This idea was planted when I noticed how both me and Hypnotoad76 wrote fics within a few days with the same gag of Jeff ranking Annie's physical features, and him placing her behind a little higher. [His version is in 'I'm Happiest When It Rains,' with mine in 'The Rule Of Threequels'] So from that, I took the concept into full length fic form, with different results.

During those times when Jeff thought about Annie more than usual, he tried not to let it get….more out of hand than usual. He tried to tell himself that it was just a physical reaction, since she was a hot schoolgirl – with emphasis on girl. If he just had a physical attraction to her, like all of Jeff's past conquests, it would be easier to manage.

Treating it like that would keep the other….out of character thoughts at bay. One of those thoughts did scold Jeff for putting Annie on a par with his other one-night stands. But slipping up for just five minutes wouldn't be so bad – in theory.

So Jeff decided to rank Annie's top 10 physical traits, not get an emotional attachment to them, and be on his way. He realized there were 11 possible contenders, so one of them would be an honorable mention.

Honorable mention: Lips

Jeff hadn't tasted them in over a year-and-a-half, so they didn't have a chance to move up the list – for whatever reason. Besides, putting them at the very bottom should make them less tempting. From what he remembered, they were too overwhelmingly sweet to put them higher, anyway.

Now it was on to the top 10. One of the remaining choices was an obvious No. 10…but as Jeff thought about it more, it probably shouldn't be that low. Therefore, he could slide one of the other lesser features down there and get away with it.

10: Neck

Annie's neck was in between her head and her chest, so of course it would look weaker by comparison. The neck did have a sharp curve, a lot of exposed skin and plenty of space to nuzzle – he meant bury – Jeff's face into. But there wasn't much else to help it challenge the leaders.

For No. 9, that contender Jeff spared for No. 10 should be at home here. And yet he soon realized that it did have more oomph than the next closest candidate. Of course, that was only because the candidate didn't have enough chances to show itself off.

9: Ass

In past cases, the ass would be among the top five or even higher. But Annie didn't wear jeans and hadn't really bent down directly in front of Jeff that much. Which was…..a good thing. In any case, while Jeff was confident that Annie's behind had a lot to show off, he hadn't seen enough evidence to put it higher.

Her ass was framed rather nicely by her shorter skirts, yet they really showed off another part even more. And that seemed appropriate enough to lead into No. 8.

8: Legs

Now this was more like it. Annie may not have had the longest legs Jeff ever saw, yet she packed a lot into what she had. Whenever he dropped a pen or pencil and bent under the table to get it, he found himself peeking at Annie's legs about half the time. Maybe it was 60 percent of the time – and maybe he wondered if they were as smooth and creamy as they looked about 25 percent of that time. And maybe he dropped a pen once or twice on purpose to further examine that theory.

That little tiny .0001 percent of Jeff's mind lectured him again about checking Annie out like a common hook up. He pointed out that if Annie ever noticed, it would be much harder to dismiss everything like usual and get away with it. Or maybe the voice was a she, since it sounded like a cross between Annie and Britta. So that clearly couldn't work as a change of topic.

But then again, this had been working as Jeff wanted. If Annie was just a friend who was hot enough to think about getting….physical with and nothing more, then this whole thing was harmless. And it was nothing worth doing anything different over at all. It would be even clearer once he finished the list and got to the really good parts.

As he remembered the last seven areas, Jeff realized there were a few he didn't expect to place above the legs. One of them was certainly No. 7.

7: Hands

Why would Jeff place hands above a nice pair of legs? True, Annie's legs weren't supermodel long, but….her hands were even tinier. And dainty and girly at that – so was this to keep reminding himself that Annie was a girly girl?

Jeff never really held Annie's hand much, and her ass was No. 9 because he had little frame of mind for it, just like with the hands. So why had the hands still placed above that too? He recalled the few times he had felt Annie's hands on him; in various hugs, that first Halloween party, those few kisses and saving her from a tiny car bomb. Those weren't all hand-holding experiences, especially since she didn't touch his bare skin with those hands.

Maybe they just felt warm even then. Or maybe it was the curiosity of having such tiny hands fit into his big ones. Perhaps since Annie was so high strung, it was more relieving that she had such gentle touches for him during calm or happy moments. And really….the only time he felt a good deal of Annie's bare skin was when her hand touched him. It only illuminated how soft and velvety the rest of her skin must be….

Okay, that got way out of hand. No matter, Jeff had less room to be sappy on the rest of his list. Now he was approaching body parts where he could be a lot more superficial over, like always. Like No. 6….

6: Breasts?

Wait just one minute here! What the hell was this doing at only No. 6?

Clearly, Jeff was losing a lot of brain cells at his old age. How else in God's name could Annie's boobs not even crack the top five? He just forgot seeing most of them during the bottle episode and Sexy Santa, and seeing them strain against cardigans every day. If Annie was someone meaningless to him, her impressive boobs would have hit No. 1 for sure!

That was not the right thought for an emotionless experiment like this.

Jeff just had to think again and put Annie's breasts at the high place they deserved. So he compared them to the final five, then compared them about two more times after that. But even after going halfway through a fourth round, Jeff was too exhausted and waved his brain's white flag. There was….just no wiggle room to put them higher.

It was unbelievable…..Annie had perhaps the best rack he'd seen in years, and that counted the countless unclothed ones! And yet when it came to the rest of Annie, there still wasn't room for it in her top five! Even that one stubborn feature that was supposed to be at the bottom was closer to the top! Why the hell were there five things better than perfect, round, taunting young boobs?

Unfortunately, Jeff had to admit why No. 5 was ranked higher all too easily….

5: Hair

Unlike her breasts, Annie's hair was uncovered every day. Unlike her breasts, Jeff had touched Annie's hair and done it more than once – even if during condescending head pats. And…..it was her hair that started the whole mess to begin with.

If Annie never took that damned hair down during debate studying, they would just be normal friends and nothing more. Shirley started their whole sexual tension saga by pointing out Abed's kissing prediction five seconds later. But in those rare times when Jeff could be honest with himself, he knew he'd started….thinking different things about her when that hair came down.

Her hair was the first physical feature he consciously thought of as attractive and beautiful. But that made little sense, as Jeff didn't think of hair like that for everyone – if anyone. Yet seeing those locks cascade down Annie's shoulders…..and seeing her face transcend along with it…..was the first real awakening in Jeff.

Seeing her hair down every day only reminded him of that; as did its raspberry shampoo smell that washed over him in every study room session. As did those times when she brushed her hair in front of him, when his chin was on the top of her head during hugs, and that one time his cheek was pressed against her hair in a group hug.

Jeff imagined that his fingers would spend hours combing through it if he had the chance. If he was lame enough to actually do that, of course. And if he actually wanted to be that lame with Annie, which he didn't. But….if he spent more time thinking about the softness and silkiness of her hair than her breasts….what did that mean?

Jeff tried to push those thoughts out of his head, wondering if finishing the top four was really a good idea. But in his struggles to forget about Annie's hair, it reminded him of what was in front of it.

4: Face

There were specific areas of Annie's face that would be ranked soon, so perhaps this was redundant. But they wouldn't be there without the face as a whole, so it should have some place on the list. The formidable face alone could make the top 10 or maybe even come near the top five. And if the Disney face wasn't so destructive sometimes, it would be No. 1 by a blowout.

But Jeff knew those weren't the only faces in Annie's arsenal. By now he knew them all; the one when she blocked out the world while studying, the one when bailing out everyone's lack of studying was too much, the one where it was just right, and the one where she was so proud of them passing against all odds. The studying-related faces were all that Jeff knew at first…..yet then he saw many more.

He saw her face tremble when she went off her schedule, then light up when she actually grew to like it. He saw her soften up when someone was in trouble, tighten up when she swore to help them out of it, then melt into relief and joy when they were okay. And Jeff counted about 10 different faces for when she was mad, or vengeful, or vindictive, prideful, ashamed, relieved, compassionate, happy….and even relaxed and content.

Each of them were different in their own way, and each revealed and reinforced a valuable part of Annie. And when actual new faces were discovered, it made Jeff stunned that she still had more of them. After three years, there was still more to discover from her….and the mystery could go on even longer. Even when it would have run dry with anyone else long ago.

But for all the different parts of Annie, one side relieved Jeff more than any other – the happy side. Part of it was because he wasn't in trouble, or had to do anything annoying, when she was happy at him. That should have been the only part that counted…..and yet it wasn't. This was why the best symbol of that happiness was at No. 3.

3: Smile

As powerful as the Disney face was, the Disney smile still had it beat hands down. For one thing, the Disney smile softened the blow of putting in an effort, instead of inducing it. And when Jeff actually had to break a light sweat, that smile at the end redeemed…..at least 70 percent of it. 80 percent on a really good day.

Yet like her face, her smile had many more variations than that – each of them unforgettable. She still lit up a room even when she wasn't showing all her teeth – which helped her get taken more seriously. Her softer, smaller smiles weren't as overwhelming as the Disney face, but they showed she could be encouraging and persuasive without being over the top. Yet sometimes Annie didn't use her smiles to make people do anything – she just did it to make them feel better and know that she was there for them.

Over time, Annie put more layers into her smiles, as she could even give Jeff a run for his money in smirks. Jeff had been finished off by those Annie smirks more than once – and when she saw through him or anyone else, one knowing smile signaled it was time to throw in the towel. With just the smallest upward twitch of her lips, she could cut him to size, cheer him up, make him proud or just brighten up even the most annoying days – even if she made them annoying.

Jeff was fairly aware that this went against the purpose of this experiment. Smiles were just supposed to be sexy and arousing to Jeff and nothing else, and Annie's smiles were more cartoony than sexy…..despite a few exceptions. In any case, seductive smiles and nothing more did it for Jeff….despite the happiness he felt in making Annie smile any kind of smile.

That had to only be because he'd avoided getting in trouble or yelled at or guilted to death. And yet he often tried to make her smile when she wasn't about to lecture him or cry. Instead, he only did it….for the sake of seeing her smile. That was….very new for Jeff.

Oh God, if he thought that about her smile, he might as well give up to the next champion right now….

2: Eyes

There was no point fighting against Annie's eyes in any way, shape or form. Not in his head, and certainly not in real life either. Those all powerful doe eyes could bring down every hardened criminal, judge and lawyer in America – as they had to this lawyer so many times.

Just like her face and smile, her eyes had so many more layers than Jeff gave them credit for. Their power when crying was well established, but they showed so much more than manipulative sadness. They made it impossible for Annie to hide anything, whether it was sadness, joy, love, friendship, pride, regret or relief.

While her eyes sparkled for all her friends, Jeff saw the different layers in how they did it. They were softer and more joyous around Troy and Abed, especially since the move. They were hopeful and resilient around Pierce as she continued to help him not alienate the group again. They looked up to Shirley and Britta with admiration, as the motherly and sisterly figures she never had; yet they still rolled when they were at their preachiest.

And for Jeff…..she showed him everything. In all their ordeals, he had seen and felt every possible human emotion in her eyes over the years. He could see every bit and layer of Annie in those orbs – and yet he knew that they made her see everything in him as well. Despite her remaining naivety, those peepers detected everything in Jeff – as much as he wished they didn't.

Otherwise she'd have seen how Jeff peeked at her whenever he had a free moment in the study room. She'd know how he analyzes her eyes for signs at what she had in store that day, and tries to actually plan ahead for it. She'd have known that he feels relief whenever her eyes are calm, content and actually happy….and not just because she wouldn't bother her with a task that day.

She'd know that he's never looked at eyes the way he's looked at Annie's…..and that he could have one of his shameful 'aroused' moments only by looking into them and nothing more. No other woman could do that to him, and Jeff suspected none would come close. No other woman also made him have….other emotional thoughts just by seeing her eyes and nothing more….which was even more shameful in the big picture.

But only his own thoughts made him ashamed of those moments. Annie herself has never made him ashamed at all. She's only made him feel….special for all she did see in him. Any sane man alive would be made speechless by those eyes, especially when they showed any levels of happiness. But he knows she saves her most joyful, revealing emotions and gazes just for him….in spite of everything.

She chose him to see those special glances….and when it didn't make Jeff think she was naïve and foolish for it, it made him feel….better. About himself, about his place in Greendale, about what he was capable of….about everything.

Now Jeff audibly groaned as he mourned the official loss of his manhood. This was supposed to reinforce it, but he had become more girly and out of his real character than ever before. Clearly this idea was a grand failure, but at least it was over and he could bury these idiotic emotions that just….didn't belong in him.

He was surprised that he got through the entire list before he threw in the towel.

But in the biggest gut punch of all, Jeff then realized that he didn't. There was still one physical feature left – the one that was supposed to be in last place. But if he hadn't gotten to it so far….then it was No. 1 after all.

It just wasn't possible, even by the loose standards of what Annie made possible! Jeff knew he judged Annie different than every other woman alive, but….this was too much. Placing….this at No. 1 when it had never been in the top three for any other woman – and rarely in the top 10 – was impossible. And yet…..

1: Brains

Jeff knew Annie had an exceptional brain. But to have it beat out her legs, breasts, face, smile and freaking eyes as his favorite part of her…..this had to be an oversight! It was barely a physical feature, as it was inside her instead of out, and this list judged her outsides! And even Jeff wasn't so far gone as to put an inside feature above so many beautiful outsides! Even for Annie, this crossed the line!

Sure, her brain saved the study group from failure and kept Jeff's four-year plan alive. Sure, it made Annie an ideal tutor for Jeff and set up several sessions that….turned tolerable by the end. Sure, it made Annie super pushy and rarely let her shut up…..but it made her perhaps the only person who could keep up with Jeff, even in topics she wasn't experienced enough to handle.

And sure, it gave her the "bright" idea to like Jeff so much…..but it also convinced her to keep him as a friend, a confident, and someone to turn to and comfort, despite everything he'd put her though.

Her brain was the one constant strength Annie had throughout her life; especially since her eyes, smile, breasts, face, hair, lips and legs didn't "develop" until much later. They wouldn't have if Annie never went to rehab….and if she wasn't smart enough to realize she needed a change, no matter what her parents said. Through sheer brain and will power, she made herself get clean and made her stay in Greendale possible….along with everything else.

It was her idea to make herself look better. It was the overachieving part of her brain that made her go….so all out to feel and look better. Her legs and chest would not be so enticing without those ideas, and her face wouldn't be nearly as clear, smooth and easy to get lost in. Her smile wouldn't be so big and sunny if she never made herself battle the darkness and win. Her eyes would have been lifeless and hopeless, instead of being gorgeous and hopeful.

And whenever something threatened all that, it was that big brain that made her fend it off. It made her save herself when she was at her worst, and willed her to always be the best version of herself – for her and for those who loved her and needed her.

And whenever she was childish and annoying, her mind made her figure out how to make up for it, and how to make sure she didn't make the same mistakes again. It showed her the way even when Jeff and the group couldn't, and made her power through almost in spite of them.

It blended her more child-like belief in good, innocence, kindness, honesty and stubborn loyalty with the strength, courage, character, self esteem and bent but never broken integrity of a true adult. It made her have the best qualities of a little girl and of a powerful woman all at once…..it made her Annie.

Everything that made Annie Annie was in that brilliant mind. It made every other attractive part of her even more beautiful, inside and out. It made someone who never thought of women for their minds and inner beauty think….differently. It turned her from an ugly duckling into a gorgeous vision even in the ugliest place imaginable….and made it clear that part of her was always beautiful anyway.

It made the physically beautiful parts of her even more attractive….so much so that they couldn't be separated from the emotional parts. They just….just couldn't.

And that made other realities impossible to keep ignoring as well….as Jeff finally conceded.

This top 10 list was supposed to calm Jeff down, make things easier for him and help him get a proper perspective on how he was supposed to feel. Now that it was filled out completely….and in the end, accurately…it clearly didn't do that at all.

Not in the way that he originally intended.