"What Would Pinkie Pie Do For A Klondike Bar?"
Rated T for perhaps utter stupidity
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony or any of the characters from the show. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Here's something that's been on my mind for some time now. So, here you go.
P.S. I don't own anything that makes Klondike Bars, although they are pretty tasty.
Pinkie Pie was busy walking around the village of Ponyville with groceries being carried on her back. It was a huge bag full of sweets and whatnot. Apparently, Pinkie Pie was planning a special occasion for her friend Twilight Sparkle, whose birthday was coming up soon. So what a better way for this occasion than to bake Twilight Sparkle the best birthday cake ever!
"Okay, so I've got cake mix, coconut, chocolate, purple frosting, and birthday cake-flavored ice-cream!" Pinkie exclaimed, as she was going through a list, "This is gonna be the best cake for Twilight, ever!"
As Pinkie kept on walking by, a voice spoke out to her.
"Hey, Pinkie Pie."
Suddenly, Pinkie stopped to see where the voice is coming from.
"Hello?" Pinkie said, "Is someone talking to me?"
As Pinkie looked over to the alley, she saw a pony with a colorful blue tuxedo and a slick brown mane. He definitely had the look of your typical door-to-door salesman.
"Actually, Pinkie Pie, I am!" The salespony exclaimed, "I'm actually a pitchpony for the Klondike Bar Corporation!"
"Oh, Klondike Bars?" Pinkie gasped, "I love them! Especially the commercials where somebody asks you what would you do for a Klondike bar! I remember this one time that this mare needed to kill another mare in order to get one, but the network censored that commercial because it was too violent for the little ponies."
"Ah, I'm still glad you remembered." The salesman smiled, "Well, what would I tell you if this was your lucky day?"
Suddenly, Pinkie took in a gasp. She couldn't believe what she heard from her own ears right now.
"Really?" She smiled.
"It's dead real, Pinkie Pie." The salesman nodded.
Carefully, the salesmony pulled out a clear crisp Klondike bar for Pinkie to look at.
"Pinkie Pie," The salespony replied, "What you do for a Klondike bar?"
Pinkie Pie then started to think clearly. Just what on earth would she do just to get that Klondike bar all to herself.
"I don't know." Pinkie shrugged, "What do you want me to do?"
"Would you poke your eye out?" The salespony suggested.
Nodding with approval, Pinkie Pie took her hoof and poked her own eye out. Incredibly, she didn't even feel an ounce of pain.
"Like that?" Pinkie said.
"I love that." The salespony nodded, "Would you reach your tongue to your nose?"
Hearing this, Pinkie Pie stuck out her tongue and managed to reach her nose right by a tip. That was a long slippery tongue Pinkie had for quite a party pony.
"Howf aboufff thafff?" Pinkie muffled.
"Perfect!" He shouted with glee, "Would you blow up Ponyville with the single push of a button?"
However, Pinkie's heart stopped. Would Pinkie ever try to blow up the home that he really loves much more than the rock farm that Pinkie resided? What would Twilight Sparkle say if she was here. Would Twilight force Pinkie to decline an offer so sinister and so degrading such as that.
Pinkie wouldn't.
She couldn't.
She shouldn't.
But...
"OKAY!" Pinkie said, as she grabbed the remote control, pressed the red button and...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
A bomb went off all across Ponyville, blowing and wrecking everything in sight, including Twilight's now-magical treehouse, Sugarcube Corner, Rarity's Boutique, Fluttershy's cottage, the schoolhouse where Cheerilee teached at, and Sweet Apple Acres. The blast was so loud that it almost blew Pinkie Pie's eardrums to death.
As the explosion came to an end, the rest of the debris fell right to the floor from the houses. Pinkie Pie's fluffy pink fur was burned off a bit, but it didn't matter to her one bit, as long as she wanted her hooves on that Klondike Bar. The salespony's suit on the other hand didn't survive one bit. Apparently some of the fabric was burned off of him.
"So do I get it?" Pinkie replied.
Shaking off the dust, the salespony finally decided.
"Congratulations Pinkie, you got it!" He replied, giving Pinkie Pie the Klondike bar.
Holding the Klondike bar in hands
"A-ha! I got it!" Pinkie shouted, jumping up and down like she won a contest or something.
"Yes, you have!" The salespony nodded. "Remember to watch our commercials and keep buying our products!"
"Okey-Dokey-Lokey, Mr. Klondike guy!" Pinkie squealed in joy.
"Take care now!" He said, waving goodbye and leaving her sight.
After the salespony's departure, Pinkie Pie stared at the goodness that was the Klondike Bar itself. Just the idea of chowing down on a shell of cream, encased in a cold chocolate shell was enough to get Pinkie's taste buds going.
"Okay Klondike bar, prepare to get in by bel-laaaaaaaay!" Pinkie laughed evilly to the tasty delight.
Before she could send the whole thing inside her mouth, however...
"PINKIIIIIIIIIE!"
She instantly heard shouting behind her. Not having to know, Pinkie slowly turned over her shoulder...
...
...
...and saw Twilight Sparkle and a bunch of angry pissed off ponies with nearly-charred skin. How on earth could they have survived that nuclear blast. The real question was, 'How could Pinkie Pie survive that blast herself as well?' Unfortunately, Pinkie couldn't find an answer to all of this.
"Oh, hey everybody, look what I got!" Pinkie said, holding a Klondike bar in the air.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Twilight cried out, "You just wiped out Ponyville single-handedly, all because you wanted that stupid Klondike bar! Are you that retarded?"
"Um..." Pinkie said, giving this a thought, "Is that a trick question?"
"Get her!" Rainbow Dash shouted out from the crowd.
"Oh, crapballs..." Pinkie Pie gulped, which forced her to hit the ground running!
As Pinkie left, so did the angry mob of ponies, who were chasing her all around a nearly-obliterated Ponyville. They were wanting a piece of Pinkie Pie's blood so badly, and who could blame them? All of this would've been avoided if Pinkie hadn't gotten the Klondike bar. Obviously, Pinkie Pie wasn't listening long enough to notice that.
Wow, what a pain it was to finally finish this little fic. I was stuck on so many occasions, I kept getting stuck everytime. But at least I did it!
Although, I can't imagine Twilight saying 'retarded' or Pinkie Pie saying 'crapballs' on the show, it's what you had to expect from Pinkie herself.
Anyway, what did you Pinkie Pie fans think? Feedbacks are welcome, my bronies! ^_^