Author's note: Apologies to anyone who was reading the original version of this story. I rethought the opening chapters and realized they weren't flowing for me at all; I'll be starting the story later in and incorporating the important bits via flashback. So if you were reading before, we're picking up where it left off; if you're new, you'll get filled in on everything you need to. Thanks for reading.

The first thing Kaidan Alenko noticed when he awoke was the dull ache in his head. Not a migraine, he realized quickly; it just... hurt. He heard a soft beeping noise at his right, felt the gentle drape of a sheet across his legs. Where am I? he wondered. What time is it? Trying to make some sense of it, he opened his eyes.

He blinked against the bright light as it flooded his vision. He lay on a small bed in a cramped room. In front of him were a sink and a vidscreen. A hospital room. He wondered how long he'd been out. He wondered what he'd done to end up here. He tried to remember.

He remembered Mars. He remembered the Cerberus bot rushing toward him, lifting him. He remembered being too dazed from the shuttle crash to bring his biotics online. He remembered Shepard, pointing her gun at the bot, trying to find an opening to shoot.

Shepard... He remembered watching her face down the Illusive Man's holographic image. Cursing at him as he attempted to explain the 'improvements' he'd made to his agents. Her biotic field flaring dangerously when he told her he was working against her on humanity's behalf. She'd been so angry... He'd seen her determined, frustrated, even smoldering with quiet fury, but never that raw anger that she'd displayed. What had happened to her over the past year. What had shaken her, changed her, made it so difficult for him to recognize the woman inside?

"He looks like a husk."

"Not quite." She nodded. "But, yeah."

He looked up at her as she backed away from the body. "Is this what they did to you?"

She abruptly turned away. "How...how could you even think that?"

He hadn't meant to insult her; he was still trying to come to terms with what had happened to her. And working so closely with her again wasn't making it any easier. He'd used the term rebuilt earlier, but he wasn't even sure what he'd meant by it. What they'd meant by it. Had she really been dead when they brought her in? Dead dead? The physical body was one thing, but how could someone just rebuild a mind?

She glanced back to see him shake his head. "I don't know what to think. I don't know who, or what, you are anymore. Not since Cerberus brought you back."

She softened, and turned back toward him. She looked at him questioningly, as if she wasn't quite sure of that herself. "I'm me, Kaidan. I'm everything I ever was. I still don't know what they did, physically, but my memories, my feelings, it's all the same as it was before..."

"You can tell me that all day, but how would I really know? How would you? It's all just words, Shepard."

She grabbed his arm. "Well if words won't convince you, how about this." He felt her lips against his almost before he realized what she was doing. And the familiarity of those lips, the warmth and passion in that kiss, were everything he knew Elisa Shepard to be.

"Not now, 'Lis," he muttered as he reluctantly pushed her away. The nickname should have felt foreign on his lips; it had been three years since he'd last spoken it, except in dreams. Yet somehow it was as familiar as if she'd never been gone.

He smiled at the memory of that brief kiss on Mars, of that name that only he could utter. She hadn't gotten to be 'Lis in a long time, he realized. And he knew some of the blame for that was his.

Commander Elisa Shepard hurried from the war room. She was growing re-accustomed to the familiar routine. Hit the ground-kill the bad guys-come back to the Normandy-check in. Of course, she'd prefer a check-in with Hackett or Anderson to the Council or the Illusive Man any day; it lessened the chance of her futilely trying to punch the hologram anyway. And it had been good to see Anderson. Somehow, Earth was still holding out against the Reapers. Somehow, it seemed like they had a fighting chance.

Still, that cautious optimism wasn't spreading to the other worries she had. She couldn't just hope Kaidan would survive. That would drive her crazy before long. She had to know. It had been three days; there had to be news by now, one way or the other.

Traynor barely had time to let her know she had messages waiting before she was in front of her terminal, accessing her email. She scanned the subject lines, looking for any indication... Doc says I'm ready for visitors. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, releasing the rage and helplessness she'd felt since they'd left Mars as she exhaled.

"On approach for the Citadel," Joker's voice sounded over the loudspeaker. "Docking in ten minutes." They'd be stopping at the Citadel briefly to unload the Grissom Academy students they'd recently picked up. She checked the time; she might have a moment to drop by the hospital before they headed to Sur'kesh for the war summit.

"Joker," she commed the bridge. "How long d'you think we'll have at the Citadel before we have to make for the summit?"

"I'd say an hour, tops."

"That'll do," she told him as she boarded the elevator to her quarters. She slipped out of her armor, applying deodorant and splashing water on her face in lieu of a shower, then hurried to the bridge.

She hoped everything was truly all right, although his message had given no indication. The head injury had been bad enough, but she knew as well as any biotic that the implant brought it's own... complications. Damage to an implant site had been known to lead to severe brain damage, or even paralysis. He'd been well enough to write to her of course, but who knew if he'd be fit for duty anytime soon, or ever.

She tried to put her worries out of her mind; she'd be seeing him soon enough. But that only brought other problems to the forefront. Like what exactly she should say to him. There was so much lying unsaid between them. Their disastrous reunion on Horizon. His accusations on Mars; not to mention her response. Yet all that suddenly seemed unimportant in light of her gratitude that he was alive.

When the Commander asked him about the time frame they'd be docked at the Citadel, Joker assumed there was news about Alenko. He only hoped it was good news. Not that the two of them had been on the best of terms recently, even after Joker had left Cerberus. But, despite his adamant denial of being a 'people person', even he'd managed to determine that Shepard with Alenko was a hell of a lot more tolerable than Shepard without him.

"EDI, any chance you can access medical records on the Citadel?" he asked as they pulled in to dock.

"That would be highly illegal, Jeff, not to mention unethical. It could lead to my... removal from this vessel."

He wasn't sure whether she meant the Normandy or the gorgeous vessel seated beside him. Not that he wanted either, he realized. "Look, I just want to know how scary my CO is going to be when she gets back here. It's knowledge that I've found does wonders for my well-being."

"You could always ask her about his condition yourself. She is on her way to the bridge now."

"Yeah, you might want to stay out of her way then. I'm really not in the mood for another epic ass-chewing at the moment."

"Hello, Jeff."

Joker was amazed when EDI strolled on the bridge to 'introduce' herself. She'd taken over the body of that dead Cerberus mech they'd picked up, and damn did she make it look good. Tall, curvy, and those legs... He struggled to pick his jaw up from the floor. "Can I... help you?"

"I wanted to see how you would react to my new platform. I am afraid the commander found it... distressing. She attacked. And she still appeared troubled even after finding out the Cerberus software was still inactive. I believe she will come around; still, I hope you will not share her prejudices against me due to this form."

Uh... "Don't worry, EDI, I don't think I'll be sharing those... same prejudices."

"Joker," the commander barked as she approached the bridge. He spun his chair around to face her.

"Hey, Commander, have you seen my new co-pilot?" He smiled hopefully. Surely Shepard couldn't stay mad at EDI for too long.

Or maybe she could. "Be careful with that thing." She scowled in EDI's direction. "Who knows what it's still got running there."

"Commander?"

EDI spoke up. "Commander, I have assured you that all Cerberus processes-"

"Yeah," Shepard waved a hand in EDI's direction. "You're pretty sure they're not going to make you throttle us in our sleep. Maybe I'm less optimistic. Maybe I've seen what that thing is capable of."

Joker was furious. How dare she. Sure, EDI had acquired a... very attractive... robot body. And yes, maybe it had originally been doing Cerberus's dirty work. But still... "Commander that's EDI in there. I trust her; if she says it's clean, it's clean."

"You're not being paid to be a security expert, Lieutenant." Her eyes narrowed. "I'll decide if she's a threat or not. If I really want your input, I'll ask for it."

He didn't mean to say it. He knew better than to question her, especially when she'd already busted out the 'Lieutenant'. "Look, Commander, just because you're worried about Kaidan, you don't have to take-"

"LIEUTENANT!" Joker was stunned into silence by her bellow. "You're not being paid to be my shrink either." She leaned in close, clearly trying to avoid being overhead by EDI. Joker decided against reminding her that the AI had audio sensors all over the bridge. "You're being paid to fly this ship. So try to get us to Grissom Academy before Cerberus shows up, would you?"

Joker shuddered with the memory. That had been one scary Shepard.

He turned the chair enough to see the commander approach the bridge; enough to see her deliberately look away from the co-pilot's seat. He'd been trying to keep their talk to the professional since that incident, but forced himself to voice the question, "What's the news?"

She knew what he was asking. "He's awake. I guess I'll find out the damage when I get there." She turned and headed through the airlock.

He let out the breath he was holding as the airlock door hissed to his side. "Well that went slightly better. I hope everything's okay with Kaidan. Because it'll make Shepard a lot easier to work with, I mean."

"You care about her well-being."

He blinked. That was... a little more perceptive than he was comfortable with, coming from a machine. "I guess so. About both of them, if you're going to make me admit it. We've been through a lot together. And maybe Kaidan's been an ass... but she still gives a damn for some reason."

"I suppose I still have a lot to learn about human romantic attachments." She turned her head to look him in the eye.

Joker suddenly became very interested in something on his console. "I'd say we all do, EDI."

Kaidan was relieved to see Udina finally turn and head for the door. Granted, he was honored by the offer to be a Spectre, but the Councilor's persistence made him uncomfortable. Not to mention the suddenness of it, it almost seemed like a political play as much as an acknowledgement of his skills. He started to wish Anderson was still on the Council, but had to admit his old CO was needed more on Earth right now. Still, he didn't want to make a decision on the Spectre thing until he talked to...

"Shepard," Udina spat as he passed her on his way out the door.

"Udina." The name became a curse as she glared at the councilor from the corner of her eye.

Kaidan waited for the door to close. "You know, if someone stuck the two of you in a room together, they could bottle loathing."

Shepard laughed, her expression immediately softening. She sat beside the bed. "Hey, Kaidan. I guess he was here about that Spectre position?"

He nodded. "Yeah. So what do you think about that?"

She looked away from him, staring out the window. "It's a huge honor Kaidan. You'd be great at it. It'd be crazy to turn it down."

"But you're not saying I should do it."

She sighed. "I can't help feeling like Udina's got something up his sleeve. I just don't trust him."

"No, the two of you have never been on the best of terms for some reason."

"'Some reason'?" she snorted. "He's an ass; that's the reason." She paused. "I didn't come here to bitch about Udina though. How are you doing, Kaidan?"

"I'm ready to get out of here, Shepard. You can't see it, but I'm tied to this bed with medical red tape." She groaned and shook her head. "Wow, yeah, I guess that was pretty bad. I'll blame that one on the drugs. But yeah, Doc keeps saying I'm good to go, and then she always finds one more test to run."

She still looked worried. "But really, everything's okay?"

"My implant got a little... rattled. So Doc just wants me to keep the biotics offline for a while."

"Rattled."

"Well, between all the medical jargon, yeah, rattled was what I got out of it." He didn't feel the need to worry her with what could have been.

Not that it made a difference. "Shit, Kaidan, your implant... that could have been..."

"Bad, I know. But I'm okay. We lucked out, Shepard." We? Had he really said that? Maybe she hadn't noticed...

"We?"

Damnit! He didn't want to go there. Not yet. But now he'd brought them to the edge of that abyss stretching between them; an abyss spanned only by the events of the past year. He readied his apology. "Shepard, I need to know. After Mars, after Horizon, after everything that went down, are we... are we okay?"

Hell. That had not been an apology. He opened his mouth to try again.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, Kaidan, we're good."

"I- really?" He considered leaving it at that, then chided himself for the thought. He could not let her let him get off that easily. "Because I really am sorry for how I treated you, for how I reacted. It just..." He wasn't sure he was ready to bring up everything he'd gone through when he'd encountered her that day on Horizon. "I don't think I was wrong about Cerberus, but I was wrong about you. Whatever they did to you... you're still you."

"It's okay, Kaidan. I didn't come here to talk about Mars, or fucking Horizon. I came here for you." She paused. He watched a dozen expressions cross her face, as she considered topics and then discarded them. Finally she spoke again. "I... really need to get going, Kaidan. The Salarians'll flip if I'm late for this thing." She forced a laugh.

"I understand. Thanks for coming, Shepard." She walked out the door, and he was left feeling not quite sure where they were. There was a time when he'd welcomed the uncertainty, back when he'd been just a junior officer with a crush on his CO. It had been better than outright rejection, and it left him with a way out. He suddenly found himself cursing that long-heeded rule. Yeah, he always had a way out; on Horizon, it had been the Alliance, his career, his duty. Now, he just wished he could find his way back in.

It could have gone better. It could have gone much, much worse. They kept dancing around each other, totally comfortable with the feelings they had for each other... until they made one another aware of them. Maybe it was prettier than it had been on the Normandy, or on Mars, but they were still dancing. And she'd never been much of a dancer.

Still, he'd apologized. He hadn't even needed to at that point. He'd been willing to get it all out in the open. She wished she hadn't accepted it so readily. She wished she hadn't been so willing to brush it all aside in her relief that he was alive and whole. She owed herself more than that, didn't she?

Besides, what would happen if he became a Spectre. No doubt, she was proud of him, even if Udina did have some ulterior motive. But they would end up stuck on separate missions, hardly ever able to see each other. She wanted him back on her crew. She wanted him back with her, she forced herself to admit. She remembered how easy it had seemed back on the SR-1. She'd just been Commander Shepard then, and she didn't need anyone. At least not until she did.

She'd manage, though. She'd done it before; she just had to focus on being Commander Shepard. She knew how to be Commander Shepard; she was good at it. Even when she really just wanted to be-

"Siha," a soft voice broke through her thoughts.

"Thane?" He was in a chair by the large window, looking out at the presidium. She seated herself beside him.

"Did you not get my message? I wasn't sure I had the right address..."

Shepard shook her head. "I probably did. Haven't had much time to check; I'm sorry." She inhaled deeply. "So, you're a patient here, then?

"I am. My condition has worsened in these last months."

"Do you know... how long?" She wasn't sure how to approach him. She'd lost friends in battle, of course, but that was so quick. They had minutes, at most, before they reached their end. To truly see a friend dying, to see illness take him, was a new experience.

He shook his head. "Some days are better than others. I exercise, try to keep my strength up. It has not been easy. I wish I could fight by your side again, in these dark times."

She reached out to take his hand. "Thane," she began, but wasn't sure how to continue.

He smiled at her. "So why are you here then, Siha?"

"Visiting a friend, Kaidan. He was injured in battle."

"Yes, I remember you speaking of him. I met him yesterday. He seems an honorable man. You are fortunate to have him by your side."

By my side... "He- I- What did he tell you?"

Thane shook his head slowly. "Nothing I could repeat. Things he must tell you himself, in his own time." He paused. "Your enemies might try to reach him here. I will look after him for you."

"Thane, you don't need to do that..."

" I do not know how much time I have left. Let me use what time I do have as I wish, helping someone whom I care for."

She didn't speak for a long moment. Finally, she said, "Thane, I'm sorry; I have to go for now. I'll come to see you, later."

"Of course, Siha. The work you do is important. Go, now; you have a galaxy waiting for you."