Hello! I have returned to FFN ! Okay… so I love reading fanfictions where shows age or de-age, leaving the characters in high school. However, there's a shortage of that with primetime dramas. There's even a larger shortage of that with primetime medical dramas. So, with that in mind, I hereby restart House's eight seasons with a younger cast.
Notice: I don't own anyone unless otherwise stated.
Greg House, Lisa Cuddy, and James Wilson have known each other for roughly a decade. James just turned eighteen after their high school graduation. Lisa turned eighteen in January, and Greg will turn nineteen at the end of November. It's currently early November. Since March, the trio has been legitimately working at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital after being recognized as prodigies in the medical field. James wrote an amazing paper, giving him an opportunity in oncology. Lisa has leadership skills, so she is able to work with administration. Greg loves to solve a good mystery, and he is the head of diagnostics - despite also being the youngest. Previously, they had worked as interns; before that, the trio had been coming in and out of said hospital for reasons of their own.
As a child, Greg was neglected by his mother, only to be abused by his alcoholic father. He's an only child, so everything had come down to him. As a result, he acted out and ended up repeating second grade. He is very closed-minded, always trying to take out his pain and frustration on others. This is how he met Lisa and James.
Lisa and her younger (by eight years) sister Julia have always lived with domineering, strict parents. They've pushed the girls through straight A academics as well as captain of various athletics. By junior high, Lisa had found herself being pressured not to make a single mistake. She was captain of cheerleaders, volleyball team, and softball team, and co-captain of the soccer team. She ran track, and was also a prominent member of the 4-H club, FCCLA, HOSA, and choir. She suffered a meltdown, unfortunately, in the middle of a geography bee.
James originally had plans to be in show business. He has lived in a single parent household all his life, and his mom has supported him all the way - through tap dancing classes, glee club, and drama productions. Though elementary and junior high, James has loved wearing bold and flamboyant attire to school. He had also utilized time in art classes by creating new set and costume designs.
However, because of this, he was bullied. It went from nasty name-calling and an occasional shove of the playground to threats left on his locker and being pulled into fights in the hall. During one fight, he and his bully were sent to the hospital… and they got to learn about one another. This is how James and Greg became friends. Starting at a young age, his younger (by four years) brother Danny was constantly scared for his brother. As he aged, he wore darker clothes and kept away from the family. As such, he went missing at age eleven.
On the day of graduation, Greg, Lisa and James were given a full ride into college via working at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. James confided in his mom that he's gay or, in the very least, bisexual. She, unfortunately, doesn't know how to take it, and he's now closed-minded of his sexual orientation.
James is currently living behind his house, in the guest house converted from a garage. Greg and Lisa used their saved up money to move into separate apartments off campus. At work, three high school student interns are working for Greg for college credit. While the medical prodigy doesn't care for human interaction, when he discovered he has the power to enlist without pay, he was all for it.
He recruited a tall (yet a few inches shorter than Greg) black fifteen a years old named Eric Foreman for having a criminal record. He's a junior at Epson Reform School. Greg recruited a blonde fifteen-year-old Aussie named Robert Chase because the kid's dad made a call. He's a junior at Spencer High. Greg also recruited a short (as Lisa) dirty blonde fourteen-year-old named Alison Cameron because of her looks. She's a sophomore at Morrison Christian Academy.
It's another Wednesday. Greg and James are walking down the hall of the PPTH. Greg is wearing a purple button-up, a black jacket and jeans. He leans on a cane due to an incident sustained in high school. He hates to talk about it, usually lying or evading the question when asked. James, on the other hand, is dressed professionally - down to the white pharmacist coat.
Wilson starts speaking, looking through the file in his hands. "Twenty-nine-year-old female, first seizure one month ago, lost the ability to speak. Babbled like a baby. Present deterioration of mental status."
"See that?" House pointedly ignores his friend. "They all assume I'm a patient because of this cane."
"So put on a white coat like the rest of us."
"I don't want them to think I'm a doctor."
"You see where the administration might have a problem with that attitude." Wilson sighs.
"People don't want a sick doctor."
"Fair enough. I don't like healthy patients." Wilson concedes before returning to the case. "The 29 year old female…"
"The one who can't talk, I liked that part."
Wilson stops in front of House. "She's my cousin."
"And your cousin doesn't like the diagnosis. I wouldn't either. Brain tumor, she's gonna die, boring."
"No wonder you're such a prodigical diagnostician. You don't need to actually know anything to figure out what's wrong."
"You're the oncology specialist; I'm just a lowly infectious disease guy."
"Hah, yes, just a simple country doctor." Wilson sighs heavily. "Brain tumors at her age are highly unlikely."
"She's twenty-nine. Whatever she's got is highly unlikely."
"Protein markers for the three most prevalent brain cancers came up negative."
"That's an HMO lab; you might as well have sent it to a high school kid with a chemistry set."
"You were that kid six months ago." He shakes his head. "No family history."
"I thought your uncle died of cancer." House grumbles, remembering skipping a day in high school for the man's funeral.
"Other side. No environmental factors."
"That you know of."
"And she's not responding to radiation treatment."
"None of which is even close to dispositive. All it does is raise one question." He pauses to dryly swallow a pill of prescribed pain medicine. "Your cousin goes to an HMO?"
"Come on! Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What's the point of putting together a team if you're not going to use them? You've got three overqualified students working for you. Getting bored."
House, Eric (Foreman on the job), Robert (Chase on the job), and Alison (Cameron on the job) are in an office room. They are looking through an MRI of Rebecca's head.
"It's a lesion." Foreman concludes.
"And the big green thing in the middle of the bigger blue thing on a map is an island. I was hoping for something a bit more creative."
"Shouldn't we be speaking to the patient before we start diagnosing?"
"Is she a doctor?"
"No, but…"
"Everybody lies."
Cameron whispers to Foreman. "Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients."
"Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?" He whispers back.
"No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors, treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable." House answers them.
"So you're trying to eliminate the humanity from the practice of medicine." Foreman keeps the banter going.
"If we don't talk to them they can't lie to us, and we can't lie to them. Humanity is overrated. I don't think it's a tumor."
"First year of medical school if you hear hoof beets you think "horses" not "zebras"."
"Are you in first year of medical school? No. First of all, there's nothing on the CAT scan. Second of all, if this is a horse then the kindly family doctor in Trenton makes the obvious diagnosis and it never gets near this office. Differential diagnosis, people: if it's not a tumor what are the suspects? Why couldn't she talk?"
Chase has some ideas. "Aneurysm, stroke, or some other ischaemic syndrome."
"Get her a contrast MRI."
"Creutzfeld-Jakob disease." Cameron points out.
"Mad cow?" Chase questions her.
House corrects them. "Mad zebra."
"Wernickie's encephalopathy?" Foreman tries.
"No, blood thiamine level was normal."
"Lab in Trenton could have screwed up the blood test. I assume it's a corollary if people lie, that people screw up."
"Redraw the blood tests. And get her scheduled for that contrast MRI ASAP. Let's find out what kind of zebra we're dealing with here."
The interns oblige, and House moves to stand at the elevator. He sees Lisa (Cuddy) and presses the down button twice.
"I was expecting you in my office 20 minutes ago."
"Really? Well, that's odd, because I had no intention of being in your office 20 minutes ago." House replies smartly.
"You think we have nothing to talk about?"
"No, just that I can't think of anything that I'd be interested in."
"I help sign your paychecks now."
"They need me here." The elevator opens and House turns to Cuddy. "Are you going to grab my cane now, stop me from leaving?"
"That would be juvenile."
House enters the elevator, rolling his eyes when Cuddy joins him as the doors close.
Cuddy turns to House and smiles. "I can still fire you if you're not doing your job."
"I'm here from 9 to 5."
"Your billings are practically nonexistent."
"Rough year."
"You ignore requests for consults."
"I call back. Sometimes I misdial."
"You're 6 years behind on your obligation to this clinic."
"See, I was right, this doesn't interest me."
"6 years, times 3 weeks; you owe us better than 4 months. Doesn't matter how long you've worked here when half the time, you don't work."
"It's 5:00. I'm going home."
"To what?"
"Nice."
"Look, Dr. House, the only reason that you don't get fired is because your reputation worth something to this hospital."
"Excellent, we have a point of agreement. You aren't going to fire me."
"Your reputation won't last up if you don't do your job. The clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job."
"Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want."" House smirks.
Upstairs, in the hall, Rebecca is in a wheelchair with Cameron and Chase, and Foreman pushing her.
Rebecca glances up. "You're not my doctor. Are you Dr. House?"
"Thankfully no." He laughs. "I'm Dr. Chase."
"Dr. House is the head of diagnostic medicine. He's very busy, but he has taken a keen interest in your case."
In the MRI room, Rebecca is on the table. Foreman and Cameron are in the room with her, Foreman explaining what he's about to do.
"We inject gadolinium into a vein. It distributes itself throughout your brain and acts as a contrast material for the magnetic resonance imagery."
Cameron smiles and attempts to interpret in layman's terms. "Basically, whatever's in your head, lights up like a Christmas tree."
"It might make you feel a little lightheaded." Foreman adds.
"Dr. Cameron. I'm sorry I have to stop you, there's a problem." A nurse from inside the control room calls out.
Half an hour later, House busts into Cuddy's office. She's unimpressed and continues filing her papers.
He all but shouts. "You pulled my authorization!"
"Yes, why are you yelling?" Her voice is calm.
"No MRIs, no imaging studies, no labs!"
"You also can't make long distance phone calls."
"If you're gonna fire me at least have the guts to face me!"
"Or photocopies; you're still yelling."
"I'm ANGRY! You're risking a patient's life."
"I assume those are two separate points."
"You showed me disrespect, you embarrassed me and as long as I'm still work here you have…"
Cuddy interrupts, finally meeting his gaze, as she sets down her papers. "Is your yelling designed to scare me because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be scared of. More yelling? That's not scary. That you're gonna hurt me? That's scary, but I'm pretty sure I can outrun ya."
"Oh, I looked into that philosopher you quoted, Jagger, and you're right, "You can't always get what you want," but as it turns out "if you try sometimes you get what you need.""
House frowns. "So, because you want me to treat patients, you aren't letting me treat patients."
"I need you to do your job."
House comes out of Cuddy's office. Wilson and the interns are waiting. He sighs.
"Do the MRI, she folded."
The interns leave, and House turns to Wilson (who's waiting to hear the deal.
"I've gotta do four hours a week in this clinic until I make up the time I've missed. 2067. I'll be caught up in 2067." He walks into the clinic, turning back for a moment to face Wilson. "You better love this cousin a whole lot."
Back in MRI room, Rebecca is back on the table. She is pushed into the machine.
"All right Rebecca," Cameron speaks over the intercom. "We know you may feel a little claustrophobic in there, but we need you to remain still."
Chase adds in, also over the intercom. "Ok, we're gonna begin."
The machine starts up and makes weird sounds.
Rebecca starts complaining not long after starting. "I don't feel so good."
"It's all right. Just try to relax." Chase assures her.
Inside the MRI, Rebecca starts choking. Her throat closes up.
"Rebecca?" Cameron calls through the intercom. "Rebecca?" She calls again. With no response, she turns to Foreman and Chase. "Get her out of there."
"Ah she probably fell asleep; she's exhausted." Chase brushes it off.
"She was claustrophobic 30 seconds ago, she's not sleeping. We gotta get her out of there!"
"It'll just be another minute."
"She's having an allergic reaction to gadolinium. She'll be dead in two minutes."
Foreman commands his coworkers to hold her neck.
"Oh, she's ashen."
"She's not breathing. Epi point five."
"Come on, I can't ventilate."
"Too much edema, where's the surgical airway kit?"
Chase brings it in. "Yep, coming."
Rebecca's coughing up blood. The interns get her bagged.
"Good call." Chase aims his praise for Cameron.
In the hospital room, Thursday morning, Rebecca has a ventilator hooked up to her. The interns are exempt from school by the hospital's request.
"We'll get that tube out of your throat later today." Chase promises.
"Just get some rest for now." Cameron smiles.
They leave to hallway. House is waiting for them there.
"Told you, can't trust people."
"She probably knew she was allergic to gadolinium, figured it was an easy way to get someone to cut a hole in her throat."
House nods to Cameron. "Can't get a picture, gonna have to get a thousand words."
"You actually want me to talk to the patient? Get a history?" Foreman is surprised.
"We need to know if there's some genetic or environmental causes triggering an inflammatory response."
"I thought everybody lied?"
"Truth begins in lies. Think about it."
"That doesn't mean anything,does it?" Foreman asks the others as House walks away.
House groans, walking up to the check-in desk in the clinic. "12:52 PM Dr. House checks in, please write that down. Do you have cable TV here somewhere? General Hospital starts in 8 minutes."
"No TV." Cuddy remarks from behind. "But we've got patients."
"Can't you give out the aspirin yourself? I'll do paperwork."
"I made sure your first case was an interesting one." She responds to his complaints and hands over a case file.
He groans, reading it over. "Cough just won't go away, runny nose looks a funny color."
"Patient admitted complaining of back spasms."
"I think I read about something like that in the New England Journal of Medicine."
"Patient is orange."
"The color?"
"No, the fruit."
"You mean yellow; it's jaundice."
"I mean orange."
"Well, how orange?"
"Exam room 1." She hands him the file.
House is in exam room 1 staring at an actual orange guy fiddling with his wedding band.
The orange guy decides to explain. "I was playing golf and my cleat got stuck. I mean, it hurt a little but I kept playing. The next morning I could barely stand up. Well, you're smiling so I take it that means this isn't serious."
House takes out his pills and the orange guy looks puzzled.
"What's that? What are you doing?"
"Painkillers."
"Oh, for you, for your leg."
"No, 'cause they're yummy. You want one? It'll make your back feel better."
The guy nods and House gives him a painkiller
"Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair."
"What?!"
"You're orange, you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed color, she's just not paying attention. By the way, do you consume just a ridiculous amount of carrots and mega-dose vitamins?"
The guy nods slowly, trying to wrap his head around everything.
"The carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Get some finger-paints and do the math. And get a good lawyer."
House leaves the room, only to enter another exam room, this time with the patient being a little boy.
"Deep breath."
The little boy complains halfheartedly. "It's cold."
House directs a question to the mother in the room. "Has he been using his inhaler?"
"Not in the past few days. He's, um, only ten. I worry about children taking such strong medicine so frequently."
"What happened to your leg?"
The child inquires, and then starts to wheeze a little. He continues to wheeze throughout the entire time that House berates the mother.
"Your doctor probably was concerned about the strength of the medicine, too. She probably weighed that danger against the danger of not breathing. Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don't you think? Ok, I'm gonna assume that no body's ever told you what asthma is, or if they have, you had other things on your mind. A stimulant triggers cells in your child's airways to release substances that inflame the air passages and cause them to contract. Mucus production increases, cell-lining starts to shed. But the steroids, the steroids…stop the inflammation. The more often this happens…" He trails off and starts to leave the room.
The mother sounds concerned."What? "The more often this happens…"what?""
"Forget it. If you don't trust steroids, you shouldn't trust doctors."
House leaves the clinic, and heads upstairs via the elevator.
In Rebecca's room, she's giving Cameron and Foreman details of her family history.
"My mother passed away three years ago. She had a heart attack, and my father broke his back doing construction."
Cameron's mandatory pager goes off. She checks it, then looks between her coworker and the patient.
"It's House, it's urgent. I'm sorry."
They go outside the room and see House again waiting for them there.
"You couldn't have knocked?" She complains.
"Steroids. Give her steroids, high doses of prednisone."
Foreman groans. "You're looking for support for a diagnosis of cerebral vasculitus."
Cameron agrees. "Inflammation of the blood vessels in the brain is awfully rare. Especially for someone her age."
"So is a tumor. Her SED rate was elevated."
"Mildly."
"That could mean anything, or nothing." They answer in the same order.
"Yeah, I know. I have no reason to think that it's vasculitus except that it could be. If the blood vessels were inflamed that's gonna look exactly like what we saw on the MRI from Trenton County, and the pressure's gonna cause neurological symptoms."
"You can't diagnose that without a biopsy." Cameron holds off.
"Yes, we can, we treat it. If she gets better we know that we're right."
"And if we're wrong?"
"We learn something else."
Back in Rebecca's room, she's confused about the latest treatment. "Why steroids?"
"Just part of your treatment. You haven't had many visitors. No boyfriend?" Chase is with her.
"Three dates. I wouldn't have stood by him if her were vomiting all day."
"Well, what abut work? You must have friends from work."
"Pretty much everybody I like is 5 years old. A nurse said you're stopping my radiation."
"We're just trying some alternative medications. So, where's your family from then?"
"Steroids aren't an alternative to radiation." She confronts him.
"The tests weren't really conclusive."
Cameron comes into the room. "We're treating you for vasculitus, it's the inflammation of blood vessels in the brain."
"It's not a tumor? I don't have a tumor?"
In the hallway, Chase turns to Cameron.
"You should have told her the truth. It's a long shot guess."
Cameron thanks the nurse who grabs her file. She then turns to face Chase. "If House is right, no harm, if he's wrong we've given a dying woman a couple days hope."
"False hope."
"If there was any other type available I would have given her that."
In Rebecca's classroom, Foreman is smelling the floor. A little blonde girl named Sidney walks up to him.
"Why are you smelling Billy's pants?" She asks, gesturing to the little boy to Foreman's right.
"I'm not."
"Looked like you were." She replies singsong.
"I was smelling the floor."
"Oh. How old are you?"
"Fifteen. Do you have any pets in this class?"
"No, but we used to have a gerbil, but Carly L. dropped a book on it." She points to a girl at a table working on a coloring page.
"Careless."
"Do you need to smell it?" She asks excitedly.
"No, I'm smelling for mold. I don't need to smell it."
"You can smell our parrot."
"You said you didn't have any pets in this class."
She smiles matter-of-factly. "A parrot is a bird."
House and Foreman are later eating lunch with some medical drama on the TV that has House's attention more than Foreman does. He's not even moving his gaze away from the TV.
"Parrots are the primary source of psitticosis." Foreman keeps going.
"It's not the parrot."
"Psitticosis can lead to nerve problems and neurological complications."
"How many kids were there in the class?"
"20."
"How many are home sick?"
"None, but…"
"None, but you think that 5 year olds are more serious about bird hygiene than their teacher. You've been through her home?"
"She lives in Trenton. I can go up to her room tomorrow morning and ask her for the key."
"Would the police call for permission before dropping by to check out a crime scene?" House finally looks down to his colleague.
"It's not a crime scene."
"Far as I know she's running a Meth Lab out of her basement."
"She's a kindergarten teacher!"
"And if I was a Kindergarten student I would trust her implicitly." He sighs and then points to a cafeteria worker behind the line. "Ok, I'll give you a for instance. The lady back there, who made your egg-salad sandwich. Her eyes look glassy, did you notice that? Now hospital policy is to stay home if you're sick, but if you're making $8.00 an hour, then ya kinda need the $8.00 an hour right? The sign in the bathroom says that employees must wash after using the facilities, but I figure that somebody who wipes snot on a sleeve isn't hyper concerned about sanitary conditions. So what do ya think? Should I trust her? I want you to check the patient's home for contaminants, garbage, medication…"
Foreman interrupts him. "Whoa, oh, I can't just break into someone's house."
"Isn't that how you got into the Felker's home?" He pauses as Foreman's eyes widen. "Yeah, I know, court records are sealed, you were 12, it was a stupid mistake, but your old gym teacher has a big mouth. You should write a thank you note."
"I should thank him?"
"Well, I needed somebody around here with street smarts. Ok? Knows when you're being conned, knows how to con."
"I should sue you!"
"I'm pretty sure you can't sue somebody for wrongful hiring."
"But I'm pretty sure I can sue if you fire me for not breaking into some lady's house."
Foreman pointedly eats the rest of the sandwich. After lunch, House is in an empty exam room in the clinic. He's sitting and reading "Spring's Hottest People' Magazine, when Cuddy suddenly walks in.
"I'm doing research. People are fascinating aren't they?" House immediately has a go-to response.
"Why are you giving Adler steroids?" She demands.
"Well, she's my patient that's what you do with patients. You give them medicine."
"You don't prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don't since Tuskeegee and Mengele."
"You're comparing me to a Nazi? Nice."
"I'm stopping the treatment."
"She's my patient." House stands up.
"It's my hospital." She turns around.
"It's the administration's hospital. Just because you work there it doesn't make it your hospital. I did not get her sick, she is not an experiment, I have a legitimate theory about what's wrong with her."
"With no proof." Cuddy walks out with House chasing after.
"There's never any proof. 5 different doctors come up with 5 different diagnoses based on the same evidence."
"You don't have any evidence. And nobody knows anything huh? Then how is it that you always assume you're right?" She leaves the clinic and House is still following.
"I don't, I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption. And why are you so afraid of making a mistake?"
"Because I'm a doctor. Because when we make mistakes people die."
She walks off up the stairs, leaving House at the ground.
"Come on."
He grumbles. He thinks about going up the stairs, but decides against it. Instead, he shouts up to Cuddy.
"People used to have more respect for cripples you know!" He turns to a nearby guy in a wheelchair. "They didn't really."
Cuddy enters Rebecca's room, ready to stop treatment. Rebecca is eating voraciously.
"So, how ya feeling?"
"Much better, thanks." She smiles, swallowing her food. "Are you Dr. House? I thought he was a he, but…?"
"No. Don't eat too much too fast."
"Thank him for me."
"Right."
Cuddy exits the room, and House is standing there. Cuddy is a bit surprised by him standing there. House just looks over and smirks.
"Should I discontinue the treatment, boss?"
"You got lucky."
She walks off, and House just grins. Hours later, at night, Wilson is in Rebecca's room. He finishes checking her breathing and moves to the other side of the room to write the results on her chart.
Rebecca pipes up then. "Am I ever gonna meet Dr. House?"
Wilson scoffs. "Well, you might run into him at the movies or on the bus."
"Is he a good man?" She asks as he continues a routine.
"He's a good doctor."
Rebecca tilts her head. "Can you be one without the other? Don't you have to care about people?"
"Caring's a good motivator. He's found something else." Wilson has Rebecca grab his hands. "Feel this?"
"Um-hmm." She mutters in agreement.
"How about this?" He tries again.
"Um-hmm." She repeats.
"Ok squeeze." He pauses to gage her strength. "Harder. All right."
"He's your friend, huh?" She smiles.
"Yeah."
"Does he care about you?"
"I think so."
"You don't know?"
"As Dr. House likes to say, "Everybody lies.""
"It's not what people say, it's what they do." Rebecca informs him as he begins to pack up.
Wilson pauses what he's doing. "Yes, he cares about me."
Before he leaves, Rebecca sits up, disoriented. "I can't see. I can't see!"
She starts having a seizure and the monitors go crazy.
"A little help in here!" Wilson calls out.
The heart monitor shows a flat line as a nurse hurries in. The next morning is Sunday. Rebecca has an oxygen mask on. Foreman is there with her.
"Your chest will be sore for a while. We needed to shock you to get your heart going. Ok." He lays a bunch of cards with pictures on them in front of Rebecca. "Can you arrange these to tell a story?"
After a while, Foreman is back in House's office with the others. "She couldn't put them in order."
"Could the damage have been caused by a lack of oxygen during her seizure?" Chase asks.
"No, I gave her the same test 5 minutes later and she did just fine. The altered mental status is intermittent, just like the verbal skills."
Cameron sighs. "So, what now?"
"Given the latest symptoms it's clearly growing deeper into the brain stem. Soon she won't be able to walk, she'll go blind permanently, and then the respiratory center will fail."
House grimaces. "How long do we have?"
"If it's a tumor we're talking a month, maybe two, if it's infectious a few weeks, if it's vascular that'll probably be fastest of all, maybe a week."
"We're gonna stop all treatment."
House gets up and walks over to the drinks.
"I still think it's a tumor. I think we should go back to the radiation." Foreman points out.
"She didn't respond to the radiation." Chase retorts.
"Well, maybe we didn't see the effects until we started steroids."
"No, it's not a tumor." House shakes his head. "The steroids did something, I just don't know what."
"So we're just gonna do nothing? We're just gonna watch her die?"
"Yeah, we're gonna watch her die. Specifically we're gonna watch how fast she's dying. You just told us, each diagnosis has its own timeframe. When we see how fast it's killing her we'll know what it is." House responds, mixing some coffee.
Cameron is worried. "And by then maybe there's nothing we can do about it."
"There's go to be something we can do, something better than watching her die."
"Well, I got nothing. How 'bout you?"
House walks away with his coffee. Foreman and Cameron then exit the office.
"Bastard." Foreman grumbles under his breath before he turns to Cameron. "Oh, Alison, I need you for a couple of hours."
"What's up?"
"When you break into someone's house; it's always better to have a white chick with you." He smirks, revealing House's plan.
"Adler's house? Why don't we just ask her for a key?"
"For all we know she could be running a meth lab out of her basement."
In the clinic, House is with a patient, a middle-aged man.
"I'm tired a lot." He complains.
"Any other reason you think you may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?"
"It's kinda the definition isn't it?"
"It's kinda the definition of getting older." House jumps on a stool.
"I had a couple headaches last month, mild fever, sometimes I can't sleep, and I have trouble concentrating." He continues.
"Apparently not while researching this stuff on the internet."
"I was thinking it also might be fibromyalgia."
For a moment, House looks contemplative, and then his face turns more serious. In a sarcastic voice, he finally responds. "Excellent diagnosis!"
"Is there anything for that?"
House sighs heavily. "Ya know, I think there just might be."
House leaves the room, and heads to the dispensary. When the pharmacist comes up to the counter, House places down a dollar bill.
"I need 36 Vicodin, and change for a dollar."
House gets his change first and goes to a nearby candy machine. He gets white candies out of the machine, and goes back to the counter. There he takes the Vicodin and slips them into his pocket, exchanging them for the candy.
"Exam room 2." House remarks as he places the bottle back on the counter.
Meanwhile, Cameron and Foreman are searching for anything suspicious in Rebecca's house.
"House doesn't believe in pretense. Figures life's too short and too painful. So he just says what he thinks." Cameron exhales slowly.
"Nothing interesting in the garbage. "I say what I think" is just another way of saying "I'm an ass.""
"Well, if you wanted to be judged on your medical prowess only, maybe you shouldn't have broken into someone's home."
"I was 12! Don't know about ticks, but her dog's definitely got fleas."
"I managed to make it to 13 without a criminal record."
Foreman is looking in the fridge, and takes out some ham and mustard.
"Yeah?" He questions. "Well you obviously didn't grow up in my neighborhood."
"That's right. You stole a loaf of bread to feed your starving family right? You always eat during break-ins?"
"Am I supposed to respect their food more than I respect their DVD players? You want some?"
"No."
"You gonna go hungry until she dies?"
"No."
"You know what, after centuries of oppression, decades of civil rights marches, and more significantly living like a monk, never getting less than a 4.0 GPA, you don't think it's kind of disgusting I get one of the top jobs in the country because I'm a delinquent? We'll eat, then we'll tear up the carpet."
"You're accepted for Hopkins right?"
"Yep."
"So, you're accepted for a better school than I am, and you're getting better grades than I me."
"So how'd you get the job? Did you stab a guy in a bar fight?" He chuckles at Cameron's disturbed look.
Around three o'clock, the team is in House's office again.
"Nothing." Foreman breaks the tension.
"It's not a tumor; she's getting worse too fast. She can't stand up." House massages his temples.
"No toxins, no medication?" Wilson asks.
"Nothing that would explain these symptoms."
"Family history of neurological problems?"
"Not that I could tell from her underwear drawer." He retorts dryly.
"You said nothing that would explain these symptoms. What did you find that doesn't explain these symptoms?"
Foreman decides to call James out. "Dr. Wilson convinced you to treat this patient under false pretenses. Adler's not his cousin."
"That's ridiculous. You can ask her yourself. Can we get back to…"
Foreman interrupts him. "She's not Jewish!"
"Rachel Adler's not Jewish?"
"I had ham at her apartment!"
Wilson chuckles. "Dr. Foreman, a lot of Jews have non-Jewish relatives, and most of us don't keep kosher. I can see getting through high school without learning a thing about Jews, but medical school…"
"Ok, maybe she's Jewish," He complies. "But she's definitely not your cousin."
"Really?" Wilson panics. "This guy's…he…"
"You don't even know her name! You called her Rachel; her name is Rebecca!"
"Yes, yes, her name is Rebecca. I call her Rachel."
"You idiot!" House yells, breaking up their fight.
"Hey…listen…" Wilson is nervous.
"Not you, him! You said you didn't find anything."
"Everything I found was in…"
"You found ham."
"So?"
"Where there's ham there's pork, where there's pork there's neurocysticercosis."
"Tapeworm?!" Chase yelps. "You think she's got a worm in her brain?"
"It fits. Could have been living there for years, it never occurred to me…"
"Millions of people eat ham every day. It's quite a leap to think that she's got a tapeworm." Cameron cuts him off.
"OK, Mr. Neurologist." House looks over to the junior who plans to major in neuroscience. "What happens when you give steroids to a person who has a tapeworm?"
Knowing how well it fits, Foreman sighs. "They, they get a little better and then they get worse."
"Just like Rebecca Adler did." Wilson realizes.
House lays a book on the table, and opens to a page on tapeworms.
"In a typical case if you don't cook pork well enough you ingest live tapeworm larvae. They got these little hooks they grab onto your bowel, they live, they grow up, they reproduce."
"Reproduce? There's only got one lesion, and it's nowhere near her bowel." Chase sounds incredulous.
"That's because this is not a typical case. Tapeworm can produce 20 to 30,000 eggs a day. Guess where they go."
"Out."
"Not all of them. Unlike the larvae, the egg can pass right through the walls of the intestines and into the blood stream. And where does the blood stream go?"
"Everywhere."
"As long as it's healthy the immune system doesn't even know it's there. The worm builds a wall, uses secretions to shut down the body's immune response and control fluid flow. It's really kinda beautiful."
"As long as it's healthy, so what do we do? Call a vet and nurse the little guy back to health?"
"It's too late for that. It's dying, and as it dies this parasite loses the ability to control of the host's defenses. The immune system wakes up and attacks the worm and everything starts to swell, and that is very bad for the brain."
"It could still be a hundred other things. The eosinophil count was normal.
"It's only abnormal in 30% of cases." Chase points out.
"Proving nothing." Wilson groans.
"No, no, no, no, you see, it fits, it's perfect!" House exclaims. "It explains everything."
"But it proves nothing."
"I can prove it by treating it."
"No, you can't. I was just with her, she doesn't want any more treatments, she doesn't want any more experiments, she wants to go home and die."
In Rebecca's room, at nighttime, House enters. He turns to the nurse before facing the patient.
"Will you excuse us, please?"
The nurse leaves.
"I'm Dr. House."
"It's good to meet you."
"You're being an idiot." He pauses to clear his throat. "You have a tapeworm in your brain, it's not pleasant, but if we don't do anything you'll be dead by the weekend."
"Have you actually seen the worm?"
"When you're all better I'll show you my diplomas."
"You were sure I had vasculitus too. Now I can't walk and I'm wearing a diaper. What's this treatment gonna do for me?"
"I'm not talking about a treatment; I'm talking about a cure. But because I might be wrong, you want to die."
"What made you a cripple?"
"I had an infarction."
"A heart attack?"
"It's what happens when the blood flow is obstructed. If it's in the heart it's a heart attack. If it's in the lungs it's a pulmonary embolism. If it's in the brain it's a stroke. I had it in my thigh muscles."
"Wasn't there something they could do?"
"There was plenty they could do, if they made the right diagnosis, but the only symptom was pain. Not may people get to experience muscle death."
"Did you think you were dying?" Rebecca asks tentatively.
"I hoped I was dying."
"So you hide in your office, refuse to see patients because you don't like the way people look at you. You feel cheated by life so now you're gonna get even with the world. You want me to fight this. Why? What makes you think I'm so much better than you?"
"When you're scared, you'll turn into me."
"I just want to die with a little dignity."
"There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly, always. " He pauses with a heavy sigh. "You can live with dignity, we can't die with it."
It's Monday morning, and the students have a tutor from school at the hospital. He'll be working with them when they're not busy with the case. In the next room, the team is talking over Rebecca's treatment.
"No treatment."
"Maybe we can get a court order, override her wishes. Claim she doesn't have the capacity to make this decision." Foreman suggests.
"But she does."
"But we could claim that the illness made her mentally incompetent." Cameron finds it a problem.
"Pretty common result." Foreman is leaning toward Cameron's decision."
"That didn't happen here." House cuts in.
"He's not gonna do it." Wilson speaks on behalf of his best friend. "She's not just a file to him anymore. He respects her."
"So because you respect her, you're going to let her die?"
"I solved the case, my work is done." He starts to walk away, but he ceases at the door. "Patients always want proof, we're not making cars here, we don't give guarantees."
House continues walking, but Chase runs after.
"I think we can prove it's a worm. It's noninvasive, it's safe. I'm not completely sure but…"
House interrupts the Aussie. "Yeah, yeah, yeah what's the damn idea?"
"Have you ever seen a worm under an x-ray, a regular old no contrast 100-year-old technology x-ray? They light up like shotgun pellets. Just like on a contrast MRI."
"Which is the same thing as a CT scan, which we did, which proved nothing."
"Worm cysts is the same density as the cerebrospinal fluid, we're not going to see anything in her head, but Chase is right, he's right, we should x-ray her, but we don't x-ray her brain, we x-ray her leg, worms love thigh muscle. If she's got one in her head I guarantee you there's one in her leg."
An hour later, Rebecca is strapped on a table in a dark room. The studenta focus on her leg, and x-ray is taken.
Chase is studying the screen. "Hold still, Rebecca."
The worm eventually shows up. Around ten am, everyone is in Rebecca's hospital room.
"This here is a worm larva." Chase points to x-ray of her leg.
"So, if it's in my leg, it's in my brain?"
"Are you looking for a guarantee? It's there, probably been there 6 to 10 years."
"Could I have more?"
"Probably. It's good news."
"What do we do now?"
"Now we get you better. Albendazole."
He hands her a cup with two pills in it.
Rebecca almost laughs as she accepts them. "Two pills?"
"Yeah, every day for at least a month with a meal."
"Two pills?"
Chase smiles. "Yeah, possible side effects include abdominal pain, nausea, headache, dizziness, fever, and hair loss. We'll probably make you keep taking the pills even if you get every one of those."
Rebecca smirks, and then downs the pills. Downstairs, in House's office, Cameron is waiting for him.
"Why did you recruit me to work with you?"
"Does it matter?"
"Kinda hard to work for or even with a guy who doesn't respect you."
"Why?"
"Is that rhetorical?"
"No, it just seems that way because you can't think of an answer. Does it make a difference why I think I'm a jerk? The only thing that matters is what you think. Can you do the job?"
"You hired a black guy because he had a juvenile record."
"No, it wasn't a racial thing, I didn't see a black guy. I just saw a doctor…with a juvenile record. I hired Chase 'cause his dad made a phone call. I hired you because you are extremely pretty."
"You recruited me to get into my pants?!" She almost screams.
"I can't believe that that would shock you. It's also not what I said. No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece of art in the lobby."
"I'm in the top of my class."
"But not THE top."
"I did an internship at the Mayo Clinic over the summer."
"Yes, you were a very good applicant."
"But not the best?"
"Would that upset you, really, to think that you were recruited because of some genetic gift of beauty not some genetic gift of intelligence?"
"I worked very hard to get where I am."Cameron pouts.
"But you didn't have to. People choose the paths that gain them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort. That's a law of nature, and you defied it. That's why I recruited you. You could have been head cheerleader and married rich, could have been a model, you could have just shown up and people would have given you stuff. Lots of stuff, but you didn't, you worked your stunning little ass off."
"Am I supposed to be flattered?"
"Gorgeous women do not go to medical school. Unless they're as damaged as they are beautiful. Were you abused by a family member?"
"No!" She's appalled now.
"Sexually assaulted?" He keeps it up.
"No."
"But you are damaged, aren't you?"
Cameron hesitates, and in that moment her pager goes off.
Cameron leaves his office. Meanwhile, Lisa is in the clinic with the previously orange man who had been an exam room patient of House's.
"I followed her. I couldn't stop thinking about what that doctor said."
"I told you not to listen to him, he's an idiot." Cuddy shakes her head.
"I was ORANGE."
"I don't want to know what you found out."
"You don't care?"
"I'm your doctor, you've been good to me and good to this hospital, of course I care, but I don't see how this conversation can end well for me. Either your wife is having an affair, or she's not having an affair and you have come here because you rightly think I should get him fired, but I can't even if it cost me your money, the son of a bitch is the best doctor we have."
In Rebecca's room,she is looking a lot better. Chase walks in smiling. She smiles back.
"Feeling any better?"
"I can't complain."
"As you know the hospital has certain rules, and as you also know we tend to ignore them, but I think this one's gonna be a little obvious unless we get your help."
Cameron then enters the room with Rebecca's class following close behind.
"If anyone asks, you have 11 daughters and 5 sons."
Rebecca looks relieved and happy. "Hi, you guys!"
The kindergarten class erupts in a lot of 'Hi Miss Rebecca's.
"Come here!" She laughs.
They gather around and on her bed and present her with a card.
"It's so good to see you guys! I missed you! Is this for me?"
Rebecca opens it and inside it says "Miss Rebecca we're glad you're not dead"
She laughs again. "Oh, I love you guys." She briefly turns her attention to Chase and Cameron. "I wanted to thank Dr. House, but he never visited again."
"He cured you, you didn't cure him." She answers politely.
Rebecca nods and then turns back to her class. "Ok, I want a hug and a kiss from every single one of you. Get up here right now!"
The kids giggle and laugh, climbing up to comply. In an empty room, Greg and James are eating evening machine snacks and watching a medical drama on a mini TV.
"You said she was your cousin. Why would you lie?"
James shrugs. "It got you to take the case."
"You lied to a friend to save a stranger, you don't think that's screwed up?"
"You've never lied to me?"
Greg smirks. "I NEVER lie."
"Oh, really."
The boys drop the conversation to pay more attention to their show. A male and female doctor are on the screen, and the man sighs.
"Why do we do this?"
The woman then stares at him and reiterates the same line Lisa had used earlier. "Because we're doctors, when we make mistakes people die."
Greg smirks at the little revelation, but before he has long to reflect on it, there's a knock at the door. A college student nurse pops her head in.
"Dr. House? You have a patient."
She pulls the blinds away to reveal the guy that House gave the candy pills to.
"He says he needs a refill."
Greg smirks again, glancing over to James. "Got change for a dollar?"
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Author's Note: Little known fact. That took a really long time, but I think it's worth it. Let me know how you like it as they're younger.
"No, you can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want."