A/N: Here's the second part of my Final Fantasy VIII trilogy. It chronicles Squall's part of the story. Sorry it's so short. As with all of my fics, I do not own the characters, company, etc. Please read and review.
I never asked to be Headmaster. Everyone just assumed that I was willing to take responsibility for Balamb Garden. They assumed that I wanted to be a leader. Even Rinoa thought that it would be good for me. I can't abandon everyone now that I'm in charge, but sometimes I just feel trapped. This isn't what I really want.
The fact remains that I'm no good for any other kind of life. I was trained to be a mercenary. I can live with my position, but I'd rather not. Cid deserved to retire and live a peaceful life with Edea, but that's all I really wanted: a happy life with the woman I love. That goal just seems to get farther and farther away.
Cid left quite a challenge for me to face: the entire Garden, the political demands made on it, and its most troublesome student. Seifer Almasy will be a thorn in my side until the day I die. When Cid offered, or rather forced me to take, the position of Headmaster, I at least took comfort in knowing that Seifer would be leaving the Garden in less than a year. Cid, however, had other plans. He extended the length of time that a student could spend in the Garden. Now, all students have until the age of twenty-one to graduate SeeD before the Garden can force them to leave. He still has a year. If I had known that Cid would make that change, I'd have never accepted this job. Why he made that change, I'm not sure. From the way he looked at me when he told me though, I think he might have felt sorry for Seifer.
For two years, I've watched for the chance to expel Seifer, and for two years he's caused only minor disturbances. He's waiting, biding his time. Now that Rinoa is living in the Garden, I'm even more worried. Whatever once happened between them, I've never asked. From Seifer I expect only lies, and from Rinoa . . . well, I'm not sure what I expect.
It's odd. I love her as much as ever, more if possible. She just seems so distant sometimes, like she's not really here. I worry. What if Ultimecia possesses her again? I couldn't stand to lose her, but watching her like a jealous husband is tiresome, especially since we aren't married. I'd be happy with a small wedding today if she'd agree to it. She just keeps telling me that she's not ready for marriage yet. She seemed ready enough when I proposed, but now . . . she's hesitant. I can't understand it.
Even worse are the doubts that plague my mind at night. I've never been able to sleep well. My dreams always seem ready to choke me, drown me in sorrow or memory . . . or fear. I've opened my heart to her, and she has the power to crush it. Constant doubt is starting to wear me down. I look at her, and I don't see the beautiful, carefree girl I fell on love with. I wonder if she's unfaithful, if she still loves me, if she ever loved me. I can't ask her and risk seeing the hurt in her eyes, but I can't endure this much longer. For the most part, Rinoa seems to love me, but I've caught her glancing at Seifer with a look that I've seen on Quistis's face before. She told me it's the look of a woman wondering what might have been.
Something's about to change; I can feel it. I've been having trouble sleeping. My dreams, despite the fact that I never remember them, seem to be telling me that something's coming. Whether that's good or bad, I can't tell. Maybe Rinoa will finally soften up again, or maybe I'll finally get rid of Seifer. As long as everyone in the Garden is safe, I can be happy . . . for a while.