"No, it's not – for heaven's sake, Rachel, it's not that kind of escort!"
Kurt has to hold the phone away from his ear to avoid the shrill voice of his friend hurting it.
"Why – I don't know why! No, it's the original sense of the word. Yes. Someone who escorts you somewhere."
It is hard to get a word in between Rachel's outraged rant, but he has known how she would react when he told her, so it is his own fault.
"Look, it's like at the studio, when there's a ball, and there are not enough gentlemen, I hire some from this agency to dance with the ladies. This is just a little different, cause I'm not looking for a dancer, but for someone who is willing to pretend to be my boyfriend for a week. It's even the same agency!"
Half an hour later, he hangs up, exhausted. It is so tiring to talk to Rachel, he really doesn't know how he has survived living with her. But he has managed to convince her, and himself, that hiring an escort to accompany him to this probably awful party isn't such a bad idea, and really the only solution to several issues he desperately wants to avoid.
He sits down at his desk and re-reads the invitation. In three weeks, his dad and Carole celebrate their ten-year wedding anniversary, and as the time collides with his great-uncle Andy's eightieth birthday, they have decided to make a week-long event of it. Kurt groans internally. He is always happy to see his dad and Carole, but to be around the whole family for a whole week? It will only be bearable if he can avoid the three things that bother him most at events such as this, and for that, he needs a boyfriend. And as there isn't anyone special in his life at the moment – well.
He sighs as he looks up the number of the agency. While he has no problem playing pretend in front of his extended family, he hates lying to his dad, but it can't be helped.
It is true, he hasn't had a boyfriend for some time, and the last time he has brought someone to a bigger family event has ended in a catastrophe that resulted in him being bugged about "a man in his life" ever since. His dad is worried about him being lonely, his bitchy cousin Linda thinks him too frigid to keep a man interested, and the casual homophobia of his older aunts and uncles has them believe gay men to be unable to commit. If he brings a boyfriend, especially one who is charming and polite as someone who works as an event escort is bound to be, all of them will have nothing to say about that topic anymore. Especially Linda. It is essential to his sanity and her survival that she keeps her mouth shut for once.
He phones the agency, and manages to convey what he wants with a minimal amount of misunderstandings. The woman in charge clearly has had stranger demands, though she admitts that pretend boyfriends aren't looked for all that often.
When he hangs up, he is satisfied they have found somebody fitting. He takes a deep breath as he dials a new number. There is one last call he has to make.
"Dad? Could I maybe bring someone to the party?"
Three weeks later, Kurt tries to stay calm as he finishes his packing. Things have been anything but ideal the last few weeks. A pipe has burst in the dance studio, and the water damage has made their second hall practically unusable until he finds the money to have a new hardwood floor put in and the walls painted. They have had to reschedule everything and even cancel two classes, and Kurt doesn't like to leave Mike and Brittany alone with the mess for a whole week. However, there ís nothing to be done, because Kurt refuses to let the unrefundable money that he has paid for his pretend boyfriend and now can't afford anymore go to waste, not to mention that he doesn't want to disappoint his dad. So he has to go. But because of all this, he and his new fake boyfriend haven't even found time to meet up beforehand, so they have agreed to fly to Ohio together to go over basics like how they met. So now, he is waiting and trying not to get too nervous, but before he can really begin to get worked up, the doorbell rings.
"Oh my God, " Kurt cries out after he has opened the door. "Please tell me that you are not planning to wear something like that to the actual party!"
The man standing outside is wearing dusty pink pants and a colorful checked shirt that makes him look like a living pride flag.
The man raises an eyebrow. "And a good day to you, too! I'm Blaine Anderson. Nice to meet you."
Kurt blushes. "I am so sorry. I was just...surprised. This is very...Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat."
"I am a walking work of art." The man grins.
Kurt grins back, pleased that he has caught the reference. He opens the door wider. "Yes, and you look handsome, you look smart. Just...colorful. Please come in."
The man hesitates. "Um – the cab's still waiting, if you wanted to go to the airport? There's not too much time left till we have to be there anyway, and I thought that maybe we could get coffee. You know, for our first date."
Kurt has to grin again. "That's very romantic of you. Just let me get my bag."
"So what's it going to be?" Blaine asks when they have found a table in the tiny coffee shop at the airport. "Honey? Darling?"
Kurt blushes. "None, please. Just Kurt. I'm not really...comfortable with pet names at this early stage of our relationship."
Blaine laughs. "A pity. I'm sure I could have come up with something creative. So how did we meet? A bar?"
"No! Not a bar. I don't really do much partying. Um – how about we stay as close to the truth as possible and say you're one of the dancers the agency sent for my last ball?"
He sighs a little as he remembers he won't be able to hire any more dancers until he manages to fix the second hall, and that he's still at a loss about how to get the money for this.
Blaine looks doubtful. "I'm not sure...I mean, I know the basics, but I'm not that much of a dancer. I'm not sure I can pass for someone who gets hired for dancing."
Kurt gasps in mock terror. "I'm a dance instructor! I can't date somebody who doesn't know how to dance! But we still have time. There will be no dancing required until at least...the day after tomorrow. I can teach you."
Blaine doesn't look completely convinced, but he nods. "I did some dancing back in high school, so maybe I'll remember something. What else will I have to do?"
Kurt counts on his fingers. "Wear something decent. I mean, if we were really together, I'd probably pick your clothes for an event like this, so it should be something I'd approve of. Um...look pretty. Be charming. Of course, be completely devoted to me."
Blaine nods, grinning. "Of course."
Kurt leans forward. "Now comes the important part. Do not, ever, under any circumstances, sleep with my cousin Linda."
"Your cousin...Linda? As in, your female cousin? Why would I do that?"
"I don't know either. But my ex didn't share that opinion."
"Ouch. Bi?"
Kurt shrugs. "I guess. Or gay and experimenting with her? Straight and experimenting with me? I have really no idea."
"You never talked about that? How long were you together?"
"A few months. And he came up on me. I never felt the need to clarify anything."
"Okay. So, I promise I won't sleep with your cousin Linda."
"Thank you."