This was inspired by myself. Yeah, I should make my own Youtube Channel out of the crap I go through in SNK games.
Terry Bogard was sitting on the arm of his couch, staring out into his front yard with eyes wide as saucers. He was waiting for something: something that he had wanted since he became a fighting legend.
Suddenly, he heard the low rumble of an engine. That same sound he hears every day...
"It's the mail truck!" Terry yelled, leaping from the arm of the couch and dancing like an Irishman. The truck stopped at the mail box for a second before speeding off to the next house. Terry started hyperventilating as ran outside towards the mail box. He had missed the door, but instead tore a hole through the wall.
He ran to the mailbox and opened it. There it was: wrapped in white plastic.
"Hee hee hee heeee! HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAA!" Terry squealed with excitement and dashed back to his home.
He immediately flopped onto the couch and tore the plastic. There lie the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
"THE FATAL FURY VIDEO GAME!" Terry yelled, squealing. He jumped up and down before looking at the back of the case. It was a compilation of the first three tournaments that he, his brother Andy, and their friend Joe Higashi had participated in, and it was all on one disc.
Unable to contain his excitement, Terry ran to Andy's room.
"Andy! ANDEE!" Terry yelled as he burst through the door and scared his poor brother to death.
"Jesus, Terry! What's up? Andy said, clutching his heart.
"The Fatal Fury video game, that's what's up!" he yelled, putting it in Andy's face.
"Plaaaaay iiiit wiiith meeeeee..." Terry said, shaking it back and forth in his brother's face.
"Um, well I'd love to bro, but I've got a date with Mai. You know, it's still not too late for me to hook you up with Blue Mary."
"Are you kidding?! I don't have time for women! This is our legacy, bro! Don't you wanna relive it?!"
"No." Andy said flatly and walked out of the room.
"Alright, I'm going to get Mai and we're going out on the town. Don't let the video game rot your brain!" Andy yelled as he walked out of the house. He made it halfway to his car before he noticed the giant hole in the wall. Shrugging, he got in the car, cranked it, and sped off.
Andy waved from the window, then turned to his beloved game.
"Now it's just me and you, baby" he said with a grin. He rushed to his room and fired up his game console, inserting the disc.
"This is it!" he said, laughing maniacally. The theme song played and Terry pressed the start button.
'Let's see... better go with easy." he muttered.
The character selection screen popped up and there stood the three heroes themselves. Terry was in the middle with his hand on his cap, Andy was on the right with his arms folded, and Joe was on the left lifting his knee.
"Hmmm... it wouldn't be any fun if I picked me. I'll go with... Joe!" And with that, Terry scrolled to Joe and selected the Muay Thai fighter. The enemy selection screen popped up with four choices: Richard Meyers, Duck King, Michael Max, or Tung Fu Rue.
"Let's go with Richard first. He's easy!" Terry exclaimed and he selected the Capoeira fighter as his enemy.
WARNING: INTENSE LANGUAGE BEYOND THIS POINT.
The fight started and Terry rushed forward with Joe and started kicking rapidly. Richard leaped high in the air and came down on Joe with a cartwheel.
"Oh, shit! Uh, let's see... quarter circle forward aaaaaand"
Joe unleashed an uppercut that launched a tornado and blew Richard away.
"OH YEAH!" Terry yelled. "Ha ha, Hurricane Upper! Hurricane Upper! Hurricane UPPPAH!"
After spamming the move a few times, Terry won both rounds.
"Hells yeah! Next opponent, baby!" The next opponent was Duck King.
"Alright Mr. Mohawk, prepare to be blown away!" Terry shouted. "Actually, let's try some new ones. Ooh, Slash Kick."
Joe charged forward with a kick that knocked Duck King to the ground.
"Heck yeah! Again!" But Terry input the command and Joe just kicked.
"What the... hey! Asshole..." Terry continued the motion but Joe still did a standing kick.
"DO IIIIIIT!" Terry yelled, furiously rotating the d pad. Duck King rolled forward and knocked Joe to the ground.
"God dammit, f*** these controls!" Terry yelled. He tried to do another Hurricane Upper, but he could only manage it a few times. He ended up beating Duck King, but he lost a round.
"I lost a round on the SECOND fight? Jeez!" Terry awaited his next opponent, Michael Max.
"Alright Joe. Do the move right this time!" Terry said as the fight started. He managed one Hurricane Upper which was countered by Max's own. Terry tried to do it again, but no response.
"Damn it! Screw these specials!" Terry then just started making Joe jump forward and punch. As Joe punched, Terry then ducked and pressed B, making Joe do a sliding knee. The combo worked like a charm.
"OHHH yeah! I found your weakness!" Terry yelled, laughing. He continued the combo: jump punch, low knee, jump punch, low knee. Terry eventually got Max in the corner and just did the sliding knee over and over until knockout.
"Suck on that, boxer boy!" Terry yelled. He won both rounds with no trouble.
"Okay, who's next? Oh, it's old man Tung!"
The battle began and Joe leaped forward with a jump kick. Tung suddenly did something strange; he jumped to the background!
"What the- they can do that?!" Terry shouted. He then mashed buttons, causing Joe to leap towards the old man with an elbow. Tung jumped back to the foreground.
"Son of a- hold still!"
The two fighters continued to jump back and forth until Joe elbowed Tung.
"FINALLY!" Terry shouted.
Just as Tung got back up, he growled and transformed into a huge hulking barbarian!
"Oh what the... they had to put that in here?!" Terry yelled, throwing his arms up.
Tung spun towards Joe and knocked him to the ground. His life bar was cut in half.
"God dammit! How can he do that much damage?!"
Joe got back up and tried to jump kick, but Tung launched a huge fireball that beat him instantly.
"DAMN!" This is such BULLSHIT!" Terry yelled, throwing his arm up.
The same cycle continued for three more tries: Joe did good at first, but then Tung transformed and beat him. Terry was getting angry as he suffered his fourth loss.
"THIS IS CRAP! How can one stupid old man be so freaking hard?! It's the fourth level!"
Finally, Terry got lucky and managed to beat Tung in a round. The second round started and Joe got an early lead thanks to his sliding knee and the occasional Hurricane Upper. Finally Tung transformed again. Terry immediately backed Joe up and waited as Tung got closer.
"Let's try a Hurricane Upper!" Terry yelled. He failed the first time, but pulled it off the second.
"Damn, does Joe really have this difficulty doing his moves?" Terry inquired.
Afer a few more Hurricane Uppers, Tung reverted back to old man form.
"Yes!" Terry yelled as Joe jumped forward and did a punch/sliding knee combo which finished the job.
"Finally, I was getting tired of that old fart!" Terry said with a sigh.
After watching the inevitable Geese cutscene (and muttering about what a bastard he is) Terry anticipated his next opponent.
"Let's see... Hwa...Jai? Oh yeah, that Joe ripoff. This should be easy."
Terry began the fight by immediately making Joe go forward and low knee him. Joe jumped backwards and unleashed a Slash Kick.
"Wow it worked that time!" Terry said, pleasantly surprised.
Hwa Jai got back up and suddenly a man in a suit tossed him a drink.
"What the... so THAT'S who was throwing that to him?" Terry said, flipping off the man in the background. Hwa Jai turned red and then unleashed a flying knee that nearly killed Joe.
"Aah, shit! Come on, Joe, don't let this wannabe get you! Do something! Anything!"
Terry mashed buttons rapidly and Joe unleashed a TNT Punch which took out Hwa Jai's bar.
"Whoa, I didn't know I could do that one!" Terry looked at the instruction manual. The command was to press A rapidly.
"Okay, let's try that again." Terry said as round started. He punched rapidly, but Joe just stood there and punched like normal.
"God dammit, I should have known it was pure luck. I mean, how are you supposed to actually know how fast or how much to press it?" Terry asked, rolling his eyes. He forgot about TNT Punch and just beat the guy already.
"Okay, next should be Big Bear. Oops, I guess he's still Raiden." Sure enough, his opponent was the big wrestler.
"Okay, this shouldn't be to- hey, what the?"
As soon as the fight started Raiden jumped and slammed into Joe, knocking him to the corner.
"Damn!" Terry tried to do a sliding knee, but Raiden grabbed his head and shook him like a rag doll.
"God dammit! Get out of the corner!" Terry yelled. But it was no use. As soon as Raiden threw him down, He unleashed his yellow mist, which hit Joe as soon as he got up. He was knocked out.
"Oh, that is bull! I wasn't even up yet!" Terry yelled at the tv.
Round 2 started and Joe jumped forward only to recieve a headbutt. Terry cursed and tried to low knee but Raiden picked him up and shook him again.
"STOP DOING THAT!" Terry screamed. As soon as Joe got up Raiden tried to splash him. Joe blocked it.
"Good, now I can counter with a throw."
But Raiden's reaction time was too fast by the game's standards. He was able to get up and low kick Joe as Terry furiously mashed the C button.
"THAT IS CRAP! I was supposed to throw you! How the hell did you just get up and manage to kick me when I was right next you and ready to throw your big ass?!
Ten retries later, Terry was getting extremely mad. Every time it seemed like Raiden was wide open, Joe made a move only to get countered by the unfair speed of the burly wrestler. It didn't help that Terry couldn't even do Joe's special moves half the time. By the twelfth retry, he was cussing like a sailor.
"RAIDEN, YOU FAT SHIT! I WILL RIP OUT YOUR BLUBBER AND EAT IT! YOU F***ING CHEAP BASTARD!"
Terry stopped to go get a root beer. After guzzling the entire can, he decided he needed a sandwich. After eating the sandwich he ran his thumb under some cold water and then decided to pick it back up.
"Okay, Raiden. Let's go again." Terry said in a calm voice. The fight started and Joe backed up a little, letting Raiden approach. Joe threw a punch, causing Raiden to jump to the background. Joe leaped after him and elbowed him. Raiden leaped to the foreground. As Joe leaped, Raiden leaped again. Joe elbowed him in midair, knocking him to the ground.
"Okay, now get him with the Slash Kick on wakeup..." Terry muttered. He performed the circular motion and, just as Raiden got to his feet, Joe struck him with a Slash Kick. The round was won.
"Whew... one down, one to go." The next round went just as smoothly. Joe forced Raiden into jumping between the foreground and background and was able to elbow him every time. On wakeup, a Hurricane Upper or Slash Kick did the job.
"Alright!" Terry yelled, throwing his fist in the air. "Next should be... ah shit." It was Billy Kane.
The fight started and Billy sprung forward on his pole and kicked Joe. Terry anticipated the next one and tried to block, but Billy still got him!
"What...the...f***?" Terry said. "I swear to God I blocked that."
The second round stared and Billy did the same thing. He sprung forward and kicked Joe even though Terry was holding the back button.
"Oh, f*** this! I can't even block it!" Terry said, starting to get red again. After about eight retries, Terry finally got a break. Billy threw his pole at Joe and Joe blocked it. The pole shattered to pieces, leaving Billy cowering.
"Oh shit, this is it!" Terry said. He immediately made Joe get as close to Billy as he could. The man in the background threw Billy a new pole and he jumped up and caught it. As Billy came back down, Joe threw him and made the pole break again!
"Aw yeah, exploitation baby!" Terry won both rounds with little trouble after that.
"YEEEEAH, I'm the champ!" Terry yelled, leaping to his feet and dancing like an Egyptian.
"Oh wait..." Terry remembered: GEESE. He immediately sat back down and focused.
"This is what I've been waiting for. Now I can get my revenge on Geese! AGAIN!"
The epic music started playing; the battle was on! Geese immediately started throwing Power Waves one after the other.
"Shit he's fast!" Terry yelled, holding back on the d pad. Joe stood there and blocked all of the projectiles.
"Now let's get him!"
Joe jumped and kicked, but Geese caught him in mid air and slammed him!
"Shit! Can he do that?!"
Joe got back up and Geese jumped to the background. Joe tried to follow him but got knocked out of the air in the process. As Joe got up, Terry moved him toward Geese only to receive another barrage of Power Waves. He couldn't block them all and was KOed.
"God damn! Geese is going to be tough..." Terry muttered as he lost round two almost as soon as it began. On the black screen, Geese kicked Joe out of the window. If he didn't press start in 10 seconds, Joe would fall to his death.
"Oh no you don't, Joe. We're gonna stop Geese together!" Terry yelled and pressed start. He selected Joe and once again the battle started. Terry did Joe's sliding knee only to get blasted by Geese's power wave. Joe then jumped towards him with an elbow, but Geese caught it and slammed him. As Joe got up, Geese Power Waved him to death.
"Oh my God, this is annoying." Terry said flatly.
The same pattern continued for an hour. Joe would be felled by the Power Waves. Whenever he got close, Geese would counter throw him. 10 tries. 20 tries. 50 tries. Terry got close a few times, but then Geese seemed to shoot out Power Waves even faster and spam Joe to death.
Terry was losing rational thought.
"GEESE YOU F***ING... F***! I SWEAR IF YOU POWER WAVE ME ONE MORE- DAMN IIIIIT!" Terry grabbed the closest thing to him: his pillow, and started punching it wildly. He then stuck the pillow in his face and screamed loudly.
"Alright... okay... one more time." Terry said in a calm voice. The round started and Joe walked up to Geese and threw him with no problem. As Geese got up, Joe hit him with a Slash Kick. Joe then did the sliding knee a few times and the round was won.
"Okay, that's one down." Terry said aloud. The second match started and Joe walked up to Geese, but Geese threw Power Waves and one hit Joe. Geese then jumped to the background. Joe leaped after him and hit him with an elbow. As Geese got up, Joe did a Slash Kick, but Geese blocked it and kicked him. As Joe got up, Geese walked backwards. Joe followed him to the corner and low kicked, only to be grabbed and slammed. He lost the round.
"Aw, crap! Come on, Joe! Please!" Terry pleaded. The final round started and Terry walked up to Geese just close enough to do a sliding knee. The knee hit Geese just as he was about to launch a Power Wave.
"No way, I knocked him out of a Power Wave!" Terry yelled, laughing. "Let's do it again!"
Joe managed to low kick Geese a few more times as he launched Power Waves, but one or two hit Joe. Geese jumped to the background then jumped back to the foreground. Joe knocked him out of the air.
"Yes, now wakeup!"
Terry threw a Hurricane Upper and hit Geese just as he got up. His life bar was almost empty.
"This is IT!" Terry yelled. Joe rushed forward but Geese threw out multitudes of Power Waves, nearly depleting his life bar even though he blocked them.
"Nothing's going to stop me from taking you down, Geese!" Terry yelled with passion. This was it... he was in range to do a sliding knee!
"FOR MY FATHEEEER!" Terry yelled. Joe slid into Geese's grasp as Geese slammed him onto the ground. The round was lost.
Terry merely stared for a second as the counter went down. Joe was about to fall to his death. Finally Terry exploded.
"F*** YOU GEESE! F***! YOU! F*** YOUR BLUE WAVES! F*** YOUR LITTLE COUNTER THROW! F*** FATAL FURY! F*** THE BRAINDEAD IDIOTS WHO DESIGNED THIS AI! AND F*** YOU, JOE! YOU CAN DIE FOR ALL I CARE!"
Just as Terry yelled that, the counter reached zero and Joe plummeted to the depths below.
Terry pulled out the disc and snapped it in half. He then took it to the blender and blended it into tiny pieces. He put the tiny pieces in a glass and poured chocolate laxative syrup into the glass and then filled it with milk. He stirred it rapidly until it was a nice rich glass of chocolate laxative milk.
"Now in a few hours you'll be the piece of shit you truly are! Then I can send you to the toilet where you belong!" He gulped down the milk and then went to watch tv, eagerly awaiting his inevitable trip to the bathroom.
I know I said this was inspired by my experience with SNK, but let me be clear this was NOT based on a true story. Some of this did happen, but I'll let you guess what's real and what's fiction. I'm also going to do one with Ryo playing Art of Fighting in the near future. I'm not going to hold out on you, but a review or two might give me a little incentive...