I'm Not Okay, I Promise
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Vampire Night, House of Night, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Fallen, Bleach, or Naruto.
Author's Note: This is to all my reviewers who cheered me on as I almost died reading and commenting on 'My Immortal.' I love you all. Merry Christmas.
This is a parody of troll-fics, and yes, I do support RukaXKaname, just not them having sex in a gas station.
Chapter One- Love In a Gas Station
My name is Lukia Sawson Raviin Elenore Lydia Dietz Charmicheal. But most of my friends just call me 'Luce', simply because I look like Luce, that bitch from Fallen. My hair is black and impossibly long and curls at the ends. My eyes are an interesting shade of blue and red. I'm a vampire-witch, but most people in the sleepy town of Hogmead calls us vitches. Which is why Mr. Cross has become the headmaster of Hogwarts since Dumbledore got shot in the face last summer by Count Olaf.
I was at the gas station, making out with Ichigo Kurosaki, out tongues intertwined. We were always like this. We enjoyed watching people at the gas station. Once, we saw Rukia making out with Chad and Renji. At once.
But tonight we saw too much. We had to call the police. Ichigo was getting a hot dog from the AM/PM near Hogwarts, and I was listening to Emilie Autumn's 'Gentlemen Aren't Nice'. Then I noticed it.
Kaname's fingers intertwined in Ruka's weird coloured hair. She looked like she was in pain. Then I saw everything. Kaname taking off his shirt and Ruka yelling in pain. Ruka was being soul reaped. Nah, just kidding, she was making love to darling Kaname. And Kaname was mine. I loved him since who knew when.
"BITCH!" I screamed. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF KANAME! HE'S MINE!"
"Luce?" Kaname said, pushing a naked Ruka away. Ruka began crying tears of blood. "Luce, I love you!"
"WHAT?" Ichigo yelled, punching Kaname in the face. "That's my bitch!" Ruka crawled into a hole and looked at me with those eyes so full of hate and love at me.
"I wish I could be like you," Ruka whispered. "You're so beautiful and perfect."
"Yeah, you're right," I replied. I stared at Kaname and Ichigo, who were stabbing and biting each other. I felt pleasure when men fought for me.
PLEASE FLAME! :D