Disclaimer: The character of Severus Snape was created and is owned by J K Rowling. I am simply playing with him and am getting absolutely no monetary reward for doing so. The following poem is obviously a parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, most commonly attributed to Clement Clark Moore (now there's a whole controversy in itself).



'Twas the Night Before Christmas (Or, A Visit from S. Snape)



'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my home

Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome

My cauldron was filled full of eggnog of course

But my spirit was heavy with pain and remorse



The house-elves had made up my bed with such care

But what did it matter-with no one to share?

So I in my nightie, so lacy and tight

Sat myself down for long, lonely night



When deep in the hearth the flames sputtered and spattered

I tilted my head to see what was the matter?

I blinked and I stared, disbelief filled my face

And the next thing I knew, my heart started to race



For out of the haze there arose such a sight

A wizard emerging, with robes black as the night

He was ashy and dusty, but untouched by the fire

And it took just one look, I was filled with desire



Then he snorted and muttered and brushed his clothes clean

With fingers so graceful, so long and so lean

His long hair was black, a bit greasy and slick

And I knew in a moment, it wasn't St. Nick



I found myself gazing, my mouth wide and agape

I could not believe it, he looked just like dear Snape!

He was dressed all in black, from his toes to his head

And I hoped in an instant we'd soon be in bed



Than rapidly out of those sweet lips there fell

A whole string of curses, "Dear Merlin, it's hell!

"Damn Albus, Damn Potter, Damn that Weasley and Granger!

Damn Lupin, Damn Hagrid, could they act any stranger?"



We all should be practicing quite nasty curses

Instead those fools sit and sing holiday verses!

This inane Christmas cheer-oh it's humbug I vow!

I've run away, run away, run away now!"



"Dear Madam, excuse me," he said with a bow

"I fear that I should introduce myself now."

"I'm Professor Snape, and, believe me, my dear-

Despite my fierce looks, you have nothing to fear."



"Oh, Severus, dear!", I replied with a wink

"I knew you at once-won't you please have a drink?"

In an instant both glasses were filled to the brim

And he sat down beside me-it really was him!



"What's the matter?" he asked, "do you not like the nog?"

"Well, really," I said, "I had hoped for a snog."

"Far be it from me to refuse your request."

And believe me, dear friends, he can kiss with the best!





The next morning found me, alone and bereft

For when I had wakened, he'd already left

But under the tree there were gifts wrapped with tape

And on all the tags were the words: "Love, from Snape"



I opened my parcels and gifts in a trice

The presents he'd left me were really quite nice

But allow me to say, and I hope I'm not bragging

That the best gift of all was my Slytherin shagging