This is my first try at writing anything about Noodle, so sorry if she's a bit out of character. I'm kind of writing this through a depressed-hazy attitude she'll carry on with. This story will be full of very sexual themes/drug use/domestic violence/self harm.. so if you're impartial to any of the following you WILL be wasting your time with this read. For those of you about to delve into it, enjoi!

Noodle stared at the mirror. Her purple locks soaked to the side of her face from tears. She had done it again. She had broken the promise she made to herself only two weeks ago. The blade dropped to the floor with a loud clink. Blood splatter covered the floor as she stripped off her soaking wet shirt. Earlier she had received the bad news about her secret lover. He had died in a car crash just moments before the phone call from drunk driving. Noodle didn't know what to do other than turn on the shower and stand there, tearing apart her package of razors and digging into her skin as she sobbed quietly. Even if the man had beat her and drove her into practical insanity she had still loved him. She had the old scars to show her pain.

When she had tired of the razors she stepped out of the shower, pulling out a pocket knife Stu had lent her long ago and made one last cut. Now she had no idea what to do with herself. She slipped her pants off, leaving her in only a pair of wet underwear and a water-logged bra. The fresh wounds stung against the touch of her blankets as she hit the bedsheets. She sighed, wiping the smeared eyeliner from her eyes. What was she going to do with herself now? She had nobody to blame but herself now for her hurt. All the pain she felt. Every cut she made. It was her fault,a nd her fault only.

Noodle closed her eyes, singing along with the song playing in her head.

"Who are we to be emotional?
Who are we to play with hearts and throw away it all?
Oh, who are we to turn each other's heads?
Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?

Oh, I don't like the way I never listen to myself
I feel like I'm on fire, I'm too shy to cry for help
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all

This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall

I'm feeling down about this love"

Noodle gently drummed along on her flat stomach to the beat of the song, her foot shaking.

"Who are you to make me feel so good?
Who are we to tell ourselves that we're misunderstood?
Oh, who am I to say I'm always yours?
Who am I to choose the boy that everyone adores?
Oh, I don't see a reason why we can't just be apart
We're falling on each other like we're always in the dark
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all, at all"

Noodle clenched her fist. She couldn't believe herself and the way she had been acting over this situation. She could always go back to sleeping with Stu and Murdoc like she had before this man had come along. It always made her feel better, and like a dirty slut at the same time, knowing that they were both oblivious to the fact that she had been sleeping with them both.

"This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
(At all)

This love is not what you want
This heart will never be yours
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall"

No. Not this wouldn't be her downfall. She couldn't let herself be this way anymore. Noodle sat up, staring at her stomach. She was surprised it was still as flat as it usually was. She had to be at least two months along. It had been the reason she had broken off her secret rondevu. He had beaten her one last time and sent her to the ICU where she had found out she was carrying a "little bundle of joy". Or so the nurse had told her. She couldn't find joy in having something like this in her life. A child to be born to an unfit mother. A whore. A drug addict. A cutter. A suicidal person.

There was no way in hell she would be ready for something like this. No way she could do this on her own. There was no way she could have this child. She wasn't ready to be a mother in any sense.

Noodle completed her morning routine. Get sick, shower, bandage wounds, get dressed. She put on a pair of skin tight ripped blue jeans and laced up her Keds. She threw on a white tank top before slipping into her fitted black hoodie. There was no way she could survive today if Murdoc and Stu saw her arms. She had been lucky that Russ had grown too large to fit into the house. Noodle let out one last sigh before exiting her tidied room and began her journey down the hallway. It was only about ten in the A.M. but she couldn't sleep after everything and had decided she would go to a doctor and talk to him about her pregnancy options before it was too late to hide it from the rest of the band. She put on a dark blue sock hat and a black pair of sunglasses before walking out to the public bus.

Nobody looked up at her as she sat there, pulling out an iPod and watching out the window. This was good, there was no way she would be able to live it down is somebody from the media would find her. It would make headlines and the boys would surely hear of it. There would be no way she could explain the secret actions she had made over the past year. She couldn't right these wrongs. She couldn't even explain her actions to herself. The bus made it to her stop and she pulled the line, hearing a ding. The bus stopped, air escaping. She stood, quickly exiting and walking into the clinic.

Noodle lifted her shirt and watched the doctor pour the cold goo on her stomach. She clocked him out as he blabbed on about her baby looking healthy and how she should gain more weight. She had restrained herself from looking at the ultrasound picture. She didn't know what she would do if she looked at it. Would she grow more attached? Would she burst into tears? She had already gotten too choked up to talk to the doctor about her options with abortion and adoption. Her views on it were already skewed and she wanted to make sure she didn't make a decision she would regret.

The printed buzzed as the lights flicked on. The doctor wiped her stomach off and headed to the printer, handing her the picture. Noodle kept it on her lap, not looking. "I hope to see you soon," he smiled and showed her out the door. Noodle walked out with her head down, folding the picture without looking. She put her ear buds back in and sighed. Why couldn't she just be one of those heartless women who could just nip it and not care? How could prostitutes just do that?

Stuart sat the plate of chicken and potatoes in front of Noodle, staring at her. "Are yew awright lov?" he asked, concerned. Murdoc took another sip of his rum bottle and picked at the plate he started to devour. She looked up at him, her eyes bruised from the hours of crying she just put herself through. It had happened as soon as she arrived back at the Wobble Street house. She moved her legs, feeling the still folded ultrasound picture in her pants pocket. She still couldn't bring herself to look at what was growing inside of her. "Yeah, just a bit tired," she responded sheepishly. Stuart nodded slowly, probably trying to avoid a sore subject.

"Leave the lass alone face-ache," Murdoc slurred from across the table. Noodle usually didn't get along with Murdoc, but there was one thing he was good for: making a conversation end. She picked at her food for another ten minutes, taking a bite or two before she decided she was sick of it and left the table. The stairs creaked as she gently walked up them to her room. The paper lanterns lit the dark space, illuminating the stars outside of her window. She opened one, sitting on the roof out of Russ's view. She sighed and closed her eyes, hearing a slight patter next to her. A warm pair of arms wrapped themselves around her shoulder as a butterscotch aroma attacked her nose. Stuart. He never showed it publicly, but her deeply cared for the girl. It never failed that he would always try and make her better. Even if she resisted trying to feel better. "Lov," he whispered in her ear.

Noodle opened her eyes, staring into affectionate black orbs looking strait at her. Soon she felt his warm lips against her's. It was the only way he had known for a while to make her happy. It was something she hadn't let him do for months. Her walls were finally breaking. Noodle kissed him back, holding onto him for dear life as she felt her tears finally rain down onto her hoodie. Stuart held her face, wiping away the tears as he desperately kissed her back. In a strange way this did make her happier. Stuart was a good guy. He had been good to her the entire time they slept together. Even before and after that. Nothing she could do would make him feel less about her. So why would she harbor such a big secret from him? She knew why, but she didn't want to admit it was selfish of herself for thinking so.

Stuart picked her up, laying her on the soft bed she lay in every night. The silk sheets swallowed them up as they snogged. Noodle couldn't help herself at this point. She needed something to make herself feel better. Even if it meant that she would be getting it in all the wrong places. Something, anything. She just needed to be better. Noodle slapped his hands away when he began to tug at her shirt. She couldn't risk him seeing her arms that had been added to earlier. There was no way this could happen tonight. "Stu?" she pushed away for air. "Hrm?" he looked in a haze. "Hold me," she quietly replied as she reached up for his blue locks. He nodded and planted one last kiss on her lips before going behind her and pulling her close.

Noodle held held his hand. She missed being a little kid. When they lived at Kong and she could sneak into his bed at night every time she had a nightmare. Stuart always kindly let her into his bed and held her tight through the night to make sure she was okay just incase it happened again. He had always been there for her in the end. So why did she decide long ago that he could never be with her? Noodle shook her head slightly and shut her eyes, letting sleep take over her body. This is what she needed to wash the day away.

Thanks for reading! Please no flaming on the Noodle x Murdoc/Stuart. All bad reviews pertaining to it WILL be immediately deleted.

Song: This Love(Will Be Your Downfall) - Ellie Goulding

Bai!