Life during a war
Chapter 1: Prologue
Tobias closes the door behind us and slips off his shoes. "Want some water?" He asks.
"No thanks." I hold my hands in front of me.
"You okay?" He asks me, touching my cheek. His hand cradles the side of my head, his long fingers slipping through my hair. He smiles and holds my head in place as he kisses me. Heat spreads through my body, slowly. And fear, buzzing like an alarm in my chest.
His lips still on mine, he pushes the jacket from my shoulders. I flinch when I hear it drop, and push him back, my eyes burning. I don't know why I feel this way. I didn't feel like this when he kissed me on the train. I press my palms to my face, covering my eyes. "What? What's wrong?"
I shake my head.
"Don't tell me it's nothing." His voice is cold. He grabs my arm. "Hey. Look at me."
I take my hands from my face and lift my eyes to his. The hurt in his eyes and the anger in his clenched jaw surprise me.
"Sometimes I wonder," I say, as calmly as I can, "what's in it or you. This… whatever it is." I say.
"What's in it for me," he repeats. He steps back, shaking his head. "You're an idiot, Tris."
"I'm not an idiot," I say. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for um, you know… that…"
"What? Sex?" He scowls at me. "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to."
I feel like he just punched me in the stomach.
"I'm going to leave now," I say quietly as I turn toward the door.
"No, Tris." He grabs my wrist and wrenches me back. I push him away, hard, but he grabs my other wrist, holding our crossed arms between us.
"I'm sorry I said that," He says. "What I meant was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."
"You're an obstacle in my fear landscape." My lower lip wobbles. "Did you know that?"
"What?" He releases my wrists, and the hurt look is back. "You're afraid of me?"
"Not you," I say. I bite my lip to keep it still. "Being with you… with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and… you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and…"
"Tris," He says sternly. "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too."
"Delusion?" I repeat. "You mean you haven't…" I raise my eyebrows. "Oh. Oh. I just assumed…" That because I am so absorbed by him, everyone else must be too. "Um. You know."
"Well, you assumed wrong." He looks away. His cheeks are bright, like he's embarrassed. "You can tell me anything, you know," he says. He takes my face in his hands, his fingertips cold and his palms warm. "I am kinder than I seemed in training."
He kisses me between the eyebrows, and on the tip of the nose, and then he carefully fits his mouth to mine. I am on edge. I have electricity coursing through my veins instead of blood. I want him to kiss me, I want him to.
His hands shift to my shoulders, and his fingers brush over the edge of my bandage. He pulls back with a puckered brow.
"Are you hurt?" he asks, concerned.
"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed. I just… wanted to keep it covered up." I tell him.
"Can I see?" He asks.
I nod, my throat tight. I pull my sleeve down and slip my shoulder out of it. he stares down at my shoulder for a second, and then runs his fingers over it. They rise and fall with my bones, which stick out farther than I will like. When he touches me, I feel like everywhere his skin meets mine is changed by the connection. It sends thrill through my stomach. Not just fear. Something else too. A wanting.
He peels the corner of the bandage away. His eyes roam over the symbol of Abnegation, and he smiles.
"I have the same one, on my back." He says, laughing.
"Really? Can I see it?" I ask.
He presses the bandage over the tattoo and pulls my shirt back over my shoulder.
"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" He asks.
"Only… partially." I answer.
He grabs the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head.
A patch of Dauntless flames covers his right side, but other than that his chest is unmarked. He averts his eyes.
"What is it?" I ask, frowning. He looks… uncomfortable.
"I don't invite many people to look at me," He says. "Any people, actually." He says.
"I can't imagine why," I say softly. "I mean, look at you."
I walk slowly around him and look at his back. His tattoo is amazing. Flames. Faction symbols. All five of them.
"I think we've made a mistake," He says softly. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." He clears his throat. "I continually struggle with kindness."
"No one's perfect," I say. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another bad thing replaces it."
I walk around him again and look at him before placing my lips on his, wrapping my hands around his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist. We get more passionate the longer we kiss and he starts moving towards the bed. I feel fear rising in me but I push it away. I don't want to be scared of this. I want him.
"Tris, we don't have to go too far if you don't want to." He says.
"I want you. I want this. I don't want to be scared of something that every couple does." I tell him.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Positive." I say before kissing him again.
It isn't long before we are both naked on the bed and he is hovering above me, giving me a questioning look. I nod. And we get lost in each other.
Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. This is just a prologue.
I'm sorry I haven't been able to update my other fanfics recently, I have been busy. I will update them tomorrow. I will possibly update this one again tomorrow as well, if not the day after.
Please review!