A/N: This story is based on my experiences. The character of Pa, is especially truthful and raw. Pa is based strongly off of my grandfather. This chapter introduces Pa. Each family member is significant and will be explained at some time. This fic will not be just about the relationship between Pa and the narrator.

This is not meant to stereotype the South in anyway but just tells my experiences there. There are good people in the South and please don't let this influence your thoughts of it because you have to experience it yourself. Racism and homophobia are everywhere, so this could take place anywhere. The town of Judson was picked at random and the characters in this fic do not represent the people of Judson.

-Read & Review please

Thanks, LC

It's noon here in my rural town of Judson, South Carolina. There are about 2,500 folks in Judson and I'm sure my family knows most of 'em. Most of the folks around here work in either the BMW or Michelin factory. My Pa is on the board of our church and he tells us which folks we are 'good' and which are 'bad'. You may have learned in your 'istory book that segregation ended a long time ago, but that ain't true. Our church is all white and no one is looking to change that. Neighborhoods are segregated too. Black folk are only sold houses in black neighborhoods and if a white gets too friendly with the blacks…they won't have too many friends left.

I'm sure tonight will be quite the occasion. My brother is flying in to Greenville, a neighboring city with an airport, today with his new girlfriend. My brother was engaged before but I think my Ma and Pa drove her away. I don't get how my brother or even my Mom and Dad let it happen. But then again they don't interfere with anything else Ma or Pa say or do.

I look at Pa sleeping in his chair by the T.V. and deduce that I have some time before I have to go with him to the airport. I turn on the T.V. and start flicking through channels. I stop on a channel with two women passionately kissing. I should change the channel but Pa's sleeping right? I look over and see him in the same position as before. This is taking a huge risk but I can't seem to change the channel. I turn my head back to see that one of the woman's breasts is now revealed and the other woman is licking and sucking the erect nipple. I gasp and my breath hitches. I sit paralyzed staring at the screen for I don't know how long. A few minutes later, the blond haired woman and a darker skinned, dark curly haired woman are lying in bed together.

My Pa, Jack, he could be a great man; he might be a great man. It's a shame that he's disguised. Disguised by the shield that too many people down here hold in front of themselves. Ignorance.

Pa was in the Air Force during the Vietnam War. To this day, I think his favorite things in life are guns and flying. One day when Pa had a few too many beers, he started mumbling about, "Homosexuals…Unnatural…Sinners". I knew Pa was a hate filled homophobe but I never had the background information. I was a curious twelve year old so I decided to ask Pa about why he felt that way. He told me he had a good friend, Gavin, who he met in 'Nam. Pa grew close to Gavin until years later, after the war; he told Pa that he was gay. Pa felt betrayed and that Gavin was being dishonest with him. Pa said many hurtful things to Gavin before refusing to see him ever again.

Pa acts like he's from the south; but he's not. Pa's actually a Yankee, born and raised. Pa tells stories of his Catholic upbringing in New Hampshire, parochial school, and his torturing of nuns. After the war, Pa met Ma. They got married and eventually had Mom.

I'm sitting up as straight as a board when Pa groans and starts to get up out of his chair. I gulp and prepare for hell. Spur of the moment, I close my eyes and act like I am sleeping on the couch. Then…

"What the hell is this? Sinners!" Pa yells. I try to keep my composure and hold in my laughter, as Pa fumbles around like a chicken with its head cut off. I think he's trying to find the controller to turn the T.V. off. I hand him the controller and act innocent as I look at him, furrowing my eyebrows and looking at him questionably.

"Damn Showtime," Pa mutters. "I knew we shouldn't have been getting these 'porno' channels just for Daystar." Daystar is a Christian T.V. station. I know, ew.

My older sister, Victoria, comes into the room and immediately checks on Pa who is pacing around the room. Victoria…I hate to say that I hate her, but I do. She's so perfect. She's smarter than me, blonder than me, nicer than me…but more about her later.

Of course, she calms him right down and returns to her room to 'do' whatever she 'does'. She's probably brushing her hair thousands of times like Marcia from the Brady Brunch. Suddenly Pa is staring right at me and I'm staring right back. He grabs his keys and starts walking towards the door. I follow him out to the car as I wonder why I agreed to do this earlier in the day.

I've barely even climbed into the car before the lecture begins. Pa looks over my clothes. To me, it's just a hoodie and jeans; to him, who knows? I immediately regret coming for the ride and my choice of attire for the day. I know Pa wants me to just be a good Southern girl and put on a cute dress for the short trip. But that's not me, if he wanted that he should have took Victoria. Pa wants me to impress the new girlfriend, who apparently is a good Southern girl from Alabama.

Luckily this is only a twenty minute ride because less than one minute has passed and I'm already tired of this. "Why did you wear a hoodie? Don't you remember what I told you about those? Only those blacks (he said a much worse word here but I refuse to write or speak it) wear those, looking like hoodlums. Do you want to send that message?"

He thinks we have a good relationship. I laugh at his sick jokes and let him control me. He thinks I look up to him and value his opinions but he could not be more wrong. I despise him.

"No sir," I reply. For Victoria, or even my Mom and Dad this state of mind will be accepted blindly. Not even thought about. But for me, I can barely tolerate it. I have to remind myself constantly to keep my mouth shut and eventually I will break away from all of this. For some this might be okay, the homophobia, racism and over all ignorance. But I can't. I cannot live by my Pa's controlling behavior forever. I never planned to break any of his rules but I already have unknowingly, just by being myself.

I, Spencer Carlin, represent my Pa's worst nightmares, just by labeling myself with one word. Gay.