A/N: One-shot. NanoFate. AU again (I guess I always write AUs, lol ). I intended to make this a romance comedy, but I somehow made the mood more serious…. Well, I hope it turned out okay in the end. Enjoy!
Himitsu~Secret
Part A
-Fate's Version-
My name is Alicia Testarossa and I have a secret; a fatal lie. I'm really not Alicia. I'm her twin sister Fate Testarossa. You may wonder why it matters who I am? Well, that is because I've been living with my sister's ex-girlfriend for two years, and she thinks I am Alicia! How did it become like this? Um, I guess I have only my clumsy mouth to thank. Let's start from the beginning then…
[~2 Years Ago~]
"What!" I stared in disbelieve at my sister Alicia sitting across from me on the bed. "You are asking me to do what?"
"Just do me this favour, well you." She pleaded, placing her hands together to beg for added effect.
"No! No. I'm not going to go pretend to be you tomorrow and break up with her! This isn't even considered a favour! This is…This is just…! "
The "her" in question is Alicia's latest girlfriend, Takamachi Nanoha. I'm not proud to say this, but yes, my sister is a bit of a player. When it comes to responsibility, she would probably be one of the first to ran away and hide from sight. Don't get me wrong though, I still love Alicia dearly. After all, twins have a special sort of bond, right? However, I do find sometimes she takes this "special" bond a bit too conveniently (like me always finding myself being at the short end of the stick thanks to this "bond"). However, I'm dead set this time. I'm absolutely, definitely not helping her! She can use all the sibling bond excuses in the world and I still won't budge.
"For your precious older sister, Fate? Please…" Uh-huh. Not going to work on me this time and you are only a few minutes older than me. I mustered my best repenting stare.
"I can't believe you. Are you crazy? Have it never occurred to you to tell her beforehand that you are going to go study aboard and want to BREAK UP with her nonetheless?"
"Um….I do cherish her but I don't love love her….and to say that to her in person… I don't know how to face her reaction. She um, could be very emotional sometimes."
"Then why did you start dating her in the first place? And, what makes you think I can handle this "very emotional" situation?" She knew all the trouble this'll cause and she still tries to push it on me? I may be her twin, but this is just too much! Unreasonable!
"Because at least you don't have to feel guilty by her reaction?" Guilt, ah, she still knows what guilt is!
"I would feel guilt over your irresponsible behaviour!" And who says I won't be affected by an "emotional" person, as she so conveniently puts it! Any normal person would feel sympathy towards someone crying! I sighed. This is my "lovable" twin sister alright…not the most tentative to other people's feelings.
"Okay, fine. But, aren't you interested in meeting her in person?" She asked hopefully, her last trump card and my ultimate downfall.
I paused and blinked.
She got me there. For some unknown reason, I've been fascinated with her latest girlfriend. Whenever Alicia mentions anything regarding Nanoha, I always pay the upmost attention. I've never actually seen her in person, only in photos. In short, I'm totally hooked on a person I haven't even met!
"You are curious, aren't you?"
I averted her merry gaze and pretended I didn't care. "No."
"Oh, come on! Don't you want to talk to her in person?"
"Not to be the messenger of your break up. No, scratch that, in your place breaking up with her!" I folded my arms in front of my chest, still desperately trying to regain my former resolution. I failed miserably though. Her next statement had me looped.
"You know, this is probably your only chance to ever talk to her," she said in a very serious tone. "After the break up, there is no way she would want to speak to a person who looks like an exact replica of me."
Leave it to Alicia to push all the right buttons on me. I literally snapped my head back to stare at her in alarm. This piece of news had me shocked. To never be able to talk to her? The thought makes me break out in a cold sweat. I don't quite understand my sudden panicky state, but I, for sure at the moment, know that I want to meet her at least once in my life!
"So, how about it? This once in a life time chance?"
I'm totally defeated. I could only nod in silence. What other option do I have?
Hence, against my better judgement and reason, I had agreed to Alicia's "sisterly favour", again.
-Next Day-
Needless to say, I was dead nervous and excited to meet Nanoha in person. I couldn't even sleep well the night before. It was like meeting your favourite idol in person! Well, almost. Anyways, I scanned the city square once more for the brunette. No sign of her yet. I was a little early though, so my thoughts went over Alicia's plan again, "Go on the date. Find a right time and tell her you want to break up with her and that you are going aboard tomorrow." Straightforward, aren't they? Wrong! What kind of instructions are these? Two sentences don't even count as a plan! What am I going to do or say if she said she doesn't want to break up or that she is fine with long distance relationships or worse, what if she tears? Now, with reality closing in, I'm actually starting to regret my hasty decision a little. Just how did Alicia loop me around this again?
"Alicia! Alicia!" A sweet and crisp voice called from a distance, gradually growing louder.
It took me several seconds to recall that I was supposed to be Alicia. I turned around toward the running Nanoha with a smile on my face, which I'm pretty sure soon turned into just plain gawking. The photos hardly do her justice. With the morning sunlight shining on her hair and highlighting her complexion, she was breathtaking.
Nanoha stopped in front of me. "Morning, Alicia. You are early today!" She smiled. "Uh? What's wrong?" She blushed. "Is something on my face…You are just staring at me…"
Oops. I forgot about myself. I'm supposed to be Alicia now. Act smooth… "No. You just look really pretty today." My eyes shied away. Okay, that isn't what I had in mind…Alicia may be a seasoned player but I'm not. Saying this outright is a bit embarrassing for me, and very odd. "Um, and I woke up early today so I thought I might as well come early…"
I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly and dared a quick glance at her. The blush on her face had deepened. She is delighted with my compliment… My confidence grew a bit.
"I see…" she said cheerfully, recovering from her blush. "So, what do you want to do today?"
"How about a bit of shopping and a movie?"
"Emm!" She blessed me another eye-blinding smile. She's so sunny and bubbly!
We spend the morning walking around the shopping district, mostly window shopping. Currently, we're standing in front the display window of a stuffed animal toy store for awhile now.
"You found something you like?" I looked at Nanoha, her eyes were shining with a glint of excitement in them. So she likes fluffy stuff. I smiled.
Staring at the display, suddenly, her eyes widened a bit. "Ne, ne, Alicia?" She turned to me and pointed her finger towards a creamy beige palm-sized pushie with chocolate brown paws and emerald eyes. "Isn't that ferret cute?"
"Yea." I smiled while trying to contain a laugh. She acts almost like a kid when she's excited. So cute.
"Oh! And it has a ruby orb necklace around its neck too. It's pretty."
She's too adorable! "Wait here a sec." I quickly went into the store and bought the pushie.
"Here." I handed the gift bag with the pushie in it. "A present."
Nanoha blinked then her face flushed. "You didn't have to…"
"No, you really like it, right? So, I just feel like buying it for you…" I started to blush a bit too. That was embarrassing… Wait. Wait! What am I doing? I'm supposed to break up with her today, not doting her! No, the present…it's just compensation for the break up later. Right…I need to break up with her...
"Emm! Thanks, Alicia!" She gave a very wide smile and hugged me. "I like this pushie very much. But, I love you much more!"
"…" I lightly hugged her back. This kind of open affection, what could I say or do? It wasn't my place to answer back nor respond… Urg! It's times like this that I really wonder how insensitive my sister can be! Or why we're related at all and why I ALWAYS have to clean up her mess. I sighed inwardly to myself. This must end soon; my conscience won't last much longer. I gently broke the hug. "We've been walking all morning, let's take a break, I'm a bit tired."
"Emm!" She flashed me another one of her cheerful smiles, with eyes full of love.
I could only shied my eyes away, quickly turning around and hurried towards a café I saw earlier. Not really checking nor daring to look back to see if she found my actions odd or cold. I really don't want to hurt her anymore than the break up, so the sooner it's over the better, I guess.
I fidgeted in my seat in the café. I stared silently into the glass of strawberry milkshake sitting on the table, playing with the straw, not knowing how to begin the breakup speech. "Nanoha, I…" I looked up from my glass and tried to break the news to her.
"Um?" Nanoha paused from putting a spoonful of lemon chocolate cake into her mouth.
She looked so sunny and trusting… A lump formed in my throat, making it hard to continue. "I…We…You know, Nanoha…"
She tipped her head a bit to the side in confusion and concentration to understand my speech and smiled encouragingly, "Yes?"
The sight was just too much…the warmth in her eyes, the smile, the sunlight that came from outside the window that shone brightly on her features, and a bit of cake cream that's stuck on her face…She is just too cute! Such a lovable person...I don't understand why or how my sister can be so cruel.
"Um, you have a bit of cream on your face," I said with a weak smile, swallowing my previous words down for now. I leaned over the table and used my thumb to wipe away the cream next to her lips.
Nanoha blushed. "Nya haha. Thanks," she murmured.
When I finally realized the complication behind my unintentional action, I flushed too and scratched the back of my neck awkwardly. "You're welcome…"
We sat in awkward silence.
"So, Alicia…I didn't know you like sweets, you usually order black coffee."
Crap! I forgot Alicia don't like sweets. The statement effectively changed my awkwardness into panic.
"Haha…" I scratched the back of my neck again. "Um, I was sick the past few days with a high fever and had too much bitter medicine, so I guess I had food adversion…you know…aha haha," I improvised lamely. I could feel cold sweat running down from my forehead and my heart pounding hard in my chest.
"I see, I didn't know. Are you feeling okay now, Alicia?" She looked at me with worry. "You aren't pushing yourself to go out with me today, are you?"
Before I could even answer, she already effectively put a hand on to my forehead to feel my temperature.
"Mou, you shouldn't go out on such a hot day after you just got better." She pouted.
I blinked. She's really sweet and gentle. I felt bad for deceiving her and making her worry. "I'm fine, don't worry," I said with a genuine smile. I reached out and grabbed her hand that's on my forehead and lightly squeezed it to show her that I'm really okay. I stood up from my seat and pulled her up as well. I grinned as energetically and happily as I could. "Let's go catch a movie, now!"
I know I'm only delaying the inevitable, but I just couldn't force myself to break her heart….Just now, her concern towards me is enough to show that she sincerely loves my sister. I'm really in a pinch. What should I do? Whatever I do, this painful news I couldn't prevent…I don't know what's right anymore…I just want her to be happy….just for a bit longer…then I'll break the new to her. I tried to reason and resolute myself in vain.
I'd love to say I came up with the perfect speech to break up with her over the movie, but no, I just had to be a dummy and picked the worst possible movie! I mean, the title of the movie "Love of a Long Distance" should be enough of a warning for me, right? But no, I was too dense...Yes, the movie is about a pair of lovers having a long distance relationship. Talk about irony and timing! How am I supposed to break up with her after watching a two and half hour movie on the struggles of the lovers to stay together; the theme of eternal love? I am just not making my life any easier! Stupid! Stupid!
I had my hands in my pockets as we walked in silence in the late afternoon street.
"Ne, Alicia," said Nanoha, while grabbing onto my arm and leaning towards me. "You've been quiet ever since the movie. Are you feeling okay?"
I was too distracted by the movie and my own dilemma, and jumped slightly by her unexpected approach. "Ah, what?" I rapidly turned to her with a forced smile. "Um, I'm fine. Just thinking that the movie wasn't the best way to spend the afternoon, right?"
She hold my arm tighter. "Yea. It's a bit heart wrenching, but at least in the end they managed to stay together and overcome the hardships, right?" She said, while flashing me a weak smile.
I cautiously studied her, her eyes were a bit red; she had cried during the movie. "But, still-" I mumbled "Sorry…" So much for keeping her happy a bit longer…what a bad choice.
"It's just a movie, Alicia," she embraced me. "You didn't have to apologize for it!"
Yea, that may be true…but the irony of the current situation…this isn't a movie, it's real life, a decision made that would forever terminate everything. While the movie had hope for the couple…hers is a hopeless ending…I don't know what I can do…I just don't know.
Nanoha embraced me tighter while lightly patting my back. "There, there, all better!" She giggled.
At this moment, I couldn't feel any more worthless. "Sorry. Sorry for killing the happy mood…" I'm the one who's supposed to be strong and comfort her.
"No, Alicia! Don't apologize. There's nothing wrong with crying when you're upset." She said brightly. "Besides, I'm really happy right now!"
"Uh?" I pulled back a bit from her embrace and looked into her eyes, confused and thinking she's just being kind. But, her eyes were truly glittering with warmth and contentment.
"I had a great day today. We've never window-shopped before! I'm really happy you offered it, since you usually find just walking to be boring…"
That's because Alicia only like thrilling things…and I'm lame enough to suggest just walking around because I can't think of anything else.
"And, I got to see the sides of Alicia I have never seen before! This gentle and sentimental side of Alicia. I never thought I would see Alicia cry. Nya haha." She said the last part shyly with a bit of blush. "But, I'm very glad you shared it with me!" She added happily with a smile.
Alicia isn't a wimp like me…she isn't tied down by all of these sentimentalities…right, she isn't. So, why am I like this? We are twins, aren't we? Yet why are we so different! I wish I'm like Alicia. No! I need to be more like her right now! Right this moment! "Nanoha, we need-" I started.
"Today's the happiest day of my life!" She finished her happy declaration with a flourishing smile.
I lost my voice again. This isn't supposed to be the happiest day of your life though…I thought sadly. I shook my head. No! Now's not the time to be sentimental. Be more like Alicia, be more like Alicia!
"Nanoha, we needed to talk," I mustered out in a clear and neutral voice, as I pulled out of her embrace.
She looked at me, still smiling, and nodded her head lightly, signalling her full attention.
"Nanoha…," Here I go, all or nothing! "Let's go out!"
"…" She blinked, then her faded smile returned and she tilted her head a bit sideways in puzzlement. "Aren't we already going out? Haha…"
"…" What am I saying? "No, that's not what I meant to say!" I shook my hands frankly in front of me as a wave of heat rushed to my face. I scratched my neck in embarrassment, again. "No that's…what I meant to say is…" I'm lost again, not knowing how to continue. No! I can't delay it any longer! What needs to be done, must be done! Yes, it must be done! I took a deep breath.
Nanoha! I want to BREAK UP with YOU!
"Nanoha! I want to LIVE with YOU!" My eyes widened in shock as my brain processed what I actually said. I was totally, literally dumbfounded!
Crap..crap! There goes my dyfunctioning mouth again! Why did the words coming out not match my thoughts? Why? URG! Damage control…damage control…
I'm sure Nanoha's shock was just as great, for she just stared at me emotionless for a good minute, or so I felt that was how long it took until she blinked and recovered first.
"You want us to live together?" She was beaming. "Oh, Alicia, I never thought you would ask me that! Is that why you were so anxious today?
So she had noticed my uneasiness, but that isn't the reason! You're mistaken!
"I thought it was odd for you not to hold my hands today even though we always do…Oh, never mind. Yes! Of course I want to live together with you!"
She was so happy and excited. But I must not give up correcting this blunder!
"Nanoha…listen, I-"
She hugged me in a firm grip. "I love you the most! I'm VERY happy!"
"Yeah…" No. No. I meant no! Oh, what have I dig myself into?
And then, all my thoughts seized to function as a pair of warm and soft lips covered my mouth.
I was hopelessly lost in her kiss.
[~Present Time~]
-Saturday Night-
Had I told the truth back then or maybe followed through with Alicia's plan, would I not be in so much anguish now?
But, thinking back, I think everything was inevitable, even now. I didn't quite understand my infiltration and over concern about Nanoha back then, it wasn't until months after we started living together that I realized the reason behind all of my idiotic behaviour that fateful day; I was in love with her even before I actually met her! In love with a person that I'd only heard about from my sister.
So, in a nutshell, my fatal blunder that day, lead to many many lies said to cover up everything. This accumulation of lies made it even harder for me to come clean and explain myself to her. I had dug myself into a hole so deep that I no longer can even see the light from the top.
Do I still have a conscience, you ask? I do. Trust me, there wasn't a moment that I didn't hate myself for my cowardice and blunder. But you have to understand, how could I have break up with her after I asked to live together with her? How could I take back those words when I was so much in love with her? How could I let her get hurt? How could I be the one to hurt her? How? I just couldn't…even now, when I'm still so much in love with her. Yea…I may just be selfish in the end, afraid to get myself heartbroken and hurt. For above all the reasons, I don't want to let her go! I want to spend more time with her!
I just don't want to lose her and whenever I thought about the possibility of she leaving me when she found get the truth, I get more scared. But, I think I won't be able to keep this up much longer…what I feared most is about to happen.
I just got a text mail from Alicia, she's back in Japan…and she's getting married in two weeks.
~PART A End.
AN: Yea, this is a good place to end. So, what do you think? Is it believable/understandable enough (Fate's actions)? I hope I didn't ruin Fate's image, but this is AU though, so I hope you all enjoyed her character in this setting. And, I'm a bit stuck on the rest of the story…is it too odd to cram a school reunion, a birthday party and a wedding all in two weeks? What are the coincidences? Fiction, right?