Confessions of a Vampire

by Johannon

An jaded, young Vampire, Neville Varnes, has a spiritual Awakening after a collision course with a church. Can he rid himself of the "curse" ties down the lives of many,or will he live the rest of his life being damned for eternity?

CHAPTER 1: Neville

It took nearly a few moments of personal self restraint and rebuke to allow my senses to fully clear. You are in control, Neville, I constantly thought as the passing stranger only hailed me as he walked on by. It's been three days since I fed, and to be honest I had no rights being in the company of people. I did this as a test, a test of strength, to trick myself into believeing I'm something I'm not- normal. It was really late that night; my watch read about four-twenty six in the morning. There were two things tempting about this situation here. The first one was time; I would ill advise any particular people to be strolling around at this sleeping hour. Two, my hunger. If I'd known that the smell of that person would linger on, I'd call it quits and go home. That's the problem with being what I am, there is no calling it quits. Once you smell something or someone that tantalizes you, the frenzy takes over. I have spent fifty years trying to control it. I've only managed to prolong my hunger. The heartaches are still there, along with the throbbing pains in my body.

It wasn't too long till I actually found myself stalking this fellow. I don't know for sure how long I ran for, because he decided to drive off, but I can tell you that we were miles away from the canine parks basketball court. This was the one gift that I did not loathe too much – speed. I could run for a long time without tiring.

It was nearly five o'clock when I ceased stalking this poor unfortunate fellow. Then the guilt quickly overflooded me. I couldn't go through with the idea. I made a conscious decision not to take anymore lives, it was animals and animals only. Yet, the creeping temptation made this person all the more appealing. Tempation. That's exactly what it is. I've read the bible before and I know what Temptation is, and the destruction it wroughts with it. A powerful force indeed. An army of a thousand men still stands weak in the presence of temptation. Yet, I know that I could control this. This is just hunger. Any human can control their hunger. A vampire can do the same. I am not an animal. If I'm not an animal, why am I standing outside his appartment?

I blinked a few times and watched the lights shut off near his porch. He must have clocked out. Drunks are always like that – they drink and drink and drink and then forget about everything else. I'm surprised he had not made an incorrect turn and drove straight off the road, crashing into a tree...with his defensless body leaking bl... I tried not to think of the rest. This battle, this struggle against myelf and my desires was so strong. It was also an abomination. How could I be thinking about doing something that was utterly disgusting? What type of sin do you even classify this in? Is it murder, because I'm not even human to begin with!

'Calm down, calm down' I whispered to myself. I knew whispering "calm down" wasn't going to do much good against my hunger. Once that pain starts to kick in and the frenzy takes over, only God can aide that man who is now sleeping unawares; unawares of my malicious thoughts which haunt even me. I sighed, drew in a needless breath, and slowly and painfully walked away. It was dark in the clearing. The street lights must have been out. I sometimes like it this way. It becomes somewhat of an advantage for those who are in their cars passing. They don't have to see me and I don't have to see them. It is like I don't even exist. In some instances I wish that could be true. I wish I could stop existing. Life itself feels like it's not even real, just some dream; an awkward reality that I constantly have to be reminded that I live in. Nobody knows how hard it is to live like me but me. I get up and I play human during the day, because that is when I have no power, just bloodlust. I have the temptation, but not the strength to act on my impulses. It is during the night when I can do what I like. I recall reading an interesting chapter in the Bible about a man named Paul. He was like me, a murderer, and yet, a stange anamoly occured. He became a new being. I often wondered how can somebody, after seeing an apparition, be a new being? Even as I began walking down this road the notion has never occured in me as strong as this. Hopefully I thought that my mind would drift far away from the thoughts of bloodlust, away from that sleeping man, and away from the creature which I am now.

I can still hear his slowed heartbeats and his evened out breathing. I look back and realized that if I kept on walking I can save a life. A bright shimmer of hope had somehow awakened some small human part of me. So I began to run. I ran pass stop signs and mileage signs. Then I came to a halt. It was the pain. I needed blood. Three days ago I fed and felt the utter shame. It wasn't a man, nor a woman. It was a little child. I hid the body well, not because of evidence leading to me, but out of sympathy for the parents. I simply did not want them finding this child in the grotesque state that I had placed it in.

'Auuugh!' I let out an agonizing cry. Nobody will understand this need like I do, but I if I do not ingest blood, even if it's a small amount, I'll go through pain so severe it will drive me to that frenzy point. I searched frantically around for any living organism, dog, cat, rat, I'd even consider a raccon or a fish or anything. I needed blood. Then I heard the restless man from the apartment. I hated my acute hearing now more tha ever. I covered my ears, but it was useless. My nose already became aware of the scent of blood. It was my body's defense mechanism. I noticed that whenever my hunger became so severe my sense slowly became more acute. Another musty scent had filled my nostrils. It was rain. It began to rain, how cliche`. It started in small drizzles untill it became hard beaters. I was soaked, however, my inhuman body would not allow me to get sick and die. My teeth became more elongated, my eyes, although I could not see them, must have had a crimnson glow by now. This was my true form.

I couldn't stop myself now; my body was moving closer to the apartments. My speed was more faster now. I am descending into the frenzy. I have to apologize to myself someday, but I couldn't withold this from myself anymore. So I let go and stopped struggling. The rain felt like mist against my hard skin. The wind felt like feathers as my weightless body glided effortlessly against it's pressure. I'm too close to turn away. I fear myself more than ever and if there be a God may he forgive me for an act that defies the law, science, and even humanity itself. I paused by a tree that was planted in the yard. The cars were parked in front of the door. I was entering manually. I studied a little bit of vampire lore before, and I read about some with the ability to turn into mist and pass through walls. I don't believe in that demonic practice. I will do this like a human, so they will suspect a human.

I drew closer to the handle, stopped for a moment to think about what I was about to do. Surprisingly I actually hesitated for but a moment. Unfortunately the hesitation wore off and I broke off the handle - as quietly as I could, though. Another reason I wore all black besides the paleness to my skin – it was to draw little attention to myself at night and blend in with my surroundings. When I arrived inside everything was dark. I hated doing this, yet I knew if I didn't do this I would murder alot of people – by definition of human terms. I smelt urine and liquor – a bed wetter. My nose led me to a room straight ahead. I broke the handle with ease as I did to his front door. He was still asleep...good. I needed him to remain asleep, the next part after the bite would be too painful for him to bare. I don't knwo why I tried reasoning with myself; save one and kill a thousand, or kill one and save a thousand? I went with the latter.

Like a shadow I crept up to him, my cold skin irritated his and he shook in his sleep. This must be quick. I decided I won't bite his neck, but his arm. I sunk my teeth deep into his arm and sucked away. His warm, satisfying blood appeased the hunger. I felt myself return to normal again. When I was done the part of his arm where I used to feed was ripped. It was grotesque indeed. The next step was ripping off his head so he won't turn into another one like me. I remember back when I was young, I fed on a lady and in three days she turned into a demonic shell of her former self. It was horrifying. She's still alive somewhere on the family islands, killing slowly. I don't know what kills us, I'll find that out later.

I grabbed his head and tore it off his body with ease. There was little blood, not much to put me in a frenzy. I was fed and therefore satisfied. I did little to cover up the evidence. There'd be no evidence leaning towards me.

CRACK! There was someone else in the apartment. That was the sound of someone breaking. I sighed. I didn't want any witnessess; I hated killing people who saw. I stepped into the shadows and moved my body along the path of darkness. I saw a flash of light hit me

' Who you is?' the person demanded. He also added a curse word and afterwards said ' if you don't tell me who you is I'll come in there and shoot you. I ain playin' wit' you. I gat a gun! This my boy Derek house and I know you ain Derek!'

Derek, huh. Another turn off was knowing their names, too. It made it too personal. God should do me a favor and kill me. Now I have to kill this goon. Who was he and how'd he know where to look? I checked my watch, it was six- thirty three. I don't understand people and their ways.

' If you apart of Ninja dem gang I swear I ga kill you!' The man was peturbed. I didn't know anything about Ninja's gang. I must be swift before he shoots me. I could see the darkness fading. The sun was rising. This was out of my element, my powers will disappear along witht the darkness, so I'll be swift. As I pulled one leg in front of the other I could hear his finger ease over the trigger. That bang sound meant there'd be a bullet flying somewhere. I would'nt have put money on his aiming skills. One of the things I can't do, yet, is see a bullet as it is ripping through the atmosphere. That would take some serious skill and patience, however, I do not condone my vampiric abilities in any way. I only use them to do what I have to do – feed.

BANG! BANG! BANG! CRASH! He must have shot at the dishes. I kept my body swirving so it would make it impossible for him to hit me. I wish he'd miss and catch me in the head so I could see what would happen. Would I die? Probably, probably not. I had to somehow get to this man and putting aside all precautions I pushed my body into his. The BANG that I heard could have meant to things: he killed himself, or he killed me. To my non surprise it grazed my skin. I didn't bleed. I deliberately collided my body into his. It knocked the wind out of him and we both toppled over, rolling out the door and into the parking space. The man coughed for a while and swallowed some saliva. I expeditiously arrived around to his neck and bit into it. I heard a lot of unaudible curse words that I chose to ignore. I heard his rampant, adrenaline induced heartbeat come to a crawl, and then it came to a halt. He was dead and my true existance would, for another day. Remain inscrutable. After that I twisted off his head and started towards home.

The Morning was quiet. I arrived home an hour late; I changed my clothes and burned the others. My home was an expensive villa on the top of the hill from freedom drive. I left my cars parked there yesterday night; I thought I was going for a stroll to clear my head and that's when I encountered that person in the ball park. I felt so disgusted with myself. I heavily treaded to my studies. I had an entire library here, I needed this much books because all I have is time on my hands. I read vampire lore and human mythologies. I read folk stories about a vampire who dwelled in castle and kidnapped maidens. The more I read the more disgusted I felt. I did not keep much mirrors in my home, not because I could not cast a reflection like in fiction, simply because I could not stand to look at my ugly, disgusting appearance. It may have been beautiful to women, and some men, yet to me I would always look like a creature.

I put one hand over my head, holding it in as if I was holding in tears. I knew I could not cry anymore. I put my hands together to do something that I rarely did anymore. I prayed.

' Father, God. Are you there? You don't want to talk to me. I know. I am too disgusting. You probably laugh at me everytime I pray to you like this. You hate me. You really hate me. If you don't I pray you do. Do the earth a favor and kill me.'

I waited for a while for my judgement. There was nothing. I felt disappointed that I was not granted the only thing that I thought I should deserve. The anger welled up from my stomach into my not beating heart. I went over to the comfort table and threw the vase over. It splattered into many different types of pieces. Each one different than the next. If I were to put every piece back together again, I know they'd fit. Just like humanity, I don't fit in anywhere. I spent the rest of that evening trying to think of ways to kill myself.

The next day came very fast. I'm not sure what this could be but I felt like it would be a good day today. The sunlight creaked into my darkened bedroom. It slowly crawled over my bed like a hand, and touched my face. The sunlight posed no threat to me. Only hollywood vampires combust into flames. My kind does not. It irritates me, though. My eyes are too sensitive to be in this light, so I have to wear shades. I dressed in my darkest clothing, which consisted of a black button up, long sleeved dress shirt, and black jean pants. I tighed my hair into one. My skin was dark before I became who I am, now it's paler shade of dark. I went into my car by option – a nissan maxima. Over the years I had amassed a considerable amount of wealth by working through many jobs and saving the money. I didn't need water, or food. My survival was to solely consume blood.

In this life, this generation I was a fisherman. I found lost objects and ancient artifacts underwater. Now I'm the owner of the Varnes Antique store on Corner road. Tourist simply love what they haven't seen before. They always love to over spend on things which can be replicated and work in that exact manner. I'm not complaining because it funds my lifestyle. I have money and I'm happy about that.

' Excuse me, sir!' the lady witht the straw hat got my attention ' Yes! How much are those...um, doubloons?'

' They're Lagoons, dear' interceded the semi balding man. I assume that was her husband.

' Whatever, dear. I'd like to purchase three of those. It's almost Christmas and I'd like my nephew and nieces to have some of those. They'd love that!' I took out the doubloons so she could see them. It does feel good to know you can be amongst humans without the hunger. I enjoyed this for all it was worth.I enjoyed what I did. If there was a way for me to change myself, and I won't give up hope in believing there is, this is what I will stick to doing for the remainder of my years. I'd finally settle down and start a family like the one I see before me. They all look so happy. How could they be happy and they've never even lived past the age of 90? Who was I kidding? I actually envied this family. I want that life. Until I have it I'll keep hoping there is a way.

' Thank you, sir. You know, my sister married a man who almost looks just like you. Are you related to a Seymour Morrison?' asked the lady. Truthfully, I had no idea who this person was, this Seymour. I've never been married before, either. My last relationship was with a woman who died covering my secret. After that no more.

' I'm sorry, I don't know who that is. Thank you for your patronage.' My accent should have thrown her off. I spoke with a distinct carribean accent, with a touch of English mixed into it.

' That's too bad. It'd be good to know I have some Carre-been in my family. Oh well, good day sir!' Her frown instantly ignited into a smile as she left with her family.

I set back up a new set of doubloons as I waited for more customers. The advantage behind this business is you get to meet interesting people. The disadvantage is you get to meet interesting people. Some of those people were paranormal weirdos who actually suspect I'm a vampire. One of them was staring into my mouth the whole time to check to see if my fangs were there. False teeth aren't hard to come by. Then there are regular joes who simply want to buy an antique gift and rare artifact. Still, there was something mysterious about the man in black who came in. He was tall and had dreadlocks. He wore a singlet with the weed symbol on the back of it. He looked like...me. He had crimnson eyes, a mouthful of sharp teeth, unlike me who had fangs. He came in and looked around.

' I like the place. I thought it was weird that I smelled another one of us down here. What's a lonely vampire like you doing amongst the cattle?' spoke the man who had not even introduced himself to me.

' My name is Neville Varnes, sir. You aren't a tourist, nor are you native to this island. You aren't even human.'

I saw his eyes glee up to mines. A smirk drew itself under his nose, ' Well, well, well. I see we have a new species of vampire out here. One who cares. I'm Agonee, pleased to meet you, Varnes. No, I am not native here at all. I'm from Freeland, the out island.'

I looked around us to see if anymore humans were coming in. When all was clear, I closed shop early for break. I led him to the back for a more closed discussion.

' So tell me, mister...Agonee, why are you here?'

' Territorial are we? No, I'm not here to claim any land. I simply want to talk over a propostition. I need a coven. See it's like a family of vampires, only it's more for protection. Have you heard about the murders in other family islands?'

'No, I haven't. Who sired you?'

' A madame Nicole. She knows you. To be honest, I came down this way because she says she knew you were down here. She wants you to join her coven.'

' So you don't need a coven? You're a messenger boy.'

' Not, really. I want to start my own coven. I'm tired of taking orders from her. See, she's also a good friend. I don intend on amassing a coven for protection.'

' Protection from what?' I was now getting more and more curious of this fellow. I must lerarn more from him. Perhaps I will learn alot more about myself as well, like what kills us.

' Vampire hunters can do away with us. Church people, too. Other vampires who have lived longer know how to kill us. See, I need some more vampires in my coven. I want to make a statemen..'

I cut him off, ' I don't want any part of any vampire nonsense. I am thouroughly disgusted by this lifestyle as it is now. I won't indulge in this lifestyle nor associate with other cursed people.'

' Curse? You think this is a curse? This is a gift, Varnes. You must join my coven. I promise you, we'll be more powerful than anything. Nothing will stop us, Varnes. Now stop this self hating fool talk. Join me.'

' No. I like it where I am. Let me tell you something' I stood up at once so I can emphasize my point ' these are not cattle. These are people. They live lives daily, just as we do. It is a shame they know nothing about us, with the exception of a few. I may drink the blood of one, every three days, but it is to save the life of another. The less I drink, the less I believe I'll become dependant on this... this cursed desire.'

' You are an idiot. You can't run away from this. You can't change this. Accept this. This is your final destiny. If you won't accept my offer then you are the enemy, Varnes. These are changing times. You may allow yourself to stay shrouded in ignorance, but remember this; when the day arises and sides will be taken, I will not think twice to slay you.'

I looked at him for quite a while. I didn't know what to think. Is there really going to be such an uprising? I thought to myself. Either way, I will quietly accept my fate.

' Good day, Varnes. Pray we don't meet on the opposite sides of the line.' Agonee left my store. I felt relieved.

The night time came very fast. I closed up the shop and left. I knew Agonee wasn't going to watch me walk away like this. He was serious about a coven. I wasn't going to participate in this. Then I was interrupted by something. It was...the thirst! No! I fed already! I had no idea why I was feeling the thirst. It probably was anxiety. I won't become a bloodsucking leech. I won't become like Agonee. Those teeth of his. No doubt he allowed the curse to further deteriorate his body. I don't want that in my life!

I got into my Maxima and drove west, towards my home, where there were no people. The pains and thirst had impaired my judgement, and on some occasions I displayed the "road rage" symptoms. Nevertheless, I needed to get home. I don't know how long I drove for, or how fast – the only thing I knew was that home was sooner than I should expect it to be.

I drove past a church, one that I'd never seen before. Once I got my eyes back on the road I noticed I was no longer on the road. My car had swirved off the road and fell over a ledge into a bed of rocks at the bottom. My head was forced through the glass, the shards barely penetrating my skin. I pulled my head from the glass, the shards did leave scrapes on my skin. I healed almost instanteous, so it wasn't possible to see how much injury I recieved. I climbed up the ledge, looking down to see my damaged car. The smell of fresh blood tickled my throat. I involuntarily followed the scent. It led me to the church that I've never seen before. I felt the sticking feeling of eyes, as twenty eyes were on me, all in pairs in the respecful skull of their owners. My senses dulled, my throat and stomach calmed. A lady standing in front of everyone stopped preaching to look me on with alarming eyes.

' Are you lost? You look like you are hurt. Come on in! Excuse me' She made her way towards me, reached out to me by putting her arm over my shoulders. I wasn't hurt, however, I'd never shoot down such hospitality. She sat me down.

I had to explain myself ' Excuse my appearance, I was in an accident, but I'm not hurt. I feel a weird presence. What is this?' It was the truth. I did feel something weird when I came into this place. It wasn't just the fact that all my senses dulled down, almost to a human level, but was something else. Something I could'nt quite put my finger on. Then the lady spoke to me.

' This is the presence of the Lord, and you're invited to join us'.