THE ROGUES BET ON IT
Chapter 1: Are They Gonna Kiss Already?
(Narrated by Wedge Antilles)
"Did you hear the latest?" Hobbie asks me as we're grabbing kafs. "Solo's bugging out."
"That's crazy talk, you moron," I tell Hobbie. "He just said he was gonna stay about a week ago!"
"Yeah, well, he and the princess made a cargo run on Ord Mantell last week, and I guess he ran into a bounty hunter or three."
"Who'd you hear it from?" I demand.
"The man himself. He was telling Rieekan just a while ago."
"Damn." As if things here on the iceball otherwise known as Hoth weren't sucktastic enough. So what if Solo'd taken all of my money at sabacc? I haven't laughed so much since I was a little kid on Corellia. And as for piloting maneuvers, no one's smoother than the crazy Corellian. He's never mentioned it, but I think he's got military. No one can shoot that accurately without a hella lot of training, and the man does know his way around a blaster.
Granted, Solo wouldn't take a commission. My second cousin, Princess Leia of the space dust of the planet formerly known as Alderaan, was really bugged by that. Don't get me wrong. I like my cousin. She's smart and tough and cool. But she's not exactly the friendliest sentient in the galaxy.
And it's pretty damn obvious to anyone with an IQ above the single digits that my cousin and Solo are hot for each other. Hobbie and I walk along the corridors to the hangar, and who do we run into but Solo and the Princess, squabbling again. We just walk by; everyone does. They're as much a part of the scenery as the snow.
I hear her say something about kissing a Wookiee. I'd pay to see that.
"And here I'd figured they'd have boinked each other by now," Hobbie tells me.
"See, that's their whole problem," I point out. "Everyone around here knows they're crazy for each other. They should just do it already, 'cause everyone knows they want to."
"Who should just do it already?" one of the other Rogues, Grimmy, asks us. Grimmie is a sweet kid but he's got the intelligence of a root vegetable. He's more or less a professional gofer. You know, gofer kaf, gofer sandwiches, gofer parts, that sort of thing. His dad's one of our major spies. Dad grew up in this wealthy family that had a lot of members that backed the Empire. That meant he had access. Problem was, his wife got slaughtered on her way to an underground Rebel meeting. That he meant he got stuck taking care of Grimmy. It's pretty obvious Grimmy embarrasses the hells out of him.
"Don't worry about it," I tell him, patting him on the head. Grimmy's probably sixteen or seventeen, but you wouldn't know it from talking to him. Grimmy just Does Not Get It. "You'll understand when you're older."
"Okay." He walks away. I'm still wondering how his parents got stuck with such a dopey kid. Six billion sperm and that was the fastest swimmer? It's not so much that Grimmy's an idiot. It's more like he's terminally clueless. But the end result's pretty much the same.
"You could use a good kiss!" I can hear Solo shouting to the Princess.
"She sure could," Hobbie says to me, but quietly. We're by the command center and Rieekan, who's like a totally decent guy even if he lacks a sense of humor, doesn't appreciate what we do to stave off fear and boredom when we're in his presence. If he's not there, anything goes, and it usually does. Wartime can do seriously weird things to your brain if you don't do normal stuff.
The biggest thing that keeps this place 'normal' is gossip. And nobody provides fodder for the rumor mill more than the Princess and Solo. You could tell way back when that they were hot for each other. Solo and Skywalker got medals after the Battle of Yavin, and we had a betting pool going on whether or not Solo was gonna dance with her. I handily won 75 credits on that one. A bunch of us tried to get her to dance with us, but she was like no thank you all night long.
And then along comes Mr. Smooth. He got her on the dance floor. Gotta say that he's pretty good at it. I told the other suckers who said no way to pay up, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Plus, I lost a bunch of credits in the last sabacc game I played and it was nice to make some of 'em back.
After the dance was when the insults started being hurled back and forth. They tried to keep 'em to themselves for a while, but then they decided they either needed an audience or they just didn't care. I'm going with option B. The Rogues and I opened a betting pool on when they'd get around to kissing each other. So far, pool remains open, unless there's something we missed, and I doubt that. We'd know.
Like Solo, I'm Corellian, and we're not exactly the most romantic guys in the galaxy, nor are we known for our sensitivity. Solo didn't seem like a rookie, either. A guy that cool probably'd had lots of women, or at least lots of one night stands.
But he never was alone with any other woman on base. Never saw him eat with one, never saw him take one back to that hunk of junk called the Millennium Falcon. Instead, it was like they'd seek each other out and they'd say stuff just to piss the other one off. And that's the way it's been for three effing years already.
I happen to know that on the base, there are very few women who wouldn't want to get in bed with Solo. Maybe that's why he's chasing down the Princess - she's the only one not making herself available. Problem is, she's not doing a very good job of hiding how she feels about Solo, and he's not doing a very good job of concealing what he feels about her.
"You still think he's gonna kiss her?" Hobbie says to me.
"Unless they can each grow a brain before the end of the day, I'd say no."
"You gonna put money on that?"
"Only if he sticks around. I got a funny feeling he will."
"You're an idiot. He already said he's out. C'mon, we gotta get some sim time in." Hobbie and I are off for another round of war games.