Whisper to Me

It has been sixty days since Makoto told Haruka that he loved him…

Normally, Haruka wouldn't have thought twice about this confession of love. They had always been close in their life and they would probably always be close given that they were best friends. Makoto's been in Haruka's life for as long as he can remember and Haruka would like to keep it that way however…

Makoto wasn't talking about his love as a friend, no this was something else. Something you didn't talk about, something only discussed about in hushed tones, as if whispering the words turns them into something that isn't real; hushed and silent enough to be carried by the wind and then forgotten about.

Haruka couldn't forget, he would probably never forget. This wasn't the kind of thing you could pretend that didn't happen – though he did try his hardest to forget the words that Makoto had whispered to him sixty days ago.

It was the beginning of their third year and everybody seemed to be buzzing. They could start swim practice again and even the lost friendship with Rin had been restored, everything seemed perfect and nothing would ever compare to the pure feeling of bliss they all felt.

Haruka had caught Makoto's eye at a party that was thrown by Nagisa(of course in Haruka's house) to celebrate another year full of fun and swim practice. Makoto had beamed at Haruka and Haruka had smiled back slightly, the same thought passing between the two, how they were so excited to compete in races and tournaments again, so proud of each other and everything they'd done so far. At that moment, Haruka felt like he was exactly where he wanted to be, everything was simply perfect.

Three hours later, Haruka's world was shaken so hard that it would probably never be restored to its previous state of utter bliss and happiness. His whole world was rocked and turned on its head; Makoto's drunken slurring as he whispered in Haruka's ear, whispered because the words he spoke were those kind of words. Haruka had only been able to listen to so much, before grabbing Rei's arm as he went to walk past, pulling him towards them.

"Take Makoto upstairs, he's drunk," Haruka muttered, not even looking at the olive-haired male before he walked away.

Haruka couldn't remember anything else about that night, only that Rin had been a very willing drinking partner and they had both suffered greatly for it the next morning.

There was only one person who didn't seem to be suffering at all the next morning and that was Makoto. He was second of out his bed, after Nagisa and Rei of course and was still in the bathroom when Rin and Haruka rolled out of Haruka's bed before staggering downstairs to the kitchen area.

"Good morning!" Makoto's greeting was like a hammer to Haruka's forehead and by the sounds of it, Rin's too. Haruka hated the fact that he had drunk so much but it seemed like the only way to wash away the whisper that had thrown his world upside down. Haruka wanted to desperately try to deny that Makoto had said anything to him at all, but the whisper seemed to be stuck in his clouded mind.

"Fucking shut your mouth!" Rin glared at Makoto, who was grinning from ear to ear. He was in a good mood today and no one would take that away from him.

Nagisa laughed loudly. "Serves you both right!"

Haruka laid his head down on the table, not really wanting to face Makoto at the moment, and when he glanced up, he saw Rin giving the blonde the finger, not that the blonde cared, he even laughed louder and Haruka winced at the sound. When Haruka's oceanic gaze darted over to Makoto, Haruka was confused. Makoto was pouting and glaring at him with his 'You've pissed me off' look. Had Makoto been so drunk the night before that he'd forgotten what happened? Was Makoto so drunk that he was just spewing bullshit that meant nothing? Better yet, had Haruka been so drunk that he imagined the entire thing? He certainly hoped so…

"Why are you up so early anyway?" Rin asked the olive-haired male, interrupting Haruka's thoughts. "And why did you leave so early? You weren't that drunk, were you?"

Haruka tilted his head to see Makoto staring directly at him.

"No I wasn't," Makoto mumbled, cheeks staining reddish.

There it was. He remembered exactly what happened.

Makoto never said anything else; to Haruka's utter amazement, his best friend carried on as if it had never happened, as if he hadn't just dropped something monumentally huge onto Haruka. It all seemed wonderful because Haruka didn't want to think about it either. The only problem was that he couldn't stop thinking about it, it was all he ever thought about.

Every once in a while, Makoto attempted to remind him as if he'd eventually forget and that's obviously not something Makoto wanted. Haruka would look up from his breakfast and catch one of his emerald gems before catching both of them, which would be appraising Haruka slowly while the tiny tip of his pink glistening tongue ran along the curve of his bottom lip. Makoto still came by Haruka's every day to drag him out of his tub and they'd have breakfast together. It was one of their habits and Haruka didn't exactly want to change that. However, whenever he saw that damn tongue, it would make him so angry that he wanted to throw himself over the small table and launch himself at Makoto; use his fist to smash that smitten look right off Makoto's face, bust that lip open until there was no more blood to shed. Haruka would get even angrier when he'd find himself thinking about running his own tongue along Makoto's lip instead, and that would be the point where he'd throw his uneaten mackerel away and storm out.

It's been fifty three days since Haruka nearly walked away during their swim practice.

Haruka could feel Makoto watching him, as he always did. In the past, it had never bothered Haruka, in fact it made him feel special since Makoto was always there to extend his hand when practice was over. However, it made his blood boil every time their eyes locked and Haruka wanted nothing more than to disappear under the surface of the water and never come up again. He didn't know how to handle the emotions that Makoto was sending to him because he just didn't want to be loved in that kind of way. Sure, Makoto had always been clingy and perhaps a bit too touchy and feely every now and again, but the mere thought of Makoto loving him on a much deeper level made him feel sick and furious at the same time. Sometimes, when Kou was absent, Makoto would be the one to blow the whistle and on more than one occasion, Haruka wanted to grab the damn thing and shove it down Makoto's throat. His stomach churned as he then imagined shoving something else down Makoto's throat. Haruka continued to stoically swim laps, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. He didn't want to lose Makoto as a best friend but honestly, everything had already changed and nothing had happened. Makoto acted differently around Haruka, or perhaps, he was still the same but Haruka wasn't. He would now understand the shimmer in Makoto's emerald gems when they looked at each other. Before it was just a sign that Makoto was happy but now Haruka knew better. Miserable as he was, Haruka continued swimming, gliding through the water, his pride overpowering a heartbreak he didn't quite understand.

It's been fifty one days since Makoto finally brought it up again.

Haruka had been waiting for it to be honest, he knew his best friend wouldn't let something like that go, no matter how much Haruka wished things could go back to normal. He had secretly been challenging Makoto to make the next move, so pissed off he was that Makoto could so casually tell him and then say nothing for days on end. Words between the two friends were few and Haruka longed for the days where he could tell Makoto anything and listen to Makoto's incessant chattering. Haruka never said that much to Makoto but he didn't need to because Makoto could just read his thoughts. However, it seemed that Makoto didn't bother doing that anymore and Haruka felt rather exposed in a weird sense. There were things he wanted or things he wanted to say but there was no one who understood his heart's desires. He just wanted his best friend back…

Space between the two of them had always been tight, they sat next to each other in class, when they walked home their arms and hands would often brush, they always swam next to each other albeit in different lanes,… They were always together. However, over the course of that week, Haruka had never felt so claustrophobic. He had never noticed just how narrow it was in the locker rooms when he had to squeeze past his best friend; feeling but not seeing the pair of emerald gems fixed on him change from amusement at Haruka's discomfort to something darker and intense.

As more days passed, Makoto would become bolder and Haruka would cringe as the taller body of his best friend passed his back, the deceptively light pressing of Makoto's groin against Haruka's ass so very deliberate. The last time, Makoto had the audacity to even release a small moan. Haruka was so furious he spun to face the olive-haired male and had to stop himself from grabbing Makoto by the hair and slamming his head against the wall. He snarled as visions of what could come after invaded his mind. He had Makoto pushed against the wall and then he would take a step closer until their noses were touching.

Makoto seemed taken aback as Haruka stared him down; he was the first to back away at the murderous look he was receiving from Haruka. He could read the message loud and clear; either say what you need to say or fuck off.

So Makoto said what he wanted to say. He walked into Haruka's bedroom because believe it or not, the raven-haired male suggested that Makoto stay over tonight. Makoto casually dropped himself down onto the mattress as Haruka tried to ignore him. It wasn't really polite to invite someone and then blandly ignore that person but to Haruka, it was the only thing he could think of. He concentrated on the stupid game he was playing. It didn't take long before long fingers that were definitely not his own, closed over where his thumbs were frantically tapping at the buttons on the controller and pushed it from his hand.

Makoto sighed deeply and Haruka could feel Makoto's breath tickle his neck.

"We haven't talked in ages;" Makoto said softly.

Haruka just grunted, what did Makoto expect him to say? He twisted his head away when he felt Makoto toy with a few strands of hair. "Stop it," he muttered in annoyance.

"You used to love it when I played with your hair when we were little," Makoto smiled gleefully, ignoring Haruka's demand and twirling his fingers into Haruka's hair more.

Haruka turned his head to face his best friend. "What do you want?" he snapped while he didn't mean to.

"I already told you what I want, do I need to repeat myself?" Makoto smirked and even threw in a flirty wink.

Haruka could feel his blood boil and he pushed Makoto back as hard as he could, considering Makoto was a lot stronger. "I don't want you!" He yelled, louder than he intended and Makoto tumbled off the bed.

Haruka hated himself for being a little bit worried because the crash Makoto made seemed painful. He glanced over towards Makoto and he could see the shimmer in those emerald eyes. He knew exactly what was on Makoto's mind, he didn't even need words to understand this time.

Haruka glared at the olive-haired male, heaped on the floor next to his bed. "You are my best friend or did you forget that?" Haruka growled loudly hoping that Makoto would finally snap out of whatever it was that was consuming him.

Haruka turned on his side, his back facing Makoto, indicating that the conversation was over. He was a little bothered by the smirk that Makoto had plastered across his face. It was the omen of trouble…

It's been forty seven days since Haruka snapped at Rei for asking what was wrong.

It was rather surprising that the others didn't seem to pick up on the tension between Haruka and Makoto. After a little while, the tension picked up even more and the others could finally tell something was up. Makoto was doing much better than Haruka, who struggled to converse with his best friend when asked direct questions. Haruka was sure that Makoto was tormenting him on purpose; Makoto would joke and laugh as he always had, amazing Haruka with his ability to pretend that their precious friendship wasn't falling apart. When Haruka thought about it, that was probably what tore him up the most.

Naturally it was Haruka who gave it away, and naturally it was Rei who asked. Haruka had calmly told him to fuck off, and Rei never asked again.

It's been forty five days since Makoto crawled into Haruka's bed.

"What the hell?" Haruka blinked sleepily as he felt someone pushing up against his back. He struggled to turn over in the tiny bed and groaned once he had succeeded.

"The fuck are you doing here Makoto?" Haruka asked, looking at the olive-haired male with an annoyed expression on his face. Makoto once more spend the night at Haruka's house and Makoto had tried to sleep in the guest room but he had had a nightmare and he wanted to be safe in Haruka's arms. When they were younger, Haruka always held him when he had a nightmare so Makoto pretended that this was just like old times.

"I had a bad dream," Makoto replied, sounding spooked. He tugged at the blanket until Haruka let it slip and Makoto curled up against Haruka's chest.

"Do you really need to be here?" Haruka snapped, trying to flatten himself up against the wall in an attempt to put distance between them.

"I just want to sleep." Makoto muttered, sounding hurt. He yawned into Haruka's chest and threw his arm over Haruka's waist, keeping the raven-haired male safely trapped. Haruka wanted to push him away but he simply couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to fight it, his natural instinct to provide his best friend comfort was getting in the way.

"What was the nightmare about?" Haruka asked softly, brushing Makoto's bangs out of the way.

"You."

"Oh?"

"You were drowning and when I tried to help, it was too late," Makoto explained.

"I see," Haruka muttered, faintly recalling the time where Haruka was the one who had to rescue Makoto from drowning. Ever since, it was Haruka's biggest fear even if he would never admit that.

Makoto didn't reply and Haruka wondered if his best friend had fallen back asleep.

"Just because you had a nightmare doesn't mean you can get all over me," Haruka muttered, squirming at the feel of Makoto's skin pressed up against his bare torso

There was still no reply and Haruka sighed. Convenient.

He yawned and tried to get back to sleep himself, though it was difficult with Makoto in such close proximity, embracing him so intimately. A month ago when Makoto had done the exact same thing Haruka had thought nothing of it, but that was before.

There was complete silence for a few minutes before Makoto decided to speak up again.

"I don't know why you try to push me away."

Haruka froze, so Makoto had just been pretending to be asleep. Well two could play that game. He shut his eyes swiftly and stayed silent for the rest of the night.

It's been forty three days since Haruka got in trouble for not speaking to Makoto.

"What is going on with you?"

Haruka frowned up at his manager. "What?"

"What? What do you mean, what?" Kou's voice jumped up an octave with every word. "What is going on with you and Makoto-sempai?"

Haruka's stomach dropped and he clenched the fence at the poolside tightly. "Nothing's going on!" Haruka was horrified. "We aren't doing anything!"

"Exactly," Kou spat at him. "You aren't even talking and you need to sort it out now. Everyone has noticed and as far as I can see it's you that's ignoring him."

Haruka gasped out a breath he didn't know he was holding as relief flooded through him. Then he was faced with the immediate problem of explaining why he was barely talking to his best friend. It was stupid of him really, to think that no one else was paying attention to the obvious rift that had formed between himself and Makoto. Up until that point, Haruka thought that he was doing ok; trying his best to appear normal at practice, swimming his laps and maintaining his form. Now here he was at the poolside with Kou breathing fire down his neck.

They'd taken a few minutes break-time and in front of everyone, Kou had stormed off to corner Haruka and confront him about his shitty behaviour. Haruka sighed deeply, he didn't know what to say to his manager. It was killing him that he couldn't talk to anyone about what was wrong. Before this, he always had Makoto to talk to but his best friend had taken that away from him with just a few shocking sentences. Haruka kicked the fence in frustration, he fucking missed Haruka, it was actually painful not having his best friend there as he'd always been.

He wondered if he should say something to Kou. It would be embarrassing but then he wouldn't be the one to blame for the obvious tension. Haruka pictured the look on Makoto's face and Haruka realised he could never hurt Makoto on purpose, even if he wanted to. He figured that if he ever told anyone, it would probably separate them even more and his heart jumped painfully in his chest at the thought. No, he could never let that happen.

Feeling shocked at himself for even entertaining the thought, Haruka backed away from the fence quickly. He turned his back on his manager and started walking back to the pool.

"Sort it out Haruka-sempai." Kou sighed deeply.

Haruka dove into the pool and he let the cool water caress his body. When he breached the surface of the water, Makoto stood at the edge of the pool, holding out his hand.

"What was that about?" Makoto's eyes were wide, shocked that Haruka had just received a scolding from Kou. Haruka blinked at the genuine concern on his best friend's face, and for just a moment, he felt like things were back to normal.

"Nothing," Haruka replied, taking the hand that was offered to him.

He felt Makoto stiffen a little, not used to having Haruka so close, it made Haruka a little sad. But then Makoto grinned widely at him, and Haruka couldn't help but smile back. It was the last time he'd look Makoto in the eye that day, but it was something.

It's been forty days since Haruka nearly told someone.

Haruka stared down at the phone vibrating in his hand, debating over whether he should answer it. After four rings he quickly hit the button and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hey Rin, what's up?" He tried to keep his tone light.

"Hey! Not much, just thought I'd check in and see how you guys are."

Haruka nodded, though it was pointless. "We're good, practice is good, everything's fine," he said in a rush.

Rin laughed. "D'you have to be somewhere or something? What's wrong?"

Haruka sighed. "It's just, you know, stress and everything."

"Stress from the practice? Is Kou pushing you to your limits again?" Rin laughed a little and Haruka smiled meekly. If only it was something as simple as that.

"No not really, I haven't been feeling all that well the past few days," Haruka said quickly.

"Is Makoto helping you?" Rin asked.

Haruka's stomach dropped. "What? Why would he? What do you mean?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end and Haruka sucked in a breath.

"Um, because he's Makoto and he's your best friend and he's supposed to look out for you?" Rin's reply was more of a question than an answer. "Seriously, is everything okay?"

Haruka released the breath and struggled to compose himself. "Has Makoto ever said anything…weird to you?"

Rin laughed and it was an odd sound to Haruka.

"It's Makoto, everything he says to me is weird," Rin snorted.

"I mean, about me?" Haruka said immediately.

Rin paused again.

"About you? No? Why, have you done something? Are you guys fighting?" Rin questioned him.

"Not exactly," Haruka mumbled, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He was dying to tell Rin, to get it all off his chest. "He's just been acting a bit strange."

"Well, you know how Makoto can be, he's probably stressed out about school and other things." Rin added his two cents as to why Makoto might be behaving a bit weird.

Haruka frowned. "It's not that, it's…" He trailed off, something catching his eye. He looked up and jumped up a little as he saw his Makoto leaning in the doorway of the locker room. "It's nothing. Hey, I have to go."

"Nothing? Wait, it doesn't sound like nothing," Rin said, sounding worried. "Talk to me."

"I can't," Haruka replied, looking down at where he was swinging his feet back and forth. "We'll talk later okay?"

Rin reluctantly agreed and Haruka ended the call, still not looking up at Makoto. He wondered how long his best friend had been standing there, watching, listening.

"Feeling stressed Haru-chan?"

That long.

"I bet I could help you relieve some of that."

Haruka closed his eyes and then stood, feeling shaky and disoriented. Makoto made his head spin like the worst kind of drug. He approached him carefully.

"I bet you could." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Makoto looked as surprised as Haruka felt.

Shaking his head and feeling the heat spread over his cheeks, Haruka pushed past Makoto and all but ran outside to look for Rei and Nagisa.

It's been thirty nine days since Makoto first kissed Haruka on the lips.

A/N: I wanted to try something different and this happened. It'll probably be a few chapters long, kind of like my other short story 'What would Makoto do?' Next chapters will contain a few smutty parts :) Thanks for reading!

Lots of love!