When Arthur Met Molly
Molly Prewett sighed in agony as Alastor Moody felt her up. He groped for her "balderdash."
"Hurry Alastor. We're gonna be late for class," Molly said. "Touch my balderdash already."
Alastor felt the moist balderdash, "We can be late today. I'm the best tap dancer in Mr. Hagrid's class. No one is going to catch up with me soon."
"Well they better not because I only date the star of the tap dancing class," Molly said freeing her crack babies and letting them flap in the wind.
Just then Arthur Weasley popped out of the nearby bushes with his tap shoes in toe. He looked prepared to make a statement especially because he was sporting purple lipstick and a matching leotard. He clenched his hands to a fist as he watched Alastor unrightfully touch the Babe Molly Prewett. "Someday I will be the star of Mr. Hagrid's tap class!"
Alastor Moody gave a snicker. Just then Mr. Granger through a big rock at Alastor's head and shouted, "Here comes the bride!"
Then everybody dropped to their knees and crawled to class, careful not to damage their tapping feet.
In class Alastor looked at his leopard print shoes. They were different from everyone elses' alligator boots.
"Mr. Moody. What do you think you're wearing?" Mr. Hagrid demanded to know.
"I'm wearing my leopard print boots," Alastor moaned in satisfaction.
"No, I meant your baklava. But now that you mention it it, that's time out for you, Mr. Moody," Mr. Hagrid said trembling in his excitement. "And we'll hit you with a big switch too."
"But it's Wednesday. On Wednesdays we are all supposed to wear leopard print shoes," Alastor retorted pointing at the chart that hung on the wall listing their daily costumes.
"No. It's Tuesday," said Mr. Hagrid.
"Noooo," Alastor argued. "It's Wednesday."
"Exactly," Mr. Hagrid said. "Now everyone line up for your daily spanking."
Molly clicked her tongue. "I'm not very happy with you, Alastor. At this rate, you will not be the star much longer."
Arthur Weasley beamed as he exited the women's bathroom carrying a roll of throbbing toilet paper.
Just then a HUGE truck roared through the classroom being driven by Cedric Diggory and his wife, Debbie. It hit Alastor Moody and killed the Dalai Lama instantly. Alastor Moody lost his eye, but managed to survive because of his large amount blubber and his bullet proof vest.
It was then revealed that Arthur Weasley had hired Cedric and Debbie to kill the Dalai Lama and injure Alastor Moody to a point where he could dance no longer. Arthur became the star of the team and groped Molly Prewett's balderdash while Alastor Moody sat in a coma for three weeks.
Mr. Hagrid combusted and then Molly was knocked up with her first born, ironically named Ron. But Ron stayed in the womb for a couple extra years and the fetuses got in a race so Charlie was fastest so he escaped first with a crimson smear of blood.