He had been there when the monument was erected and the service held in memory of the dead. Announcing the names of the fallen, badges of honour given to people no longer here to receive them. Excusing himself when the names of his captain and friends were read, Alexei giving him permission to leave with a silent, sympathetic nod.
Schwann, as he was now called, refused to go back. He didn't want to see cold carved letters on stone of what had once been names, people he had known and loved and fought beside. He didn't need to see the monument that was nothing more than a reminder of loss. Of the soldiers, the civilians— his family. It was easier to dive into his work, but even then there was no fully escaping it.
The title of Captain always brought her face to mind. As he issued orders, trained knights and sorted through papers he couldn't help but remember how this had been her job, how she should be the one sitting here right now.
It wasn't enough to pretend to be someone who didn't know her. Hiding behind another name didn't dull the pain. So when he was on patrol one day and spotted the flower shop, he braced himself and bought the lilies she had loved so much.
His steps were uncertain and halting as he made his way to the cemetery where so many knights were put to rest. His gaze fixed on the ground as he approached the monument, still unable to look and see the names he knew so well preserved in nothing but cold stone.
"I—" He was caught, unsure of what he was to do. Should his words be offered as the new First Captain, or as a man that was already dead? Neither felt right.
"Thank you for your services to our…" The stale, official words were heavy and awkward on his tongue and he stopped with a small cough. No, no, that was definitely not right. The persona of Schwann couldn't shield him now. Not from this.
"I miss you."
Maybe Damuron wasn't gone entirely yet. Closure was too much to ask for, but he at least had to say goodbye. So that's what he did. He gathered his courage and looked up, spotting each familiar name and saying what he must to them. Apologies, thank-yous, hollow promises that they hadn't died in vain.
And then he reached her name.
"Captain." He moved in for a salute, back straightening and a curled hand coming up his his chest but he paused as the hand hovered over the mechanical device in his chest. A moment's hesitation before he dropped it, relaxing into a stance that had been much more natural for the young noble before knighthood.
"You made me better, you made me worth something. You made the world worth changing, people worth saving. You made everything you touched good. I'm so lucky to have—" A startled pause as he felt wetness on his cheeks. He was crying, his throat burning from the words. With a gulp he pressed on. Finish his goodbyes, say all that he had to so that Damuron could leave the world for another man.
"I love you Casey." There were no consequences of saying it now, not with both her and her fiance gone. Months of holding those three burning words back, feeling like his heart was going to burst as he saw her receiving the attentions of another man. Checking his tongue, burying his feelings because he respected her too much to burden her with them.
He placed the flowers down.
"Sleep peacefully knowing that your sacrifices were not in vain" His voice had changed, becoming colder, more distant. Damuron had said his peace. "Your ideals live on and I promise to continue what you began."
Thank you for giving me a purpose still.
"You gave your full measure. Be at ease soldier, your work is done."