"Are you sure Mum?" asked Kaya worriedly. A red puffy eyed Katara turned to her daughter.

"I'm sure. I don't want to miss his 40th birthday" she answered not wanting to mention what other activity had taken place this day fifteen years ago. Kaya looked back at the road and put her mind on driving the car but her mind drifted else where. She retorted this journey and her mind always flashed back to what had happened ten years ago. She had tried to slit her own throat. Her own mother right at her father's grave a year after it happened. They hadn't gone back ever since. Kaya could still remember it all. The blood, the knife she smuggled in her jacket, the ring of abulance sirens and sitting at the bed holding her mother's cold hand with her brothers and sister also crowded around tears stains covering the white faces. Kaya wondered how she could have be driven that much to take her own life.

Her mother loves her father so much doesn't she.

"Well all miss him" her brother had told her. "Just her more than us I geuss. They used to go on adventures too. Mum told me the stories when I was little about Uncle Aang, Sokka and Auntie Toph, you were just a baby when she told them". She had argued her brother's point. "But we were his children! I loved Dad and so did you! How could Mum do that to us? His children!?" My brother looked away at the sky at my remark before answering. "I geuss Mum wanted to go with him. She wanted to be taken away with him instead of having to live on without him. She was there when it happened Kaya and you were only seventeen at the time". Kaya huffed and blew her brown hair out of her face while she crossed her arms. "You were ten at the time and me only eight not to mention little Zuko and Toph who were just five years old. Did she even think about how we were going to live from then?". "We had Uncle Sokka and Auntie 'Zula" suggested her brother. Kaya had raised an eyebrow at the 'Auntie 'Zula' part. Her brother seeing what she was trying to tell him quickly spoke. "Well she wasn't that bad". Kaya laughed a bit. "You only liked going over to her place because Auntie Ty Lee and Uncle Haru's triplets stayed over alot". Her brother brushed away the topic a bit embarressed. "We shouldn't be thinking like this anyway. She felt bad enough to kill herself. We should help and support her more" he suggested. Kaya saw the golden eyes he had inherited from their father and felt memories flood back. She looked down and spoke quietly, placing a hand onto her heart. "That's what my mind says. I just wish I could explain it to my heart".

Kaya felt she still couldn't understand why her mother had tried to commit suicide and she had begun to thought she never would find an answer.

Her mother on the other hand just stared straight ahead without any thought in her mind at all. She looked lost or as if she was trying to find something that was lost. She had constantly done the same thing before. Ever since she had tried to take her life they hadn't let her drive a car anymore afraid that she would try it again. So now she sat in the passenger seat and just looked out the front window. The doctor had said it might be because she still had the trauma from before and personally no one blamed her.

"Will Aang, Zuko and Toph be coming sometime today?" asked Katara. Kaya turned at her mother for a momment. Her mother never talked before in car since the accident since she was always worried she would distract her from driving.

"Yes mum. Aang is taking both Zuko and Toph to see dad after they finish school"

"Good. Good..."

There was silence once more which made Kaya feel a bit more uncomfortable. Then she took a deep breath and held it. This was their first stop. She pulled over to the side of the road and parked the car. Katara looked completely blank as thoughts passed through her so suddenly but not unexpected.

"Think about it Katara! Twins! We could have a Zuko Jr.!"

Katara laughed as she placed a hand on her large stomach. Zuko put one of his hands on top of hers.

"Imagine that! You could call 'Zuko' thinking of one of us to come to you and instead you have both of your loving Zuko's come instead!"

"Then Zuko Jr. it is!" she exclaimed.

She loved seeing Zuko like this. He was always excited everytime they came back from the baby scan and found whether their child (children in particular this time) was a boy or girl and know they had come to the point that they were going to have a boy and a girl.

"What about our daughter?"

Zuko looked ahead for a moment and concetrated on his driving. The weather was pouring with rain and lights along with darkness covered the place making it hard to see straight foreward. The windscreen wipers were at full speed washing away huge drops of rain.

"How about a Katara Jr.?"

Katara laughed a bit more.

"No way! Our daughter would hate that! Being called your mothers name is annoying and when she's a teen she would just hate it!"

Zuko smiled as he made a right turn, taking his hand of hers for a momment so he could drive proppally but the immediately putting it back on her hnad when he didn't need it on the steering wheel.

"Alright then watch shall we name her?"

The car came to a halt as the red lights shone.

"We've done Aang already, we're doing a Zuko... how about Toph? It's not fair to leave her out"

Zuko smiled and faced his wife.

"It's better than Azula" laughed Zuko and Katara laughed with him.

"It's better than Azula" she agreed and he leaned in to kiss her. After the kiss Katara looked at the traffic and to the road on their right. Just from the distance she could see some truck driving full speed. Funny. There was red lights ahead for the truck but it wasn't slowing down...it was getting closer the lights but still coming fullspeed. Katara realised.

"Okay green means go!"

"NO ZUKO DON'T!!"

Katara opened her eyes. She was kneeling by the lamp post with a bunch of fire lillies in her hand. A tear dripped down her cheek and she closed her eyes once more.

"Zuko? Zuko?"

Her voice was dry and had a puddle of blood in it.

"Zuko!"

The truck had hit them hard right into the side of the car. She had felt the weight of the car crush her but she knew Zuko would have had it worse.

"ZUKO!"

Her vision was almost black but she could see two golden eyes looking at her. Slowly her vision came back and her eyes widened in horror as she saw. Zuko was crammed and stuck from the metal of the car, his forehead bleeding badly and his mouth dripping with blood.

"...katara..."

Katara felt some hope.

"Don't worry Zuko we'll be fine! It's alright!"

She reached out a hand and carressed his face trying to move closer but the squashed car had trapped her leg forbidding her to move any more closer.

"...katara...i'm...sorry.."

Katara's vision was blurred again but this time by tears.

"For what? For what? You did nothing wrong!"

Zuko coughed spluttering out blood but Katara didn't care.

"...i'm...sorry...that you won't have two Zuko's...when you called my name..."

"No! Don't think that!"

"...i'm not going to make it...i've lost too much blood already..."

"We've been through all those adventures and we survived! We'll survive now!"

Zuko shook his head slowly.

"...no..."

"No! Don't say that!"

"...take care of aang...kaya...and zuko jr. and toph..."

"Stop it Zuko!"

"...tell them...i'm sorry...that they couldn't say goodbye..."

Katara couldn't talk anymore choking on tears. Zuko slowly reached out a bloody hand onto Katara's pregnant belly.

"...i...love...you..so...much..."

Katara found the will to fight again.

"Then don't leave me!"

"...i...love...you..."

"Don't leave me! I love you!"

Zuko let out a sigh and his eyes closed slowly as his hand dropped from her tummy to the surface below. Katara felt the tears over power her as she heard the sirens ringing back and forth in her head.

"No...please...zuko" she whispered as her eyeslids closed in faint.

"Do you want to go now mum?" asked Kaya. Her mother had been kneeling infront of the post for a long time now. Her mother nodded her head in reply. Katara put the flowers next to the lamp post but one which she kept and stood up and then faced her daughter.

She smiled weakly.

"Now to see you're father"

--...

Kaya was surprised at her mother's new change of mood. She seemed a bit stronger since they had visited her father's death place. She didn't burst into tears like the last time they went to her father's death place. Instead only a few tears dropped. Kaya was relieved but the sight of recovery from her mother. Maybe she was learning to live without him now and not to be sad. To just think that he's moved on to a better place.

"Thank you for getting the fire lillies Kaya"

"What?"

"The fire lillies I forgot to thank you before"

"Oh"

Kaya felt strange. Her mother's recovering was going fast but she didn't want to label her mother 'recovered' yet, they still hadn't finished going to her father's grave. They were nearly there too. Kaya could see the top of the grave stones in the horizen and they both drove in silence until they got there. They parked close to were Zuko's lay and didn't pass a word to each other as they walked over. Kaya stopped a few feet away.

"You go first"

Katara walked further and then knelt by the tombstone.

Zuko Agni

Loving Husband, Brother, Father and a great leader in society.

1992-2017

Katara laughed. She had always laughed when she saw the 'brother' part on the tombstone, she still remembered the storries Zuko told her of his childhood where he would chase Azula with scissors and then get chased by an Azula with a kitchen knife.

Katara then remembered the last lilly she had in her hand and she placed it by the grave. She then placed a cold hand onto the smooth, polished stone and sighed before closing her eyes.

Katara lay in a cold bed of an abulance car. She could hear muffled voices.

"We got her out. She was trapped by the lamp post that went through the car when they crashed" one voice said.

"And the male?" Katara knew this to be a female voice.

"The pole speared through his right theigh. He died of blood loss from the injury"

Katara closed her eyes to sobbed. It can't have ended this way.

"The car had tossed over on it's left side and the truck rammed into it making the lamp post fall down but broke from the impack which made it spear through the male".

How come she hadn't seen the lamp post? Why had she been so stupid?

He had hid it from her.

"How do you think she'll do when she finds out?"

Katara felt a pair of eyes watch her.

"Don't tell her what happened to her husband when she wakes. She's had enough trauma already".

Katara cried without letting them notice her tears.

Why Zuko? Why?

Katara opened her eyes back to the present and tried to smile.

"Hey sweetheart. I'm sorry I haven't seen you for a long time and I always miss waking up with you in the morning".

Katara took a deep breath.

"I need to apologize. I tried to do it. I tried to kill myself. I nearly did it. I nearly left our kids so I could be with you" Another breath. "I just couldn't bear the thought of having to say to Aang and Kaya that dad was going to come home late again. I couldn't bear the thought of Zuko Jr. and Toph asking where was their father and just to answer them 'Dad's working'. I need you to know – that I tried so hard to bring them up right. Try to fill the places of you but I just couldn't. There were times when Aang needed to go to football and Kaya to ballet at the same time and I just broke down crying because I couldn't manage to bring them up".

Large drops of tears ran down Katara's face.

"I missed you so much. I miss you so much". Katara tried to calm herself down. "So many times I wished that- I went with you. I wished that I wouldn't have the burden of bringing four kids up by myself. I wished I was strong enough and I even wished that I died and you lived.

But I didn't die with you, I brought our kids by myself, I became a bit stronger and you were the one that died not me".

Katara was choking on tears now.

"And I'm sorry I was willing enough to let those kids grow without a father or mother. I love you so much that I was able to think that way.

"But I see now. That you wouldn't like it if I had killed myself. You'd want me to stick with them. Watch them grow up in your place. You'd want me to be strong"

Katara laughed a bit.

"I knew this all before but I geuss I missed you too much". Katara then went solemn once more as a few tears exited her eyes.

"I still haven't forgiven the driver. I don't think I ever will and I'm sorry that I can't because I know you would want me too".

"And I'm sorry, because I don't think I brought our kids up right"

She sobbed harder than before.

Kaya looked at her mother. She was crying herself. She wanted to do something. She wanted to comfort her. So she did.

Katara felt to arms wrap around her into a caring embrace.

"You did bring us up right mum. You did your best and that's good enough for me".

Kaya understood why her mum tried to kill herself now.

"I love you still mum even though our family may not have been the perfect family or the most ideal. But it's our family and we love eachother and Aang, Zuko, Toph and I are here for you so don't worry".

"I understand how much you loved dad now"

Kaya burried her face into her mothers shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to put up with me and I promise I'll support you more now"

Kaya turned to her father's grave stone now.

"And I promise you dad that I'll take care of mum. I love dad and I miss you too"

For a long while the just sat there, crying, hugging and covering eachother with tears. Once they had regained their self Kaya turned to her mother.

"How did you do it mum? You were so strong, how did you do it?"

Katara turned to heaven and a breeze swept over her face but it wasn't a harsh breeze but a warm and love sort of breeze.

"I told myself- One lifetime is a long time for sure, but eternity is longer still and I have got to be happy that one day I'll be with your father again instead of never seeing him again"

Katara looked at her daughter eyes and it looked like she was looking at her own eyes in a mirror.

"But now I know. That he'll always be with me"

Katara placed a hand on her heart.

"Here..."

Author's Note: Awwww...

sniffle

It took me so long to write this. So long to figure out the right numbers for age.

This is to all those who have lost love ones or someone special.

I lost my godfather/uncle when I was little. At that time it didn't mean much to me and I didn't understand. But now I find a picture of him and I feel so sad. I remember these little things that he taught me and find how much value is in there. I wasn't even that close to him but I still feel all down when I think of him. And if I think this way imagine those who really lost something huge to them.

Note to everyone that these people will always be with them. They live inside you and they never leave you.

They're there. In your heart.

Please review. I just need to get a box of tissues.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Ephesians5.19