Starts with Good Bye

This story is inspired by the song Starts With Good Bye by Carrie Underwood. This is my first attempt to write Jason and Carly from a first person point of view. The first Chapter is completely in Carly's POV and the next is in Jason's POV.

Chapter One

Carly

I never thought I would tell him this. I watch him laughing with my boys, sitting right across the room from me in my home, and my heart cracks a little more. This has been a long time coming yet I don't want to face it still.

Lainey says I can't pass up this opportunity. Not if the real reason I want to turn it down is so I don't have to leave Jason.

I've practiced saying this a few times but I'm still stalling. To do this feels like killing the last little piece of hope I had left for making things right with me and Jason.

But Lainey says that it died long ago. And I just have to accept it. Face reality.

Might as well get this over with. "Jase?"

He looks up. Michael and Morgan keep playing the video game but Jason stands and walks over to me.

God, he is my rock. How can I do this?

But I have to. Because of how I feel right now, my heart racing as his blue eyes connect with mine.

No matter how much I try to tell myself I don't need more from him I still want more. It's something I figured I could live with for the rest of my life, my punishment for betraying him. But my therapist convinced me that as long as I am around Jason on a daily basis I will never let go of my hope that he will fall in love with me again. Choose me again. Make everything the way I always wanted it to be.

If that life is not an option I have to let it go. But how can I when I see those blue eyes, the shade that symbolizes safety in my world.

He must see the pain in my eyes or the grimace on my face. Maybe he just knows something is up with me, like he always does, because he says "What's wrong, Carly?"

"I told the boys and Sonny about this already. But I thought you should be the next to know. Remember how I told you the Metro Court is becoming a chain? Well, we are opening one in New Your City and ..."

His face stills. He knows what coming, I can see it.

"The kids and I are moving there next week."

Jason shakes his head, slowly, and in disbelief he says "You're leaving...town?"He tears his gaze from me and his eyes sweep over Michael and Morgan.

Don't fall apart now. This is not the end of the world. It just feels like it. Why am I doing this? Oh yeah, to be happy one day. This is what Lainey says it will take to make that happen. But how can leaving this man, who I have loved for so long now, lead to anything but pain?

I'm doing this so I can have a chance to not see him everyday. To forget that I wanted to spend every moment of the rest of my life loving him and that he didn't want that. To get over him finally. To stop hoping he'll change his mind.

But how can I stop hoping for that?

"Jase," I say

But he isn't hearing me. He looks away from my boys and then repeats softly "You're leaving town...me?"

"It's a great chance to build my business and, who knows, " I try to sound light and breezy. Everything I say is the truth but feels like a lie. "Maybe I will find the man of my dreams there. Either way, it should be good for my life, my independence."

"Is this a temporary thing?"

"Depends. It might be permanent if I like it there. If I can accomplish my goal."

If I can make you just a friend, in my heart, and stop thinking of you as the love of my life.

"And Sonny is okay with this?" Jason asks

It always comes back to Sonny. Can't we have one conversation without Sonny coming up?

I tell him, "Sonny will send a plane to get the boys every Friday night and bring them back on Sunday night. It is not a perfect solution but he knows I need to do this."

All I had to say to Sonny to convince him was "Lainey says it will be good for me." Sonnydoesn't ever want me to lose my mind again.

My first reaction to the offer from Jax that I go to supervise the opening of the new hotel was "No way. You just want to get rid of me, Jax, because we aren't sleeping together anymore."

And that is probably true. But what is keeping me in Port Charles now?

I could use a break from Sonny. Any time I see him upset I still want to try and fix him. And I can never let myself get lost in his darkness again.

I can always visit Mom and Lucas. Check in on Lulu over the phone. Or fly her in to see the city. She would probably love that. I know I would have at her age.

In the end, what it came down to and what I had to admit was that Lainey was right. The only real reason I did not want to leave town was I did not want to be away from Jason.

Which would be fine if he was just my best friend. That is all I am to him. But he is so many more things to me. He is the face of my dreams.

But, when my life is over, will I regret all the time I spent hoping he would one day love me again? Lainey says I will. She is a professional. She should know.

"Why?" asked Jason, his voice confused "Why do you need to do this? I don't think it will be safe for you there without..."

"You?"

Jason's eyes clouded.

"I'll have guards." I tell him

Jason nods.

Say something, Jase! Tell me to not to go.

I didn't do this as a power play. I'm not trying to force him to beg me to stay. But, right now, I want him to so bad.

"I don't like this idea. Not at all, Carly. Send Jax to open the new hotel."

"Are you telling me not to go?" I know my voice is filled with hope and longing.

I hate that it betrays all I am trying so hard to hide. But I know I can't really hide a thing from Jason. He knows me - every ugly place inside me and every trait that makes me who I am. So he must know I have loved him since the days of secret romps over Jake's Bar. But he doesn't want me like that.

"Do what you want. I am just saying..." his voice trails off, leaving me wanting to yell at him. To shake him until he finishes that sentence. Is he saying he would miss be too much so I shouldn't leave?

"I'll stay if you ask me to." The words are out of my mouth on impulse.

Nice move. How very independent of me. Letting a man decide my future. Still I really ache for him to demand I don't leave Port Charles.

"I can't tell you how to live your life." Jason says. His voice is resigned. He is not going to fight for me.

Turning, I storm out of the house so the boys don't see their mother cry. I hate how Jason can make me feel so rejected. Yet he makes me feel accepted in every way at other times. Just not when I

try to take it too far. Not when I mention love.

His love is reserved for a woman he can trust with his heart. He is safe with his love and I am the biggest risk of all.

He will never go there again.

I kick the wooden beam on my front porch. Feelings of frustration, fear of a future without Jason, and sadness all mingle inside of me right now.

I'm going to have to do the impossible. Fall out of love with Jason Morgan.


So hard to see myself without him.


I felt a piece of my heart break.


But when you're standing at a crossroad,
there's a choice you gotta make.


I guess it's gonna have to hurt!
I guess I'm gonna have to cry!


And let go of some things I've loved
to get to the other side.

Carrie Underwood lyrics