A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a Naruto story. Please tell me what you think, but please, no flames. Constructive criticism is appreciated though. Oh, and this story starts out in first person from Jiraiya's perspective and it will fluctuate between first and third person. So whenever it is in first person, Jiraiya's the one narrating.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.
Fifty. I'm fifty years old (well, almost fifty-one), and really, where have I gotten in life during all this time? Sure, I write wonderful stories that chronicle love and romance, I've trained a few ninjas here and there, and generally, I'm a well-respected guy. But there are just some things in life that are worth experiencing and as of yet, I've fallen kind of short in that respect. One in particular has been causing that seven-year itch. At least, I think that's what it's called. You know that feeling you get when you just have to accomplish or experience something and you can't relax until it's finished? That's exactly what I'm dealing with at the moment."Hey, pour me another sake will you?" I ask the guy behind the counter of the stall I'm visiting.
"Mister, that's your fifth one and at my joint, the limit's four. If you keep drinking like this, you're not gonna be able to stand up straight."
I don't really care. Sometimes, getting drunk is just what I need to take the edge off for a little while. It helps me to relax and since all I've been thinking about is that stupid itch thing, I really need to let it all down. A pretty girl would help things out, come to think of it. Maybe I'll check out the girl's hot springs using my invisibility jutsu. Ha, that should do the trick for a little while! Research is definitely something I enjoy doing.
Motioning the man to pour me another one, I lean back on my stool and think about how I can overcome this itch thing. But realistically, I know the odds of any sort of recovery are slim to none in this particular instance. Somehow, I'm going to need to come up with a foolproof strategy and plan. Otherwise, this itch thing is going to be bothering me for the rest of my life. Kami, that would be total and complete hell. Grabbing the sake in front of me, I slug it down in one gulp and let out a sigh of pleasure. Nothing like good sake is what I always say. And sometimes, my best ideas also come when I'm in my cups. Right now, I need a good idea.
And then, it's like heaven or some godly force intervenes. Well, maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. It's the writer in me. But, as I was saying, when I was starting to think the all hope of any good idea to get rid of my problem was over, my little prayer is answered, but not in the way I envisioned.
"Aieee, Ero-sennin!"
Ah, crap. That's the first thing I think. I do my best to try to hunch down into my cup, but being over six feet tall and having a massive mane of flowing, beautiful white hair, it's not always very easy to hide. Especially from a certain hyperactive ninja who's always after some sort of training or new skill. Sometimes, I wish my stunning reputation had not spread far and wide through out the world. And sometimes, I wish with all of my might that I had never gotten involved with that kid in the first place. But usually, that's only when he's driving me up the wall.
Cringing and ignoring the looks from the bartender, I let out a slight sigh of relief when I don't hear anymore ungodly screeching. Maybe he's decided to leave me alone. Too bad that isn't the case. No sooner do I think that when I feel a persistent poke to my shoulder. Grinding my teeth together, I can feel my eyebrow beginning to twitch. Is it too much to ask for an old guy like me to be able to enjoy his sake in peace? Turning around to the side, I stare hard at Naruto and bellow into his face.
"WHAT?!"
Bad idea on my part. I already know what he's going to say before he opens his mouth. And the truth is, he does have a right to ask me about it since I was the idiot who promised to train him. Still, I do plan on fulfilling my bargain with him. He may be annoying as hell, but he's strong and he's got a lot of potential. And in some ways, the kid reminds me of myself a little bit. But I just want some peace and quiet here in Konoha, away from annoying brats who don't understand the meaning of the word 'no.'
"Hey Ero-sennin, when are you going to train me, huh?"
I just roll my eyes at him, his squinted, pouting look not doing anything to make me more amiable towards his ninja training.
"Look kid, stop calling me that name. And I'll train you, don't worry about it. But I'm on a little vacation right at the moment and once my vacation is over with, I've got more research to complete on Akatsuki." Not to mention figuring out at cure for my seven year itch. The funny thing is, my cure it right in front of me. I'm just too blind to see it at the moment, my irritation for Naruto overcoming my logical mind and keen thinking abilities (never mind all the sake I've just drank in the last twenty minutes or so.)
"Yeah, whatever old man. You always say you've got more important things to do. But I know all you're really doing is looking at naked ladies for your pervy books."
"Hey Naruto, you just don't understand fine writing at its best."
Turning my nose up, I cross my arms and stare at the ceiling. The nerve of that kid calling my precious books perverted. He has no idea, no idea whatsoever about such great talent as my own. Looking at him out of the corner of my eye, I have a feeling that he's not going to go anywhere until I do something that will make him think I'm going to start training him right away. That's when the light bulb in my brain finally starts to glow. Smirking deviously, I turn around towards him on my stool and lean on the counter with my right arm.
"Naruto, you say you want some private training, right?"
"Yeah Ero-sennin! Believe it, training and learning cool techniques is what I really, really want!"
My smirk widens as I watch the little punk practically jumping up and down on his sandaled feet. Oh yeah, he's definitely the ticket to help me get rid of my little problem. Using his 'training' to get what I want is the way to go. I'm such a genius sometimes it hurts my brain! I don't have reputation of legendary Sannin for nothing, that's for sure!
"Well, like I've said before, I don't take on apprentices unless they show some real potential. I am a Sannin, after all. So here's the deal kid. You've got to prove your potential to be a great and stunning ninja, such as myself, before you can apprentice underneath me."
"So, like, I have to prove myself to you, is that what you're saying Ero-sennin?"
Argh! Thinking is not always Naruto's forte, but jeez! How could I be any clearer?
"Of course baka! That's what I just said, didn't I?"
"But Ero-sennin, what about learning the Rasengan? And fighting off that snaky creep, Orochimaru?"
"Sure, you learned the Rasengan. That's great and all, but there are other necessary skills needed for becoming a first rate shinobi. You've got to prove to me that you have those skills as well. And as I recall Naruto, that fight with Orochimaru, you were out cold. Tough luck kid."
"Aww, come on Ero-sennin! Quit joking around and train me! Please, please, please!"
Slapping my hand to my forehead, I wonder what kind of cruel joke is being played at my expense, having to rely on Naruto to help me out with my little problem. To say that he's really starting to get on my nerves is the understatement of the century. However, yelling doesn't work very well on Naruto and if I want him to do this little task, I've got to play it cool, smooth. Suave. Yeah, I can do this. It'll be like stealing candy from a baby. Relaxing my hand, I smile slightly at him, watching as he looks on with all the hope of Konoha blazing out of his blue eyes. He has no idea what's in store for him.
"Look Naruto, I'm not joking here. Training underneath me is serious business, as you should already be aware of. But don't worry, I have every confidence that you'll get this little test done in no time at all. So, are you curious?"
I can tell he's not happy about having to take a 'test,' but there is no way that I'm going to let this opportunity pass.
"Yeah, fine. Just tell me what it is so I can do it and then you can finally train me like you said you would."
Clapping my hands together, I shout out "Great!" and then wrap my left arm around him, pulling him in closer to where I'm sitting, ignoring the strange looks coming from the bartender. I may be perverted, but I'm not that kind of a pervert!
"Okay Naruto, this is what you're going to have to do. Fine shinobi are skilled at the art of stealth, and to say your skills are up to par, well…they aren't. So I have a task designed to show exactly how stealthy you can be. Are you up to it?"
He nods his head and it's all I can do not to rub my hands together in anticipation. Finally, I'll be able to get rid of that stupid itch. And my balls will be intact, too!
"Okay, so here's what you need to do."
Bending over, I pull out a camera from my travel gear and hand it towards him. I can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to figure out exactly where a camera will play in all of this.
"But Ero-sennin, what do I need a camera for? Anybody can take stupid pictures!"
"Yes, but not of what I want you to take a picture of." Motioning him in even closer, I decide to divulge my plan, knowing that he's most likely going to have a fit when he hears it.
"Okay Naruto. This is what you need to do. It is your mission to sneak into the Hokage's Tower and take a picture of Tsunade without her knowing that you're there."
"Really? That's all I have to do? Take a picture of Tsunade Obachan? Hey, that's easy!"
Hehe, I knew he'd fall for it. However, what I've just told him is only part of the story. The rest…he isn't going to like one bit, but if he's as desperate for my personal training as he says he is, he'll do it no matter what.
"Oh sure, it's easy all right. Getting past ANBU guards, Tsunade's personal guards, Shizune and not to mention Tsunade herself. I'm sure you can do that without getting caught (not). But that's not the end of the story kiddo."
"It's not?" He scratches his head stupidly and then stares at me, waiting for the rest of my instructions.
"Nope. I want you to take a picture of Tsunade and her…" I motion him in even closer and then whisper the rest into his ears. The only problem is somehow, I forgot how lousy Naruto is at keeping his big mouth shut.
"WHAT?!!!!! NO WAY OLD PERVERT!"
Grabbing him, I cover his mouth and wait for him to stop struggling.
"Hey, keep it down!" I hiss at him. The last thing I need is for Tsunade to find out about my little plan. Jeez, that woman can be pretty scary. In a few minutes, Naruto stops struggling and I let him go, watching him as he glares at me.
"No way am I doing that! That's just…it's just…well, it's just sick! You just want it for your stupid books."
"Look Naruto, you're a growing boy. I know you can appreciate this…this little task as it were. Besides, if you don't, then I'm not training you, pure and simple."
"Awww, come on Ero-sennin! I'll take a picture of her, but not of her naked!"
Grabbing Naruto, I look around wildly to make sure nobody just overheard what he said.
"Look kid, do you want us to get in trouble? Because I guarantee, if you don't shut your mouth, we're both going to be in the ringer. Got it?"
Letting him go once more, he shakes his head sullenly and then crosses his arms angrily.
"Naruto, it's not like I'm asking you to break the law or anything. (Well technically, I am). I just want you to take a little picture for me without getting caught. If you can manage to pull it off, you're definitely going to be Hokage some day."
I can tell he's thinking about it, the praise of being told he's going to be Hokage somewhat pulling him in the direction I want him to be going in. Just when I think he's about to capitulate though, he shakes his head no. I almost give into the temptation of letting out a sigh of disappointment before my inner self kicks in and tells me I'd be retarded to let this opportunity pass.
"Come on Naruto. Think about all the training and new jutsu I can teach you. You don't want to pass this opportunity up, do you? What about how it can help you get your friend Sasuke back?"
'Uh-ah. Nope. No way. I'm not a crazy fool and only somebody crazy would want to take a picture of Tsunade Obachan's enormous…"
"Shut up Naruto!" There's got to be someway that I can get him to do this for me. I need that picture!
"Hnn, whatever old man! I'm not going to do it and that's final. Besides, you promised to train me and you can't go back on your word."
"I can't go back on my word? Look Naruto, a spoken promise isn't the same thing as a written agreement. Like I said before, I'll train you but only if you do this little task without getting caught. I can change our agreement anyway I want to and there is nothing you can do about it."
If anything, being forceful about the training situation will get him to agree. At least, that's my hope, even though in reality, I'm still planning on training him whether or not he agrees to this stunt. However, I have to get rid of this stupid itch and if I can get him to do it, all the better for me.
"N-O, no! Unless, you do something for me."
Oh great, now I'm bargaining with the little punk. How pathetic am I becoming or what? But at this point, I'm desperate.
"Fine Naruto. You tell me what you want, and if it's reasonable, I'll give it to you." Crossing my fingers, I hope it isn't anything too outrageous.
"Seriously Ero-sennin?"
I shake my head yes and let out an exasperated sigh. Maybe having Naruto in my plan wasn't such a good idea to begin with but I just can't see another way around getting what I want.
"Okay! You have to buy me passes to eat ramen at Ichiraku Ramen shop for an entire year, as much as I want. I totally know you can afford it old man!"
Ramen? The baka wants all you can eat ramen passes for a year? No matter how much money I might have in my account, he's going to eat me into bankruptcy before the year is out! Still, if he fails, then I won't have to live up to my end of the bargain. I'm starting to have a feeling that I'm getting way in over my head with this idea, but it's too late to go back now.
"Okay, fine Naruto. I'll get you all you can eat passes for a year at Ichiraku's."
"Yeah! But it has to be in writing. I don't want you to go back on your word again."
Argh, why did I not realize how exasperating Naruto can be? And when did he become so devious? He must be hanging out way too much with that Haruno girl.
"Okay, I'll write up a contract."
I pull out an inkbottle, a brush, and a scroll from my pack and spread it across the bar, knocking my sake cup away to the side.
"I Jiraiya, great and powerful Sannin, hereby give to one Uzumaki Naruto all you
can eat passes to Ichiraku Ramen if the above mentioned successfully completes
the task bestowed upon him."
Signature:
Handing the scroll over to Naruto, I watch as he reads over the contract and shakes his head yes. I let out a slight breath of relief, realizing that if he somehow fails, I've worded the contract in such a way that I won't have to give him all you can eat passes to his favorite ramen shop. Signing the damned thing, I wrap it back up and put it into my pack.
"Great kid! I knew you'd do it! So like I said, you need to sneak into the Hokage's Tower and snap a little picture of our gal, Tsunade. Do it and you'll get to train with me and eat all the ramen you can stuff into that body of yours!"
Quickly stuffing the camera into his hands before he can change his mind, I stand up and push him out of the sake stand and into the road.
"Now get to it kid! The faster you finish, the faster you get that ramen!"
Naruto looks a little puzzled, but then he stuffs the camera into his weapons pouch and starts down the street towards the tower. Rubbing my hands together, I walk back into the stand and sit down. The bartender is staring at me, no doubt thinking I'm some kind of lecher, but I don't really care. All I care about is finally finding some relief. That is, if Naruto succeeds. And if he doesn't, I'm not the one who's going to get into trouble.
So what is this itch I've been talking about? If you're smart, you should have already figured it out. If not, here goes. As long as I've known Tsunade, I've had this desire to finally get a peek at her two girls. The problem is, after having been on a Genin team with me, she knows all of my tricks. She also happens to be scarier then a rabid dog and stronger then a runaway team of oxen. I shudder to think of what she would do to my handsome face if she were to find out about this. But I'm also to the point in my life where I'm getting older and that I know with things the way they are with Akatsuki, there won't be much time left for me to get in a peek. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and obviously relying on Naruto is a desperate measure. There's always the slim chance that he'll succeed.
Motioning the bartender over, he pours me another cup of sake. Raising my hand in a silent toast to Naruto's success, I swallow the sake in two gulps, let out a giant burp and promptly pass out to the world.
So, what do you think so far? Hope it makes sense! Will Naruto succeed in taking Tsunade's picture? Find out in the next chapter! And please review.