"Can I get some coffee?" The barista raised one dark straight eyebrow at McCoy's request
"That is not a logical question as this is a coffee shop, perhaps you intended to..."
"Damn you and your Vulcan logic. I'm hungover as fuck and I'm supposed to be at work"
"Bones you work here. Man you must have had one hell of a night. Spock get him an espresso will you?" This came from Jim Kirk, owner of the coffee shop Enterprise who was in the middle of a very long drawn out internal debate as to whether he should take his beanie off or not. It was one of those San Francisco days that can jump from 50 to 70 degrees depending on where the fog feels like coming in. Ultimately he settled for off while his friend groaned melodramatically.
"I was out with Scotty last night...god why doesn't he freaking marry scotch if he loves it so much? By the way can I just get some black coffee instead of espresso?"
"Very good Leonard, or do you prefer "Bones"?" He had gotten this nickname thanks to the tattoos of parts of the skeleton that he had running up and down his arms, it had seemed like a good idea in med school.
"Call me whatever you want just as long as you make me something hot and strong" As he said this Pavel Chekov came bounding in. Pavel was a Russian exchange student who did social networking and assorted computer stuff for them in return for free coffee and pastries.
"Good mornink!"
"Hey Jailbait whats up?"
"Don't call him that!" Said the girl with the long dark hair and longer legs who came in on his heels"
"I don't mind Nyota" said the teenager "Jim I was wonderink if I could put 'Intern at Enterprise' on my resumé?"
"Of course you can...you're right I never thought of it that way before but you are our intern. Actually what you should do is write down us and make up some other places. Then you just give them like Spock and Bones' numbers so if they call for references..."
"No Jim!" Said Uhura putting her arm around Chekov "Pasha don't listen to him or do anything he says"
"Cen I steel say to prostpeektive employer theet I am an intern here?"
"Of course you can... but only because its true" corrected Uhura
"How do you want your coffee this morning?" Jim asked her "Smoking hot just like you?"
"You won't be able to make any because the machine is totally turned off, just like me"
"Oh snap, Jim you just got owned" laughed McCoy who realized too late that he was not in any condition to be laughing
"Miss Uhura I fail to understand. The coffee machine is indeed turned on..." said Spock puzzled
"She was insulting me Spock. He doesn't get your humor like I do Nyota" said Jim winking at her and getting an eye roll in return.
"Hey is that open mic thing still on for tonight?" asked McCoy who had finally gotten his coffee and was somewhat revived
"Yeah its still on. Also the health inspector's coming over sometime today, so everyone try and act sanitary" answered Jim "But yeah open mic...our very own Spock will be performing songs he wrote for the Vulcan lute! So when he gets discovered and makes it big and OD's we'll be able to say he started here"
"Oh cool, I wasn't going to come but if you're playing I'll be there" Said Uhura to Spock who didn't seem to hear
"Dude" whispered Jim "She totally has a crush on you."
"Illogical"
"I know, she should have a crush on me" Spock thought it high time to change the topic
"Why did you ask Leonard? Are you performing?"
"Yeah, spoken word"
"That means he's going to rant at us. By the way how is Chris and Scotty's thing going? Weren't they talking about forming a band?"
McCoy snorted "They don't practice or anything. They just sit around and complain about how music was better twenty years ago. Its not a band its a collective midlife crisis..."
"Says the guy who quit being a doctor to work as a barista and hang out with college drop outs." Snarked Jim "Also you shouldn't be so rough on Chris. He had to do a lot of readjusting after the divorce and the accident. Romulans should not be allowed to get drivers licenses, I'm just saying"
"Hey thats speciesist!"
"What its true!"
Spock nodded "I am with Jim on this one and Vulcans and Romulans are related."
"Anyway" Uhrura said frustrated to be ganged up on "Spock dropped out of the prestigious Vulcan Science Academy to pursue other things.You didn't drop out, you were kicked out. When am I going to get my coffee?"
"Thanks for the little reminder Nyota. Deans these days pretend to be so "with it" but you let a few tribbles loose..."
"Oh it was not a "few" tribbles." she interrupted
"It was at first. By the way aren't you here a little earlier than usual?"
Nyota groaned "I just want to be able to study for my big Klingon test without having to listen to really loud sex noises. I have the roommate from hell"
"I was under the impression that she was from Orion" said Spock
"No she's from hell. She is always bringing guys over, she wanders around naked, and she used my electric toothbrush as a vibrator once" This last detail caused McCoy to do a spit take.
"Hold on" burst out Jim "Gaila's having sex right now? I didn't know we had an open relationship"
"Any relationship with Gaila is an open relationship and you were just flirting with me."
"She said she loved me" said Kirk dejectedly
"Yeah, she was saying that to Scotty when I left" Uhura knew she shouldn't be enjoying this as much as she was but she felt that she had a right to be immature too.
"Scotty!"
"And last week she said that to your ex-stepdad. I hope he didn't know about you two" She really would have to do this being immature thing more often. It was fun.
"Hey! Just because my mom is a flake doesn't make Christopher Pike...uh...not my dad"
"He's not your dad, he's your ex-stepdad. Which makes it all the more mysterious that he supports your lazy ass."
At this point the door to the shop opened to reveal a young man with disheveled dark hair and a video camera
"Hey Hikaru" said a few people at the same time.
"Aw shit, we're wearing the same flannel" said Kirk as he looked up at the newcomer
"So are we" pointed out Spock inwardly pleased that he'd gotten it in blue rather than yellow like Sulu and Kirk. Though he could have sworn McCoy also had the same shirt in blue but of course McCoy wouldn't be caught dead in the same outfit as Spock so he never wore it.
"You guys all go to Urban Outfitters together?" Spock would have replied that he and Jim always went shopping together, because that was what best friends did (or so Jim said, but Jim also seemed to think it was normal for best friends to hold hands in public and make out when they had a few too many and Spock wasn't really sure about this.)
"Oh real original Nyota" said Hikaru "make an Urban Outfitters joke. There aren't a lot of options for fashionable men who aren't prepsters or skater douches"
"Nyota!" piped up Chekov to ward off the argument he knew was coming "Don't you pley the Wulcan lute? Eend sing?"
"You do?" asked Kirk "Come to open mic tonight"
"I can't I don't have anything ready."
"Aw come on! We need more people, especially since Hikaru decided his true passion was for filmmaking and bailed on that performance art piece."
"I thought your real passion was competitive fencing" Said Spock
"I thought it was botany" said McCoy
"Well now its filmmaking" Said Sulu brightly "Which brings me to my question Jim. Can I put my camera on that shelf over there and..."
"No" Said Spock and McCoy at the same time
"Take footage and turn it into..."
"No"
"A slice of life..."
"No"
"Documentary"
"No"
"Spock! Len! Jim what do you think?" Pleaded Hikaru
"I think its a cool idea, and this is my coffee..."
"Its your ex-stepdad's"
"Its my and my dad's coffee shop. But I'm in charge while he's recuperating..."
"With your girlfriend" coughed Bones
"So I say we put this camera up"
Sulu jumped on a chair and managed to set the camera discreetly into a decorative bookcase, plugging the power cord into an outlet at the base of the lamp before turning it on.
"I'm pretty sure this is illegal" grumbled McCoy
"Oh shut up Bones" Just as Jim was admonishing his friend another man came into the coffee shop and this time the whole room when silent.
"So we meet again Kirk" said the stranger in an English accent
"KKKKKHHHHHHHAAAAAANNNNNNNN!"
"Yes it is me Khan Noonian Singh"
"If your name is Khan Noonian Singh than why are you white?"
"Oh my god Hikaru, you can't just ask people why they're white"
"You may have noticed that since last we met I became a health inspector" he gestured with his clipboard. "So now it will be my pleasure to shut down this coffee shop once and for all. Once I'm through writing up this place and maybe planting some evidence Enterprise will be quarantined as a biohazard. Revenge is mine Kirk!"
Jim turned away from Khan and gestured to his friends so huddle up. Spock and McCoy formed their usual power trio and begun to think.
"This is bad Jim. Way worse than the time we ran out of soy milk and almond milk on the same day"
"But we got through that. Remember Bones? And we can get through this too. We just have to find a solution. Your assessment Spock?"
"I believe we have encountered a no win situation" replied the Vulcan
"I don't believe in those" Returned Kirk
"What about the time we ran out of soy milk and almond milk and regular milk and pecan milk?"
"Ok, that was a no win situation, but this is different." he admitted
"I'm afraid not"
"You and your accursed logic, we can't just give up the coffee shop!" Said McCoy finally fed up
"Then what do you suggest?"
"Can we bribe the bastard?"
"No he's too hell bent on revenge...wait I have the answer!" Kirk turned around dramatically "Well Khan, you seem to have the upper hand"
"I do because I'm better than you" Said Khan with as much smugness as humanly possible
"Wow, I can see all those genetic enhancements left you with the mentality of a five year old schoolyard bully" Piped up Uhura
"Would a five year old know this? "From my heart I stab at..."
"So you read Moby Dick in high school English big whoop" shrugged Sulu
"I read it on my own time! Also we don't have high school in England its called..."
"I thought you were Indian?" asked Chekov confused
"We're all puzzled by that one"
Khan was getting angry now "Mock me while you can but I have your shop!"
"We're all laughing at your superior intellect" said Kirk "What you don't know is that we have been recording everything you've been saying on video camera. All we have to do is turn it in to your bosses and not only won't you have this shop but you won't have a job when we're finished"
"Curses! You have defeated me"
"But I will be merciful. I won't expose you on one condition"
"What is that?"
"You sing kareokee tonight at open mic!"