. "Can't you call me Hermione?" "No Granger, you see....this means nothing." His face was unforgiving, cold. "What do you mean?" her panicked voice matched her puzzled face. "You and I, this thing, it can't happen." "I don't understand-" "We're very different people. Aside from that, you still love him." "But Draco, I-" "You do, Granger. You might not realize it now, but you do. And there's nothing you, nor I can do about it." He let go of her and turned to leave. "Please! You don't understand!" Her desperate voice made him stop and turn, and her heart rose for a brief moment. "I understand. I understand that people like you and I just aren't meant for each other. It would be impossible to make it work." "Nothing is impossible!" she clung to the false hope that had been implanted into her mind during her childhood. Draco smiled grimly. "I'm afraid this is." He crossed back to her and took her hands and lightly kissed her forehead. "Now, go and make things up with Weasley. He's waiting for you." With that, he went through the door to the rest of the castle, leaving Hermione to her confused thoughts. Maybe Draco was right. She really did want to forgive Ron, and even as she met with him face to face and apologies were said and accepted, the thought still lingered in her mind. She knew what it was like to be held by a Slytherin.
"Hem hem" Harry grunted and turned over in his sleep. "Oh, I don't believe this. Potter!" He squinted, looking for the source of the sickeningly sweet voice that had not so sweetly awoken him. Catching a glimpse of the words "Dragon Species of Great Britain and Ireland," he realized where he was. "Falling asleep in the library," a woman tisked. "If I knew better, I would say he was studying, but seeing as how it's Potter..." Harry knew that voice. He turned and looked into the toad-like face of Professor Umbridge. He groaned and a grin spread across her face. "Explain yourself, please." "I was just...just looking up dragons, Professor," he said, quickly grabbing the book he had spotted. Hermione was gone. There was no evidence that he hadn't been studying. "For Care of Magical Creatures class?" Umbridge wrote something on her clip board, and Harry had the feeling that it wasn't good. "No, I-" "No need to go on, Potter. You may go back to your common room, however, I'm afraid I shall have to take points from your house for being out after hours." The smug look on her face was treacherous, but he stood up and left the library, shrugging it off. At least he hadn't been given more detentions. Slowly, he made for Gryffindor tower. His mind was bogged with thoughts of Hermione. Where was she? Had she been caught by Umbridge as well, or had she left after he had fallen asleep? He pushed it out of his mind as he spotted Ron walking through the Entrance Hall apparently toward the grounds. Maybe he wasn't so eager to make up with Hermione. Harry rushed through the portrait hole and looked around the Common Room. Hermione was nowhere to be seen. He weighed his chances carefully. He could stay and see if she was in the girl's dormitory (she had to come out sometime), or he could go out and look for her elsewhere. He decided on the latter and turned around, but was abruptly stopped. She was standing in front of him, apparently as surprised to see him there as he was to see her. She didn't look at him, or acknowledge his existence at all, but turned and walked out. "Hermione wait!" She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I..." he couldn't think of anything to say to her. Her shoulders shook slightly. He hoped she wasn't crying again, but as he couldn't hear any sound coming from her, he guessed that she was merely cold. "Do you want to go for a walk?" He watched her quickly wipe her eyes and tuck her hair behind her ears before turning to him. "I'd love to."
The two walked along the edge of the forest silently, side by side. The trees whispered as they passed and the nearest ones reached out as if to draw them nearer. Harry ignored them, and instead focused on Hermione. "If there's something you need to say...you can," Harry said kindly, looking at her. She played with a strand of wavy hair and looked down. "I don't...there's nothing I can say." Her voice was timid, careful. She was weighing her words cautiously. "You must be feeling something. Hermione, you can trust me," he felt a bit like a psychiatrist, but he didn't mind. "I know I can," she looked up at him, her eyes devoid of emotion. "But I really don't want to talk about it." They walked on in silence. Harry tried, but couldn't think of anything to talk about and Hermione was acting as if there was a wall between them.
Ron sat with his fingers in his hair, looking quite unnerved. He looked into the wavy depths of the lake remorsefully. If only they had picked a better spot. No. He shouldn't have done it. Luna wasn't worth risking the friendship he had with Hermione. But she had been so understanding, so sympathetic. Unlike Hermione, Luna could relate to him. Her home life wasn't all peaches and cream either, and he couldn't resist. It was a spur of the moment type thing. It wasn't like he had planned to kiss her. It just happened. He doubted Hermione would believe this. She had been hurt, and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't even think he could look her in the eye. She probably thought he was as unreliable as the Malfoys.
"Dammit, Malfoy, leave her alone!" Harry shouted, fuming with anger as he stood before Draco, Hermione hovering behind him. "What are you going to do if I don't?" Draco asked smoothly, grinning slightly. "I'll-" "Harry, let it go. He's right," Hermione said anxiously. Harry rounded on her. "Ron might have hurt you, but he's still my friend, Hermione. There's no way he could have known he would cut you this deep." Hermione's eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at him. His expression softened. "I'm sorry. I guess I just can't accept the fact that he would do something like this..." "What else did you expect?" Malfoy sneered, and Hermione and Harry looked at him stonily. "I told you, didn't I? Not to go mixing with that crowd. Then again, that does include Mudbloods." Harry reached for his wand, but Hermione screamed, "AT LEAST MY PARENTS ARE GOOD PEOPLE! THEY DON'T GO AROUND IN MASKS FOLLOWING A MADMAN!" There was a ringing silence. Ron looked up at hearing her voice so clear and loud, echoing off the castle walls. "What did you just say Granger?" Malfoy's voice was deadly. "You heard her," Harry said firmly, taking Hermione's trembling hand. She almost instantly pulled away. "Hermione what's-?" He began, but she had already turned and ran off towards the castle. "You'd better do what everyone's expecting you to do, Potter," Draco's drawling voice made him turn to look at him again. "Oh? And what's that?" "Step up and protect her of course. She'll need it." Something flashed in Draco's cold gray eyes and he turned on his heel and walked off. Harry sighed and looked around for Hermione, but couldn't see her anywhere. "You really do enjoy the spotlight." Ron's voice made Harry jump, and he turned to look at his red headed friend. "I don't! I wasn't just going to let him walk all over your name." "I wasn't talking about that." The expression on Ron's face chilled Harry's blood. "What do you mean then?" "I meant Hermione. I saw how eager you were when you heard. You're not very good with hiding your emotions Harry." "You must be joking. Ron, I'd never-" "But you did! I saw Hermione go into the library, and then on my way back to the common room, I saw you go in there too!" "Well, if you saw her, then why didn't you go in to talk to her?!" "Because-" Ron stopped and Harry folded his arms expectantly. "She didn't want to talk to me," he muttered. "You could have at least tried. She was in a pretty bad state without you, I think it would have been a lot better had you at least showed her you cared." "I did! I said I was sorry!" "While your lips were still attached to Luna's!" Ron glared at Harry, his ears turning red. "Well-" "Well what Ron? Are you going to yell at me? I didn't make you kiss her. I didn't even suggest it! I think Hermione deserves a hell of a lot better than that." "Then why don't you give it to her? I'm tired of her "did you finish your homework Ron?", "Ron, why aren't you studying?", "You have homework Ron", "You've got a bloody stain on your shirt RON!" " he said, in a mocking tone, yelling the last word. Harry watched as his best friend went ballistic. "You miss her..." "What?!" "It's simple. You feel terrible. Go tell her that." Ron looked at him incredulously and opened his mouth to speak but Harry cut him off. "You'll be amazed at how well that will work."
Hermione shut the door to the Astronomy Tower and fell against the wall. She curled up, hugging her knees and sobbed. First Ron, then Harry, now Malfoy. Her life couldn't get any worse. She tried converting her name to numbers according to Numerology to keep herself from thinking of Ron and Luna, sitting in the Room of Requirement....kissing. She was unsuccessful because by the time she got to r, she thought of him. And her. She couldn't stand it. A noise outside the door made her gasp. Jumping to her feet, she had only the time to wipe the tears from her eyes the best she could. This only made things worse, as her face was already quite red. As she watched, the last person on earth she wanted to see walked through the door. As soon as his eyes met hers, Draco smirked. "I bet you loved that, didn't you?" Draco's voice startled her but she turned her back to him. "Go away." "All that attention?" "I said go away." "Potter and Weasley kissing your ass all the time?" "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Draco smirked and observed her trembling figure with something that was not quite sympathy, but not quite disdain either. "Poor Granger. Her heart's been broken by a worthless Weasel and now she's turned away her only other consolation. What will she do?" She stayed silent, tears streaming from her eyes as she contemplated the words he was saying. "Oh, I know. She's going to dwell in her self-pity and continue to feel sorry for herself, shutting out the rest of the world, because everyone knows that's the healthy thing to do. Poor, poor Granger." "Shut your mouth," she snapped. "Oh, it's true?" he raised his eyebrows. "I was at a loss. I thought such a smart girl would have figured it out by now." "Figured what out?" she turned to look at him, her expression impatient. She came face to face with the blond haired Slytherin, and their lips connected. Her eyes widened and her first impulse was to push away, disgusted. But there was something about him, maybe it was the way his soft hands brushed away the trail of tears from her cheek, or perhaps it was how the curves of her body seemed to fit so comfortable against his own. Whatever the reason, she stayed in his embrace, completely forgetting the world outside of the tiny Astronomy Tower. Nothing mattered to her besides the fact that she stayed within his grasp, feeding off of the warmth in his body and the touch of his smooth lips against hers. Hours seemed to pass, when in reality they were only minutes, before they finally pulled away. Hermione slowly opened her eyes and looked into the cold gray ones before her, the eyes of her enemy. She didn't understand, but she didn't need to. All thoughts were swept away as she stared deeply into those forbidding eyes. "Have you figured it out yet?" his voice was deep and she could feel the vibrations in his chest against her own. Her voice came out as tiny and fragile as a wisp of wind, "Yes..." He looked at her as she buried her face in his neck, clinging to him. His caress was different than Harry's. She didn't feel regrets, nor did the thoughts of betraying Ron arise in her mind. In fact, she felt and thought nothing. All she wanted was to stay in the arms of the Slytherin that had made her life hell ever since their first day of school. "Granger-" his voice came from above several minutes later and she slowly rose her head to look at him. "Can't you call me Hermione?" "No Granger, you see....this means nothing." His face was unforgiving, cold. "What do you mean?" her panicked voice matched her puzzled face. "You and I, this thing, it can't happen." "I don't understand-" "We're very different people. Aside from that, you still love him." "But Draco, I-" "You do, Granger. You might not realize it now, but you do. And there's nothing you, nor I can do about it." He let go of her and turned to leave. "Please! You don't understand!" Her desperate voice made him stop and turn, and her heart rose for a brief moment. "I understand. I understand that people like you and I just aren't meant for each other. It would be impossible to make it work." "Nothing is impossible!" she clung to the false hope that had been implanted into her mind during her childhood. Draco smiled grimly. "I'm afraid this is." He crossed back to her and took her hands and lightly kissed her forehead. "Now, go and make things up with Weasley. He's waiting for you." With that, he went through the door to the rest of the castle, leaving Hermione to her confused thoughts. Maybe Draco was right. She really did want to forgive Ron, and even as she met with him face to face and apologies were said and accepted, the thought still lingered in her mind. She knew what it was like to be held by a Slytherin.