Tony knows he has to say goodbye to Michelle, while he still can. Post season 3 and 4. I write this thing by inspiration of James Brunt's song Goodbye my lover. I love the song (I love it before it came famous and hate that it is famous…) I cannot show the lyrics in the story, but if you want, I can post the story to you with lyrics. I hope this answer some questions what has happened to Tony and Michelle, and why they fell apart.

Okay, this is my first fanfiction I have ever publicist… Some text can sound funny or something like that, because my mother language isn't English. But I think nobody would read this if I would write it in finish. Yes, I'm from Finland, and even if I have read English for six years, I'm not the best… so say if there are some terrible faults in language. And please, review if you read, I like to know if anybody read this and if you like this one…

When you are sitting alone almost every hour of every day, you don't have anything other to do but think. Think about everything you have done and lost. I think that is the idea of prison. You think about what you have done and regret. But I don't have anything to regret. I would do it all over again, if I have to. I saved her. That's all I need to know. But when you are in prison for little longer, like I have been here for more than five months, five months and eight days exactly, you start to think again. When your time is only for thinking, you start to think every little movement, and now I doubt, doubt did I do the right thing?

I think I do feel little guilty of what I have done. In the end, I could have killed millions of people. I'm happy it didn't happen. How could I live seeing dying children when I close my eyes? It hurts enough to see you crying every time we meet, no matter how I try to stop you. So, yeah, I'm feeling guilty of what I have done to you, what I have done to us. But what else could I have done?

Somehow, I always knew everything would end eventually. I loved you and wanted to live happily ever after with you, but I didn't believe that. With jobs we have, all the risks we take, I knew finally, it would be our end.

You always talked about family; how we would eventually stop working in the CTU, move in a beautiful house somewhere out of LA. I started to believe you eventually, but still I knew deep down it wouldn't happen. Guess I should have told you that. Maybe we would have moved along before this happened.

But still, even when I knew this wouldn't last forever, I asked you to marry me. I asked you to share your life with me. How much I wanted life to be perfect, but it isn't, we both know it too damn well.

So, now we are apart, everything has fallen in to pieces. Only light I see here, in my prison, are you. You are the only thing that keeps me going, even if I would like you to move on and be happy. I'm selfish, I would like you to wait for me, but I won't ever say it to anyone. And anyway, I know I will never get truth this… You have no reason to wait. I want you to move on, and I will always be there for you, in your heart.

You have no idea how much I love you. You just have a hint. You are the reason why I'm still alive; I don't know how to live without you. Do you see why I'm falling? I'm falling because I love you so much; I'm falling because I cannot live without you. So I'm hanging on because I know you would fall if I would. But I can't hang on much longer.

Loosing, yes, I'm loosing everything. Everything is you, and now I don't have you. I haven't got anything. Life is cruel, it always have been. I hate to tell you, but I'm loosing it all. I wait our visit, it will be soon. I wait so I can say goodbye to you, for the last time. I don't have the power to live like this. I hope you have.

We never said goodbye when they took me, we just kissed. It is the best word people can say. I cannot kiss you anymore, and I'm so sorry. Hope you know how much I would like that the

Kiss had been our last word. And maybe in someway, it is.

There is couple of minutes before I see you again. And I dream about you, our best moments. I hope you have the same memories in your head; I like you to take them. I want you to burry them in your heart.

When you move on, and you will, believe me, I hope you keep me in your heart. I know you won't forget me; we have gone truth too much that to happen. I just hope you keep the good memories.

Now they come and take me to you. I bet they would like to see the day you wouldn't come, see the day I'm alone and they know I suffer even more than now. Soon they will get that joy. They put me in the chair, but I don't see them anymore. I just see you. You are sitting in the other side of the glass and my heart is so happy to see that you aren't crying, not yet. I hope I would see you smiling, but I know I won't ever see your smile again.

I took the phone and you do it too. My voice sounds weird in my ears. "Hey," I whisper to her. She says nothing. I know she's fighting against the tears. It breaks my heart to know that you cannot even see me without crying, not even if it had been five long months and eight days since I was send in prison. This is our fives time when we see, since the trial. But still, you are close to tears. You look so tired to me. Have you slept well my sweetheart?

"I'm sorry," you whisper, like you always do. God, I hate when you do that, like it would be your fault. "Don't say that, please. It is not your fault; it is just this world. I have to face the consequences of what I did. It's not your fault." I always say that to her. It is like routine. "I just hope we had moved on sooner…" she says, and I see the tears. It hurt's to see the tears, but they have to come. I start to cry too. I wanted so much to have family with you, spend my life with you. You know that.

"Michelle, I have to tell you something…" She looks up when I speak, and I see the fear in your eyes. I try to find the words but it's so hard.

"Honey, I love you more than live. I have loved you from our first kiss. I will always love you; you have to know that sweetheart…" I say, looking straight to your eyes, and I'm wondering what your heart thinks.

How much it hurts to say the words, it hurts so much. But still I have to say them. "Michelle, you cannot come back. You leave hear and finally start new life, like you should have done long time ago. I ask you leave me, because I want you to be happy. That's why I saved you. I wanted you to be happy. If that's not with me, it's fine." I say, and she starts to sob and cry even more. "No, Tony, please. Don't leave me…" she prays. "I'm sorry honey, but I have to."

"Goodbye Michelle, find your life. I have lost mine. I love you, but it isn't enough in this world. Goodbye." I stand up, and they take me back to my sell. When I'm leaving I can hear her screams, I can hear her crying. When I look last one time in her eyes, I see the tears in her beautiful eyes. I saw our broken life in her eyes. It hurts so much to leave you.

And now I'm here. Alone, in the empty sell. I look at the grey walls, and I feel the tears. I have cried so much, but the tears won't stop. I cry because I left you, because you are crying too. Because I was the one who broke your dreams, and I wonder if you ever find your way back to the light. Finally, I fall asleep, and the beautiful dreams come, taking me away from this miserably life.

I wake up, it's still night. The darkness is overtaking, I feel like I can't breath. I remember yesterday, I remember that you are never coming back. It hits me, I really have lost you. You aren't my anymore.

Nobody will come to me anymore, I'm alone. I feel numb. They have taken everything from me, and only thing I had, I have let it go away. So I really have nothing now. If I would die right now, nobody would fall apart. Of course, Michelle and everybody ells would cry, maybe miss, but fall apart? I doubt. They have already lost the hope I would ever get out of here. They don't assume I will get truth this. Not even Michelle, not anymore. I have said my goodbyes.

I feel so empty. Everything is gone. Nothing is left. But somehow, it feels good; it feels good to know I won't hurt anyone when I go. And I will go. Nothing will keep me here for 20 years, not anymore. It feels good to know I can stop fighting.

So now everything is gone, good. I can live with that. Michelle will move on, everybody I knew will be happy. That's all what matters. My miserably life is nothing. I can end this all. And for the first time, I fell asleep without dreams, all is just black. Like me, they are empty.

"How could I know that you would get me pardon? How could I know that I would get you back? I was ready to give up, I was ready to die. You maybe get me out alive, but I had already given up. There were no way up anymore. Not before Jack called to me, not before I saw my old life again. I'm so sorry."