Hello again.
Here is my 4x04 post-ep, FINALLY! Sorry it took so long!
A major thank you to svugirl again for beta'ing and helping me out throughout all my fics. You're truly amazing! And look out for her awesome ending that she added in for me. It's breathtaking!
Read and enjoy!
"Everyone brings out the mean girl in you." Traci said with a large smile on her face as she, Andy, and Gail jumped out of her car.
Andy squinted against the morning sun and looked across the parking lot. She spotted the familiar gray truck and was more than curious when Sam was the only one to get out of it. She watched him lock the truck and sling his bag over his shoulder before walking into the precinct.
She bit her lip nervously and looked toward the women in front of her. Traci was giving her a look of sorrow, while Gail was starting at Swarek like a hawk.
"Where's Angelina Jolie?" Gail muttered.
"Gail!" Traci hissed, nudging her side harshly. Gail whipped her head around, ready to nudge Traci back. "She can't help the way she looks." She added, smirking at Gail.
Andy snorted with laughter, quickly putting her hand to her mouth to suppress more laughter. The noise made Sam turn around and eye her with a raised eyebrow. She bit her bottom lip and put her hand up in a slight wave.
He squinted his eyes inquisitively but gave her a nod before entering 15th division.
Marlo walked to the front of the parade room with a blank face, making it a mission not to make eye contact with anyone.
She slid into the chair next to Dov, hoping he wouldn't spark up a conversation.
"Hey." He said quickly. She snapped her head over to him and kept her face stoic. She pulled herself into the table without a word. "Welcome back."
She gave him a curt nod and took a long breath before looking to the front of the room. When Frank started talking, he had her full attention.
"Alright, here we are. The long weekend..." His voice faded to the back of her mind as she replayed her night. She twiddled her thumbs and her knee bounced incessantly. It wasn't until Sam's name was called that she realized she'd stopped listening.
Sitting in the front row in that moment was a mistake. Not looking at the detective would've made her look disrespectful, but the memories from last night still left fresh wounds.
So, she'd decided to keep her head down while he explained, but kept her ears open.
"Oh sorry, sorry." Andy apologized, feeling strong hands wrap around her forearms, before they quickly let go of her again.
"Excuse me, sorry." Sam said softly, looking into her eyes with an intensity that still caused her heart to skip a beat
Andy glanced back into his eyes for a second, before moving hers to his chest. Shifting nervously from foot to foot, she smiled awkwardly. Her eyes slightly bugged out of her head as she gazed at the handsome creature in front of her. "That's a nice shirt." She commented. "It looks good on you." 'It'd definitely look even better off.' She thought to herself. 'Don't go there, Andy.'
Sam bit down a small grin, looking down at his shirt, then back to the beautiful face in front of him. "Oh." He chuckled, pulling at the bottom of his teal button down. "Thanks."
She nodded, all the while still staring at his very well maintained body. She automatically directed her eyes down a little further. 'Hmm...' She let them linger for a bit longer than acceptable. "Really great jeans too, huh?" It just slipped out.
He raised his eyebrows amusedly. "Oh" Sam uttered again, taking another look at his jeans. "...Thanks." He breathed. "Have a good shift." He, too, directed his eyes to the others chest, before remembering that it probably wasn't a good idea to let them linger, seeing as they they weren't together anymore. 'Which we should be' Sam thought. Besides, they were in the hallway of their workplace.
Sam's eyes went back to her face as quickly as they went down. 'Gosh, she's beautiful.'
Andy smirked at him nervously, shifting her feet again "You're welcome." She rushed out.
"We should go." Gail said easily, wrapping an arm around Andy's shoulder. Sam looked on at Andy and Gail with a dimpled smile playing on his face.
"Yep." Andy said hurriedly.
"Let's go. We should go." Gail repeated, almost dragging Andy away from Sam. Andy rapidly spun around and looked back at Sam's adorable smiling face. 'Pretending not to love him is making me sick.'
"I meant thank you." She corrected her mistake, almost furious with herself for letting Sam's presence muck up her thoughts, again. 'Nice one, genius.' "I really can't wait to get out of here." She nearly snapped.
"He did look really good though." Andy muttered quietly.
"I just got off the phone with Sam." Dov said to Andy after everyone else left the rooftop. "I borrowed the grill off of him, so," He trailed off. Andy nodded her head and pursed her lips. "You can go."
Andy shook her head. "No. It's alright, you go. It's late. I'll wait for him." She said, swatting her hand at him. He looked at her cautiously, causing her to roll her eyes. "He's just coming to grab a grill, Dov. I think I can manage."
Dov looked around the rooftop, then looked back at Andy. Giving her a killer smile, he wrapped his arms around her and bid her goodnight. Once the door closed, Andy took her place on the stairs and looked out to the sky.
The stars shone brightly, leading her to believe that this was the most peaceful she had felt since she'd gotten back from the task force. Right here, right now, it was just her, alone, on the rooftop with nothing else but the sky.
She let herself close her eyes for a few minutes to preserve the feeling. Her head fell back against the railing and she sighed contently.
She was brought out of her zone when she heard the door open quietly. "Epstein?" Sam's voice called.
Andy jumped from her spot and wiped the dust off the back of her jeans. "Hey Sam." She said lightly. A look of surprise crossed his face before it was schooled with his nonchalant façade.
"Hey." He said. "Epstein told me he was gonna wait up here with my grill..."
"Oh." She chirped. "Yeah. He looked really tired and...this is my building anyway so I thought I could just wait here instead, so you know...he didn't have to." She rambled, looking down at her hands and playing with her fingers.
"Right." He nodded. "Well..."
Andy looked up at him. "The grill..."
He gave a quick nod. Andy walked past him, leaving a trail of her scent. Something he could never pin point about her was how she smelt. It was something sweet mixed with something that was purely...her. It was so intoxicating.
Sam spun on his heel and followed her to the middle of the rooftop where his grill stood idly. He noticed little bits of food littering the ground, and the smell of the meat that had been cooked on the grill still lingered in the air.
"Have a good night?" Sam asked, nudging a piece of garbage with his foot.
"Yep." She said sharply. The peacefulness was now replaced with edginess. She hated it. He hated it.
"This doesn't need to be awkward." He finally said. "We can still talk to each other like normal people do."
Andy spun around and raised her eyebrows. "Can we?"
"Yes, we can."
"We have nothing to talk about anymore, Sam." She told him honestly. "Really, I can't think of something we can talk about right now. Every time I think of having a conversation with you, it always ends up with me yelling at you and getting angry at you."
Sam's eyes bugged out of his head and he almost choked on nothing. "You getting angry with me?" He asked disbelievingly. "What about me getting angry at you? I'm not the one in the wrong here."
"You're not the one in the wrong." She repeated to herself, trying to make sense of his words.
It wasn't working.
"I disagree." She said lightly.
"You disagree." Sam said humorously. "Well, that's nice I suppose."
"It is nice, isn't it?" She taunted. "It's really nice that every time I look at your face all I want is for us to go back to how we used to be. Or sometimes I feel like I should hit it." She said under her breath. Luckily, he didn't hear.
"That could've happened if you didn't leave to go on the task force." He muttered. "I don't want to fight with you, McNally." He mumbled angrily. "I just came to get my grill and go. I don't need to have this conversation when I could be at home."
"With Marlo." Andy added with a scoff. "Grab the grill and go then. Seems like I'm wasting your time." She told him, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
Sam didn't hesitate any longer before grabbing his grill and making his way toward the door. He half expected Andy to walk out behind him, but was surprised when he saw her take her seat back at the stairs. "You comin'?" He asked aloud.
"Nope." She said. "Bye."
Sam took a step back and noticed her shaking slightly, rubbing her arms. "Go inside, Andy, it's starting to get cold."
"No thanks, I'll be fine." She answered back.
Sam closed his eyes, and if he weren't holding a grill, he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose. "Andy, it's starting to get cold out. Just come inside so you're warm."
"Just because you're cold, Sam, doesn't mean I am. Hurry up and go home and snuggle up to Cruz. She'll keep you warm."
"Will you stop dragging Marlo into this please?" He said angrily. "There is no reason for you to bring her up, so just don't."
Andy rolled her eyes and abruptly stood up. "Well I didn't realize I'd hit a soft spot. Sorry." She said as sweet as she possibly could. Which...probably didn't sound sweet at all seeing as she was about to explode with anger.
"She's not at home anyway." He told her truthfully. "She won't ever be at home."
"Why's that?"
He shrugged his shoulders and stepped away from the door, letting it close behind him. He placed his grill on the concrete and leaned up against the door. "I don't want her to be."
Andy sat back down on the stairs, still facing him. "So you're going back to her place instead?"
"There won't be any going to each others places ever again." He said. "Unless it's for work or something...but nothing personal." He watched her reaction, but was disappointed when he didn't see much of one.
"So you guys broke up?" She asked stoically.
Sam shook his head. "I broke up with her. She didn't really agree with it, I don't think. She's kinda been giving me the cold shoulder."
"Well that explains her mood." Andy said knowingly. "You could've just told me, you know? That would've saved the argument."
"Yeah...sorry." He murmured with a small breath. "About...you know, everything. Stuff's been pretty crazy since..." He signaled up in the air.
"Yep." Andy agreed quickly.
She knew it was hard for him to speak about Jerry. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable right now, no matter how much she felt like punching him in the head sometimes. "I could've helped you, you know? With the stuff about Jerry, I really wanted to help you."
"Please don't." He almost pleaded. "I don't want to talk about this, okay? I really don't." He rubbed his face angrily.
"I'm just saying..."
"I know you could've helped!" He snapped, eyes wide. "I regret not letting you help me! You're the only person who could've helped me and instead of grasping you with two hands, I let you go."
"You not only hurt yourself by doing that, you know." She admitted to him. "I was so hurt that you didn't want me to help. I was hurt that you basically blamed me for Jerry's death."
Sam squeezed his eyes shut. "How many times do you need me to tell you that I didn't mean it like that? That I don't blame you and that I blame myself. No matter how much someone tries to convince me, I'll always feel the same way." He said sadly.
"Feel the same way about what?"
"Jerry's death!" He almost yelled. "I'll always feel relieved that it wasn't you, and I'll always feel like his death was my fault."
"You can't think like that, Sam..."
"Well I do." He said with a sarcastic smile. "I don't think there's much that's going to convince me otherwise."
"I think I could've done the job if you'd let me." She told him honestly.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?" He said quickly. "Like...is it bad that I was relieved that you weren't killed that day? Does that make me a horrible person?"
Andy shut her mouth and swallowed the saliva that felt like it was lodged in her throat.
"Because as bad as I feel, I still feel relieved every time I see you." He began brokenly. "I always remember that I nearly lost you and it kills me a little more inside. But I still feel relieved that you're here and I feel so...terrible." He slid to the roof and pushed the palms of his hands into his forehead.
"Sam..."
"Stop talking or I'm never gonna be able to say it and all we're gonna do is argue, and I don't want that." He grunted.
Andy's face softened and she relaxed into the step. "Kay."
"Okay. Bottom line..." He started. His hands peeled from his face and he searched for Andy's eyes. "I love you. And I did so much stuff to you that I know that you think that I don't mean it. And me going and getting into a relationship with another person definitely isn't the way to show someone you love them."
"No kidding." Andy murmured to herself.
"Sh!" Sam hissed.
Andy shut her mouth and nodded for him to continue.
"But I do. And seeing your face just makes it that much easier to get through the day. I haven't had a good day since the last time I kissed you, or hugged you, or been able to say that you were mine." He told her, digging his thumb into his chest.
Taking a huge breath, he continued.
"And I thought that maybe if I got into a relationship with another person, I wouldn't have to rely on your face to get me through the day. But I was horribly mistaken. Because when you left for the task force, I had nothing to look forward to. Even when I stupidly broke up with you, I knew that I'd still be able to see you and that when I did, I'd be just a little okay. I'd be able to get through my shift because you were there. And when you weren't, it was like a stab in the chest, and it killed me. And when you finally got back, and I saw the look on your face when you saw me with Marlo in the break room, it was like...time stopped and the only thing that mattered to me right then was you. And to know that I put that look on your face broke my heart even more than it was already broken."
He took a few seconds to catch his breath and to gauge her reaction. He could see wet tracks from her eyes to the bottom of her cheeks and noticed her lip was quivering just a little. He jumped up from his spot at the door and walked to where she was sitting. Grabbing her hand as softly as he could, he hauled her to her feet.
"I never wanna see that look on your face again." He said over her gasp. "I just want to make sure that you're always happy and that I'm the one putting that smile on your face."
He wiped away the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks, then kissed the tracks away.
"I love you more than anything." He whispered onto her cheek. "And I was stupid for trying with Marlo, and I was even stupider for breaking up with you." He put one hand softly onto her hip, and the other lingered on her opposite cheek. "I love you."
He heard a small whimper escape Andy's lips, and he pulled back to look at her face. More tears were wetting her cheeks, and she was doing everything she could to keep them away. But they kept coming like a waterfall.
"I love you, too." She said shakily. As the last syllable left her lips, Sam's mouth came crashing down onto hers.
She wove her arms around his neck as tightly as she could and pulled herself as close as humanly possible. When they pulled back from the kiss, Sam wrapped his arms around her waist and smothered his head into her neck.
"I love you so much." He whispered. "And I'll be loving you with my heart, soul, and my whole being for the rest of our lives."
And he was going to. Because even though he had acted like he stopped loving her, there was nothing in this world that was ever going to make him stop loving her.
No matter what she did, no matter where they ended up, he would love her.
And that was something he was absolutely certain about.
As cliché of a movie scene as it was, their reunion on the rooftop was fitting. Sam realized that only looking at things from the outside was no longer gonna cut it. He had to get down from his high horse on the roof and navigate the blueprints inside by letting Andy help him. She needed to know what made him up - what built him, what experiences formed his layers, what his secret plans were. If she knew his own blueprints, then they could work together to not only build onto him, making him even better, but to build something even more beautiful than what they already were - something stronger and more stable.
Something that was built to last.
But although building their relationship to be the best it could be was now going to be a renewed, mutual effort, a part of Sam wanted to laugh at one contradiction that applied to the situation - bulldozing his walls was something she had unknowingly started doing the day she plowed him to the ground; now, he just had to figure out how to allow her to demolish them. Though, in reality, he was aware she didn't need his permission. When he had tried to push her away, she just came back, charging full speed ahead. He assumed she was determined to drive herself back into the Andy-shaped hole in his heart. However, she didn't need to - she had never left it. Sure, the hole had suffered some damages, but it clearly wasn't anything beyond repair. After all, even if it seemed cheesy to him, he knew that broken hearts were made to heal.
Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.
The 4x05 post-ep will hopefully be out soon. Sorry for the wait again, and I hope you guys enjoyed it.