It Breaks My Heart, a gossip girl fanfic

It Breaks My Heart

A/N: Hey guys! I know I haven't added a new story for a while, but I've just been so so so busy! This is one that I wrote off the top of my head! The song is called "Fidelity", by Regina Spektor and I really really love it! I've chopped and changed the order a little, just so it fits the story better. Listen to the whole version if you get the chance, it fits DS so perfectly. I would like to thank Steph for once again beta-ing for me, and to Calie for being a fountain of inspiration!

xx edie

I never loved nobody fully,

Always one foot on the ground,

And by protecting my heart truly,

I've got lost in the sounds,

Serena van der Woodsen had never loved anybody the way that she loved Dan Humphrey. She was spellbound by him; the way he was so nervous around the people from her world, the way he looked at her as if nothing else in the world mattered, the way he would break out of his shell as soon as they were alone together.

I hear in my mind,

All of these voices,

I hear in my mind,

All of these words,

Serena could remember almost every single moment they had spent together, minus a few times when she was so drunk she could barely remember her own name.

She could remember the feel of his hand around hers, the scent of his sheets that she couldn't quite place. She could remember the feeling of waking up beside him, his warm arm wrapped around her pressing her to him, his breath warm on her ear, the feeling of being completely content and in love.

I hear in my mind,

All of this music,

And it breaks my heart,

But he had broken her heart, and she was pretty sure that she had broken his. Broken hearts are the one thing that can't be fixed with duct tape.

There was no more nights filled with just staring into each others eyes, no more Guitar Hero lessons, no more romantic Christmas Eves.

There was no more romance, there was no more Dan and Serena or Serena and Dan. Instead there was awkward conversation and glances, they weren't even proper friends any more, they were two strangers, the one thing that they had in common was abandoned: the love that they once shared.

It breaks my heart,

They still loved each other. A lot. But they weren't in love together any more. But boy, did she still love him. She loved him with a raging passion, so fierce and strong, like a bushfire, impossible to put out.

Suppose I never, ever met you,

Suppose we never fell in love,

Suppose I never, ever let you,

Kiss me so sweet, and so soft,

She yearned for him, yearned for the feel of him pressed against her, yearned for the taste of him; mocha and caramel and innocence all mixed in together. She yearned for his gaze, she yearned to have her name said by him, his voice full of love and passion. She yearned for everything she could remember about him and more to still be real; to wake up and smell his sheets, to watch him purposely stuff up chords on Guitar Hero, just so he would have her fingers wrapped around his on the fret board (A/N: the coloured notes on the guitar neck), to have his eyes boring into hers, trying to decipher her thoughts.

Suppose I never, ever saw you,

Suppose I never, ever called,

Suppose I kept on singing love songs,

Just to break my own fall,

She should have seen this coming. Beautiful, wholesome guys like Dan don't belong with flighty, materialistic girls like her. But for a while she had actually fooled herself into thinking that they belonged together, that he would always love her to the end.

Just to break my fall,

Break my fall,

What had happened to them being "forever"? Well, if "forever" meant almost a year, then yeah, they were forever.

Serena often wondered what life would be like if she had told Dan about Georgina from the start, instead of lying to him about everything. Would they still be together?

She actually blames herself rather than Georgina for the break-up(s), Georgina had merely put the starting foundations in the the wall that had gone up between her and Dan, with both trying to get through, but never actually succeeding in reaching the other side.

I never loved nobody fully,

Always one foot on the ground,

And by protecting my heart truly,

I've got lost in the sounds,

She was being such a bitch now, but that was Serena's way of covering up her true feelings of hurt, confusion and frustration.

She didn't want Dan, Blair, Chuck, Nate, Eric, her mom or anyone else to know how she was truly feeling, because suffering was the one thing that Serena preferred to do alone.

I hear in my mind,

All of these voices,

I hear in my mind,

All of these words,

So when Blair found her, sobbing on her bathroom floor, mascara running down her cheeks and her hair falling out of it's once-intricate braid, she knew that something had to be done.

I hear in my mind,

All of this music,

And it breaks my heart,

When Blair arrived back at Serena's, with a bemused Dan in tow, she found Serena curled up in her bed, face freshly scrubbed and hair tied back.

Blair pushed Dan into Serena's bedroom, closing the door softly behind him, and he made his way over to where the sleeping beauty lay.

He reached out a hand to touch her cheek, and was rewarded with a contented sigh from Serena, who reached up to hold his hand and pull him closer. Startled, but smiling, he climbed into her bed and wrapped his arms around her.

I hear in my mind,

All of these voices,

I hear in my mind,

All of these words,

When Serena woke hours later, she found herself wrapped around the sleeping form of Dan Humphrey.

She was confused yet again, but she was also relishing in the fact that her body was pressed to his, that his warm breath was on her ear, that he smelled faintly of his sheets and that her hand was placed over his heart, feeling it constrict and then relax, over and over.

She leant forwards and whispered to him; "You broke my heart, but now you're mending it."

And it breaks my heart,

Sometimes all you need to break down the wall separating true love is a bulldozer named Blair Waldorf.

It breaks my heart,

Breaks my heart,

And it breaks my heart,

A/N: hopefully you guys like it! I know some parts don't really make sense but oh well!

xx edie