By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept
Fandom: The Devil Wears Prada
Pairings: Miranda/OC, potential Miranda/Andy
Rating: K
Genre: Hurt and no Comfort
Disclaimer: I do not own this complicated woman named Miranda Priestly-Lauren Weisberger owns hers or Fox Studios maybe. Anywho, I have only borrowed her to whet my appetite and suit the title of my story. I hope I did own Meryl Streep though. *Creys*
Summary: The conflicting and tumultuous miscellany of thoughts in the mind of one snowy haired ethereal beauty as she sits down by the river side after a long day of work.
A/N 1: So, mostly this is a back-story. It's just my take on Miranda's past and how it has shaped her present, And then some more. Hope you like it. It's un-beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine.
A/N 2: Oh, I forgot to add, the title is from the book written by Paulo Coelho. No intentions of plagiarism or anything of that sort. It's merely the part of a July Challenge. Please don't forget to review. Remember comments are like Meryl, precious and rare.
"The gods throw the dice, and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not."
-Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept
Montario de Piedra
Nuévalos
Province of Zaragoza
Aragon, Spain
26th February 2007
5:37 p.m.
She didn't need to be here. Nigel was more than capable of sailing through the morning shoot singlehandedly.
She needs to be home- in Manhattan, with her girls whom she loves with all her heart. Then again, she is a terrible mother. No, she will never deny that. That gives her an excuse, no-not excuse; it gives her a right to be here. Away from home. Yet, walking by the ruins of the Monastery of Piedra, she feels more at home than ever.
When she had faced them after Paris and the divorce, the more umbrageous of her 10 year old twins, Caroline had called her 'inhuman' and 'wicked'. Of course she hadn't flinched. She had neither slapped nor scolded her; only stared at her for the longest light year before her daughter had retreated to find solace in the arms of her counterpart, Cassidy.
Miranda had wondered how her little daughter could know her so well. She hadn't called her cold or mean or the multifarious terms used by Rupert Murdoch's journalists. They all got it wrong.
Inhuman and wicked. Indeed.
As she walked past the boundaries of Montario de Piedra, she replayed the events of her day.
They had reached here before dawn after a tiring 7 hour plane journey. Since then, nobody had had a single minute off until an hour back when the shoot had ended. Miranda had kept everyone on their toes. Coffee. Calls. Lights. Couture. Make up. Hair. Alien demands. Etcetera. Etcetera. (Verbal abuses of 'By all means I'll make you cry if I have to! We didn't come here to shoot a Popsicle commercial. Use your surroundings.'; 'Burn the garish pink'; 'God might have gotten daft while creating you'; 'Did she go to Rwanda for the beans?' were in abundance)
By the end of it, everything had fallen into place. A small smile rested on her lips as she pictured the March spread: rustic beauty, ancient folklore, mysticism, raw colours, and divinity. A slight deviation but not unwelcome.
By the end of the shoot, all her colleagues and subordinates had been dog tired, wanting to do nothing but go back to their hotels rooms for a short nap before they took a flight back at an odd midnight hour. She had found no reason to deprive them of this small luxury. Besides, she had work to do.
Of course, she had been dead tired too. Sleep had long evaded her, ever since, ever since-
So, while her troop of soldiers marched off to their temporary abodes she decided to stay back for a while. Of course nobody would ask questions. Nobody dared, except Nigel who'd faintly said 'Miranda, are you sure? You look tired-umm, do you want me to stay darling?' to which she had replied with her trademark hand wave and said 'Rubbish! I simply like this place. I can manage Nigel, you go back' when he had still looked sceptical she had added a firm 'Positive.' That had dismissed him.
No, she needed no one here. No object or human to remind her of the present. Her mental exhaustion had superseded the physical one for years now. Tonight, she hoped to ease that a bit. Who knows whether she will be successful? She doesn't need Nigel here.
She takes in her surroundings as she walks ahead- an old windmill, ruins of the monastery's church, parks, the mirror lake. She finds herself walking on familiar territory. Her mind goes back to the day she decided to come back here.
16th February 2007 Miranda sat in her office sipping on a cup of 'centre of the sun hot' coffee. It had been a long day and the only redeeming factor these days was Starbucks. Everything else was falling apart at the seams: the new budget cuts, the nearly successful coup d'état in Paris, her personal life (whatever was left of it). The divorce was far from amicable- coupled with Stephen's demands were the twins absolute vehemence against their mother. She was seeing less and less of them every day, afraid to confront two 10 year olds she had taken to leaving office only after the twins bedtime. Miranda Priestly truly felt tired and lonely for the first time in years. Then there was Andrea- free spirited, buoyant, and full of joie de vivre- a ray of sunshine. No, she couldn't go there. She had driven Andrea away with her words. Miranda had let her go, because that was best for her. For them. She didn't know why. Or did she? Was she in- 'Love. Can't we make it the theme for March? I mean its spring—bright, hopeful, colourful and all of those feelings that come along with it.' Nigel said as he sauntered into his friend and colleague's office, sipping on his own cup of coffee, Miranda was broken out of her reverie by her loyal art editor who was the closest definition of a friend to her. Looking up at him she said 'Mhhmm..love. Wha-why? Well then, love it is. Which place?' 'Oh, I don't think you've been here. So, I'll just show you the pictures' Nigel said while taking the white manila folder in his hand and placing it on her spotless table. One look at the manila folder and Miranda knew exactly where this place was. 'Montario de Piedra' she said almost inaudibly. 'No, don't tell me you've been there! I'm impressed...so what say?' Even before she knew it the words had left her mouth 'Yes, it's perfect! We'll leave as soon as possible. Tell Emily to start the arrangements. That's all.' If Nigel had been surprised by his boss's quick decision he didn't think anything of it. Of course he had wanted to stay a little longer to extend whatever little comfort he was allowed to offer (in the form of a hand squeeze or shoulder pat or even a joke which would illicit that wonderful sound of her laughter). Tonight the 'that's all' had been final. There was no room for negotiations. Clearly the Dragon Lady wanted to be left alone. Either way, he already had too many things to take care of. Might as well start right away. As soon as Nigel left the Dragon's den, Miranda let out a shaky breath that she did not realize she was holding. Montario de Piedra. From where it all started. It was time to go back. She closed her eyes as a lone tear made its way down her left cheek.
Runway Office
Elias- Clarke
6:30 p.m.
'I have this location in mind. Should be within our budget and it's way too beautiful-never used though. Not as often as it should be. You say 'yes' and I make the call. Miranda?' Nigel continued
As she reaches the banks of the River Piedra, she realizes how extraneous she looks here- in the midst of all this rustic beauty. Miranda Priestly, first lady of Fashion, decked in customized haute couture and high heels looks a planet away from her surroundings-natural, innocent and raw. It would do for a brilliant photo shoot, better even for Rupert Murdoch to see the Ice Queen bow to Mother Nature. She smiles wistfully at the thought as she takes off her heels and sits down on a partially moss covered rock. All thoughts of New York, Elias Clarke, fashion, budget cuts and coffee leaves her mind. The pleasant wind is blowing that wanton white forelock into her face. It reminds her of another time.
She reaches out to touch the water with one involuntarily shaking hand. The water still feels like it did almost 30 years ago- warm yet soothing, slick and moist. She feels as if her hand might contaminate the purity of the spring water—she withdraws it but dips it again. This time she plays with it and looks at her reflection. Suddenly, and suddenly she is transported 30 years back.
The air is different-cool, windy and euphoric. It smells of ambrosia, asters, lavender and tulips. A woman is sitting exactly where she is sitting right now, a man is to her left. She marvels at the woman's beauty-long auburn hair flailing in the wind, electric blue eyes sparkling with hope and desire, flawless porcelain complexion with a tender blush across the cheeks, a perfect hour glass figure. Only the imperfectly perfect nose stills bears most resemblance. The man sitting next to her seems mesmerized by her beauty. His chocolate brown eyes remind Miranda of too many things- love, lust, eternity, happiness, home and—and Andrea. He is holding a bouquet of red freesias and looking at the woman with sincerity.
Yes, this is where it had all started.
The Piedra River 14th February 1975 Miriam Princhek is wearing her prettiest dress. It's her only one. .A wine red polyester knee length dress with the daintiest of white laces. She had bought it from the flea market a week back after she made some money selling the candles and earthenware mama and she had made. Of course, she saved most of it and gave it to mama as soon as she came back home. Mama had been more than happy that Miriam had indulged herself. Mama always felt guilty for making Miriam work so much from such a young age. Then again ever since Papa had died six years ago, money had been tight. Miriam had always been a good girl. Helping mama in whatever way possible. Working day and night to make some more money so that mama could eat the meat or buy a blanket. She is almost nineteen and has had innumerable suitors. However she cannot leave mama alone, so she will only marry someone who will allow mama to stay with them. She plays with the hem of her dress and wonders how she looks. The wine red almost matches her hair which she has left loose and brings out the blue of her eyes. She wonders whether Adrian will call her 'beautiful' like he had the other day. Mama adores him and he reciprocates the feeling. She is hopeful that if they get married Adrian will allow mama to stay with them. She almost prays to God for that to happen, because she realizes that she is hopelessly in love with Adrian. She cannot think of a life without him. As she waits by the river for Adrian to come she dreams another dream. Adrian is handsome and learned. She knows nothing of his family but she knows that he wants to go to America and make a living there. He is very good with the cloth. He makes those beautiful gowns for the town people to wear to parties. In America he wants to start his own shop where he will design clothes himself and sell them. He thinks Miriam has a great eye. They had first met at an art shop where Miriam was selling her painting. He had loved the usage of colours and contours in the painting and had called it 'the most exquisite piece of work' which had caused Miriam to blush. He wants Miriam to help him design. She almost feels giddy with happiness thinking about her future- America, fashionable clothes, Adrian, mama, love, life and children-everything she has ever wanted. She hears footsteps of someone running towards her. She looks back to see Adrian carrying a bouquet of red freesias. He stops midway and looks at her. She feels self conscious and almost wants to flee—Does she look ugly? Is her dress cheap? Has Adrian suddenly changed his mind? But then, then Adrian walks up to her and whispers 'Hermoso-Te ves hermosa' and kisses her cheek 'Sorry, I'm late.' She nods an 'it's okay', blushes and smiles radiantly. He takes her hand and then they sit on the rocks. He offers her the flowers shyly and then fumbles for something in his pocket. Somehow, she knows what's coming. She has butterflies in her stomach and her heart is beating wildly in her chest. He takes out a ring from his front pocket. The ring isn't lavish- a blue stone matching her eye colour set on a silver ring. He looks at her with the sincerest expression and says 'You're too beautiful to be my bride. But my mother told me, that if you want something the whole universe conspires with you to get it. I want you, my love. I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you — until you tell me to go away. Then I'll leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life. Will you be mine?' Miriam could not help her tears as she accepted the ring and the offer of becoming Adrian's wife and life partner. They kissed and talked into the afternoon about their future. Of course he had agreed to let mama stay with them. He was sure someday they would escape from the jaws of poverty and live a beautiful life. They ate the lunch Miriam had cooked for them and roamed around the river and monastery whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. That day at the River Piedra Miriam had felt truly happy and overjoyed. She knew that for her, it was the beginning of happiness.
Province of Zaragoza
Aragon, Spain
11: 30 a.m.
She was snapped out of her memory by a flock of birds chirping on their way home. She smiled into the water and saw unshed tears in her eyes. She thought of Adrian- her first and only true love. Her husband, who had vowed to love her forever. Suddenly, she was thinking about Andrea- she had those same soul piercing chocolate brown eyes, the same sincerity and same enthusiasm like Adrian's. Letting Andrea go had been the right thing to do. Keeping her would be too much of heart ache, because eventually she would lose her—like she had lost Adrian.
Wembley 17th March 1976 Miriam is sitting in the kitchen breastfeeding and singing to little Eduardo while Mama is cooking dinner. That day on banks of river Piedra seems like a distant memory. They had married soon after that in a small ceremony at the local church. Adrian had made Miranda's wedding dress from some of the material he had saved from the clothes he made for rich people. It was only attended by mama and a couple of Adrian's friends. Miriam was told by him that he was estranged from his family and she made no big issue of it. She was happy enough to marry the man of her dreams. She had looked a vision in white that night and Adrian had called her 'mi rosa' because she had been blushing like a rose. It was the happiest day of her life. The happiest day until Eduardo was born. They hadn't planned on having a child so soon. Right after marriage Adrian had started teaching Miriam his line of work. She had learned fast and was infact almost better than Adrian at it. In no time their customers had doubled and they were making enough money to lead a decent life. Both of them had enrolled into the university to get their degrees in textile designing. However fate had other plans. Three months into their marriage and she had gotten pregnant. She had been scared to tell Adrian about it, fearing he might get angry. Miriam still remembers the look on Adrian's face when she had told him she was pregnant. He had taken her in his arms and had kissed her till she was out of breath. He had looked so happy and overjoyed-like he was the luckiest man on Earth. The pregnancy had been difficult on her fragile and young body but mama and Eduardo had taken care of her all too well. The day Eduardo was born had been the happiest day of her life. Now Eduardo is almost two months old and Miriam is more tired than ever. Managing him, the household and their new shop is taking a toll on her health. However, she doesn't care- she is truly happy. She doesn't remember being this happy ever. She has everything she had ever dreamed of. Adrian Alvarez, youngest son of Augustin Alvarez, popularly known as 'Black Mamba' – the Godfather of the local mafia in Spain. Famous for destroying families, selling drugs, controlling political leaders and forming labour unions. Adrian's three older brothers were all a part of their father's so called business. Only Adrian had escaped from the shackles of the underworld. Miriam had started shivering and almost passed out at this piece of news. She had demanded as to why Adrian hadn't told her about it before. Calmly, he had informed Miriam that he loved her too much to lose her and this might had terrified her. So he decided to prove to Miriam that he was unlike his father or his brothers. Coming away from Aragon was a step towards this effect. To move further and further away from his past of which he didn't want to be reminded about. If his family came to know about their child, they might try to take it away, so moving to London had seemed the most reasonable idea. As soon as they made some more money they would move to America and forget all about the Alvarez'. Miriam often thought about her husband's family. Until now they hadn't interfered in their lives. England had proved to be a boon. Inspite of all her tiredness and fatigue she would not trade it for anything. She loved Eduardo and Adrian with all her heart. Sometimes, just sometimes she would feel a shiver run down her spine. What if..what if all this was a dream? What if she lost all of this overwhelming happiness someday? She almost felt guilty for feeling this happy and loved. She wondered if someone was supposed to be as happy as she was. Tonight, she was having that same feeling. That slight ache in her heart which signaled that her fairytale life was after all nothing but a dream. She looked down to see Eduardo looking up at her with big brown eyes, a small giggle tugging at his lips. Having burped and changed him, she asked mama to put Eduardo down for his evening nap while she finished cooking dinner. A moment later her world had changed forever.
Borough of Brent
Outer London
6:30 p.m.
They had moved to London in the third month of her pregnancy. Adrian had already made all the arrangements. He thought Aragon wasn't conducive enough for Adrian Jr. So, London was imperative for Miriam's and the child's health. It was only in the seventh month of her pregnancy that Adrian told Miriam the real reason behind their sudden move.
The events of that evening are emblazoned in Miranda's mind. She remembers every smell, every sound and every word. It's almost dark now. The full moon is casting a pearl white glow on the water. She can see her reflection clearly- white hair, ice mask, shrewd blue eyes devoid of any warmth, lips which haven't smiled a real smile in quite a while. A far cry from Miriam Princhek- warm, loving, simple, happy and carefree. She shudders thinking what she has become- a walking corpse devoid of any human emotions. She knows she has done this to herself on purpose-no grief can touch Miranda Priestly.
Miriam was chopping cucumber for the salad when she heard the noise. It was the harshest sound she'd ever heard. Like a gun sh-and then mama's shrill voice and then then Eduardo's cry. What, oh what on Earth was happening? She stood frozen in the kitchen for what seemed like an eternity. Then suddenly a nerve snapped in her. The knife and the cucumber lay forgotten on the floor, she rushed into the living room and and-mama was lying on the floor bathed in blood-red, lifeless. She registers a faint cry which seems to have emanated from her own voice. Eduardo-Edu—where is her boy? The man, the man outside is running with something-no, no it couldn't be her son-and mama. She feels faint but, but she must do something. She runs out of the house asking the man to 'stop' and then she shouts—like a mad woman. She shouts at anybody who is hearing, she shouts to God for 'Help!' Her mind has shut down and refused to cooperate. Then, then the man turns around and for a moment—just for a split second she thinks its Adrian. It's all wrong though. The man has her baby with him, looks like Adrian and-and is pointing a gun at her. He is running and so is she. Yes, she will die if need be, but not before protecting Eduardo. Her son, born of her own body, her pride and joy. The world is closing up on her. Where is Adrian—is that Adrian—no no-that can't be it-Adrian? Eduardo? Then a gunshot. She thinks of Mama, Adrian and Eduardo, the banks of River Piedra, the white wedding dress, Eduardo's birth, and her wedding night as she waits for the bullet to hit her. Suddenly a man jumps in front of her and shouts out 'I'll kill you Martin Alvarez' before he goes limp and falls to the ground. Adrian's voice? The bullet had hit- Adrian, her husband, her life, her everything. He heard Adrian's voice say 'I'm sorry Mira.I love you.' before going lifeless. She can't see Eduardo or the man—Martin Alvarez anymore. She falls to the ground and takes the lifeless form of her husband in her arms. She can't see ahead because of her tears which are now flowing freely. Miriam Princhek's dream is shattered forever. She sits with that lifeless form and cries silently. The world as she knows it has ended.
That night Miranda Priestly lost four people- Mama, Adrian, Eduardo and Miriam Princhek. That night is seared in her memory. She remembers the stench of the road, the motor fuel, the metallic taste of blood, the chill in the air, her cries, Adrian's last words, Eduardo's cry, Adrian's look alike brother, his cruel eyes, Mama's cold body, the smell of roses at the funeral, the salt in her tears and the rain.
She has come a long way since then. She has fulfilled Adrian's dream- she has influenced the world of fashion like Adrian wanted to. She has made a name for herself. She lives in America. Adrian would be proud of her. Or would he?
She wonders what he would say of her short white hair- it had greyed almost overnight. She had to let go of her long tresses because it was too painful a reminder of Adrian and Eduardo-both had a special affinity towards it. If Adrian were alive, he wouldn't have recognized this woman-no not woman, this object. Cold, emotionless, manipulative, inhuman, wicked, cruel and evil. Adrian would hate Miranda Priestly.
She wonders, if Eduardo is still alive. She wonders where he lives...what he looks like...whether he too is in the mafia..whether she will recognize him as soon as she sees him. She is a terrible mother. No mother would let go of her son so easily. Did she not love him enough? Or had she tried and failed? Would he remind her of Adrian? Would he ever realize that his mother loved him with all her heart? Would he ever forgive her? Would Caroline and Cassidy ever forgive her?
She is a terrible person, a terrible mother. For a moment she wishes the river can carry her away and end her suffering. That would be the easy way out. No, she needed to suffer—for failing to protect her loved ones. She needed to go on, continue being a terrible mother to Caroline and Cassidy.
Suddenly there is a gush of strong wind. Miranda Priestly is shivering violently and no, not because of the cold. Her shoulders are shaking violently, and she is crying. No, not crying-howling. She hasn't cried like this since that night. The tears are falling freely. Here no one will judge her, no one will pity her, and no one will sell her grief. Only the river Piedra and her. She is at the beginning of it all. Her cries echo through the place and it almost scares her. She doesn't stop though. She can't seem to. It is too much for her. Everything else seems to have ceased. She has finally reached the point of Alea iacta est and the walls have crumbled. Tonight she is Miriam Princhek again.
She sits by the River Piedra and weeps- for the girl who never had a childhood and lost her Papa all too soon, she weeps for the woman who lost her loved ones. She weeps for the wife who lost her husband-her life partner, her life. She weeps for the woman who lost her son- a creation of her own body. She weeps for the woman who lost her dignity in the search for success. She weeps for all her failed relationships. She weeps for the daughters who've never seen Miriam Princhek. She weeps for having let go of Andrea. She weeps for Miranda Priestly.
Her tears keep flowing uncontrollably and her shoulders are shaking violently. She puts her hands around her arms to guard herself from some unknown force which never will arrive.
Tonight she will be Miriam Princhek. Tomorrow she can be Miranda Priestly again. The full moon and the river are her only companions tonight. The only she'll have the world at her feet again. However she will never forget Adrian or Eduardo or Andrea. They all are a part of her as much as Caroline and Cassidy are. They are her life, her happiness and her pain.
"If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
Let my right hand forget its skill.
Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth,
If I do not exalt Jerusalem."
-Psalm 137, The Holy Bible