Guy's reflexions after the fight between him and the Sheriff in Do you love me? (S3E6). Reviews greatly appreciated ! ;)
Breathing hard, soaking from the fight, his hurt thigh aching fiercely, Guy watched as Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham slipped into unconsciousness. Finally safe, he tried to name his feelings towards the man in front of him.
When he had seen him fall, he had felt nothing but an intense relief. It was, he knew, the animal instinct of survival which led him to rejoice in the end of a threat. He also knew it would dissolve quickly, alongside the fear and the battle's excitement. What it was to be replaced by, he did not know.
Unfathomably, he didn't quite feel quite as joyful as he expected. Sheriff Vaisey had been violent, heartless, cold, cynical, murderous, malevolent in every possible way, poisonous to anyone who came near him. For as long as he could remember, he had despised him. A few months ago his despise had turned into dire hatred. He had sacrificed Marian's love to him and had gained nothing in return but his betrayal when, back to England Vaisey had sent him as a bait to Prince John's anger. Then, when Prince John had plotted them against each other – as he had soon gathered – hatred had melted with survival instinct.
Now, his long time torturer –as Guy finally looked at him – was gone.
By his death, Guy avenged all of the wrongs the Sheriff had made him endure over the dark years of his servitude, partly avenged Marian's death – for he knew that for it to be truly so, he would have to turn the weapon directly to himself, which he wasn't allowed to do – and also (although he didn't really care about it in this instant) had freed England from one of her most poisonous subjects.
Yet, joy would not come. All he felt was emptiness, overwhelming the weariness and exhaustion from the hard fight he had just taken part in –and won.
Impossible as it was, Vaisey had been right. The late sheriff had been a father figure of sorts to him. Because the man was older, and possessed all of the 'qualities' he had taught him to admire – cold-heartedness, greed, cynicism – to the highest level, Guy had looked up at him, trying to resemble him in every way. Under his lead, he had steeled his heart to any kind of feeling –either positive of not –, had learnt to enjoy bloodshed, to pledge allegiance to and believe in only two things: money and power.
Whether he liked it or not the Sheriff had moulded him, altered him more than anyone – save maybe Marian – had ever could.
To kill him, - however justified an act – was to kill a part of himself. And after another part of him had met the same fate on the burning sand of Acre, he wasn't sure how much was left of the man he had once been. The two defining poles of his life were gone, both the positive, loving, king-hearted and the negative, unfeeling, cool-blooded one. Whether there was something in between these extremes to be salvaged, Guy did not know.
He went back to the Great Hall and Prince John, sending some guards to take care of his former mentor's remains when he came across them.
As Prince John came into view, he remembered his persistent inquiry: "Do you love me Gisborne?" Of course he didn't. He feared him because he held the power to destroy him, but that was all there would ever been to it. He noted with uneasiness that, had the Sheriff asked him the same question, his automatic answer "Of course, my lord" would have conveyed more truth. But of course, Vaisey had never, would never have asked. Vaisey didn't give a dime on what people thought of him. He didn't feel anything towards anyone, and didn't need – nor wanted – other people to feel anything for him but fear. He would never show such a weakness. Feelings were a weakness.
Finally getting hold of himself, Guy rose his glass in honour of Prince John, his new master, leaving all thoughts of the former behind him.