Now you know
Summary: House grieves by talking to the only one who ever knew him.
I apologize if House is out of character but he's sharing and talking, basically with himself and well you have to read it. Review please, tell me if I should continue it.
Day 1
Cuddy told me yesterday after work. Of course my reaction was to deny it, go home and get drunk. That's exactly what I did. I know you would have done the same. She came by pretty late that night to see how I was doing and foolish me, I thought it was you. I almost fell apart right there when you're familiar knock was replaced by hers.
It was then I knew that I couldn't deny it anymore.
I let her in, but she could tell how angry I was. She didn't stay or talk much. When she did ask me things it was, "are you ok?" or "Do you need anything?" The only response I could muster was "No" to everything.
I really wanted to say that I needed you back, but I couldn't admit that you're my weakness. I couldn't even admit that when you were here.
I hope you know the truth now.
I basically passed out on the couch around two in the morning, all the alcohol caught up with me, but it took the pain away. That's exactly what I wanted it to do.
Day 2
Today I skipped work. I had a damn good reason. You don't lose your best friend everyday. I didn't even call in, but then when do I ever call in? I didn't talk all day; it would just hurt too much.
Thinking about your absence in my life is still too hard to handle. What am I going to do? You got me, put up with me, and at times could even out smart me by correctly analyzing my actions.
I hated it when you did that.
I need to do something tomorrow or else I'll lose it. I mean really lose it. Remember when you forced me to watch Sleepless in Seattle?? I don't even remember why you made me watch it, but we did. Tom Hanks said "I get up and remember to breathe in and out" or something. I need to do that or I'll become irrational.
Day 3
I couldn't do it. I couldn't get up and remember to breathe. Our memories are still fresh in my mind. I still half expect you to show up and tell me to stop being down and depressed, to get my ass in gear and save some lives.
To save the lives that you can't.
Cuddy showed up around noon and found me still in bed. She told me that I need to get up and try to move on with life. I said "I don't want to. I'm afraid I will forget him." That was rather tough to say to her. She said "He's impossible to forget. You will never forget him. How can you forget someone who has changed your life so drastically?"
I almost broke down again.
I eventually made it to work with her. I was no help but I was there, at least physically. I mostly just sat there. At the end of the day I ended up in your office.
First I broke down. I think I needed to. It was either that or go insane.
Secondly, after the train wreck was cleared, I figured out how I could "move on". I needed to tell you how I feel. So I wrote it down and left it in your desk. I will be the one to clear it all out eventually anyway so no one will find my feelings.
I think writing things down was your damn idea in the first place, from way back when. Damn you for always knowing what's right or best for me. What am I going to do without you?
You like it? Let me know. You don't? Let me know that too. Want more? Of course let me know, I have potential additions lined up.