I walked into Patch's dark living room and set my purse down on his counter. He'd called earlier asking if we could meet up. Last week he kept insisting I learn a few self defenses, though I'm pretty sure I know enough. I was about to flip the light switch when a hand covered my mouth. My first Instinct was to elbow them since they seemed about my height. The soft feel of fabric and a breast pressed up against my back. I tried to remember if I had on Patch's feather but the cotton black sweater that blended in with the darkness of the area diminished all hope of me feeling it. We have been standing like this for way too long, and I have a boyfriend whether this chick knows it or not.

I DO NOT. SWING THAT WAY GIRL.

She's still….standing there…enough of this BS!

I brought my right knee back and it contacted with her upper thigh, causing a satisfying groan of pain and making her hand leave my mouth and retreat to her wound. I quickly flipped on the light and darted across the room, fists positioned to fight.

Oh. My. Glob.

DIANA! I MEAN DABRIA! OH H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICK NO. UH UH HUMMIE I'M ABOUT TO GO HAPPY FEET ON THIS GIRL.

"What are you doing here?" I manage to ask through gritted teeth.

"I am visiting my boyfriend, what does it look like?" she says.

"Your boyfriend?" I ask, then close one eye but keep the other one open too make sure she doesn't do anything. This looks so lame right now but I don't care, she pisses me off on 300 Mario levels.

"What are you doing," she asks horribly stifling a giggle.

"Everything is Okie-dokie Nora….she has mental problems this is just a faze you must forgive. The BIBLE says forgive….not restoration…..abcd125…..," I say snapping my fingers.

She is just standing there in those tight jeans, black rolling stones t-shirt and red take me heels.

Oh I'll take you alright. Take you RIGHT DOWN TO THAT PIG PEN YOU BIG BUSYY BIMBO!

Then, the Angel walks in.

Patch stares at me, then raises a brow at Dirty Diana, I mean…Dabria.

"What's going on here," he asks, "and why are you staring at me like you want to pour bald cream into my apple juice, Nora?"

"Honey, what is Diana doing here?" I say mad he didn't ask that question first.

He turns and looks at her like he just realized she was still there.

"Get out," he says.

I knew he had a brain in that beautiful skull of his.

"BUT YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!" The Bimbo exclaimed," WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS?!"

He reaches over and grabs a latex glove from the counter and slips it on, then puts his hand at the small of her back and leads her to the front door and says,

"Because you only have 12 followers on Instagram," then he slams the door and hastily rips the glove off like it had ebola.

"I'm so sorry Baby!" he exclaimed walking over and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I can't help but giggle at his amazing performance.

"What are you laughing at?" he asks, confusion all over his eyes.

I lean up on tiptoe and peck his lips then wrap my arms around his neck and say, " .the best boyfriend ever."

He picks me up making my legs dangle at his hips and me shriek and says, "THAT'S RIGHT!" and kisses me.

END