RtR: Episode eight: Stumbling on Reasons

by Monet

Relin's gang hasn't disappeared... and it's slightly bigger than Faith thought

Road to Redemption - a Faith Series (between 4th and 5th season of "BtVS") By: Monet

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Faith or any of other characters from "Buffy" and/or "Angel." They all belong to the incredible genius of Joss Whedon.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a TENTATIVE episode 8 - I'm currently working on one that may fall before this. Also, I want to thank all who have read the series up until then and have enjoyed it. I've done my job.

Episode Eight: Stumbling on Reasons

"Has there been any sign of her?" Paul asked Hannah as the two of them stood in front of Paul's bookstore on a bright Sunday afternoon. The sky was some sort of denial of what happened only two nights ago:

~Two fires occur within a 10-mile block of each other. Arson the source,~ said the newspaper. There was also mention of a huge gang fight in a local building. ~Many injured. Many arrested.~

"No," Hannah said, hugging herself despite the warmth of the summer sun. "I thought she'd be here with you."

Paul frowned, shifting in his wheelchair. "I saw her before she left the bookstore right after we invaded the gang's headquarters. She and Xander had a talk back in the store then. they both took off."

"Together?"

Paul shook his head. "No. Xander left, looking a bit distraught. I offered to help patch him up but he refused. Then only 15 minutes later, Faith took off in a run - and not in the direction he went in."

Hannah shook her head in disbelief. "She. she scared me when-when I last saw her. The look in her eyes."

"I know," he said, remembering the scenes clearly as glass. "The girl has a big heart but she also has a bigger . darkness, I think. I don't know what went on in her past; she never talks about it. But Xander was very adamant about getting her out of there before the police arrived."

"You think she. she was in trouble with the law for something?"

"Big possibility."

"Oh, god." She met Paul's gaze. "Faith is a very intimidating young girl, but. she's so caring and. sweet. She took really good care of us."

"I know," Paul murmured. "I just don't know if she does."

* * * *

"Beethoven's 5th Symphony" played over a nearby radio as Faith sat on a workout bench at a gym 10 miles away from the neighborhood she had called home. A home hadn't been something of hers for a long time. Now it was a home that was burned down to the ground, both physically and emotionally.

Now it was as if she didn't know what to do. She was sure she did the right thing. Leave them; they didn't need her. And she was sure by now they didn't want her.

Guilty.

That's how she felt for treating Paul and Hannah and, especially, Rachel as badly as she had a couple of nights ago. It was like the darkness that she had tried so hard to get rid of popped right back up when her world was crumbling.

It was like she had loosened the hold on control when things were going so well.

And when things went wrong, VERY wrong, this darkness unleashed itself in her body and there it flowed, too fast for her to control again.

Life had been too good. She had been too happy. She didn't deserve happiness. She couldn't handle the way she had felt when it was taken away.

So she pushed away what was left, as much as she could, especially the one source of happiness that outshined through the others.

She had passed by the bar that Xander Harris worked in the night after everything hit the roof, peering tentatively through the large window of the local dive. She really didn't think he'd be in, but there he was serving the customers with a small splint on his left hand and a smile.

She could tell, however, it was forced. And the longer she stood out there, the more and more she could see beyond his mask of pleasantness.

He was hurting.

Like she was.

Now, sitting in the gym, preparing herself for what she had been doing for the past day, the hurt burned deeper in her chest as she put the wrappings around her hand.

Denial was telling her she didn't need Xander.

Her heart was saying she missed him a lot.

She stood up and made her way to the punching bag. The music was still echoing in her ear as she began to jab at the bag. The music was soothing more than anything, and it helped her keep her strength at bay, not making her pummel the bag right off its chain like the last time she was there.

Actually, it wasn't just making it break from its chain; it was actually making it flying half-way across the gym floor. She had to explain to the manager she had no idea what had happened and that he should get less shitty links for his punching bags.

As she began to get into a rhythm, concentrating on each punch rather than the questions and confusions that plagued her mind, a white dust blew in from her right. She stopped, swatting it away, irritated. "What the hell?"

A guy near the radio that was producing the symphony stopped at his motion. He had a chalk bag in his hand. "Oh, sorry," he apologized. "Just chalking up." He closed the purple bag and dusted off his hands.

"Well, keep your fucking chalk to yourself," she snapped.

The guy stared at her a moment then nodded. "Cool." He then went and paid more attention to the weights than her.

Faith wiped at her nose then returned to her workout.

After a moment, "Mind if I turn this up?" the guy asked.

"What?" Faith asked, having to stop her rhythm again.

"This song. Mind if I turn it up?"

"I could give a shit what you do. Just leave me the hell alone." She gave him a glare and went back to her punching, a bit harder this time.

The music turned up and for another few minutes, Faith fell back into the workout. Then -

PWOF! White powder flew through the air again.

Faith gave the bag one irritated punch that made the chain creak and swatted at the air. "Goddammit!" she snapped. She turned to start cussing out the guy - only he wasn't there any more. "Hey!" she called, her eyes wandering the nearly empty gym. But other than a few others that had been there since she arrived, there was no one in sight. "What the hell.?"

* * * *

Late afternoon arrived when Faith wandered back into the outskirts of "her" neighborhood. Gym bag slung over her shoulder, she stopped in front of the charred warehouse. Smoke still simmered from it. She had heard the fire was so intense that anything left in there was practically incinerated. Nothing left to salvage.

She remembered how Rachel had wanted her dinosaur back, the one she and Xander had given her weeks ago. Faith didn't see the importance of it. But Hannah did. Hannah risked her life for a stuffed animal.

She could've gotten herself killed over a stupid animal.

Faith shook her head, knowing she didn't want to face any of the people she had grown to. care for. And after the way she treated them, she was sure they never wanted to see her again, either.

The Slayer sighed and decided to go turn right back around when -

"Faith?" came a voice.

Faith turned around and saw Amber and Rachel standing there, hand in hand. Rachel hugged the said stuffed dinosaur but looked at Faith from behind her mother's best friend. She cowered a little more when Faith turned fully to face them.

~Damn, she's scared of me,~ she thought, slightly ashamed. The one thing the little girl did NOT need was to be scared any more than she had already faced. "Hey," she said, her eyes on Amber instead.

Even Amber kept her distance. "Hi. Hannah and Paul have been looking all over for you."

"Is. is something wrong?"

"Oh, no. Um, they were just worried, I guess. Everything's okay." She looked down at the little girl. "Right, Rachel?"

Rachel shook her head and refused to look at Faith. She pulled at Amber's hand to go back wherever they came from.

Amber frowned but looked back at Faith, eyes slightly sad. "Are you okay?"

Faith nodded, barely able to stand knowing Rachel didn't even want to be on the same block as her. "Yeah, five by five. Just. went somewhere to. do stuff. Where's Hannah?"

"Oh, she's trying to interview for a job at a restaurant. She was supposed to have it yesterday morning, but. well." Amber looked up at where their only place of shelter had been. "It was very nice of them to postpone it."

"Hey, that's cool ." She broke eye contact. "Hey, look, I'm gonna go, okay?"

"You should see Paul."

"Yeah, I should."

"And what about me?" came another voice from behind Faith.

Faith glanced over her shoulder and saw Xander standing there, hands in pocket, face a little worn. He looked disheartened but he was still trying not to show it.

Amber gave Xander a small hesitant wave and Rachel peeked from behind Amber's leg to do the same. Faith knew the only thing keeping the little girl from running to Xander was Faith in the center of the three.

Xander gave a slight nod and a wave in return. He glanced at the warehouse. "Wow, they did a job, didn't they?" He blinked and frowned. "Sorry. I've been Mr. Understatement lately."

"It's okay," Amber said. "We all got out of there okay. We still have everything we need. We should go. Um, we'll tell Hannah you're okay, Faith."

"Yeah, thanks." When Amber and Rachel were a few yards away, Faith forced herself to face Xander. "So, what the hell are you doing here?"

He was still surveying the damage, though his eyes seemed unfocused. "I haven't seen what really happened here." Finally, he met her questioning and somewhat angry gaze. "What did really happen here, Faith?"

"Whatta ya' mean?" She gestured to the warehouse lot. "The fucking place got burnt. What else story is there to tell?"

"I don't mean this. You know what I mean." He took a few steps closer to her, closing the gap between them. "Hannah, Paul, Rachel, they were all shaken up about you - big 7.0 on the Richter scale. I went by Paul's place today to see if you were there. He asked me straight out what had happened to you the other night. He asked me why I was all paranoidy about the cops coming and seeing you."

"And you told him."

Xander dipped his head a bit. "Not all of it."

"Xander, that's something I wanna forget!"

"I know," he said, looking at her again. "But what happened to you the other night wasn't really on the forgetting end. And what you're doing to try and forget isn't working. You can't just push away all the people who're trying to help you. You can't just. you can't break up with. someone just because you think something's going to happen to them if they keep loving you."

"No, don't fucking get back into this convo again," she warned, glaring at him. "I told you how I felt! We don't belong together, Xander. I told you that."

"I can't hear that, Faith. You and me are like. we rocked!"

Faith shook her head. "I dunno what you saw in what we had but. it ain't the same thing as me."

"Are you saying what I saw was a lot more than what you saw?"

The question was so straight out there, it took Faith by surprise. Her eyes darted away towards the burnt building. "I don't wanna ever see you again, Xander. I told you what I want, and if you're gonna keep bringing this back over and over again, then I made the right decision."

"Dammit, Faith, you told me the other day that you loved me! You're just going to throw that in the field for the cows to graze on?"

"Why not?"

He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, willing her to listen to him. "I know you were scared with what happened. But. Faith, don't shut me out. Not when - not what happened the other day. You need me. Oh, I'm just gonna say it: I need you. I LOVE you. You can't just do this on your own. I won't let you do this alone."

Faith knitted her brows together, arms still folded across her chest. She tried to level her gaze with him, trying not to let his words -especially those three painful words- get to her. "What's this 'this' you talkin' about? This what?"

"Uh, this-this." He realized he had to choose his words carefully. "Faith, Paul told me what you did. Not the looks you gave him and stuff, but. the docks. And-and the knife."

Faith's face twitched in realization. He was more worried, at the moment, at her state of mind. Which was understandable. She pulled out of his grasp. "I know," she said, looking away. "Which is why I didn't wanna do all this in the first place."

"Do all what?" His arms fell to his side as he lost contact with her again.

She shoved her thought away. "I'm just sayin'," she began instead. "I'm gonna bolt. I don't need to be here. They don't want me here. Got Rachel fucking scared of me. So really, what good am I here? Just out there to lose control and nearly get thrown in the slammer again. Not my idea of a good time."

"Okay, Faith, see this is what I'm talking about. Keep running and it's going to follow you wherever you go. This time, you can't go anywhere. They need you here, you know that. You just need to apologize to them. They don't understand but they're still willing to ask me where you are and find out if you're okay." He lowered his voice slightly. "And I wanna tell them you are okay."

Faith shook her head. "I ain't any good here. I don't wanna lose control like that again and who knows. Jesus, Xander, I nearly shoved you over the edge." The thought made her shiver. "I haven't changed one goddamn bit!" She kicked a can by her feet.

Xander watched it fly down nearly two blocks. "Don't believe that, Faith. If you hadn't changed, I'd be part of the sidewalk now."

"But you don't usually think about even becoming part of the damn sidewalk if there wasn't."

"Don't think of it like that. You have changed, Faith." He smiled a bit. "Hey, I know how impulsive and wild you are. It's part of that charm of yours."

"Xander, don't do this!"

He held up his hands. "Alright, sorry." He took a deep breath. "Look, I just want you to be right with Paul and Hannah, okay? Forget us. I want YOU to be okay."

"I know what's best for them. Me leaving." She turned to look at him again. "Be best for me, too. Now get the hell out of here. I don't need you to tell me what to do!"

He shook his head, knowing none of his words were getting to her. He looked away. "Fine, Faith. We'll play it like this. But think about this." He began to walk past her. "If you were so bent on leaving like the old Faith would've - you know, that non-caring, don't give a damn one, why the heck did you even come back?"

* * * *

Paul sat in his office behind his new desk, looking at some of the newer furniture he and Brandon brought in. It looked better, mostly. He decided to focus on the bookstore for now, however, now that the back office was presentable again. He heard the bell over the door ring and he backed up and rolled into the main area of the store. "Hello, may I help. Oh, Faith. Hi."

Faith walked a few steps in. "Hey," she greeted him.

He wheeled up towards her. "I guess Xander found you? He told you I was looking for you?"

"Yeah, but I figured you were without the message."

Paul gave her that. "How are you?"

She shrugged. "Guess I should be the one asking you, huh?"

"Well, despite this crick in my neck for sleeping the wrong way, I'm good." It was his attempt to smooth things over. "And now it's your turn."

"Look, Paul, I came here to tell you. I'm outta here."

"I see. And why's that?"

"What do you mean why? Were you not conscious when I went berserk the other night?"

"Actually, I was very conscious. But it still doesn't answer my question. What would running from here do? It wouldn't take it back, so really, it's no different if you stayed."

Faith looked at him like he was crazy. But for some reason, she didn't have the words to dispute that reasoning. "Screw it, Paul. I know you don't want me around."

"And I said something like that?"

"Fuck it, I just about put you permanently in a hospital bed instead of that wheelchair!"

"We all have our bouts of not being in control."

"Right, 'cause going around and wanting to kill people is a normal bout, right?"

"You're a different girl, though, Faith. That's nothing you can help."

"No, I'm some bomb ready to explode is what I am. And you saw what happened when my fuse gets short; it ain't nothing you wanna face."

Paul sat there calmly. "Or is it you who doesn't want to face it?"

Faith opened her mouth then closed it, going about it another way. "Well. of course not." She shook her head. "I'm gone." She turned to walk right back out the door.

"Faith, Relin's gang isn't gone," Paul stated.

That stopped her dead in her tracks. She turned around, staring at him as if she was waiting for him to start laughing and tell her he was kidding. "What?"

Paul sighed. "There has been talk about how some members of his gang escaped before the police got them all. Maybe ten or so members. Also, the things they were stealing at the docks are gone, too. Most likely taken by those that are left. Wherever they are, they aren't done."

What was he trying to imply? That she still help him? She clenched her jaw. "So what?"

"So, whatever they were planning to do, they're still going to do it. And from what Brandon pulled together from his undercover 'assignment,' Relin wasn't even the head of the gang. He was a co-captain type."

"Who is it, then?"

"Well, that's the mystery. Brandon didn't manage to get that part. Relin communicated with the mystery boss via phone. What we do know is their symbol is a mark of Merkriva. And the items from the docks are going to fulfill a ritual. Well, most of the items. If I'm right, they need about five more things."

There was a moment where Faith didn't know what to do, how to respond. She thought she had gotten rid of them, at least enough for the cops to take them away. They were mostly the cause of how much pain she had felt. She was calmed down now, especially after a day or two of cooling off, but she didn't know how she'd react if she saw any of them again.

"I dunno why you're tellin' me this," she said, quietly.

"Because. if you want to leave, can you at least help me stop them before they cause more damage? I'm just afraid the damage they cause this time around will destroy the city or give power to whoever this mystery person is."

She knew she had to refuse. She came to Paul to tell him she didn't want to be involved - ever. It was a mistake to get involved anyway. She didn't come out of jail to be the Slayer again - or a Slayer again. But hell, if Buffy couldn't escape it, what made Faith think she could? Something in her was telling her she couldn't leave, not like this. It would be worse if she left and. worse things happened to these people.

"You really think whoever this bastard is can have that kind of power?" She paused, remembering her days with Mayor Wilkins. "Nevermind. I can believe it." She dropped her bag. "What do we hafta do first?"

Relief washed over Paul's face. "First, I want you to get some rest." He handed her a key. "This is to my place. I have a guest room on the first floor. You can clean up and do whatever you need to do."

She eyed the key. "Look, I'm stayin' but I'm also gonna keep my distance. This ain't gonna help me do that."

"I'm not asking you to live with me, for cripes' sake. You need a place to stay." He smiled at her. "You don't have any place to go and I don't think the shelter I sent Hannah and her group will do for you."

"Why didn't you give this to Hannah? She could've used a place to hang."

"You don't think I offered her this a long time ago? She's very dedicated to that group. They're like family to her. She told me if I couldn't offer it to all 20 of them, then she wouldn't accept it. I wish I could accommodate them, but I can't. You take up a little less space."

Faith took it then looked down in hesitation. "Uh, what about.? I mean, Xander. Do you know if he.?"

"He told me he was okay. He found somewhere to stay. And no, I don't know where."

Faith glared at him. "I wasn't gonna ask that."

With a knowing smile, Paul wheeled over to the counter wordlessly and took a package off of it. "By the way, this came for you today." He handed it to her.

"What is it?" she asked, looking at it curiously as she took it from him.

"I've no idea."

She opened it up, somewhat on alert. But she pulled out a CD. It was labeled in typed words: Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Something for you to relax with. It looked like you needed it. Signed, a Friend.

"How'd this get here?" she asked.

"I found it outside my door. Do you think it's from Xander?"

Faith shook her head. "I don't think so." She looked at it carefully then remembered the guy at the gym who bothered the shit out of her. Secret admirer, she thought with a small, annoyed shake of her head. But he meant well. She put it in her bag. "Don't matter. Anyway, fine, I'll go back to your place to clean up. Maybe chill. I am feeling kinda. tired."

"It's been a rough few days. Go, relax. We'll talk later. And. thank you, for being here a bit longer. I don't think I'll be the only one who'll be happy with the news."

Faith gave Paul a nod and left.

* * * *

Faith awoke with a start. It was the same dream again. Buildings on fire, people yelling and screaming about the rain coming soon. She rarely had Slayer dreams. The buildings on fire were obvious, however. She blinked back against the sunlight as she rubbed her eyes. She slept a lot longer than she wanted. She sat up and felt a little like hell. Her body ached from sleeping so long.

She couldn't help but feel the emptiness of the bed in Paul's guest room. It was big, yes, but it was the fact that she was the only one sleeping in it. It hadn't been like that for quite a long time now, and she felt that.

After a shower and dressing up in a tank and jeans she bought the other night, she went out into the nice living room area of Paul's fairly posh townhouse, built for his disability, elevator, ramps and all. She even noticed the kitchen was designed especially for him when she went exploring. He lived quite a few blocks from where his bookstore was. It was like small patch of upper class America in the confines area of the rough part of L.A.

He was at his oak desk, looking at the newspaper.

"Hey," she mumbled, her voice scratchier than usual.

He turned around. "I think we have trouble," Paul announced. "Sorry, I know it's not really what you want to hear so early. well, late in the afternoon. It sounds like you were more than relaxing. You left the CD playing when I got back."

"Wow, it's the afternoon? Shit, I didn't meant to sleep that long." She flopped down on the beige couch. She looked up at the radio in his living room. "Oh, yeah. That damn CD I got in the mail. Song's not too bad. Kinda soothing and stuff. So what's up?"

"Remember how I mentioned that the ritual needs about four or five more items for it to be conducted?" He wheeled over towards the couch. "Well, I think they've begun their collection." He handed her the paper.

She looked at it. It was in the middle of the section, in a small article on the side. A museum at the college nearby was broken into. A few items were stolen but Paul had circled one item in particular. "What's a. da- gue?"

"It's Old Provencal for 'dagger.' I looked into it and that dagger is linked to the symbol you showed me. The one connected with Relin's group."

"So they got one out of five or whatever? What about this other shit? Anything weird about them?"

Paul shook his head. "Might have been taken to throw off our scent, so to speak. According to the article, they said it was mainly a one-person deal. Which concerns me. If it only takes one person to steal something so valuable, then they may have multiple thefts going at the same time."

"The two guards were beaten up pretty bad, too." She knitted her brows together. "Said they didn't know what hit 'em. Bunch of fucking bastards, that's what." She put the paper down, rather roughly. "Dammit, maybe if I didn't oversleep I coulda caught them in the act."

"Faith, we didn't know where they'd be hitting. I'm still gathering that information. I've gotten some very good sources. If I can pinpoint at least one of the items, then that's all we need. They can't do the ritual without ALL of the items present."

"So what, in the meantime, we just chill here and see where else they'll hit?"

Paul frowned. "Unfortunately, we may need to let them unless I find out more about the ritual items. If they do steal something else, that would help me in finding a connection between that item and the dague. For now, if you want, you can patrol a particular area tonight. It's a street that's filled with pawnshops and the such. There are a few, however, that might carry particular 'black market' and 'black magic' items, if you know what I mean."

Faith nodded. "Yeah, I gotcha." She stood up.

"Where are you off to?"

"I dunno. Maybe. work out or something. Been doing that a lot lately."

"Um, Faith," he began.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about your apartment burning down. And you losing everything. It's hard, I know. If you ever need any help."

"I don't," Faith stated, too firmly to be true. "But... thanks anyway. Especially for letting me crash here."

"No problem. Thank you for. helping me, then."

Without a word, she turned and went out.

* * * *

Faith patrolled the darkened street later on that night, the one Paul had suggested she look. Again, the work out was good. She felt more stress released, but hated how she couldn't really let loose. Because stress still hummed under her skin - but deep down, she knew working out wasn't the answer to relieve it.

She approached a certain pawnshop that not only looked a little different from the others, but also FELT different. She went in to give it a look, maybe ask around to see if there had been any other activities that were 'under wraps.' She paused at the door, silently counting to 10 to herself. She had to calm herself down before going in.

The door creaked as she opened it and entered.

Right away, the counter was there. The glass counter displayed the various items of guns, knives, exotic jewelry, and other things Faith wouldn't know what to do with. She kept her eyes on the items as she approached the counter.

"Hey, there lady," the gruff guy said behind the counter. He leaned on it, puffing away at a cigar whose scent filled the small area. "Looking for something to adorn that body of yours?"

Faith leaned into the glass a little. "You do piercings here?" she asked, not making eye contact.

He shrugged. "Eh, I know how to poke ears and other body parts with a needle. I can do it for free if you find a nice piece to go on you."

She could just feel his hormones working in him at the sight of her. She placed her hands on the counter then looked directly into his face. She smirked a little. "What do you think will look good on me, hon?"

The guy peered into the counter. He pointed to a choker with an emerald looking jewel. "That'll look really good on that pretty little neck of yours."

"Mind if I try it on?" she asked.

He grinned and pulled open the back after unlocking it. He reached in and pulled it out, presenting it to her. "Try that on."

She took it and began to unlock it to put around her neck. "What's your name, hon?"

"Eric," he answered.

"Okay, Eric, you wanna help out with something?"

"Sure, babe. What is it?"

"Wanna tell me what other stuff you sell around here."

"What you see is what you get." He spread his hands out to the cluttered store. "I got some books in the back, but no one wants those. Otherwise, this is it."

She latched the necklace. "How's this look?"

"Hot." He stared at the necklace, which eventually led his eyes towards her chest area. "Very hot."

She leaned forward, drawing nearer to him. "Thanks, hon. So, really, what have you got going on here? You got some magical items you're not telling me about?"

His eyes were focused on her lips as she talked. "Uh. no, babe. None to speak of."

"I think you're lying to me, Eric. I know that ain't something you wanna do with me." She meant it, but she said it with a smile.

Eric was leaning more towards her himself. "Wh..what? Uh, no, babe, seriously, I don't do any of that sort of stuff."

She mocked hurt while in her mind telling herself not to make any rash moves - or not to reach out and rash move on his wandering eyes. She put her hand up to the necklace. "Aw, and here I was about to buy this." She began to take off the piece of jewelry.

"Wait, babe, what 'stuff' are you talking about? I don't have any magical stuff. I do have some valuable stuff that should go into museums but found its way here."

Bingo. "Really? Mind if I see them?"

Eric nodded. "Yeah, yeah." He went into the back.

A radio was on somewhere outside. Faith looked out the door to see what it was, not really wanting to cause a scene of any kind. If any of Relin's guys were going to attack tonight, she wasn't sure if she'd be ready. to hold back. The music continued to play, sounding familiar to her.

That's when Eric came from the back with two boxes in his hands. "Here we go."

Faith turned back around, staring at the boxes. "Great."

* * * *

"So you didn't find anything?" Paul asked Faith as she came out of her room.

"Huh?"

"Last night. You patrolled, I take it. You came in very late." He indicated two cups on the coffee table. "I made coffee for you."

Faith narrowed her eyes and saw the steaming cups of coffee. "Thanks. And no, I didn't find anything." She sat down and gulped it all down at once. "Wow, that is strong."

"I've had late nights before. You just look. well, don't take this to offense, but like crap. You usually handle late nights well."

Faith pressed her hand against her forehead. "Yeah, I know. I feel like shit." She shook her head out. "But I looked at this guy's store and he showed me some stuff, but I really didn't know what I was looking for. Most of it was just . things. I hung around most of the night, but nothing happened."

"Eric Jones?" Paul asked.

"I dunno his last name but his name was Eric." She looked at him. "How'd you know?"

Paul held up another section of that day's paper. "Because he was robbed last night."

"What?" Faith took the paper and read the article. "Shit! I was there - I mean, I watched over that damn store almost all night!"

"I guess they knew when to strike. Eric's barely able to walk because of the attack. He's barely able to talk." He shook his head. "That gang is sneakier than I thought. Especially under your watch."

Faith threw the paper down, angrily. "Fuck it. I was SO fucking close! If I just hung out a little longer!" She crossed her arms.

"It's okay, Faith. They're clever. We just need to be cleverer. I know that Eric's shop wasn't the only hit that night. One more was hit. So I'm assuming they've gotten three of the five items needed. Maybe more since I don't have all the information of how many items were stolen."

She stood up, cursing at herself. "What the hell is wrong with this? I was fucking THERE." She shook her head in frustration.

"They must've known when you left," he said.

"Well, they're not gonna get me next time," she warned. "Where do you think is the next hot spot? You were right about this one."

"I'll have to get back to you about that one. I think I can narrow down what items that were stolen last night would pertain to the ritual." He picked the newspaper up from the couch. He began to turn and noticed something. "Nice necklace," he said.

Faith's hand automatically went up to the choker that Eric had let her try on. "What?" She pulled it off her, breaking the latch. "Oh, shit. I forgot I had this damn thing on." She looked at it, wondering how she could forget something like walking out with some jewelry. "I'll. give it back to the guy later. Don't think he'll be thinking about this much anyway."

"Faith," Paul said.

"Sorry," she amended.

"Well, I think I'm going to see if I can get answers out of Mr. Jones." He wheeled over to the coat rack.

Faith watched him. "Uh, you need me to come?"

Paul shook his head. "It's okay. I'll be fine. The hospital isn't too far from here. You go do. things to relax. Could you stop off at the bookstore for me, though?" He handed her the keys to his place.

"Yeah, sure. What for?"

"Only if you go by that way, that is. I had something sent to me that might be waiting in the back door. I just need for you to bring it inside, if you don't mind."

"No problem." She took the keys and started to go back to her room to change. "So, you're gonna let me know what you found?"

Paul nodded. "Of course."

"Cool."

She went in her room, closing the door behind her.

* * * *

The box was there, just as Paul had said it would be. She unlocked the back door and entered into the room, setting the slightly heavy - though not to her - box onto Paul's desk. His NEW desk, she noticed. In fact, a lot of the furniture in there was either new or had been taken out.

With most of it being smashed, she knew he couldn't keep it there. The bloodstains were gone as well.

She couldn't help but scan her immediate area, remembering only days ago how brutally she attacked one of Relin's guys. and when she finally said how she wanted to break it off with Xander.

All things she wished she hadn't done, somewhere deep in her - or maybe not so deep in her.

She had to look away from the walls that contained her at the moment. She slowly ran her finger on the top of the cardboard box, wondering what she would do once they stopped Relin's gang. Leaving was the only option. She sighed, and let the return address of the box catch her attention.

UCLA History Museum.

With a shrug, she made sure the back door was locked and decided to head through the front door of the bookstore. Paul must have the most annoying store hours on earth to customers. Part of Faith just wanted to make sure everything was okay out there.

Faith headed out the door of the bookstore, not understanding why she felt a little tired. Maybe she was coming down with something. She felt tired, yet she always had the urge to release energy by going to the gym. She almost bumped into someone coming in. She stopped short when she saw who it was.

Xander looked back at her. "Hey," he said first.

"Hey," she replied. "I was on my way out."

"And me on my way in. Seems like we're always going in different directions lately, doesn't it?" He smiled sadly. "Faith, listen - "

"Xander, don't do this."

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"See what you're doin' now? THAT'S why." She tried to move past him but he stepped in her way.

"I miss you," he said quietly.

Faith looked up at him, and for the first time in a long while, she was close to him. Enough to see into his dark brown eyes and see that pain she could feel from far away. All she knew was that her own eyes reflected the same, which was why she had to turn away. "That's great, Xander, really."

Xander averted his gaze on her at her words. "I don't understand this."

"It doesn't matter if you do or not," she replied. "As long as I do, it's five by five. Now get out of my way." Each word that came out of her mouth pricked her like a thousand thorns into her side. She hated it all, hated how she felt. hated how she was confused with how she felt.

Xander met her eyes again then wordlessly stepped back and away, leaving space for her to step through.

She glanced at him then walked out into the street, not wondering what he was doing at Paul's bookstore, and not looking back.

* * * *

The look on Xander's face made Faith slam her fists harder and harder into the punching bag. She didn't notice the metal of the chain begin to creak in mercy with each impact. She wished the radio that played the soothing music were on. Instead, some other far off radio played some punk rock music. She kept telling herself over and over that them being apart was good. Good for her. Good for them.

So what if he had to endure the pain?

So what if she had to?

In the end, it would be right. In the end, they'd be better people, right? Why would he want to be with her after the other night? Why would she let him be with her after the other night?

This was the right thing. This was the good thing. Isn't that what she was aiming for? To do good?

"I feel sorry for the punching bag," came a deep but soft voice from behind her.

She turned around and frowned a little at who stood there. "What do YOU want?" she snapped.

Angel walked over to the wall near where she was working out and leaned against it casually, hands in his pockets. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Bullshit," she said, looking back at the bag and beginning to punch it again. She was NOT in the mood for the vampire with a lecture at the moment.

Angel shrugged a little into his black duster, watching her intently with that piercing gaze of his. "Okay, I lied - sort of. I was in the neighborhood. I heard that one of my secondary properties I invested in sort of burned down."

Faith continued her routine. "Welcome to the neighborhood."

"I kind of thought you'd call me."

"What for? 'Hey, Angel, guess what? I managed to get the place you got me charred to the fucking ground!' Didn't think it was something you wanted to hear."

"No, it probably wasn't, but I did want to know if you were okay or not."

She stopped and looked at him, spreading out her arms. "I'm okay. Five by five." She let them fall to her side as she held his gaze then returned to the bag.

When she looked away, Angel glanced down to the floor below her. "I think that phrase is wearing away its meaning with you."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time you say it, I don't think you mean it. So now that you've said it, you're not okay." He leveled his gaze with her again, even though he wasn't catching her eyes. "What happened, Faith?"

"I pissed off some people, as I've been know to do, and they wanted to get me back, end of story."

"Why don't I believe that?"

Faith stopped and glared at him. "What do you mean? You don't think I can't piss people off?"

"I can believe that. I can even believe people might piss you off every once in awhile. What I can't believe is the 'end of story' portion of the sentence. Are you sure you're okay? And you know I don't mean physically."

She couldn't believe he was still standing there, continuing to probe her on. But then again, Angel had this uncanny ability to have patience with her, and the times he visited her while she was in jail, he'd listen to her with open eyes and ears as she talked about the fights she gotten into with the guards and other prisoners when she first arrived. But how did he know there was more to the story than she was telling? "You talked to Xander?" she asked, incredulously.

That made Angel show a flicker of response. "Xander? What does he have to do with this?" His brows drew together in curiosity. "Did he.? I know how his mouth runs and never stops, no matter who gets hurt." His jaw clenched. "If he said anything to you, I'll."

"Be meeting the end of my fucking fist," she automatically responded. She didn't have time to explain to Angel her reaction to his subtle threat to Xander. "Look, forget it. I thought you and him had a chat or something."

Angel let it go - at the moment. "And what would we chat about?"

Faith stared down at her hands as she fumbled with the wraps. "About how I took out a bunch of people in this gang."

"Took out? Meaning you."

"Beat them up bad," she interjected, not wanting to hear the rest of his assumption. "Put them out of commission, but not in the permanent sense. I almost did, especially to this one dude." She could still feel the anger of that moment where death onto another by her hands didn't mean shit to her.

Angel stood up straight. "I see." He stepped closer to her, his hand reaching out for the bag between them. "You didn't, though. And that's good."

Faith leveled her gaze with the vampire. "No it ain't. It's not good 'cause it wasn't ME who stopped ME." She pointed to herself.

"What did then?"

"It wasn't a 'what,' it was a 'who.'"

Angel nodded, knowing she was beginning to hesitate at this part of the story. "Xander," he finished.

She couldn't even refute the truth. Because it was more than truth. "Yeah."

"And this still isn't a good thing? It sounds like he cares about you a lot. The kid definitely has this thing for Slayers."

Faith couldn't help but glare at Angel. "Fuck off, Angel."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He put his hands up in apology. "I just want you to be careful with him."

"Why do you think I'm keeping away from him?"

"Did he hurt you?"

"No," she said.

"What then? What did he do to you?"

Faith closed her eyes a moment. "He almost died on me."

And it was then Angel could see how much she did care for Xander - more than just care. He knew the look. If he could see himself in the mirror, he'd be able to see it in his own eyes. "You love him," he stated.

"Whatever," Faith said, her defenses rising again.

"You know, Faith, it's okay to."

"No, it's not. He almost died 'cause of ME. He doesn't deserve me; he deserves better. Hell, I don't deserve him! I thought me and him could be happy, ya know? That I could care about something for once in my life and. But it just doesn't happen with me. Things get taken away."

Angel sighed without the breath. "Xander's okay, I take it."

"Yeah."

"Then how did he get taken away?" He watched as she didn't respond to that question. "Faith, I know what you're feeling. You feel like if the person you love is near you, they'll get hurt because of what you are."

"It's more than that," she said. More like WHO she was.

"Maybe. but it's enough."

She looked up at him. "And what the hell DO you know? Word has it, you're doing the exact same thing!"

Angel blinked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Don't tell me you don't love Buffy still. Do you?"

"Faith, this has nothing to do with -"

"Answer the fucking question! Do you still love her?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"Then why the hell are you here and she's back in Sunnydale? The whole curse thing? Do the diddy and you get evil and start killing people?" She laughed bitterly. "Guess what, Angel. I fell in love, hard, too. And I almost killed people again!"

"That's different."

"Yeah, it's worse. I never lost my soul. I still had it in me."

Angel didn't like where this conversation was going. "And you have a choice. And you went the right way. So what if Xander was the one who stopped you? You still could've done it easily. And you didn't. I know you got scared that you felt that way again. But it's different this time because you got out of it."

Faith heard him, but wasn't really willing to listen. "Whatever. I'm just doing what you're doing. So what if that curse will get to you? It's not like you or B are the most uncareful people on earth. Aren't things gonna make you happy out here? Aren't you scared the 'curse' will take effect out here?"

"I don't think anything could make me happy like that again," he said quietly.

"You loved her when you two weren't having sex, right?"

"Yes."

"Were you not happy? 'Cause from what I saw, you two still did the googly eyes with each other when you stood there just holding hands."

"Yes, we were."

She shook her head. "Then don't come to me and tell me that I gotta listen to my heart 'cause it seems like you're doing just fine without listening to yours. I mean, me and you got other things to think about." She let that sink in and began punching again.

Angel stood there, hands in pockets as he stepped away from the now moving punching bag. "I came by," he said after a moment. "because I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt."

She laid down two more jabs then stopped, looking at the vampire. There was no denying that he did care about her, and he had been the only one who truly stuck by her side when everyone else turned their back on her, including herself. "Angel, look, I appreciate you comin' down here to check up. Really. I'm sorry about the apartment and all. But I got a place to stay for now. Friend I made. I'll pay you back, I swear. I'm gonna be okay. I've actually got people who got my back."

Angel nodded, seeming like he was taking more out of the conversation than he bargained for. "I hope so, Faith. And if they are those kind of people, don't let them go." He smiled slightly. "You've come a long way."

Faith shrugged and nodded. "I guess more than I thought I did. But I still got a lot to think about."

"And that's okay. If you ever need anything."

"I know you've still got my back, too." She looked at him, sincerely. "Thanks."

Angel stared a moment at her then began to walk away.

"B and I, we. worked some things out," she announced.

He stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "That's great, Faith. For the both of you."

"She still thinks about you, ya' know," she called to him.

He turned back, bowing his head a little from what she could see. "Yeah, the feeling's mutual," he murmured then walked out of the gym.

* * * *

On her way back from the gym, and the unexpected yet expected visit from Angel, Faith crossed the street and saw Hannah and Amber up ahead with Rachel. The three of them were quietly sitting at the front steps of one of the older buildings.

Rachel was playing with her dinosaur, making it walk across the railing. She looked up and saw Faith pausing half a block down, staring at them. The little girl gasped and ran to Hannah, burying her face into her mother's ratty jacket.

"What is it, honey?" Hannah asked. She looked over and saw Faith causing her to stand straight up and tensing.

Faith looked at them carefully, wondering why with the jitters. Granted, she hadn't spoken to them since everything went down. Maybe now was the time. "Hey," she greeted them as she drew nearer.

But Hannah quickly picked up her daughter into her arms. "Faith, please. y- you need to stay away from us."

Faith stopped, gaping at them in slight surprise. "Hey, Hannah, look, I just came to say 'sorry' and stuff. I-I know what."

But Hannah shook her head. "Paul said you were okay, that you didn't mean what you did the other day but. I-I don't believe it. Not after." She couldn't seem to finish what she wanted to. "Come on, Amber. We should go." She took her best friend's hand and led her away.

Faith stared at Hannah, speechless. She had never seen the woman that nervous, that angry, that cold before. She shook her head, finally seeing what she had done to them.

And knowing leaving was the now the ultimate option.

* * * *

Paul wheeled into the hospital room, pushing himself up to the bedside of Eric Jones. The man was under many casts in various parts of his body. The doctors said he could talk, slightly. His jaw was broken during the robbery, but some words were coherent. They wouldn't let Paul in there for very long.

"Hi, there," Paul greeted the man gently.

Eric opened his eyes and stared at the stranger. He raised his brows in question.

"I'm here to ask you a few questions about the robbery. Is that okay?"

Eric nodded.

"Have the police been through here?"

Eric shook his head.

Paul nodded. "Alright. I'm here to just help find out who did this."

"De... ctive?"

"Yes, something like that. Now, can you tell me if the culprit had a tattoo of any kind?"

Eric nodded.

Paul smiled to himself. So far, it was Relin's gang alright. "Good. A snake, correct? Somewhere on his body, I'm sure."

Eric shook his head.

"It wasn't a snake?"

Another shake of his head.

Paul blinked, not sure how to take that news. "Did it look similar to a snake?"

Eric paused then shook his head. "Tattoo. black."

"A black tattoo?"

Eric nodded.

"But not a snake, nor any resemblance of one?"

Eric shook his head.

"So the man that attacked you had a black tattoo. On his arm?"

Eric nodded.

"Left arm?"

Head shake.

"Right?"

Nod.

"Was this man tall?"

Shake.

"A bandana on his head?"

Shake.

"Sunglasses?"

Shake.

Paul looked at what he had jotted down. It didn't fit a description of any of the members he had seen. "Well, okay. it wasn't quite who I thought." He scratched his head in confusion. "Did he have blond hair?"

Shake.

"Dark brown?"

Nod.

"Short hair?"

Shake.

"Long, then,"

Nod.

Paul studied the description further, now not really knowing how to approach this.

Eric tried to lift his arm for attention. "Wasn't. man."

Paul raised his brows, his eyes meeting the victim's. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Man. it wasn't. a man."

"It wasn't a man that attacked you?"

He shook his head.

"It was a woman?"

Eric nodded.

That made Paul frown. He didn't remember a female counterpart in the gang at all. "Alright, a woman." He stared at the near body cast on Eric. ".did this to you."

"S-Strong." Eric whispered. "Y-Young. stole. necklace."

"Oh, god," Paul whispered. "You're saying a young woman attacked you and she was quite strong. And she stole a necklace along with other items?"

Eric nodded. "Wearing necklace."

He swallowed, not believing what he was hearing. He remembered Faith had a necklace around her neck. He looked down at the description Eric had given him. Not tall. Long brown hair. Black tattoo on her right arm. Strong.

He closed his eyes a moment. "Did she have a raspy voice?"

Eric nodded. "S-Sexy."

Paul shook his head. "Oh, God." He looked at Eric. "Thank you, sir. You've been a tremendous help." He smiled though it was forced.

Eric was TOO much of a help. Somehow, he knew they had gotten their man. or woman.

* * * *

Faith kicked at a bottle as she continued on down the sidewalk, moodily. She didn't know she had affected Hannah so much. From her earlier encounter with Amber, she thought Hannah at least wanted to know if she was okay. Now it just seemed like Hannah didn't care. Of course not, she thought. ~Why the hell would she want to know if you're okay after you screamed at her face and Rachel's?~

She shook her head in shame.

A car passed by, music streaming out of it steadily.

She tried to ignore it but noticed the car was following beside her. She looked up as the window slowly rolled down in the familiar Suburban. The music rang louder. But it wasn't the hard rap or hard rock that you would expect from a car like that.

Instead it was classical music - Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

"Hey, there Faith," the guy behind the wheel greeted her. It was Mahoney, the short guy who had been one of the lucky ones that had gotten away.

Faith stopped as did the car.

"Ready?" he asked.

Faith nodded.

"We're gonna get the last two things tonight," Mahoney said. "One over on Hedden Lane and we're gonna pay another familiar place a visit to get the last item."

One of the guys in the back opened up the door and caught her bag as she tossed it in. She climbed into the car as it took off down the street.

* * * *

"Hannah!" Paul called as he drove his van down the street and saw the homeless woman and her daughter.

"Hello, Paul," she greeted him as he pulled up to the curb. "How are you?"

"Not very good at the moment, actually. Have you seen Faith?"

Hannah's face grew stoic then. "Yes. We saw her about 30 minutes ago. Paul, I don't know what you mean by her being okay. She-she was worse the other night."

"The other night?" He put the van in park. "Hannah, what happened?" This was getting more and more confusing by the moment.

"Amber and I were walking back to the shelter and-and passed by the street where that robbery happened."

"The one with the line of pawnshops?"

She nodded. "Yes. We were there right when one of them got robbed and we saw Faith running out of the pawnshop. She ran towards us, holding onto this box. We tried to call out to her, asking her to help. but she looked at us and pushed me to the ground, saying something awful to me."

Amber nodded. "It's true. We didn't know what to do. She ran so fast and she disappeared somewhere."

"Are you SURE it was Faith?" Paul asked.

"Yes, of course," Hannah answered. "We thought we could talk to her. But. it was her. Did she rob that pawnshop? It looked like she had. but we didn't want to believe it."

"Something isn't right," Paul murmured. "The man who was attacked at the pawnshop described the assailant as Faith, but. I don't know if that can be."

"Why not?" Amber asked. "I mean, she did try to kill those gang members, didn't she? And she just seemed so. different than before."

"And she is in trouble by the law for something," Hannah added.

Paul took those pieces of news into account. Xander had told him what it was for: murder. He knew there was so much more to the story than Xander had let on, but Paul got his answer and wasn't going to probe any more. Still, out of all of them, Paul was the one who had been around Faith the most. She seemed okay. Yes, still on the mend, so to speak, but her actions rang true to him. She hadn't hurt him, nor gotten angry at him in the days he had let her stay in his guest room.

"That's true," he murmured. "But. she's stayed with me this entire time. I didn't see any reason to think she'd be doing it." He looked at the two women. "Would you like for me to drop you off at the shelter?"

Hannah frowned, concern etching her features. "No, we'll be okay. Um, but. Paul, please be careful with Faith. I'm beginning to think that maybe she is a lot more than we know."

He could see how it pained her to doubt Faith, but he also saw the apprehension for him. "I'll be alright." He gave them a small wave and took off towards his bookstore.

When he arrived, Brandon was waiting there for him, book in his hands. He looked up when he saw Paul. "Hi, Boss." He automatically went to the door to pull out Paul's wheelchair.

"We might be in trouble," Paul said as Brandon helped him into the wheelchair.

"What's up?" Brandon asked.

"Have you gone inside yet?"

Brandon shook his head. "No. I just got here. Plus you said you lent the keys to Faith."

"Dammit, I did." His eyes widened a bit. "I wonder if she brought in that box."

"What box?" Brandon went on ahead and opened up the door for Paul when he handed him the main keys, following the bookshop keeper inside. "What's going on, Paul?"

"I figured out another key piece to the ritual that Relin's gang is after. I have a connection to someone at UCLA for whom I warned, so I had him send it to me."

"Because that's safer?" Brandon asked.

"Well, my line of thinking is slightly backfiring." He wheeled to the back and found the box sitting on his desk. He lifted it with a grunt and set it on his lap.

"And the line of thinking was.?"

"That I'd have Faith protect it."

"And it's backfiring because.?"

"Because if they want it, she'd be the one to take it from us." He wheeled towards the front of the store. "I don't know what's going on, Brandon, but the one who's been attacking these people in the stores, breaking into the museum to get the dague, it was all Faith."

"What?" Brandon cried. "Whoa, whoa, I know the chick went a little out there, but I know she's not on Relin's side. No way, not after what she did to them. I don't think someone like that would be invited to their reunion party."

"I know. Which is why I think something's amiss here."

"You sure it was her?"

"Nearly. The last person attacked described her. Faith said she got in much earlier than I heard her come in. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't think it was anything to worry about." He shook his head. "It has to be something. I know Xander has told me she did make the mistake of. going over to the 'bad' side when he knew her a few years ago. But I can't believe she'd do it again."

An SUV pulled up in front of the store.

Paul froze. "Oh, no. They're here."

Brandon looked out the large window of the store. "Shit. They want what's in the box, don't they?"

"Oh, yes." He began to back up but Brandon caught the handles and pushed him towards the back. "We need to get out of here."

Brandon stopped short when he pulled open the back door and there stood Faith looking back at him. "Faith," he said. "Uh, hey, we're on our way out."

"I need the box," she said, nodding towards the object in Paul's lap.

"Faith, you don't want to do what . you think you're doing, okay?" Paul said.

Faith didn't say anything to that. "I said I need the box."

"Why?"

"It's got something we need."

"Who's 'we,' Faith? Are you talking about Relin's group?"

"Yeah. You wanna give me the box now?"

"You know what happens when you get this box. They'll win. I thought you didn't want them to win."

A short figure came up behind her, grin on his face. "She probably doesn't, but hey, who's side is she on now?"

Brandon glared at Mahoney and tried to reach out to grab him when Faith grasped his wrist, stopping him. He looked at her in pain and shock. "Girl, just let me get him. He's doing something to you."

She met his gaze, eyes sort of glazed over as she jerked her hand back and knocked Brandon against Paul's new desk.

Paul looked at Brandon worriedly, along with the desk, before looking back at Mahoney. "You're controlling her, aren't you?"

Mahoney chuckled, glad to get big guy out of the way. "You learn a few things. First of all, that we know she's a Slayer. But no matter how you say it, she's human. And second of all, who's ever got the power pretty much will get what they want. Faith, get the box."

Paul began to wheel backwards as Faith approached him. He hadn't noticed before but he heard faint music coming from Mahoney. It sounded familiar to him, though he didn't have much time to think about it with Faith coming at him. "Faith, stop this. You know you don't want to do it."

She still took steps toward him, not saying anything, not really even seeing anything.

She's not of her own will, Paul thought. The music. Why would there be music?

"Faith - come on, it's me. It's Paul."

Brandon finally got his bearings together and rushed at Faith from behind, knocking them both down. His 250lbs+ body beared down on her, trying to hold down her arms. "Go!" he gritted.

Paul turned his wheelchair for an escape.

Brandon cocked back his large arm. "Sorry to do this to you," he said and slammed a fist into her face, hoping to knock her out.

The force snapped her head to the side but it didn't do anything except flicker a spark of anger.

"Damn," Brandon muttered, doing it again. About to do it a third time, she caught his fist before it reached half-way to her face. He tried to pull out of it only to feel her buckle even under his weight and threw him off.

Mahoney cringed as Brandon hit the wall. "Oo, do I know that's gotta hurt."

Faith scrambled to her knees and grabbed the larger wheel of Paul's chair as he tried to make his escape. She jerked it back, causing the chair to fall forward, dumping Paul out of it as he landed on the floor.

The box was under him, his chest resting atop it. He groaned from the way he landed but forced himself to gather his bearings. He felt a hand grab his arm and he was easily pulled up to his knees. But he held onto the box as he faced Faith, who was also still on her knees. He was only upright because of her. "Faith, you don't want to hurt me."

She tried to reach for the box, but he pulled the other half of his body away. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Fight it," he intoned, feeling her grip grow tighter on his arm. "You're working for the enemies you almost killed! Is that what you want to do? Work for them? Because that's what you're doing! You didn't want them to hurt me or Hannah or Xander but that's what they're making YOU do!"

Faith paused and stared at him.

"Faith, tell him to shut the hell up," Mahoney said.

"Shut the hell up," she told Paul. And she attempted to pull him toward her while reaching out for the box.

Paul squirmed, wincing as she tightened her grip even more. "Faith! That's Relin's friend who's telling you what to do!"

Again, Faith stopped. "Relin?" she asked.

"Remember him? You don't really like him much, but if you try and fight Brandon or me then you'll be helping him! Do you want that?"

"Relin." she mumbled, looking confused all of a sudden.

Mahoney cursed and tried to fumble for the small player in his pocket, turning up the song. "Faith, don't listen to him."

Faith shook her head, trying to get things straight to what she did want to hear. She got to her feet, bringing Paul and the box with her, holding them upright.

"No, don't listen to HIM," Paul stressed. "You know what's good and bad. You DO."

"Faith, just have fun killing your friend there. Crush his skull. It'll be fun. It'll shut him up."

Faith looked back at Mahoney, the expression on her face resembling distress. "Killing my friend," she mumbled.

"Don't do it, Faith," Brandon said, still a bit dazed from hitting the wall. "That's Paul. You know him."

Faith looked back at Paul, showing him the same confused look. She tried to make the fuzziness go away. "I can't. kill Paul."

Mahoney frowned. "Uh, yeah, sure you can." He didn't like what was going on. He never had trouble before - then again, it wasn't her friends she had been attacking earlier. The Boss told him there'd be a risk if she ever had to face her friends, depending on how deeply she cared about them.

"No, you surely don't want to," Paul said, staring at Faith with pleading eyes trying to get through to her. It seemed the music had a hand in whatever was making Faith follow Mahoney's words. "Brandon. the music."

Mahoney backed away. "Shit," he muttered, reaching into his jacket and fumbling for the volume of the radio. Instead, he knocked it out of the pocket of his jacket. His eyes widened as it slid across the floor, hitting the leg of a chair and shutting off. He looked over at Brandon who began to grin, knowing the upper hand had been had.

Mahoney's eyes bolted from Brandon to Faith, who looked more than confused. He held his breath and ran towards her, doing the last thing he could think of: kicked her in the back of one of her legs.

She was so dazed that she fell, dropping Paul and the box.

Mahoney grabbed the box and kept on running for the front door, already huffing from the weight of it. He reached the door and tried to open it. "Hey!" he cried, banging his hands against the glass when he found it lock. "Let me out!"

One of his cohorts peeked out of the window and threw a large object at the door. The glass shattered on impact and Mahoney was able to crawl through it. He rushed towards the car, barely making it in okay before it took off.

Brandon was at the door just as the car pulled away. "Dammit," he muttered, shaking his head in disappointment. He turned and went back to where Paul lay. "You okay?" he asked his boss.

Paul nodded. "Considering we didn't really accomplish our mission," he said as Brandon helped him to a sitting position.

Faith sat up as well, her hand to her head. "What the hell happened?" she murmured. "What am I doin' here?"

"You don't remember?" Paul asked, looking over at Faith with concern.

She looked around the office and shook her head. "No, I don't. I just remember walking from the gym and. I dunno. I guess I crashed somewhere?" She shut her eyes. "My head's aching again."

Brandon had went over and picked up the small MP3 player that had Beethoven's 5th Symphony running across the cracked screen. "Think this did it?" He held it up.

"Did what?" Faith asked. "What happened?"

Paul nodded. "Powerful spell linked with the song, probably." He looked at Faith. "We should get you to bed. I think you were put under a spell."

"Spell? What spell? What'd it do to me?"

Brandon and Paul looked at each other, not sure if she really wanted to hear the news the way things had been going lately. "Well, I think it started with a song." Paul began.

* * * *

Faith sat in the front of Paul's steps in front of his town home. She was still trying to recover from the events from the past few nights. She had been the reason the gang has all the pieces to the ritual now. They'd been controlling her the entire time. Any time she heard that song, it was leaving her mind open for Relin's gang to control. It also must've been that white powder that initiated it. She shook her head, feeling so stupid and ashamed for what they had done to her, and making others believe she had been doing it on her own accord.

Of course they would think so. It was her nature.

"Faith?" came a voice.

She looked up and saw Hannah and Amber standing there, Rachel still hiding behind her mother for safety.

Faith stood up. "Hey," she said, wiping her hands on her jeans. "Uh, look, I know I really, really scared you guys before, but what you saw the other night."

"Wasn't you," Hannah interjected. "We know." She dipped her head down a bit in her own shame. "Paul explained to us. And we didn't want to think you could do such a thing, but. because of what happened when our place burned down and we were waiting for you outside the bookstore, I just didn't know what to do."

The dark-haired Slayer knew what Hannah was referring to, and for that situation, it WAS Faith's own accord. "Yeah, I-I'm sorry. I didn't know. I mean, I was crazed and I did things that I didn't think I'd do again. And I'm always runnin' my damn mouth.. I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't mean what I said." She looked at Rachel a moment. "I didn't mean what I did. And I promise you, I'll be outta all your hair once this whole thing is stopped. I ain't gonna leave until I know you guys are all safe."

Amber and Hannah glanced at each other then back at Faith.

"We. don't want you to leave," Amber said. "Especially since we know it wasn't you last night."

Hannah nodded. "We just didn't want to lose you like that, Faith. You've been so, so good to us."

"You still. want me to stay?" she asked, reluctantly.

"Yes, of course." Hannah tried to nudge Rachel out, but the little girl would not go. "Well, some of us still might need more time."

Faith frowned, still not comfortable with the effect she had on the young girl. "I'll be better," she promised. "And, hey, let her take all the time she needs." She gave them a small smile. She was still so amazed at how these two women still wanted to be around her - after all the shit she had done.

"Well, we need to get back," Amber said. "We'll see you later?"

Faith nodded. "I can walk with you, make sure you make it okay?"

Hannah placed a hand on Faith's arm. "We're fine. But thank you." She took Rachel along and began to walk towards the shelter.

Rachel couldn't help but look back as they walked away.

Faith stared at the little girl and didn't know what else to do to appease her that Faith would NEVER let anything hurt her. So she just waved.

For a moment, Rachel just blinked then gave her a little wave back with just her hand.

Such a small motion sent a surge of relief and hope in Faith, and the Slayer couldn't hold back the smile. It faded however when she was left alone again.

"Faith," Paul said, coming up to her as she sat herself on the steps of his place again. "I heard what Hannah and Amber said." He wheeled up to her. "You seem surprised."

"Well, hell, yeah. They still want me to hang around. After all that."

He smiled, resting his arms on the armrests of his wheelchair. "You want to know why even after that night, we still want you here?"

She looked up at him. "'Cause you guys are too fucking nice for your own good?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No. Would you like to know what happened to my legs? Why I can't move them any more? Because I did something very similar to what you did."

"What, went around throwing people and taking a stab at them?"

"No. I guess, in better words, I did something very similar to WHY you did what you did. My wife was threatened by this demon when she was in my band of demon hunters. It's actually where we met, and even married. Granted, my going on a rampage is much different than you, but you and I aren't the same in those respects, but it doesn't mean our emotions at the time weren't."

She narrowed her eyes at him curiously.

"I went after this demon, even when all my other colleagues told me not to. When I found this demon and his 'friends,' they made me do these tests to prove me worthy to have her back. One test cost me my legs, one nearly my life. But in the end, these demons were truly what they were and they. well, they killed her anyway."

"Oh, shit." Faith blinked and looked away.

He smiled sadly. "If I had your strength and your speed and agility - and a working pair of legs, I would've done the same thing as you did with Relin's gang as angry as I was. Instead, all I could do was watch as I lay there unable to move." He stared at his feet, unfocused a moment in the memory, but came back to her. "My point is, from what you told me and what Xander told me about your past, what you did wasn't the same for what you were put in jail for. What you did wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong. Because you did it out of love."

Faith met his gaze again. "What are you talkin'.?"

"Faith, I'm not going to tell you how you feel now, but what you felt during the time you thought Xander dead, I could see that in you. It was vengeance for someone you love. Vengeance is never a good thing, I know, but out of love it's sometimes something amazing. You can be as tough as you want, but I think what they did was hit you in the vulnerable spot. Whether it be Hannah and Rachel or Xander, they got you. But you shouldn't be afraid of that, Faith. Those vulnerable spots shouldn't be something to keep you at bay; they should be places to give you strength because those are the places that love comes from - for YOU."

She sat there, staring at nothing in particular as his words sunk in. She faced him. "You're a goddamn cheeseball, Paul, you know that?"

He laughed. "I know. Thought I'd changed all that when I became a demon hunter." He shrugged. "But however cheesy, I believe it."

Faith gestured with her hands. "Look, I get what you said. And okay, yeah, Relin knew where to get me. With Hannah and you and. and Xander. I just . I just hate that people can do that. Get me, ya know? Bein' alone, they can't fucking find any weak spots."

"But it's lonely."

"Yeah." She shook her head and stood up. "You don't get it, though. I came out of jail wanting to take things slow, if at all. Making friends with you guys ain't really. I mean, I don't want this yet. I mean, you and Hannah and Rachel, yeah, you guys. I can handle, I think. It's not like I wanna abandon you guys, especially not the kid."

"It's Xander, then."

She shrugged. "I can't deal with him. Not now. I think about what Relin would've done to him ."

Paul saw the muscles in her arms tense at the thought. "I know," he said. "You haven't heard the term 'love hurts'?"

"Yeah, I heard it. But I don't want it to."

"So you're going to keep your distance to prevent it from hurting."

She looked at him. "You think I'm wrong."

He smiled but didn't answer. "I'm going to go inside. I think my friend has found something on his end of town concerning the symbol of who Relin works for. I've pieced the fact it's a symbol for drawing in very black magic, but it can be a symbol only one can use who intends on calling it in." He began to go up the ramp. "Are you coming back after patrol?"

Faith looked at him then nodded. "Yeah. I'm here."

"Good."

Even after he went in, Faith stared at his building. "He thinks I'm wrong," she muttered, then began walking for the night's patrol.

* * * *

Paul dialed his fellow colleague's number, a colleague who had just gotten into his band of demon hunters when he had left. He wasn't in it long, however. The number was local. Even though they had been exchanging certain things back and forth for the past week or so, it was simply business talk. They respected each other enough not to talk about anything outside the information granted.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Wesley, it's Paul. How are you?"

"Ah, Paul, I'm glad you called me back. I'm doing well, thank you. And you?"

"I'm doing fine. It's been a rough day, but again, I managed to live through it."

"Well, I suppose that's good to hear."

Paul nodded. "If you have the right people on your side. Do you have any good news for me?"

There was a pause and a rustling of papers. "Well, I don't know if you fancy this being GOOD news, but news nonetheless. According to some research, you were right about what the symbol means. Now we just have to find out who bears this symbol. And I think I have found your person."

Paul leaned forward in his chair. "Oh, good. We've been working on this case for weeks, thinking the leader was one person when in turn, it really is this person."

Wesley Wyndham-Pryce shifted the phone on his end. "I don't know whether or not you want it to be this person, actually."

Just then, Xander knocked on the window near the front door, peering in.

Paul waved him in and the boy opened the door and entered the living room. He gave Paul a wave when he saw he was on the phone.

Paul mouthed that he may have an answer.

Xander came up to the desk and gave a nod, waiting there patiently.

"Go ahead," Paul said.

"Well, unfortunately, it's a powerful sorcerer at work here," Wesley went on. "He escaped from some undercover unit. This part was slightly vague, but this unit was part of the government. Anyway, he escaped and has somehow used the magic he possessed and most likely garnered through other means to make this symbol his own, to become the bearer of it."

Paul jotted down notes as Wesley talked.

"We've come up with one name..."

Paul nodded as Wesley read him the name. "Got it. Thank you so much. I do owe you." Then he hung up. "I've got the person behind all this."

Xander perked up a bit. "Oh, good - right?"

"I don't know. My source has told me he's a powerful sorcerer."

"That's not too good to hear. Who is it?"

He handed the piece of paper to Xander.

Xander's eyes grew wide as he read the name. Unfortunately, he knew the name TOO well. He looked at Paul. "Ethan Rayne? Uh, oh.."

-END-