Holy shit did this take awhile. I had this idea for so long it wasn't even funny. Especially when I finished this thing and had to reset my computer without a back-up. Big mistake.
But I digress. I give you my biggest and and possibly longest master piece. Took me a whole year to fine tune this chapter and my third chapter of Undead Blade World.
?:I'll say.
Oh yeah, we'll have some guests see this amalgamation of sex, death, romance, and destruction. Please welcome the Merc with the Mouth, the man who puts the DP in "Deep Penetration", my favorite fourth wall breaker, DEADPOOL!
DP: Hi Ma! Look I'm on TV.
Technically you're online.
...
DP: Hey, where are the other two?
Oh, Screwball is over there with a lava lamp.
(Screwball DP: Ohhh, floatyyy.)
And Intelligence is in my private study watching Novellas.
(Intel DP: No Clarence, can't you see that's her evil twin.)
DP: Makes sense. But didn't you tell me there was one more coming here.
Oh that's right. Once more ladies and gents, we have one more guest. The Emperor of Explosions, the most Badass of the Badass Crater of Badassitude. Give it up for Mr. Torgue!
Torgue: BEEWWNOWNOWNOWNOW!
Excellent air guitar sir.
Torgue: THANK YOU! AND JUST CALL ME TORGUE! ALL MY FRIENDS DO!
DP: Even me?
Torgue: OF COURSE! YOU WERE MY FAVORITE COMIC CHARACTER IN MY CHILDHOOD ECHO COMICS! IT'S WHAT GOT ME INTO EXPLOOSIONS!
DP: Heeey, you hear that? I'm famous even in the future.
Of course you are, now lets start the show. I must warn you though this will not be the same Black Lagoon as you know.
ONWARDS!
Johnny Gat
Friend
Lover
A True Saint
People have said that Johnny Gat was loyal to the end. Loyal to the leader of the Saints and his fellow members. He was the most destructive Saint to have ever existed, at least until his demise 10,000 feet in the sky upon Loren's plane over Steelport.
At least, that is what people believed.
Now let's see what really happened.
Let's see the events unfold in the eyes of Johnny Gat.
Johnny, Shaundi, and the leader of the Saints were upon the private cargo plane of some rich asshole who wants to see them. They were sat down to three bolted chairs
'I'm gonna take a fucking guess and say it's another gang taking a crack at us.'
In front of them were the twins that took them from Steelport Prison and if Johnny had to guess, the leader of the gang holding them was the one sitting on the revolving chair, 'Like a fucking James Bond villain.'
True enough, in an evil James Bond villain style, the chair revolved around revealing a 50 something European guy holding a cigarette, 'All that's missing is a cat on his lap. Probably would have been the only pussy he would have gotten in a long time.' "You have any idea who you're fucking with here?" the Boss warns.
"Of course," the guy replied in some French accent or something while the twin with white sunglasses puts down a Johnny Gat bobble head, "A remarkable likeness don't you think. These visions beside me are Viola and Kiki, and I am Phillip Loren chairman of a multi-national organization called the Syndicate."
'So called it.'
"Never heard of ya'," Shaundi replied.
"Evidently not, otherwise you wouldn't have robbed our bank," Loren replied back taking a puff of his cigarette.
"I assume you are wondering why you are still breathing at this point," inquired the rival leader.
"Actually, I'm wondering why foot isn't up yo' ass at this point," Johnny quipped.
"Like it or not Mr. Gat, our organization is expanding into Stillwater. I am offering you to leverage your assets with your lives," Loren stated, "Ladies."
Attention was given to the twins and the projected pie chart, marking the Syndicate and the Saints shared profits, mostly in favor of the Syndicate.
"You may continue to operate the Saints-Ultor media group as you see fit. In exchange for 66% of your monthly gross revenue," Kiki presented (or was it Viola). "That is before taxes of course," Viola added (or was it Kiki. Always fucking hard to tell with identical twins.)
"Listen you French fuck…" "Please, I am Belgian," Loren interrupted the Boss. "So make yourself a fucking waffle," Johnny quipped again, "We done here."
"Tch, and I so hoped to have come to a rational business arrangement," said Loren while a Syndicate grunt points a Shepherd .45 in Gat's face. Taking a deep breath, Johnny grunted lifting himself and the chair shoulder charging at the grunt knocking him down taking care of his restraints.
Punching the grunt out, Loren pulls out a switchblade and stabbed Johnny in the gut. Wasn't enough to take him down as he took Loren's head and slammed it into the passenger window causing the plane to depressurize whilst gouging out the French bastard's eye. Viola and Kiki assisted Loren out of the room while Johnny beats down another Syndicate goon.
Releasing Shaundi and the Boss from their restraints with the knife Loren "gave" him, one of the pilots came by. Before he could do anything, Johnny threw the knife at his head instantly plopping him down to the ground, dead.
"Boss, you gotta bail," Said Johnny.
"No, not without you," said the Boss.
Several different Syndicate goons come in with the new Tek Z-10 SMGs forcing the three Saints to take cover over by a counter. "So, there's like what, half a dozen guys," Johnny joked as they kept shooting, "I can take 'em."
"What about the plane?" Shaundi asked.
"I'll fly it back to Stillwater," Johnny answered.
"Johnny, you can't even drive stick, how are you gonna fly a plane?" Shaundi argued.
"Details, details, just cover the boss," Johnny smirked, "I got this." Noticing a Syndicate member closing in, he sent an upper cut to the Syndicate member's chin and swiped his gun from him unloading a barrage of bullets in the guy.
Johnny provided cover fire for several seconds allowing the Boss and Shaundi to exit through the door. Johnny shut the door himself and locked it before he threw out another barrage of bullets at the other Syndicate members.
Once the clip emptied, he hid back under cover and checked his clip. He had about half a clip on him. Seeing the dead body he shot down, he dragged him by his foot and checked his pockets for more ammo. 3 clips, 50 rounds each. 'Probably enough for a path to the cockpit.'
Once he heard them ejecting their clips he inserted a clip and hopped over the counter and started firing. He killed three riddling them with bullets exhausting the clip. With them dead, he had a path through them. Ejecting the spent clip and clipping in another, he bashed his way into the cockpit and killed the remaining pilot with a split second shot to the head before jamming the door handle with the guy's tie and his body to something to hook him on then getting in the second seat and grab the steering handles
"Okay, let's get to piloting. If the boss can do it on the fly, I can too."
Seeing the intercom speaker he decided to have a little fun, "Attention passengers, this is your new captain speaking…our updated flight plan has us landing in Stillwater." Outside he heard Loren speaking in French, probably cussing him out. "And I would like to remind all passengers to stay seated and enjoy the flight."
"GET THIS DOOR OPEN!" He heard Loren shout hearing them pounding on the door seeing his enraged face through the window. "Ooh, I can see some passengers getting restless. Here's some relaxing music for your entertainment," Hitting the radio there was some 50's soft Jazz music playing through the intercom.
While they were banging on the door Johnny just whistled to the song. Barely noticing through the reflection of the window, a gun peeked through the widening gap of the jammed door. Thinking fast, Johnny fumbled with the steering wheel causing the plane to shake just enough for the gun to fire away from him to the ceiling, "Sorry about that, your captain is having trouble finding the clutch."
Noticing the cargo bay control unit, he hit the button to open it, "Boss, I'm opening the cargo bay door, find some chutes and jump out the back, it should be close and clear."
Looking back at the pilot's corpse, he reached into his coat and found another Shepherd .45 with a full clip. So armed with the handgun and an SMG he aimed at the door being slowly knocked down, "Alright motherfuckers…"
The door was knocked open pulling the coat hanger off the wall sending the corpse flying as it swung open revealing five Syndicate shooters with one having a battering ram in hand, "It's open," "KILL HIM!" Both Saint and Syndicates opened fire immediately killing the one with the ram and a female Syndicate member resembling a hooker with an SMG.
He hid by the closet on the side getting riddled with bullet holes. Taking the Shepherd in the other hand, he blind fired four times hitting another Syndicate member in the eye and clipping a female Syndicate on the side.
Holstering the Shepherd he noticed who was left, 'Two left, might as well make a clean sweep.'
Time slowed as he jumped from the cabinet he aimed his SMG to the first guy and pulled the trigger as they fired. Bullets flew as he pulled his gun across to the other guy while they fired. Landing hard on his stomach, he felt a bullet go through his shoulder holding the SMG, 'Fuck that's gonna hurt.'
Getting on his back, he unclipped the magazine to see he was down to his last clip, 'Four bullets in the Shepherd and one clip left,' Groaning was heard nearby and saw it was the Syndicate female he clipped holding onto her wound and pulling up a Shepherd of her own. Acting quickly, he pulled out his handgun and shot the last four shots into her chest putting her down permanently.
Grunting back up Johnny closed the door again using the new dead bodies in the cockpit as a door stopper. Looking back through the window he smirked looking at Loren, "Gonna have to do better than that Frenchie."
"I. Am. Belgian!"
"Same thing."
"I am going to cut that disrespectful tongue from your mouth," Loren growled.
"Oh yeah! You and how many of your –oh. That many," Johnny gulped seeing about half an army out there. 'Shit, if I had a bigger gun I'd probably take these fuckers out,' seeing more blood pool around the wound Loren gave him, he could feel the adrenaline rush he's been having leave him as he leaned onto the wall next to the door.
"Damn, this might be my last gunfight," Johnny muttered to himself noticing his locket with him and Aisha back in the day.
-Flashback-
"Dammit Johnny, if you keep doing this you're gonna get yourself killed," 'Yeah, that's what Aisha said when Julius blew the Boss to hell.'
"Fuck that Aisha, after what Julius did to our friend, Dex selling out to Ultor, and Troy being a fucking undercover cop for all this time,"
"I know Johnny, but we can't do anything. I've talked to Troy…"
"WHAT!?"
"He told me he feels guilty at what Julius did to him. But he said they found his body. It's a miracle that he was barely alive when they put him on life support."
"Still, we trusted him and then our crew…"
"Johnny, you tried like three different attempts to kill off Troy and Troy's had him on life support for several years now."
"…"
"Look Johnny, I'm worried about you. I know you lived through impossible, fucked up situations but there will be a point where you won't live through a tough situation. We both miss him and you're still pissed, but if you keep up with these killing sprees, you might not find yourself in the prison hospital but the morgue."
'Dammit Eesh, sometimes I hate it when you're right.'
"You call yourself gang bangers; you're a bunch of pussies."
'Ironic when a pussy like Birk is questioning us as bangers.'
"Birk's right, we traded our dicks in for pussies. Seriously… Movie deals? Commercials? You know the Saint's name used to mean more than body spray and some ass tasting energy drink."
'Not that the perks weren't bad. But even then I still stand by my point.'
-End Flashback-
The door banged hard like a foot bashing at the door putting Johnny back in alert mode. It burst open by the forth hit by a well muscled Syndicate member, thinking fast Johnny threw a hard fist into his face and grappled onto his back.
He slammed Johnny into the walls still holding on then the intercom holding the guy in a choke hold.
"Johnny, we're about to jump!" Shaundi radioed in from the cargo bay.
"Right on, I'll meet you in Still-" Guns cocking, Johnny got the guy back on his feet before hopping off of him and bullets shot through the Syndicate goon killing the guy and the radio. Seeing another Shepherd on the recently dead Syndicate goon, he pulled it out and opened fire catching two of them by surprise and down dead.
Running towards the main conference where this battle all started, he tackled another guy before Johnny pistol whipped him across the head cracking the skull pretty much killing him as well. Firing the rest of his magazine as he circled around him he was able to put down several more.
Suddenly, pain exploded from the back of his head as a Syndicate male smacked him with the butt of his gun before Johnny was restrained by another member of the rival gang. In front of him was Loren holding another switchblade at hand as he was surrounded by the twins. "A valiant effort Mr. Gat, I congratulate your friends for being able to escape and drop my valuable money and drug cargo. But I do get a consolation prize out of this, cutting out your tongue before slashing your throat out," said Loren trying to keep his posture.
"Listen Frenchie…" "BELGIAN!" "Whatever. Next time you got someone on death row on a plane, make sure the guy isn't holding him in front of the emergency exit," Johnny smirked.
The Saint bent his legs springing him and the Syndicate member to the said Emergency Exit knocking the wind out of him as Johnny pulled on the release hatch sending him and Johnny out of the depressurizing vacuum.
Another Syndicate member reached and closed the hatch hoping to cease the vacuum. "Shall we send some guys out there?" Kiki asked.
"No need, we spent enough men after the leader of the Saints with much futility. Besides, without a parachute chances of survival are slim to none. If the impact doesn't kill him, the wound and the waves will," Loren assured. Oh how fates smile on the Saints.
Free-falling at 10,000 feet in the air Johnny and the Syndicate guy were punching each other for dominance over the other as a bunch of crates and cars and shit fall with them.
But with one wild hay-maker by Johnny, he stunned the Syndicate bastard long enough to throw a few more punches and one more for good measure effectively dazing the guy to unconsciousness.
Seeing a nearby crate flying below them he holds on to the Syndicate member and zooms into the crate, fast enough for the guy's head to break the plank to the crate like a hammer to a wall. Seeing his job done, he throws him away to the side smacking into a black and blue highlighted SUV.
Johnny hit the jackpot finding the crate filled with parachutes. Why the hell there was a crate full of parachutes was beyond him, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Taking a chute, he leaped off the crate and started free-falling again.
Over 3000 feet in the air he reached for the release string. At the same time, he felt the adrenaline rush about to give out and the pain about to kick in. His gut ached, increasingly sharper by every second.
'Dammit, not now,' Johnny thought groaning as he passed the 1000 mark with his vision staring to blur.
'Just one quick pull,' 500 feet.
'C'mon,' 300 feet.
'FUCKING PULL IT!' 150 feet.
"RAGH!" with a mighty roar, he pulled the rip cord releasing the chute successfully slowing his descent, but not enough to prevent a hard landing.
On the ocean surface, Johnny floated along the currents as he blacked out not even noticing the boat slowly coming his way.
2 Months Later, Tokyo, Japan
Walking down the streets of Tokyo was a well dressed Johnny Gat, alive and kicking. Dressed in a Saint's Purple business suit, he makes his way towards Asahi industries.
'Two months since Steelport. Fucking lucky Mr. Wong and his boat came by.'
To say 'Fucking lucky' would be an understatement; in the two weeks that took in the form of recovery and sea travel, Mr. Wong paid a debt to the Saints saving Johnny, a close friend towards the Boss.
One of Wong's crewmen spotted Johnny's near-dead body floating on a crate top. Pulling him up, his wounds were being treated in a matter of days before Johnny woke up on the Triad member's ship the Golden Dragon.
But once Johnny awoke, he was way off course from Steelport. And despite the history between these two, Wong already paid a deed saving his life. If Johnny was going to get anywhere near Steelport, let alone the States, he would have to do a few jobs to raise the money and Wong wasn't running no charity.
Luckily in the week landing in Japan, he got a few jobs in Tokyo with recommendations from Mr. Wong. The latest job in a span of two months worth of assassinations and drug trafficking would get him enough money for a new gun and a ticket to the States in first class under the radar with a new identity. Hey, sometimes a guy likes to travel in style, and that shit costs money.
Sure he could have called the Boss, Shaundi, Pierce, or any other Saint in his contacts to get him, but his cell fried in the sea water and he couldn't remember phone numbers for shit. All of that crap would be under speed dial.
1 for Boss.
2 for Shaundi.
23 for Pierce.
And the rest under contacts for the guys that worked in favor of the Saints, like Tobias and his drug peddling soccer mom of a wife.
Upon arriving the Asahi president's office, he was greeted with a bow which in turn he returned as per Japanese customs.
"Mr. Gat, how nice to see you," the President, Kageyama, greeted with a bow.
"Likewise. Now let's cut the pleasantries, what's the job?" demanded Johnny replicating the greet with a quick bow. He hasn't been here for more than a minute and already he was ready to blow this cock sucker's head off.
"Right, to business," Kageyama snapped his fingers, the subordinate beside him unlatched the briefcase he held revealing the contents of the case, "I'm sure as you know Asahi…"
"Kageyama, was it? Let me stop you right there," Johnny interrupted clearly annoyed and bored, "I don't give a rats ass what I'm dealing with or what I'm delivering unless I think otherwise. All I want to know are two things, One: What am I carrying? And Two: Where the fuck do you want me to send it? 'Cause if you're just wasting my time I'll take my business elsewhere and I highly doubt you want some pencil-pushing desk jockey to fuck up what this oh so important delivery."
"I see, then this meeting will be done a lot faster than I thought. The short version is the disk inside carries vital info against our company. There will be a boat leaving tonight to Borneo where you will give this item to the Borneo division's head. As per our agreement, you will be paid $50,000 in unmarked US bills in advance where the other $50,000 will be given to you upon a successful delivery," Kageyama summarized presenting the case full of bills along with the disk itself.
"Now was that so hard. Just be sure to have that money ready when we meet again," pocketing the CD case in his coat, the Saint grabbed the case and set off for his next job across the seas.
Just as soon as he puts this cash into his Swiss Bank Account.
20 Hours Later, In the middle of the Atlantic
Its official, this job was a shit-ton more boring than stake outs. 18 hours at sea and he wasn't even anywhere near Borneo. 'Next time I do stake out missions when I get back, I'm not going to complain anymore. 'Cause compared to this, watching for targets had more action,' Johnny lamented in his head.
When he heard this job was gonna be overseas, he wasn't expecting some Johnny Depp bullshit, but at least some Somali Pirates he could shoot up. Looking at his new cell phone he picked up from Wong he noticed it was about to die out, "Shit, even my phone is about to die out of boredom. Alright, if I don't get some action, either with my cock or my gun, I'm gonna start beating the shit out of the other passengers!"
BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!
Looking at some imaginary deity in the ceiling, he thanked the god or goddess that answered his prayers, "Halle-fucking-luiah."
Grabbing his VICE 9, he made his way to the deck, finally getting some action in this trip.
Topside on the Deck
The smell of gunpowder mixed with the sea salt permeating the air. Several bodies littered the bloody deck while the sailors and passengers cowered in fear from the two pirates on board the boat.
Johnny got a good look at the two. The big guy was a bald black guy in a army green vest, possibly bullet-proofed, holding a .45 Revolver at the captain of the ship. The second person was a Chinese-American chick. The gangster couldn't help but admire the chick's attire, denim cut-off short shorts, and a night black tank-top barely even covering the tribal tattoo on her left shoulder. Her violet-red hair that cut off at her neck flowed in the ocean winds. And if it wasn't this babe's body that got him going, it was the guns she held like an expert. He could tell she knew her way around a gun, wielding those modified Berretta firearms.
'Holy Shit, she's like a babe from my fucking dreams,' Johnny grinned.
"Alright Captain, you tell us who's holding the documents and you guys can go free," the big guy demanded.
"Wha-what documents?" the captain whined. But the question got him a bullet in the shoulder.
The captain screamed in pain feeling the bullet take a chunk of meat from his shoulder.
"Dutch, I say we knee-cap this pussy or better yet, let's just kill all these fuckers here," the babe snorted.
"No need for that Revy. I've heard all I needed to know," Dutch took his piece and aimed at Johnny's direction.
"Shit!" Johnny moved out of the line of fire as bullets ricocheted off the corner. The slight pause in gunfire gave him enough time to fire off a few rounds of his own splitting the two away from each other. Following the closest target, he kept firing at the black guy as he dove behind a cargo crate while Johnny's dream babe hopped over on the other side of the ship.
"So you're here for the disk?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah. Don't suppose you could hand it over could you?" Johnny didn't answer; instead he fired off another round at the pinned pirate, "I'll take that as a no."
Johnny just grinned, "Sorry, I'm getting paid 50 grand off of this."
"Well now, aren't you special," Johnny just froze feeling cold metal against the back of her head.
'Shit, forgot about her,' "Heh, I'm worth what you pay babe. How much you getting paid for this, Revy was it?" the Saint smirked raising his hands dropping his VICE.
"W-well, wouldn't you like to know? Get the fuck up asshole," Revy said weakly trying to keep up the dominant standing
"Y' know, special deliveries isn't my only area of expertise," Johnny chuckled darkly waving off the fact she has him at gunpoint.
"Oh really," Looking at this punk gangster asshole, he didn't look anything special so she decided to bite, "Then tell me Grease, what are you good at?"
"Revy, careful," Dutch warned. If there was anything he wanted to watch out for on this job it was her hot head, and this guy wasn't some hired gun. The guy Revy had at gunpoint, the Vet could tell he has some experience.
"Well Grease Head, what's this special talent you got?" the gunswoman growled.
Before Revy could react, Johnny swung his hand grasping her gun in her hand. Dutch reacted quickly raising his revolver up aiming the sights down at Johnny and Revy struggling control over the modified Beretta. "The fuck you waiting for Dutch, shoot the fucker!" Revy shouted at him.
"I don't have a clear shot; try putting his back to me!"
"The FUCK you think I'm doing!?" Revy growled.
But the Saint twisted his body around holding her arm up over his shoulder, "Up and over babe!"
Letting out a quick yelp, he tossed her over Dutch's barricade of crates in a tumbled mess. Getting on her knees, she was face to face with her own gun, "Well, lookie here, I got your gun."
"And I got your fuckin paycheck," Revy retorted flashing the CD in her hand.
"Shit!"
"REVY DOWN!" She heeded Dutch's call and went prone as the powerful boom of his revolver echoed in the area. Johnny barely had time to move as the bullet only hit the meat of his shoulder knocking him on his ass.
With the Saint down, Revy got back on her knees. But before she could stomp towards Johnny for her gun, her boss grasped her shoulder and started dragging her back to the U-boat. "Fucking hold up Dutch, lemme grab my gun!"
"We got what we came for, don't need to risk the package," argued Dutch.
"For what, you just shot the fucker," Revy retorted.
But her retort turned moot when the melody of gunfire aimed in their direction forcing them to take cover once more. Johnny was back on his feet, dual wielding his VICE and Revy's Cutlass raining as many bullets as he could. Hearing the clicks of a spent clip, Johnny holstered the Beretta and pulled another clip for his VICE.
But the momentary pause from reloading created a window of opportunity as they bolted to the U-boat.
Johnny reloading his VICE with a click he pulled the triggers unleashing another volley of bullets. The violet-haired pirate grasped a passenger to intercept the bullets and shield her. With her human shield dead, she tossed his ass to the side and hopped on the moving boat that started accelerating with a rapid pace. Seeing his paycheck running away from him, he fired a few more rounds before his clip bottomed out.
He would have opted for another clip but decided against it taking a better look as it zoomed away, 'Yeah, better stop before I blow it sky high. Otherwise I'm out of another 50 grand.'
Pulling out the gun he took from that girl, Revy, he eyed the inscription on the side of the Baretta, '9mm Sword Cutlass, holy shit, is the grip made of ivory. Sonovabitch, this must've been pricy. Is the rest in Taiwanese? Wonder how much I can pawn this off?'
Looking over his shoulder, he spots the rest of the crew still in shock from the fire fight, "ALRIGHT PEOPLE! Who knows who they are and where the HELL they are goin'? Anyone who doesn't feel like complying is gonna end up like the human hole punch over there."
"They're the Lagoon Company in Roanapor," one of the strangely calm passengers piped up.
"Lagoon Company?" Johnny quirked an eyebrow.
"ROANAPOR!?"
"ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE'RE NOT GOING THERE!"
*BLAM*
The gun shot echoed the in the empty sea as the refusing crewman was shot dead in the head. Seeing their comrade down like the 'human hole-punch', one look from Johnny and his smoking barrel from his VICE 9 was all it took, "Anyone else. I mean I'm more than willing to shoot another one of you motherfuckers and I'm not running out of ammo anytime soon."
Nothing else needed to be said; the crew men got back to work and plotted a course for Roanapor, Thailand.
Checking the bullet wound that slug hit him in, he nursed the wound wishing he had a switchblade on him to pick out the slug. "Need a hand," the same voice spoke up again. A black-scraggly haired, average aged man wearing all tan clothes that was loosely based off of a U.S. Army uniform, just without the bulky protective padding.
He held out a switchblade out for him, "That slug is still in there." "I know," Johnny swiped the knife from the other guy's hand, flicking the blade out and jabbing it in the bullet hole. It didn't take long to flick out the bullet.
"You're pretty handy with that knife." The stranger inquired.
"I've pulled out a few bullets myself in my day," Johnny replied.
"Considering that you're the infamous Johnny Gat from Stillwater, I'm not surprised," the guy smirked before offering a hand at a surprised Johnny, "I'm sorry, where are my manners. The name's Carson Welsh."
Meanwhile, on a PT boat traveling to Thailand, one badmouthed gunswoman stewed in rage taking her frustrations out on the wall of the transport stamping it down with her boot, "Stupid, limp dick, mutherfucking, cock sucking, sonovabitch."
"What's Revy pissed about now?" the middle aged blonde in the communications room asked.
"Shut it!"
"Don't mind her Benny, she's just missing one of her guns. The carrier stole it from her," Dutch explained.
"You're kidding me. Someone one upped on the great Two-Hands," Benny guffawed.
"You wanna DIE Benny!" the violent woman snarled. "Not really," the technician said nonchalantly.
"God dammit Dutch, we're only getting paid 20 grand on this job, ONLY 20 grand. Fuck, that bitch Balalaika is taking advantage of us. My pay on this shitty ass job isn't enough to cover the cost on one of my Cutlasses. Shit, that asshole is getting paid 50 grand in delivering this fucking thing," Revy ranted at her boss looking at the disk in her boss' hands.
"Cool your jets Revy. We're just couriers, middlemen; we only get a small piece of the take, that's how these things work. As for your gun problem, just get another one till you save enough for Prychariat to make another," Dutch countered.
"Couldn't we have taken one of those assholes on the boat? One of them would have been worth something," Revy reasoned.
Dutch sighed in exasperation, apparently the girl was even tougher to deal with when one of her guns are missing, "Revy, two problems with that. One, I highly doubt someone of importance would have been on that cargo ship, nor anyone of value for that matter. Two, even if you did, you would need a bank account for them to wire the money to you, and even better, their phone number."
Seeing her 'perfect' plan stripped down to its bare essentials, an enraged Revy reared her foot back and slammed it into the hull again. "Look Revy, if it makes you feel any better, more than likely he's gonna follow us back to Roanapor. We have his pay check. The guy could have shot us to the moon if he hit the torpedoes on board."
"Dutch, why do you still have those?" Benny asked.
"You never know when they'll be useful."
And for the rest of the way Revy kept slamming her foot into the hull of the boat keeping up with the obscenities towards a certain purple clad gangster.
Dusk hit the city of Roanapor as Johnny and Carson hopped off the transport boat they were on. "Man, am I lucky I ran into you. I would have had to spring for two boats instead of one," Carson smirked, "Saved me a lot of money."
"So how the hell did you figure I was alive?" Johnny asked knowing his death would have been all over the news in the U.S. considering the Saint's popularity and him selling his likeness towards that "Gangsters in Space" shit.
"I keep my ear out for news outside of Thailand, at times it gets pretty boring here. The only entertainment I got in that past few years was about Stillwater and the Saints' second takeover before going global when you guys took over Ultor. When Philip Loren of the Syndicate announced your death, I had doubts about it. No actual body was provided, and as the old saying goes, 'When you throw them out of a fucking plane, make sure they're fucking dead'," answered the Saint's new companion
"Wise words," Johnny smirked. Taking in the city sights it felt so familiar, "So this is Roanapor? Feels like home."
"Figured it might. Next to this place, Stillwater is the second lawless town in the world. Right there above Steelport," Carson explained, "This place gets first prize for the 'most fucked-up city' award."
Walking along its streets Carson continued to explain about the city, "Roanapor is a city run by criminals. Mainly gangsters, the big time ones; the Cartel, Italian Mafia, Russian Mafia, Sun Yee On, you name it."
"Even part of the Triads takes a piece, damn this place gets better and better," the Saint smiled.
"You'd think that these gangs would be at each other's throats. In a way they are, but they have a mutual agreement. If one strikes at one gang, the other will strike back. The main income in this city come from these guys and the jobs they offer, some of them big, some of them not so big. If you're gonna make it here, you gotta take some jobs from these guys and eventually you get respect to make a name for yourself," Carson continued to explain when they hit the ware houses located few miles off the docks.
That caught his attention, "So these guys with 'names', you wouldn't know who they would be would you?"
"Not all of them, only the mob bosses that have the biggest holds in this town and the well known people. Balalaika form Hotel Moscow who runs the Russian Mafia and Mr. Chang of the Triads, then we got the freelancers and runners, Sawyer the Cleaner, Shenhua, and that one chick you ran into from the Lagoon Company."
"Revy, right?" that woman was not someone you could easily forget, especially after he took her piece.
"'Two Hands' Revy, that gun you got from her is one of a pair. She's gonna be pissed to see you again," Carson smirked opening up one of the warehouse gates.
Opening the gates, the Saint was introduced to the sight he hasn't seen more beautiful next to Aiesha.
Guns, and lots of them. Ranging from pistols to automatics. Classics like the Colt .45 and the Kalashnikov to the newer models like Shepherds and K-8 Krukovs, "Man, what I wouldn't give for an armory like this. Is that a McManus?"
"Yup, this is pretty much years worth of assassinations and shipping," Grabbing a night black pistol he passed it to Johnny, "Here, a present from me. A KA-1 Kobra, a little more upgraded from the old VICE 9. Think of it as a welcoming gift."
Grabbing the pistol he looked at it, felt its balance, even fired a shot at a bottle across the warehouse, "Nice."
"Here's a new battery for your phone and my number in case you need my help later. The Lagoon Company's usual watering hole is at the Yellow Tail; make sure you got something on you at all times. Never know what can happen, that place gets destroyed so many times its not even funny. The owner doesn't even have to make an insurance scandal to get rich. Of course most of that gets spent on his building over and over again."
"How many times does that place get shot down?"
"More times than the world's most professional whore can chomp down a cock."
"Damn."
Carson tossed Johnny a key, "This is to a car in the warehouse next door, don't expect too much."
Johnny just ginned at the guy, "Thanks man. But seriously, why are you helping me?"
His fan just shrugged, "Like I said, I'm just a fan of your guys' work."
Yellow Tail
The Yellow Tail bar housed the roughest, toughest gunmen, assassins, and hitmen the world had to offer. Here we come onto the scene of Two Hands Revy chugging down her 4th glass of Bacardi in a span of 30 minutes, "Jesus Revy, not that I care, but what the hell has you all pissed off?"
"If you know what's good for you Bao, don't ask," growled the violet haired gunwoman.
"She's just pissed that someone got a one up on her," Benny explained.
"SHUT IT!"
"You're serious?!" Bao guffawed, "Someone actually beat the great Two Hands."
"Fuck off Bao! I would have killed the asshole if Dutch hadn't had to worry about the fucking package," roared Revy.
Bao smiled at the thought, "Heh, I would love to meet this guy and treat him to a drink if he could piss you off this easily."
"Yeah, well the next time I see that asshole, I'm gonna cut his fucking arms and legs off and dump him in a pit of hungry tigers. Hell that might be too good for him, maybe I can just cut off his dick, grab my gun, and shoot a round up his ass," the gunswoman ranted.
"Aww, never knew you thought of me that way."
'That fucker!' Guns cocked, Revy bulled out her second Cutlass while the guy behind her whipped out a Kobra staring face to face with none other than our favorite Saint, Johnny Gat.
"'Sup babe," Johnny greeted with a smirk.
"Give me one good reason not to shoot your ass," Revy growled.
"First of all, it would be a waste to kill a nice piece of ass like you," Johnny said flirtingly. "Second, the barkeep's got a shotgun trained on us," Just a glance behind her, she saw a double barrel shotgun trained at the two of them.
"If you're gonna start shooting, take it outside, this place has been shot to hell enough times already," Bao warned.
"Relax, I'm not here to start trouble. If anything, all I want now is a drink and a chance to… talk," the Saint offered, "So why don't we put down the guns before we do something we both regret."
Reluctantly Revy complied, not wanting to get shot by buckshot in the face, or even worse, the shades wearing bastard in front of her putting a bullet in her head.
Once the gunswoman put away her piece, Johnny put away his own which got Bao to put away his shotgun, "What d'ya want?"
"Whatever she's having," Johnny pointed to Revy as Bao proceeded with the drink order.
Revy clicked her tongue gulping down her rum, "The fuck you doing here?"
"You already know why," Johnny answered as Bao passed him a glass of rum. "As far as I see, there's no way we're gonna do this without ending up in a giant ass gun fight. Maybe we can negotiate so everyone wins," Johnny suggested. 'Jesus I'm way out of my element. Hell, the Boss has a better time negotiating than I do and those ends badly half the time.'
"Well if you want to negotiate, you're gonna hafta talk with Dutch," the dirty blonde male beside the gunner in the daisy dukes said.
"Bald black dude with the shades?"
"That's the one."
"He's talking with our employer at the moment, so you're going to wait," Revy interjected.
"So while we wait, we just get wasted?" Johnny surmised.
"That's about it," Benny confirmed.
"How about a little game then?" Revy suggested chugging down her rum.
Johnny smirked getting the idea, "Alright," grabbing his glass, he downed his rum about as fast as Revy tossing it over his shoulder once her finished it, "Of course you're gonna hafta to do better than one glass."
Revy glared menacingly at the Saint while Johnny kept smiling back at her. "Hey Barkeep," both call out to Bao getting the attention of everyone in the bar, "Bring us all the Bacardi you got!"
Meanwhile, Dutch was on the phone with his employer, Balalaika of Hotel Moscow, currently explaining the situation at hand concerning the disk from Asahi. Listening to the interrogation over the phone Balalaika and her men were currently operating in, he got the message loud and clear.
Extra Order, 'With an outfit name like that, no doubt they're former Army brats with top of the line toys.'
"No doubt that you can roughly assume, but E.O. has a lot of combat experienced troops on their payroll. Do be sure to watch yourself," Balalaika warned.
"Don't we always," Dutch replied coolly eyeing Johnny and Revy surrounded by the patrons of the bar egging the two gunners on as they chugged down another glass of rum earning another cry of cheers from the bar. As he called it, the gunman from the boat followed them here.
But among the crowd cheering the two to drink again, a thunk and clack sounded as Johnny and Revy spots a pair of grenades rolling along the floorboards.
Keeping a cool head, the pair hops the bar before the grenades explode sending a shock wave from the explosions g-forces and shrapnel of wood and metal spreading to various former patrons of the bar dead.
Before any unsuspecting survivors could think, a wall of bullets flew and gunfire echoed all round Yellow Tail. All the while Revy keeps grabs her drink which surprisingly hasn't been shot to pieces by gunfire.
"Revy, these are your pals right!? Get rid of them!" Bao shouted over the gunfire. "Never seen them before Bao, but I'd say this fucker's seen 'em," Revy said pointing towards the purple clad Saint next to her.
"Oh fuck you bitch. Don't pass the buck on me when I'm trying to avoid getting shot like you," Johnny retorted.
"Revy!" Dutch's voice called out over the gunfire. "I'm okay!"
"Benny!?" "Miraculously alive!" Benny shouted running towards Dutch under the smoke screen.
"What about you 50K?!" Dutch shouted at Johnny. "This Hot Bitch is taking care of me right now!" Johnny answered back with Revy clicking her cheek at Johnny's nick name for her.
Bullets seem to stop as silence took the bar. Revy took the chance to check her guns. Out of habit she went for her second cutlass, only to remember that Johnny still had it. She silently growled until the butt of her second cutlass was shoved under her nose.
While she couldn't see his eyes, behind the shades she could see Johnny's brow flex to wink at her.
"NOW LOOK AROUND BOYS!" The commander bellowed as heavy footsteps start filling the bar, "I heard voices. And there's nothing I hate more than is survivors."
Locked and loaded, Revy gave a wicked grin, 'What a great line.' Seeing him pull his gun out, the two waited for a chance as both lean against the bar.
Any groans were silenced with a gunshot or two. When one fired, Revy took that as a signal to jump the bar and unload with Johnny hopping over it and push a table over as a shield.
The gunfight commenced and Revy started shooting as she somersaulted away from incoming bullets and shot two square in the chest. Johnny peeked out and fired off a couple of rounds himself. One head shot, the other in the throat. One merc tried to round behind him and bash Johnny in the back of his head with a K-8. But Johnny was too fast, turning around and cocking him in the throat before shooting him in the balls.
He screamed in agony as the merc grabbed what's left of his manhood on his knees before Johnny grabbed the switchblade Carson gave him and jammed it into the fucker's head. Seeing the dead man having no use for the assault rifle, he knicked it off the floor and let loose.
Flying bullets passed through human flesh, Johnny grinned like a maniac. He missed the carnage of a gunfight. The only thing missing now were bodies flying from a grenade explosion that he threw.
Amidst the gunfire, his ears had singled out the metallic echos of gunfire that came from a certain pair of guns. No doubt it came from the Cutlasses Revy wielded. He couldn't explain it, but Johnny kept staring at Revy shooting down the mercs with ease. Her body danced around the bar with her guns firing away with each shot like she was playing the Macabre from them. Adorned on her face was this shit-eating grin as she kept blowing them away.
Not even a grin, she was smiling in an extraordinarily wicked fashion. The kind of face he would make after blowing some asshole's face off with a sawed-off shotgun. It was kind of a turn-on for the lost Saint.
In his trans-fixation towards the lady gunslinger, one of the Extra Order mercs tried sneaking behind Johnny with a combat knife.
Emphasis on tried.
"GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!" The unfortunate soul got his nose smashed in by the butt of Johnny's newly acquired gun along with a new suit made of hot smoking bullets.
"Revy, we gotta get going now! Clear a path!" Dutch ordered.
"Oh yeah! Comin' right up boss!" she one more down with her Cutlass and grabbed another EO guy as a human shield. His own men shot him up like nothing, even blowing away half his head off with their high caliber weapons. And with his heavy body armor, the bullets couldn't go all the way through the body creating the perfect cover for Revy and shoot them down like no one's business.
"C'mon Revy! Benny, start the car!"
"Oh fuck no," Hearing the roar of an engine, Johnny followed Revy and Dutch not planning on staying behind.
Dutch got Revy in the back seat with Benny at the engine ready to get the breaks off as soon as Dutch got in. "Wait the fuck up!" "What the...?"
Seeing Johnny following them out from the backdoor Dutch pulled out his .44 revolver training it at Johnny with Johnny pulling out his Kobra at Dutch.
"You're not getting in," Dutch declared.
"I need answers, and I'm not gonna get any staying here. I'm also betting you got a long range radio or phone you can call my employer with," Johnny argued.
Another gun cock came from inside the car with Revy training one of her Cutlasses at the Saint, "He said you ain't getting in you greased up asshole."
Johnny gave her a tired look, "Bitch, don't make this into a Mexican Stand Off."
"Oh fuck you, you need something on me to make it a Mexican Stand Off!"
In his other hand was a pin-less hand grenade with his fingers on the release latch keeping it from going off, "I believe this little baby says otherwise."
"HEY GUYS, I FOUND THEM!" said an EO solder.
*BLAM*
Without even looking, Johnny shot him with his Kobra spattering his brains all over the door behind the dead solder, "As far as I see, either it be me, the grenade, or those fuckers, we're all dead. So I'm offering fifty grand to you guys in return for letting me see this whole thing through together."
"Deal."
"DUTCH!?" Revy complained.
"Get in quick!"
Johnny tossed the grenade at the back door as more EO solders came through getting caught in the blast with the Saint kicking himself in through the rear window* as the car sped out leaving the shot up and now burning watering hole.
Watching the burning wreck the Captain of the mercenary group lit up a cig as one of his CO's assessed the damage, "In short, 30 are dead, and 10 wounded, most if not all in critical condition. Apologies for underestimating the ones got away."
"Ease up Storm, the ones who got away weren't just some no-name thugs. Couldn't you tell Storm, didn't you smell the air around them. They're cold-blooded killers," the Captain concluded taking off his shades showing off a wicked grin and his scar under his eye, "That mission in Liberia had us shooting up little kids and old geezers. But these guys, heh heh, these guys might just give us a challenge. Nothing better than a prey that can fight back."
Over the Highway
As Benny drove towards the wharf, the adrenaline rush from the gunfight at the bar wore off after 5 minutes of driving. So while the Lagoon's technician drove the rest sighed all tired and exhausted.
"Hey Dutch," Revy called out, "Bao said if we don't pay him for repairs he said he was gonna weld our assholes and put one up our heads."
"Is that right?" Dutch asked nonchalantly.
"You must've gotten the most of his death threats from that guy if you're this relaxed," Johnny joked giving a weak chuckle.
"Don't know if you heard, but that place gets shot up a lot," said Dutch.
"I believe the analogy went, "shot up more times than the world's biggest whore can chomp on a cock"," Johnny quoted.
"Good analogy," Revy snorted.
"So what's up with those guys, kinda trigger happy there weren't they?" Johnny asked.
"They're a mercenary company called Extra Order. All of them are pretty much some ex-military guys who miss the warring action where they pretty much get a hard-on firing off a round," Dutch explained.
"So to recap, a bunch of ex-military assholes who'd fuck a gun barrel."
"Not a bad way to sum it up."
"We're here," Benny announced as he pulled up to the Lagoon's base of operations. Getting out of the car and into the seaside warehouse, the Lagoon Company climbed aboard the PT boat while Dutch held Johnny back leaving the other two to warm up the engine.
"Listen, about shooting you earlier today...?" Johnny started.
"Hey, as far as I see, as long as you hold up your end of the bargain we hold up yours. My main question is how would you be paying, in cash or by money transfer? Cause if you die we don't get paid, and there aren't any cell towers at sea unless you got a satellite phone on you?"
"Let me call some people up."
Out at sea
"Alright, we got out of range from the Thai Navy, if we keep going, it's a straight shot to Palawan," Benny announced from the comm room.
"Good, how's it going with Johnny's phone call?" Dutch asked.
"Give me a minute."
"I still don't see why we have to carry your greased up ass," Revy complained giving Johnny the stink eye.
"Cause I wired the money to the Lagoon account and so you can still keep admiring my ass," the Saint joked.
"Want me to show everyone the color of your brain asshole?!" Revy growled pulling her Cutlass to his head.
"Revy, do we really have to go through this every time you think about me? We know you won't shoot," Johnny retorted.
One look from Dutch was all it took before she clicked her cheek and holstered her weapon.
"How the hell do you know about us anyways? It was only yesterday before we started shooting each other," Revy asked curiously carefully eying their 'passenger'.
"One of the passengers was from Roaranapor," Johnny shrugged.
"Carson?" Dutch asked.
"Yup."
"Thought I saw him there," Dutch grinned.
"Hey Dutch, I got a connection with Asahi," Benny called out patching the call through to one of the earpieces.
Taking said earpiece, Dutch threw the item to the lost Saint, "Johnny, you're up."
Catching the communications device, he held it up to his ear to get this little 'issue' cleared up.
"Kageyama,"
"Mr. Gat, I see you're still alive."
"You seem surprised. Hoping I'd bite it before I deliver,"
"Amongst that, I'm also surprised that you'd join your attackers."
"Well after you sent your Military Freaks to shoot a fucking bar, my options were limited. And I felt like I deserved some answers before I pass judgment."
[pause] "Very well, I think you deserve an explanation.
You see, to rebuild Asahi industries from bankruptcy we assisted a certain country in developing nuclear technology there. The truth is that Japan has an embargo on that country and that disk you were meant to deliver is the plans from that liaison."
"And if it wasn't me who took on the job, you'd have some no-name pencil pusher to take said job, and you'd be giving him this little conversation right now with him pissing his pants in shock of this little revelation."
"An astute assumption. And as I would say to that very same no-name, 'For the 50,000+ employees at Asahi Industries, accept your fate and sink in the South China Sea with dignity.'"
Silence filled the room; Johnny was quiet staring at the pin-up of some skimpy ass bitch imagining Kageyama's head on a dart board.
"Hearing your silence, I can safely assume you've accepted your fate. Sayonara Mr..."
"Wong never told you much about me, did he?"
"Excu..."
"Otherwise he would have told you how well I take pink slips like this. Or how I buried a mutual enemy of ours alive in my city's graveyard. I was talking with the Lagoon Company about this little job you had me going and how sent those fuckers out to kill me and everyone else on this heap. They told me what will happen when that disk gets delivered and sold to the Lagoon Company's employers. They'll go and sell it to you back for as much as they want considering how badly you can't handle such a scandal.
But I'm just gonna say that I don't give a fuck. I'll be realistic, I figure that you won't pay me the other 50 grand considering current circumstances."
"That's correct."
"And I'm betting that you haven't been told about my cancelation fee."
"No."
"Well, sucks to be you cause you owe me another $150,000 for pink slipping me and using ex-military fuckheads to do it for you. And you better pay up when we see each other again. Otherwise, we're gonna have a problem, and I'll be taking it out of your ass.
Sayonara motherfucker."
Needless to say, Johnny left to the deck and stared out in the sea. A rare moment for the trigger happy Saint but staring out in the sea as the afternoon sun sparkled in the ocean, there was a sense of innocence in it he hadn't felt since...
"Aisha."
"Was that who he killed?"
Looking behind him, he saw Revy leaning on the door of the cockpit.
"That name you just said, Aisha. That was the girl who was killed getting you to bury that one fucker alive?"
"Yeah," he said his shades hiding his sad eyes, "What do you want?"
"Just to talk. Gotta say, you talk a lot of tough shit. You gonna go with it or you gonna start flirting with him like you do me," Revy joked.
Johnny reacted with a smile, "I have a lot of experience with betrayals. I never take them well."
"But that girl helped you cope with it."
"Aisha was the innocence in my life. My own angelic Saint. Did you know the fucker who got her killed was just some pussy-bitch daddy's boy? A yakuza prince, who had no sense of honor that other yakuzas usually stand for, dared to start a fucking gang fight on the day of her funeral. When the bitch started to turn tail, Boss chased his ass all over the district before dragging his ass to me."
Revy couldn't help but stare at Johnny, enthralled with his story.
"Barely even a minute against me a broken leg leg later and he just cried like a bitch, begging me to stop. After smashing his face through a tombstone, I dumped a coffin and shoved his ass in before knocking the corpse tank in the hole. He begged me to kill him as me and the boss dug his grave in."
Revy just didn't say anything. She would have called bullshit but the emotion in that casual monotone, it reminded her of herself whenever she gets into a funk over the past. She just kept staring as he looked out into the sunset over the railing.
"So what about you? Seeing you with those custom made Barrettas, I assume you got a story or two you can tell me."
"Well..."
"Revy, you there on deck. We got company," Benny sounded in the receiver in the comm room.
Indeed there was as a rhythmic beat fluttered in the air.
"It's coming in too fast to be a speed boat."
"They got a fucking attack chopper," Johnny pointed out.
True enough, when the object in question got into distance, the beating of chopper blades spun increasingly louder. Likewise the details became increasingly clearer, nose mounted machine guns, two mounted Gatling guns each on both wings, and another two heat-seeking missile launchers on both ends wings as well, it's sleek army camouflage paint job. No doubt about it, they got a fucking attack chopper.
A short whir was the only warning they got when it started shooting.
"FUCK! HOLD ON!" exclaimed Dutch before he punched the acceleration.
The sudden jerk of the increased acceleration pushed the two forcing them to hang on to one of the bars on the side door to the cockpit.
"We got any guns on this heap?!" Johnny shouted over the roar of the engines and the blades of the chopper.
"Revy, get the anti-aircraft rifle!"
"Got it!" Going in the crow's nest, she pulled out a heavy looking rifle, hoisting it over the railing and angled it at the gunship. One pass over the PT boat and she let off a shot in the underside of the aircraft's hull only to bounce off the craft leaving only a sharp dent.
Unfortunately, it circled around for another pass over the Lagoon Company and Gat shooting another burst from the guns forcing Revy to curl up to avoid the high caliber bullets.
'The armor on the hull is too thick to puncture unless shot in the same spot or we got a fucking RPG. And those guys are just toying with us. They could have taken us out in the last two passes, hell even the first pass. So they're gonna make this last as long as they can until we get desperate.' "Unless..." Johnny trailed off eying the anti-aircraft rifle.
Seeing it fly further past the Lagoon's PT boat, Johnny grabbed the anti-aircraft rifle and laid it down aiming for the gunship rounding to the front of the boat, "DUTCH, KEEP IT STEADY!"
"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!? IT'S GOING TO GUN US DOWN AND THAT FUCKING GUN AIN'T GONNA DO SHIT!" Revy shouted.
"Just gotta aim it right babe," grinned Johnny
Johnny aimed through the scope and saw the windows of the cockpit. Johnny silently cursed though seeing the chopper speeding towards them faster than usual. 'Gonna hafta make this count.'
One quick shot cracked the bulletproof window on the pilot's seat. Seeing his next target, he ejected the spent round for the next bullet in the clip to slide in the barrel. Aiming once more he looks through the scope and trains it right on the hole of the window. Through it, he sees the Captain with a shit-eating hungry grin staring straight at him, "Knock your fucking grin right off your face asshole."
*BLAM*
The shot fired while the chopper's gun sent out its own volley.
Time seemed to slow in Revy's eyes, as the bullets splashed in the water trailing up to Johnny when...
*VRMM!*
The chopper jerked to the right as Johnny rolled left signaling Dutch to punch it.
The Lagoon PT boat sped away while the EO chopper kept jerking out of control before the Captain set it right. The glass to his cockpit was shattered, and the man's shit eating grin intensified, "FUCK YEAH! YOU SEE HOW CLOSE THAT WAS!?" His excitements made his co-pilot Meyer tremble. Many a mission his Captain went overboard when it came to hunting targets. But with how the enemy's sniper nearly killed his CO, well that just made said man's blood boil with excitement. After all, the bullet only clipped the Captain's right ear through the pilot helmet.
"C'mon Meyer, this duck hunt just turned into a shark hunt."
The Lagoon Company kept speeding into Palawan with the chopper hot on their trail. The Lagoon passed a sunken ship with EO right behind it; they could hear the guns whirl until...
"Captain, what are you doing? We can turn them into mincemeat right now!"
"Easy Meyer, I want to make this special. After all, nobody ever made a hunt as fun as this in a long time. They deserve to go down fighting. After all, we can cook these fools as well as we want, raw, rare, medium, or burnt to shit, it's dinner time."
Further down in the Palawan Lagoon
"Not to sound cheesy, but it's quiet, too quiet," stated Dutch.
"I agree, they could've turned us into Swiss cheese by now," Benny nodded.
Outside Revy looked out with Johnny keeping an eye out for the chopper in the distance, "Hey, you see anything?" Revy asked Johnny.
"Nothin'."
"Think you got 'em?"
"If I did, we wouldn't have been running."
"Guys, I think I know why they aren't following us," Benny radioed in.
Revy and Johnny head in the cock pit with Dutch following them to the comms room with Benny on the radar. "What's going on?" Johnny asked.
Benny pointed to the device giving big attention towards the darker splotches on radar, "They got us trapped. Led us right into a channel leading all the way up to Palawan."
"Shit," Dutch cursed.
"So what, we sit around like ducks before they shoot us to shit?!" Johnny growled mussing up his hair.
"What if they run out of gas?" Revy asked.
"Then we'd have Johnny's scenario," replied Dutch.
They kept talking walking back to the cockpit while exhaled a breath he held in walking out to the deck. He just thought back to yesterday remembering why he was here, 'Well, I wished for this. Better get my money's worth, let's just see what I can do about these fuckers. Now what do we got.' Looking around he sees empty bullet casings, the anti-aircraft rifle, and the torpedo lau... wait, what.
'That's right, almost shot this boat to hell. Problem is, can't exactly get em up unless...'
His head was forming a wicked idea getting back in the cockpit seeing Dutch's hand on the launcher controls, "Wait, Dutch!"
The pilot's hand halted from pulling them down, "What?"
"Just... don't touch those handles," Johnny requested as he starts talking about his newly formulated plan.
"Kid, that has got to be the most bat-shit crazy plan I've ever heard," said Dutch looking at the Saint like he's crazy.
"But you got to admit, it's a better plan than no plan," Benny mused.
"Yeah, but you forgot that one small detail. How the fuck are we gonna get that torpedo air-born," challenged Revy.
"When we were heading down here, I noticed an upturned ship that'll make the perfect ramp. I've done it with speed boats, I bet a PT boat like this will do the same," Johnny grinned.
"Think that can work?" Dutch asked Benny.
"Yeah, in theory," the technician confirmed, "At max speed the boat will only be in the water by about a few inches to a foot."
"The only problem we'll have is the missile launchers," Johnny continued, "From what I understand they got heat seeking."
"We have a flare gun and plenty of flares," Revy informed him pulling out a box with said gun.
"Good, all we hafta do now is get their attention," Johnny murmured grabbing the gun.
"Sir, we got them coming from the mouth of the lagoon," reported Meyer.
The Captain merely smirked, "Of course they would." Through the new hole in the glass he spies his target speeding down right at him, "Wolves like them always come back for more."
"Sir, are you sure you don't want to retreat and replace the glass, you're totally exposed."
"Hah, what's a little exposure? Besides, I welcome the danger," he grinned.
"Enemy chopper in sight," reported Benny.
"I see them," replied Johnny, "Revy you got that gun ready."
"I'm on the damn mount, the fuck you think?" growled Revy.
"Bring it on you little shits!" He fired two rockets and flew towards the Lagoon Co.
Johnny took the flare gun and aimed his sights at the EO Commander. Pulling the trigger, the flare shot up into the air getting the attention of the heat seeking missiles. The flare shot close towards the chopper, so with it where it was and the missiles redirecting themselves...
"EVASIVE MANEUVERS!" Mayer tugged the control stick hard forcing it to turn away from the flare.
The two missiles collided with each other exploding upon contact.
"Nice try fuckers, but you only got so many flares, I got a whole arsenal," the Captain proclaimed arming his mounted guns and started shooting.
Off the edge of his window, a bullet ricocheted from it. Taking a closer look at the boat he sees Revy on the nest with a sniper rifle train at the gunship, more specifically, him.
Revy unloaded another round forcing the E.O. Commander swerving away from the shots. Revy ejected and reloaded the sniper rounds as fast as she could trying to get the gunship in the right spot.
"Heh, think you can get me little fish!" the Commander grinned. "Meyer, lock on the next set of missiles."
...
...
...
"Meyer?" looking behind him, he finds a giant ass blood-dripping hole through his right eye as he slumped in his seat.
The commander could only smirk seeing his second in command dead, "A casualty of war. Never thought you would be one of those statistics. I'll be sure to give you a warrior's funeral."
Seeing the boat veer to the right, he arms the gun and fires a series of bullets forcing them to veer in the path of the sunken ship coming to a halt with the gun cease as it whirred down.
Chopper faced boat, the commander's shit eating grin still never ceasing as he stared down the Lagoon boat.
"The fuck is he doing?" Revy asked clearly bothered by this ceasefire.
"He's planning on mulching is in a game of chicken," Johnny answered.
"And how the fuck you know that?" Revy argued. But all she got was some eerie knowing smile heading into the cabin.
Johnny took a spot standing next to Dutch. "So what know?" the black veteran asked.
"We accept his invitation and follow the fucking plan," Johnny grinned.
"Hey, if we don't make it. I just wanna say… no hard feelings trying to shoot you," Dutch grinned back.
The Lagoon Company sped up towards the chopper aiming for the alpine jump as the E.O. chopper.
And soon the PT boat was up in the air. Time seemed to slow between the two armed vehicles.
"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP BABY!" the Commander all but shouted over the whirling blades.
"EAT SHIT ASSHOLE!" Johnny shouted back pulling down two of the four torpedo switches.
Like out of a samurai movie, no one knew what happened as the two shadows melded in the sunset. At least until you saw the PT boat fly past the chopper gaining a new addition to its cock pit, a nice long thick tube in the shape of a torpedo crushing the Commander's smiley ass face. It exploded as Johnny got a great view of the explosion upside down giving the asshole a great "FUCK YOU".
The Lagoon Company for the most part was worse for wear. Dutch got back up to his seat on the wheel flicking back his shades, "At least my head is still attached. Even my shades came out okay. Amen, Hallelujah, and Peanut Butter. Benny, you all right?"
"Not when my equipment is all trashed!" Benny complained. Well he was alright.
"How about you Re…" Dutch just stopped seeing his gunner in a compromising position. Apparently through the tumble in the air, Revy and Johnny happened to land on each other. In a rather intimate 69.
"I'm fine Dutch. Thank fucking Christ this is over," Revy complained getting the klnks out of her shoulder until she noticed her boss staring at her with his brow quirked up. "The fuck you staring at Dutch?"
"Not that I mind seeing this side of you Babe, but mind getting the fuck offa me?" a muffled voice groaned.
Revy's eyes widened realizing the position she was in and crawls and scurries off of Johnny seeing his smirking face. "You know, I wondered how short your shorts were," Johnny started, "but I wasn't expecting that slight hint of camel toe."
"Fucking asshole," Revy fumed as her cheeks reddened before kicking open the door heading outside on deck.
"I think she likes you," Dutch commented.
"I can only hope," Johnny grinned, "So damage?"
"Aside from the wreckage behind us, Benny's equipment is shot so I'm going to be scrounging around for replacements, and rest of this place is more than likely going to be as fucked up as this, so Spring cleaning is in order," Dutch summed up.
"What's going to happen now?" Johnny asked.
Roaranapor Docks
"Disk delivery confirmed. Great work all of you," Balalaika smiled sweetly. Well, as sweetly as you can get with a chick who's scarred probably everywhere on her body.
'Wouldn't mind inspecting where else she's scarred. God, what the hell is going on with me.' For all intents and purposes, Johnny couldn't help but stare at the Russian mob boss of Hotel Moscow. She was visibly scarred on her face, neck, hands, hell they were even visible through her stockings.
"I love it when a job goes well, but Dutch, I must say, you all look terrible," Balalaika chuckled.
"If you don't mind, I don't want to revisit Soho anytime soon. So please drop it," replied Dutch.
The mob boss kept smiling as she noticed the new person among the group, "I don't believe I've heard Dutch mention you."
"I was the guy holding the disk," Johnny simply answered.
"Ah, the carrier who shot back. I heard you took one of Two-Hands' guns," Balalaika inquired despite Revy's mirth towards the memory.
"Well, I don't like to brag but…" Johnny trailed off further pissing off Revy getting a laugh out of the Russian mob boss.
*VRMMMM!*
The sound of an Estrada chopper interrupted Johnny's boasting as it drove on up towards Hotel Moscow, the Lagoon Company, and Johnny.
Johnny saw he dressed slightly like Carson, baggy camo pants, army boots, and a deep forest green muscle shirt. The man himself was relatively young, Caucasian, mid-30s and long greasy-black hair pulled back. On the back of his bike was a large titanium briefcase that was a head shorter than him in length.
"You Johnny Gat?" he asked.
"Who's askin?" the Saint asked back.
"A lieutenant, Carson said you'll be needing this," the so called 'lieutenant' replied sliding the case over to Johnny.
The Saint grabbed the package and opted to open it. That is, until someone's limo decided to show up flanked by several cars.
The flanking cars opened up to several Japanese bodyguards with Mac10s. One went over to open the passenger door of the limo revealing Kageyama, his nose as brown as the day Johnny met him. Coming from the other side was his fatass, dickless, assistant.
"So Mr. Kageyama," Balalaika started, "you have done things your way…" she continued eyeing the tough-looking bodyguards, "…and I have done things my way." Flashing the floppy disc she simply smiled, "So, I suppose we can deal with things fairly now?"
"I suppose we have no other choice," said Kageyama.
Balalaika mockingly beamed, "Good, you'll see that Hotel Moscow will keep its end of the bargain."
"Hold it!" Johnny exclaimed glaring at Kageyama, "There is a certain matter of you paying me for cutting our deal."
"Ah that's right. You said you'd make me regret that decision if I didn't. I suppose I should be saying the same thing to you," Kageyama retorted.
"The fuck are you…"
*BANG*
A small amount of concrete exploded near his feet clanking against his glasses as the gunshot brought everyone out of their lax stances. Looking past Kageyama, Johnny could see a flash off of a lens. 'Sonovabitch brought snipers.'
"Added insurance from Extra Order. I'm surprised you were able to kill their Commander, but I suppose that would make an extra incentive to kill you and anyone else who was involved," Kageyama added smugly before turning to the boss of Hotel Moscow. And as such, catching the attention to the Lagoon Co.
"THE FUCK HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTO ASSHOLE!" Revy all but shouted getting into Johnny's face.
"Fuck off! How was I supposed to know that your ass would be involved?" Johnny shouted back.
Meanwhile, Carson's lieutenant was on his cell his hand tapping on the side pockets on the back of his chopper.
"Yep."
"…"
"So it's all set."
"…"
"Gotcha, see you later boss."
"I'm sorry to hear about this," said Balalaika as she rode up from her car interrupting the verbal fight between Two-Hands and the Saint while Kageyama drove off leaving his Japanese hitmen. "I've heard a few things about you Mr. Gat and your exploits in the U.S. with your group. I hope to see that it doesn't end here," she smiled, "And if you do survive, I might have one or two jobs laying around for you."
As she drove off, Carson's lieutenant walked up towards them, "Start shooting when I give the signal."
Up on the roof across the docks where the snipers resided, there were three snipers prone and training their sights. One had a scope on Kageyama's limo while another, the Commanding Officer of the squad, was on his cell.
"When shall we start Mr. Kageyama?" he asked.
"5 minutes. Afterwards, shoot them at you discretion, my men will keep them company so they don't start anything," Kageyama ordered.
"Roger that," the CO confirmed turning to his squadron, "Alright boys, we got 5 minutes, after that, kill 'em however you fucking want. But I want the greasy haired bastard with the shades."
Minutes pass, but nothing was going on, and it was pissing Revy off seeing the damn red dot on her chest like the other four save for the self proclaimed 'lieutenant', "Alright asshole, I've had it up to here. We've been guarded by these Japanese fucks for the past five fucking minutes. What the hell is going on and why the fuck are you so goddamn calm?!"
Carson's lieutenant merely smiled, "Just get your fucking guns ready."
Revy's anger switched from pissed to confused, but seeing Johnny's smile along with his hand on his gun held on the back of his pants, and looking at Dutch, his hand fingering at his revolver under his crossed hands.
"Alright boys, time to kill. On my mark."
The lieutenant merely checked his watch, 'Any minute now.'
"Ready!" Guns cocked.
"Aim!" Guns aimed.
"FI-" *KABOOM!*
Time slowed as Kageyama's Japanese employs turned to see a tower of smoke with flaming bits of concrete and bricks flying off of the dock building behind them.
Meanwhile, the Lagoon Co. and Johnny found their signal. Pulling out their weapons, time reverted and they unloaded.
Half of the hired guns were shot down while the rest hid behind their cars. Mac-10s were being fired at various spots and angles.
Johnny took a chance at a car in front of him seeing half of them reloading their guns. The Asian Saint charged and slid over the hood brandishing his trusty K-Bar. Slashing out one poor soul's throat he shot up two more guys.
Distracted, one stopped shooting at the Co. and fired at Johnny. Thinking fast, he hopped over a car nearby avoiding the bullets.
Seeing his target peeking out, Dutch fired his last bullet traveling through and exploding out of the other side of Japanese man's head.
Revy took Johnny's lead and hopped over a car and pulled the triggers of her Cutlasses taking out several more.
Johnny was about to join the fray reloading another magazine in his Kobra until he felt the cold metal of a gun barrel against the back of his head. "Sonova…, that's the second time this week."
"Time to die," he said.
"Hey asshole."
He didn't get a chance to turn. The nameless hired gun just got shot back and into a car exploding along with it. Johnny turned to see the lieutenant with a Krukov at hand with a Grenade Launcher attachment smoking under the primary barrel. "Told you you'd be needing this," he told Johnny smugly sliding off the attachment before throwing the rifle towards the Saint.
"What, I don't get one of those?" Johnny complained.
"Sorry man. This shit is mine. Unless you got some cash on you?" the lieutenant replied tauntingly.
Johnny just gave him the bird before he shuffled towards one of the cars getting ready to hotwire it.
Stripping the wires, he spies those short-shorts clad thighs on Revy's ass, "The hell are you doing here?"
"If you're going to go after that fucker, you're gonna need someone who knows the fastest route to Hotel Moscow?" The female gunner replied.
"If that's the case, you better hurry. One of Carson's informants got an estimation of 10 minutes before Hotel Moscow is done making their arrangements with Asahi Industries," the Lieutenant informed them, "After that, you're on your own finding him."
"10 minutes, that's more than enough," Johnny grinned flooring the acceleration as he and Revy burned rubber.
"Alright, take a left here, then a right on the next two stoplights," relying on Revy's directions, he kept his speed on high as he drifted left, then right.
His sharp turns were rolling Revy back and forth in her seat as the last turn slammed her into the passenger door, the seatbelt only holding her in, "Jesus Gat, remind me not to get on your bad side if you road rage like this."
"This shit is an average day in Stillwater. You just don't piss me off getting in the way from me and my friends," Johnny growled.
"Alright, Hotel Moscow is coming up," As the name suggested, the Russian Mob boss' HQ was an actual hotel, just outfitted out the asshole with armed guys. Breaking a block away, Johnny turns the car taking the 'scenic route' to Hotel Moscow's front door, "The hell are you doing?"
"Just a little detour."
"Why?"
"Scare tactics," Johnny grinned sinisterly.
"Thank you for your cooperation," said Balalaika with a small smile on her scarred face placing the disc in her coat pocket, "I'm sure your superiors will be more than cooperative with our prices for this little trinket."
"At least it's in a manageable price. You'll hear from my superiors soon," Kageyama replied obviously not happy with the situation, 'At least that hired hand is dead.'
As his assistant opened the door, beeping could be heard in the distance. Kageyama was about to get in when that beeping was getting louder and constant, "What in the hell is that?!"
A car crashed through an alley drifting into a hard left before it zoomed forward at increasing speeds as it crossed the double lines. The window on the driver's side was smashed open from the inside as a night black pistol starts firing at a driver in a fancy, low-angled sports car about to pull out from several cars away.
Flooring it in the car, the aggressive driver sped up even faster using the sports car as a makeshift ramp.
Needless to say, the car flew like a stuntman in a movie. Flying in an arc it slowly descended towards Kageyama's limo, "OH GOD!"
*CRASH!*
"ARRRGH! OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!"
The car landed nose first on the limo's front seats before slamming down on its rears. The limo driver cried in agony begging for someone to end his suffering. The top car's driver's door opened before a gunshot ended his suffering.
Reloading, Johnny Gat revealed himself, his attention aimed right at Kageyama.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Revy's voice screamed from the passenger side.
Johnny only smirked at her, "Told ya Revy. Scare tactics. And looks like it worked."
"And you couldn't have done ANYTHING else to do that," Revy snarled.
"Hey, I got a reputation for the over the top. Gotta live by it."
True enough it did, while the assistant was shitting himself at the moment, Kageyama was sweating himself, unable to move and process what just happened. The hired hand from Japan he left for dead at the hands of those mercenaries, he was still alive and, in a manner of speaking, killing.
"And wouldn't you know it, he's absolutely speechless seeing me."
Kageyama bolted upright running. He didn't get far.
*BLAM*BLAM*
Both his kneecaps were shot out. Kageyama screamed in agony clutching his now useless legs. He froze once more, hearing footsteps walking towards him. His sights only saw dark purple as Johnny towered over him. The CEO of Asahi Industries looked towards his assistant. But the fat man's obvious weak constitution prevented him otherwise.
"Let's go for a ride."
1 Week Later, South Asia Sea
(Johnny's POV)
Well, safe to say that I'm stuck in Thailand for a while.
Can't really help it. When I shoved that bitch Kageyama into the car driving him out to the wilderness, I had a nice little chat with him again. Apparently he deleted my fucking accounts when we left shore from Roaranapor, so I'm in debt with Dutch and his company for 50 grand. Guess what he did with the money, gave it all to that fucking company.
Needless to say I left him for dead after letting out some frustrations, asshole is probably rotting in a hole someplace. His little bitch of an assistant was already heading out for Tokyo, more than likely to tell them what had happened to Kageyama.
I pretty much joined the Lagoon Co. after that. After telling Dutch what Kageyama told me about my accounts, he said, 'Well, we are looking for another crew member. You don't mind rolling with a team of couriers for a while?'
I needed to start somewhere. Dutch and Benny were pretty cool. And Revy, well we developed a sort of rivalry since we met.
So here I am in the middle of the sea. A bullhorn in my hand and Revy right behind me ready with an RPG.
"Attention St. Jones, turn off your engines so we can board. You only get one warning."
They ain't listening, "Hey guys. They're saying they'll go through us by force," Benny tells us
Sighing, I got on the bullhorn again, "I'm giving you until ten to stop. 10, 9, 8,… Fuck it, Revy!"
Getting the signal, she shot the rocket exploding the lower deck. Grabbing the bullhorn away from me, she goes on with her own warning, "Listen up dipshits. My rockets can go faster than your distress calls. So unless you want to swim with the fishes, pull the fuck over."
"I'd listen to her guys. I got one trained right at your controls. And it ain't gonna take long for her to reload her's," I warn them. I shoot a little lower just to get my point across.
Sorry Boss, everyone, but I'm gonna indulge myself a bit here.
DP: That. Was. AWESOME!
And that's how you end a chapter.
Torgue: WITH EXPLOSIONS!
*BOOM! PEW! PEW!*
DP: Hey what kind of fireworks you use.
Torgue: ILLEGAL WEAPONS GRADE!
DP: Only the best.
Torgue: FU*K YEAH!
DP: O.o Did you just get censored?
Torgue: I GOT A GODD*MN V-CHIP INSTALLED IN MY VOCAL CORDS!
For me, it adds comedic effect.
DP: Totally.
Till next time. See ya in the next installment of The Saint of Roanapor!