How could he have been so foolish?
He had screwed up big time. He had made a mistake. He had made the one mistake he had taken such care to avoid for so long.
Life is random, so loss is random. He had learned that lesson so long ago when a random little blot clot had taken away the use of his leg and sentenced him to a life of pain. He had learned his lesson well, and so he had never meant to let this happen.
He had never meant to get close to anyone. He had never meant to let his friendship become anything more than an idle amusement. Wilson was there and he was always so entertainingly earnest it was impossible not to take notice.
Slowly, though, the younger oncologist had gotten under House's skin. Without even realizing it the diagnostician had come to rely on their verbal sparring, their differing points of view. It kept him challenged and focused, and sometimes let him see something he hadn't seen before. House did not want to count the number of times some casual comment from Wilson had opened the door to a seemingly impossible case wide open.
"He goes all in, he's sure he's won. I call, I flip em!"
"They give him the wrong meds who the hell knows what's gonna happen!?"
"Things don't care."
It was all disposable, House kept telling himself as the years went slowly by.
He could get by just fine without the daily sharing of a meal (most of the sharing was done on Wilson's part, of course).
He could get by just fine without opening the door to his balcony and sitting across the barrier separating their two offices to exchange the latest piece of hospital gossip.
He could get by just fine without that rare but infinitely valuable spark of pride he saw in Wilson's eyes when he did or said something that garnered the approval of the other.
As the time went by, however, he had to ignore the voice in his mind growing louder and louder telling him that all his denials were simply a lie.
Because he had a truth to face now; a frightening and terrible truth. He might lose. He might lose the only true friend he ever had. Things had reached a point of no return and a vital part of his life was about to turn around and walk right out of it. He had made Wilson a vital part of his life and so made himself vulnerable to that loss.
How could he have been so foolish?
But more importantly, what the hell was he going to do now?
A/N: Just a random stream-of-concsiousness that came to me earlier...
In case anyone's interested, the three lines come from the episodes "All In", "Alone", and "It's a Wonderful Lie".