Losing My Shields
It was quiet in the empty halls of the Tempest, the only sounds being the occasional beeping of the monitors and the soft hum of the ship as it soared through the inky blackness of space. Most of its battle worn occupants had retired to their respective quarters to rest away the weariness of their last mission. The crew was journeying back to the hidden paradise of Aya from the frozen world of Voeld, carrying with them the Angaran woman they rescued from the evil grasp of the Archon and his terrifying followers.
Peebee was not one to dwell on past, depressing memories, but she was having a hard time closing her eyes. She lay on her makeshift bunk in the escape pod, bright green eyes staring up at the thick, white metal ceiling as the events of that day replayed in her mind. The kett had been cruel beyond comprehension, like the horror vid psychopaths who lacked the biological ability to feel empathy or mercy towards any other living creature. They had abducted hundreds of Angara and had used some dark science to turn them into willing slaves, taking away everything they once were and transforming into… them. It was hard not to feel bad for Jaal and his brethren. And it was even harder not be distrubed and afraid of it all.
She grimly wondered if they would do the same to her and others from the Milky Way. And her scientific mind told her they would definitely try. To the kett, they were no doubt curiosities. Something new to take apart. They could already be doing so to some unlucky outcasts in the galaxy. They might already know exactly what was valuable in each of their species. And what was to be discarded.
A shudder ran up her spine. She clicked her tongue. "What the hell do I care? It's not like there's anything I can do about any of it." She sat up, pouting her lips stubbornly as a mixture of irritation and dread tangled in her chest. "I can't let any of this distract me from my goal. I need to focus on studying the Remnant and that's it." A pang of hunger temporarily distracted her as she pressed her hand to her stomach. "Well I'm still up. Might as well go eat something."
Veering her thoughts towards food, she swung her legs over the edge of her cot and rose. She adjusted her baggy, black pants and her white hoodie as she walked to the round door of the escape pod. She stepped out and crossed the room to the next doors as they slid open for her to walk through them. She glanced over at Kallo, who was flying the ship while humming a tune to himself. Peebee shrugged a shoulder and turned left to the next door. She stepped towards one of the two ladders leading down to the crew's quarters. As she descended the ladder, she inwardly prayed that the rest of the crew was off doing something else or sleeping in their rooms. She just wanted a quick bite and go back to her little sanctuary, away from them and any unwanted conversations. And as she approached the door to the galley, she hoped Drak wouldn't notice her slip in for her grub. Though the old man might be about the only one she felt comfortable talking to at times.
The door swooshed open silently, but instead of there being a giant krogan snoozing on the floor and taking most of the space, someone else sat at the small table inside.
Scott's head went up from his drink to the door and it seemed to take him a second to focus on her. "Peebee?"
"Hey," she greeted lamely and raised a quizzical brow. "Where's Drak?"
"He's off playing poker with Gil," he replied and cocked his head with a small grin. "Did finding me here instead disappoint you?"
Peebee waved a dismissive blue hand. "Oh don't be silly." She approached the refrigerator, opening the door to look inside. "I'm just surprised you're up. After today, I thought you'd be the first to pass out."
He let out a humorless chuckle. "I did try. Couldn't though."
"Ah." After taking a bottle of water and a fruit cup, turned to him. "Well… good luck with that." She went for the door, but a glimpse of the lost look he gave her made her pause in her tracks. "This isn't your business." She tried to tell herself, but could not bring herself to walk away. With an inward sigh, she sat across from him.
"Is something wrong?" She asked, her voice carrying a hint of concern.
Scott shook his head, the wavy blond locks framing his face swaying with the motion. "I'm fine. We all just... had a rough couple of hours."
She watched him take a drink from his alcohol before he looked down at the amber liquid in his cup. She could easily see the haunted shadow in his pale blue eyes. Something was definitely bothering their Pathfinder, and knowing everyone looked to him for leadership, he was keeping it to himself. She frowned, leaning forward on her seat. "You can talk to me if you need to, you know. I mean… there's probably not much I can do, but I can still listen. Talking to the AI in your head isn't the same as talking to a physical person." She looked up. "No offense SAM."
"None taken, Peebee." They heard the AI say within the room.
A corner of his lips went up, and he seemed to consider her offer for a moment as he hung his head over his cup. Peebee waited patiently for him to speak, observing him with piqued interest. He was a handsome human, more so than any other of the species she had ever encountered in her one hundred years of life. A strong square jaw with a neatly trimmed blonde beard, tough broad shoulders that could probably lift a krogan. Muscles that were easily defined despite his loosely fitted white shirt. She had never touched a human before, but she pondered how those muscles and that smooth-looking skin would feel under her fingertips.
"I just…"
Her distracted mind retracted back to their conversation, wandering eyes snapping up to meet his.
"I was thinking of all the Angara we left behind in that kett facility in Voeld," he said softly, guilt laced in every word. "I chose to destroy that place with them in it and they all died because of it."
A look of concern crossed Peebee's features. "That's a pointless thing to think about, if you ask me. There's nothing you can do about it now. You did everything you could with what you had," she said, trying to keep her voice casual. She didn't want to make friends. She just wanted to help a stranger.
He scowled, angry at himself. "I should have saved them. There were hundreds… probably thousands of Angara in there. Many with families."
Peebee couldn't help the sympathy in her bright green eyes. By what she heard from the others, he was new at carrying the heavy burdens of leadership. Cora mentioned his father was originally the human Pathfinder, but upon his death, Scott was forced to assume the title and the responsibilities that came along with it. As the only Pathfinder to show up in the Nexus and with the other Arks still missing, he had the monumental task of finding them all a home in an alien galaxy. Peebee had never been forced into something like that, but she imagined she wouldn't be able to handle it on her own. And although the Ryder they all saw day in and day out was a strong symbol of authority, he was still just one man. A single human fighting not only for his people, but for the rest of the colonists that made the journey with them.
"I… uhm. I understand…" She tried to find the right words. She wasn't used to comforting others, especially people who were definitely stronger than she was. "I don't think you should be angry with yourself," she said. "There was no easy way out back there. It was either save the Angara or destroy a terrible place where more of them would have ended up anyway. You did what you thought was best for everyone."
"Not everyone, it seems. Jaal's pretty upset with me."
"Jaal didn't have to make that decision. You did. And I think it worked out better. It seems sometimes the Angara think only with their hearts and not their heads." She cast her gaze down, gripping her water bottle as she stared at the clear liquid. "Feelings can hurt a lot of people if you let them drive every decision you make."
Scott's brows furrowed at the sad undertone in her voice. "You sound like you've had your fair share of difficult choices, Peebee. Are you sure coming to Andromeda was just about your curiousity towards the unknown?"
She smiled a little. She kind of liked the way his voice sounded when he said her name."It was… sort of," she said and then turned serious. "But this isn't about me, Ryder."
"Right… it's about how I killed all those people."
"Look, it wasn't not your fault. None of this would've happened if it hadn't been for those assholes abducting people for their sick cult."
Scott nodded slowly. "There will be death everywhere so long as those bastards are out there."
"Yep! So instead of feeling angry with yourself, put that energy to good use and think of a way to get them back for what they did." Her own words suddenly made her realize just how important this man was. She had been frightened by what happened, but reassuring him had in turn made her feel better. He was the only one who could fight those she feared. "In the couple of months we've hung around each other..." she uttered as a confident grin spread on her lips. "I can tell you Ryder, that I know you're one of the good guys. If there's anyone who can send the kett into a black hole, that'll be you. Even if not everyone agrees with how you do it."
His eyes widened a fraction. "You… have that much confidence in me?"
"O-of course!"
"I'm… flattered."
Her grin faltered and she looked down awkwardly. "Why? I'm not the only one who feels that way."
"Because you're the type of person who wouldn't trust easily." His hand covered hers, drawing her attention back to his gentle smile. "Not to mention it's not everyday I get a pep talk from a beautiful woman like you."
"Oh damn it… Don't look at me like that," she thought helplessly, her heartbeat quickening under his gaze.
Scott stared at her, his soft smile never fading. Their eyes remained locked for seconds that appeared to stretch out to minutes. And Peebee was too fixated by the intensity in his stare to move.
He cleared his throat, snapping out of his own daze before pulling his hand away, leaving her somehow missing the warmth of his touch. "So… How's that Rem-tech project going? Made any progress?"
Peebee smirked, her confidense rushing back. "Hah! Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Can't blame me for trying." He grinned and threw his head back to down what was left of his drink before he rose from his chair. She watched him step to the sink, her gaze automatically straying to his firm, well rounded backside, well defined through his deep blue cotton sweat pants. He rinsed the cup and put it away in the cubbert before turning to her with a grin. He slowly walked up to her and placed his hands on the table, leaning over it to peer down at her with his beautiful sky blue eyes.
"Tell me…" He said in a low, yet playful voice. "Will I ever learn your secrets?"
She felt herself swallow, but although he was too close, she couldn't bring herself to pull away from him. Peebee put on her her best teasing grin, hiding her reeling nerves. "You're… pretty charming, Ryder. If you keep trying, maybe one day you'll hit the jackpot."
He chuckled as he straightened up. He faced the door and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for the chat, Peebee. It really helped."
"You got it…" she replied, her voice softer than she intended.
"You should go get some rest. I have a feeling we have a lot more excitement ahead of us." With that he left the room, the mechanical door automatically sliding shut behind him.
And although she felt relief at finally being alone again, part of her wanted to go after him and talk some more—if only to stare at him a little longer. Annoyed with herself, she pressed her lips into a line and shook her head. She couldn't let the human's kindness and his good looks pierce her defenses. She couldn't repeat the terrible mistake of allowing another to get too close to her heart. And yet a small voice in her head told her that if she believed in this man's ability to watch her back in battle and save them all from the kett, then it was only logical to let him in. If only a little.