Disclaimer: I don't own Pandora Hearts or its characters.

Summary: 'Where in the world are you?' Break's Question that has haunted Oz and he doesn't know why. The real questions isn't where in the world his he but where in time is he? What will happen when Oz learns what his original sin was that got him sent to the Abyss in the first place. What really happened to Gil's memories and can it help them prevent another disaster from happening?

Warnings: Rate M for Language, Sexual content, Male Pregnancy, Violence, Death with possible others warnings. This is mainly a Gil/Oz fanfic, other pairing may pop up.

Secrets: Chapter One:

Oz sighed as he sat on the out on the balcony. In a few hours Gil and Alice would be returning to the mansion and he would be alone. His uncle was out of the country for a few months on business, Ada was at school, leaving him with Miss Kate. He looked at the stack of text books that were waiting for him from the ten years he missed. He didn't want to touch them, the whole ordeal with his father sending him away still weighed heavily on his heart.

He sort of go over his father hating him but it had only been a week since he learned that his father was the man who sent him into the abyss. Being honest with himself, it wasn't the only thing that weighed his soul down. Gil was talking about returning to his apartment in the city leaving him and Alice alone. The two didn't even have their normal argument over him being Alice's servant or not.

"Gil...do you hate me like father does? Is that why you're leaving me? Is it because what happened 10 years that caused the scar?" he whispered to himself bringing his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He sighed again, feeling like he was on the verge of tears. He still couldn't reach Jack to find out what was going on or what the original sin was. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice that there was a knock on the door.

After a moment Miss Kate walked into the room, behind her was Vincent. "Young Master, Lord Nightray is here to see you, I'll bring refreshments up for you and your guest." She said with a bow before leaving the room, leaving the two alone. Vincent walked towards Oz who didn't even seem to hear the maid or know that he was there. His smiled was twisted and sadistic for a moment as he walked towards the boy before he managed to put on an 'innocent' smile.

"Oz?" Vincent asked putting a hand on Oz's shoulder causing the boy to jump and look up at him.

"Raven isn't here, try his apartment..." Oz muttered not really caring why Vincent was here with him. He figured he just wanted to talk to his brother. He couldn't bring himself to use Gil's name, it hurt too much to say it now that his most trusted friend and his secret crush was planning on leaving him. Vincent blinked, this wasn't the Oz he was use to dealing with. The boy he knew that was at his brother's side was normal a happy, determined teen, not this depressed boy sitting before him. Vincent wanted to smile and enjoy the suffering before him but now wasn't the time if he wanted to keep his brother in the dark about him.

"He'll be back in due time, I'm sure. After all he left me behind to risk his life to go find you." he tried to comfort the boy to no avail. He looked over at the door as Miss Kate brought in a cart with some snacks, coffee and brandy along with glasses, cups, plates and utensils. Vincent helps himself to a glass of brandy and grabbed a sweet off the cart before rejoining Oz on the balcony. The boy didn't move, still staring up at the night sky.

"Miss Kate, Please have a room ready for Vincent, it's getting. He might as well stay the night that way he can spend time with Raven." Oz said absently.

"I'll notify you Young Master when the room is ready." She said before leaving them alone once again. Vincent sat watching the boy with mild amusement.

"Why did you do it Vincent? Why did you kill all those people? Why in his name?" Vincent nearly choked on his food. Looking closer at the boy; he found himself trapped within the icy emerald stare that Oz was giving him.

"I don't kn-"

"You know what I'm talking about. You killed people during the tragedy in Sabrie. You killed them all in your brother's name. Why?" He asked; a commanding tone in his voice. Vincent smirked a twisted smile once again as he leaned towards Oz. By his own code, he couldn't allow anyone to know what he had done or why he had done it. He would even destroy the will of the abyss if he had to ensure no one knew what happened.

"I could tell you but then you would have to die. As much as I want to do that little Oz, we both know that it would destroy what's left of my brother. He's such an angry, bitter man even under that shy demeanor he wears." Vincent said getting up. He walked over to Oz, pulling the boy to his feet, with a painfully hard grip. Oz didn't wince or anything. In truth, he was numb to the feel of anything so long as he was in the middle of his depression spell.

"Funny, most records still say I'm dead." Oz said darkly, pulling himself free from Vincent's grip. "Don't worry, I didn't tell you brother or B-rabbit that I know that you killed not only her but, all those people in his name. Oh look their back...if I was you I'd pull on my 'happy innocent face' unless you want him to know something is up" Oz said walking into the room fixing himself a cup of coffee before sitting on the couch waiting for the two to join them in the room.

"Stupid Rabbit, no running Inside, Oz might be sleeping."

"If he was sleeping your yelling would have woken him up seaweed head" Oz shock his head as Alice barged into the room, freezing in her place seeing Vincent standing on the balcony with a shock look still plastered on his face.

"Welcome back Alice." Oz said warmly though it still sounded like it was hallow and empty. Gil froze in the hall hearing Oz's tone. He really thought that maybe, just maybe Oz wouldn't slide in to his depression this time but he was wrong. He had once told Alice that they shouldn't leave Oz alone anymore but that's what they did today and it had taken it's told on the teen.

"Oz why is the psycho-freak here?" Alice asked never talking her eyes off Vincent as she walked towards Oz. Gil's eyes widen hearing Alice. He knew her nickname's for almost everyone and only Vincent was the psycho-freak. He walked into the room after he lit a cigarette.

"Talk or leave Vincent." Gil said leaning against the wall beside the door. Not caring that he sounded pissed off and annoyed. Alice sat beside Oz blinking. She never heard Gil sound so pissed, not even when they found the guy who was wearing his hat that one day. Oz stood up and walked over to Gil.

"I offered him a room for the night, it's too late for one to be traveling alone at night. Beside's he is your brother Raven, even if you too don't get along. Family is still family. Welcome back Raven" Oz whispered the last part before walking out of the room not really wanting to hear what the three would talk about. Even if it was a private talk between the two brothers, Alice would find a way to pipe in. Gil grabbed Oz's arm. The only time Oz even called him Raven was when he refused to tell Oz who he really was. Something about it was so disconnected that it sent alarms off in Gil's head.

"Oz, we're talking after I'm done here, and I mean it. You're not going to order me off this time" Gil said more worried about Oz then dealing with his brother. Oz pulled his arm free weakly before continuing on away from him. "Alice, Go with him."

"No way seaweed head!" She said still watching Vincent who had poured himself another drink. Gil sighed, not arguing back with her at the moment. He didn't really have time to waist with either of them at the moment. Oz was depressed and severely so. The last time Oz was like this, he nearly taken his own life. During the 10 years Oz was gone he had looked into it but couldn't find anything to explain why there were times where Oz was so depressed that he would nearly kill himself, to times where he was so full of life, to time where he seem like he was in love but most of the time Oz didn't really have moods but when he did it could be alarming.

"I came brother because I was board, lonely with you gone from the Nightray house. With Eliot and Leo back at school there is so little entertainment or anyone interesting to talk to. I figured that I would come see my brother and send a few days with you. Bonding time will be good for us, besides as Oz said family is family." Vincent said happily, smiling at Gil. Both him and Alice had a chill run down their spines

"Whatever; it's not like I can stop you. You don't listen to anyone but yourself and you know that. Just don't start anything here and I mean it Vincent or you won't hear or see me again" With that Gil left the room fallowing after Oz. He cheeked the teen's room to find it empty. Panic rose in him as he ran though the house looking for his master.

None of the servants that were there before Oz was sent to the abyss were surprised that that the young master had vanished within the house. It was after all; the boy's favorite game to play on the servants. Only this time, Gil wasn't filled in on where the young master was. Gil growled to himself. He knew better then to let Oz out of his sight when he was like this. His fist hit the wall lightly not sure where to look next he looked in almost every room. The only ones he didn't check was his room and the one Alice slept in.

Gil knocked on Alice's door before he opened it. No one was in there, that he could see and he wasn't going to go looking though the room to make sure. If Oz was in there, Alice could deal with him. He headed to him room. He opened the door taking off his coat and hat, hanging it on the back of the door. Looking around the room he noticed that his favorite pillow was gone, the one that Ada had took from Oz's room the night Oz vanished.

What Oscar didn't know was that Ada was his confidant. They were the one, the other confided everything in and they meant everything. She knew that Gil loved Oz and not in the master servant way. She accepted him for that; in turn she confided that she was in love with Eliot even though he hated her.

He felt a breeze drift over him, his golden eyes looked over at the thin drapes that hung over the door to the balcony. They were dancing in the wind. They shouldn't be since he remembered not only closed the door last night but locking in this morning before he and Alice went into the city. Pulling his gun from the holster, he made his way towards the door. He was hoping it was Oz but with his brother in the house, anything could be out there. Poking his head outside the door he saw Oz, sitting on the far rail, his back resting against the wall while he hugged the pillow to him, much like a mother would sit, with her child sitting in front of her. Looking closer, Gil noticed the tears that were silently being shed.

Re-holstering his gun, Gil walking out onto the balcony and over to where Oz sat. "Oz, what's wrong? Was it something that Vincent said?" He remembered that Oz wasn't happy to be left behind today but he wasn't that bummed out about it now that he was given a chance to start catching up on his series that he loved so much.

"No...He didn't say much at all...Raven way do you have my favorite pillow in your room?" he asked softly, distantly. It broke Gil's heart. He watched Oz carefully the boy wasn't fighting the emotional ride he was on, it was that clear in his vivid emerald eyes.

"Ada took it from your room when the night you left. According to her, the night they brought me here after... well I was fighting them to let me die. The only way they were finally able to stop me from fighting them was when Ada brought the pillow in switching it from the one my head on to it. I've been meaning to give it back since you got back but we've been busy." He said as neutrally as he could so he wouldn't further upset Oz. Oz pulled further away from Gil as he could. He didn't know why but it hurt him more to hear that Gil wasn't keeping the pillow or even planned on it since he came back. Being honest, he didn't know it was missing till he saw it on Gil's bed when he came here to wait for Gil for their talk. The tears started to gather and fall faster, Gil bit his lip as he stepped closer to Oz.

Picking the boy up; he carried them over to his bed. Taking away the worried that had filled Gil with Oz sitting on the railing. Oz didn't fight didn't move from the spot Gil placed him. "Oz talk to me here. I'm your friend, you can tell me anything you know that right?" Gil asked softly, kneeling before Oz, so he could see the other's face. He reached up and wiped a tear away. Oz's eyes widen, but the tears flowed faster. Gil didn't know what to do even for him this was new. Most of the time his soft nature would comfort Oz but this time it seemed to only hurt him more. If the problem was with what his father did or something the Vincent said, than it had something to do with himself or Alice. Going from how Oz was reacting to him, it was something that he did.

He didn't remember doing anything wrong, beside's leave Oz alone today so he could go pack up his apartment. Alice only tagged along because she wanted to see how Break could come and go out of cupboards. "Your leaving me...I did something wrong and now you hate me, your leaving like he did...the next time I'll see you is when you'll be the one to send me back to the abyss." Oz whispered so softly that Gil almost missed it.

The memory of Oz laying on the ground under him, him gun under the teen's chin flashed before Gil's eyes. The words Oz said still rung fear into his heart. The teen was already so torn up about hurting Gil that he really did believe that death by Gil's hands was a fitting punishment. "I'm not leaving Oz, well not from here, I'm moving out of the apartment and back here. I told you before that nothing was going to keep us apart, remember? Why would I break my word to you now?" he asked softly. Oz shook his head having a hear time believing what Gil was saying.

He heard Gil and Break talking about how he didn't need Gil to release Alice's power anymore. Gil agreed with it, sounding like a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders at that. Because of him Gil had spent so much time with Alice, neither seemed to like each other very well but tolerate each other for Oz's sake. It broke Oz's heart when he also over heard Gil, Break and Sharon talking about having Raven free to do other assignments for Pandora now that Oz didn't need his help for the more simpler cases. Oz shock his head slightly, Gil bit his lip not sure what to do.

"Oz, I'm right here, I'm not going to leave..."

"But you are! I heard it myself, their sending you on different assignments from now on. You might live here but you won't be here; just like you lived at the apartment but you where rarely there." Oz cut Gil off, he moved away from Gil, going over the bed, leaving the Pillow on the bed. It smelt too much like Gil for Oz to handle anymore. He almost got to the other side of the bed to bolt, if it wasn't for Gil pinning him to the bed.

"Oz stop fighting to me and listen to me for a moment here." Gil said; his frustration showing. "I turn down on that. I'm not leaving you or Alice on your own. Both of you are at risk and I can't have that. They want me to be proficient, and I am when I'm with you; even if you don't need me to release Alice's power." He said, Oz froze hearing the slight strain that quake in Gil's voice. Looking up at the other he noticed the tear's in the other's eyes that matched his own.

"Rav-"

"Don't you ever call me that Oz. I don't care who else says it. It's the name I want to be called by from you, not now, not ever!" Gil said. He never got use to how wrong it sounded coming for Oz to call him Raven. It always felt like there was so much disconnect from it. Oz didn't know what to say. He watched Gil try to calm himself down from this little talk they were having.

"Gil...Before you make any final choice...I have something that I need to tell you. It's something that I learned back when we went to go save Alice and Break from the Cheshire Cat. When Jack sent me to find Alice, I came across part of the memory that had been from the Tragedy of Sabrie. Vincent was there, he was a child covered in blood. He said that he killed every one, for you. Then he ran to the tower Alice was locked in, he killed Alice..." Oz whispered. Gil's eyes snapped open, staring down at Oz with such shock. Oz knew that for this long and didn't bother to tell him or Alice about it. "I confronted him about it when you and Alice were out. He said that if he told me, he would have to kill me though he won't because it would break what's left of you" Oz added softly. Gil got off him so fast so that he would hurt Oz, not noticing that the way he left was like a knife being stabbed into Oz's chest.

"You said you were going to stop the reckless behavior Oz. You should have told me that from the start and let me handle it. Oz flinched and got off the bed heading to the door of the room.

"I told you the first day you got here that it's was job as your 'master' to keep you from getting into trouble or hurt. Like I said...your leaving me, you just can't see it though... I finally believe in your forever and yet it's you who's leaving." Oz said his hand on the door handle. He looked over his shoulder at a very stunned Gil. "I hear by release you from my service Gil. You're now a free man; to do whatever you see fit to do since you are a noble." He said before leaving the room, running down the hall.

Gil sat on the bed, stunned. He couldn't speak or find the words to. He looked at the pillow that Oz had held. He pulled it to him, hugging it, noticing there was something in the pillow. He pulled out a small book from it. Opening it he found that only a few pages held writing on it. Going to the first page; he noticed the date of it. It was written the night before Gil was injured and Oz was sent to the abyss.

I don't know why I feel compelled to write but I do and I'm not going to fight it rate now. I guess it's because I'm nervous about the coming of age ceremony that will be taking place tomorrow. I really hope Gilbert will accept the roll of placing the cape on me at the end of it. I want no one but him to be there; to be the first person at my side, that I see as an adult.

Maybe it's that I'm not even nervous about it...thinking about it as I write this, I think I'm more worried about what the future holds. It's the job of the Duke to continue on the family line but I can't bring myself to find any young lady to be attractive enough to think much more than being a friend. It not commonly accepted and I would hate to put such a pressure on Ada but I'm thinking of naming her offspring as my heir since I don't foresee myself having any. It's why I force myself to try so hard to woo them off their feet that they won't notice that I'm not interested in them that way

I think I'm more nervous about the fact that I'm planning on telling Gilbert how I really feel about him after the ceremony. I love him. I can't stop think about him all the time. His golden eyes are light up my world, even in my darkest of moments. He's like a Raven, a lonesome shy creature that most would avoid and yet he; like the raven are more loyal then anything other on this world or the next.

I should be more confident than I am but I fear his rejection more then I had feared my father's rejection. I don't know what I'll do if he rejects me but then there is nothing to gain if nothing is risked; right? I pray that I don't chicken out of doing it because I really want to know what it's like to be kissed by those lips of his. I can't help but wonder what kind of a lover Gil would be. Would he still be shy and complacent as he normally is, or will he be the one to take charge; secretly I'm hoping for the second one, it's the fantasy that make me the hardest, the most needy that I almost want to go to him when it happened and tell him about it...

Gil closed the book before he could read more. He was already turned on by that last paragraph that if he continued reading he might do something rash. Hell, he was debating to do that now. Was that what Oz was talking about? That he lost Gil because was no longer a teen like him and it left him feeling alone. Even Ada was older than his current body. That must suck; going from being taller than your sister one day, to being shorter than her the next.

With a sigh he got off his bed to once again go make sure Oz didn't do something stupid. Opening his door, he saw a cat sitting in the center of the hall and froze. He couldn't move, he could barely bring himself to breath. "There you are Ell" Ada said warmly picking up the cat, she knew better then to bring the cat closer to the man to was terrified of them. "I know I shouldn't be here but I had to tell you in person Gil...Eliot; he asked me out on a date. We had a long talk about Oz and what happened to him all those years ago, than he asked me out."

" Ada I'm happy for you, really I am but your brother isn't in the greatest of moo-"

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING SHORTIE."

"MY HOUSE SO DEAL WITH I-AHHH." The fight was ended by three screams. Racing to see what happened. Ada and Gil joined Alice and Vincent standing at the top of the stairs watching Leo, Eliot and Oz regain their composer and breath while Break leaned against the cabinet that he had came out of scaring the youths, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Clown, don't kill my servant will you" Alice said flatly with a yawn, than she felt it; the pull from the abyss that only a chain could produce. Oz sank to his knees gripping his chest, the mark on his chest burned. It never happened before. Every time the hand moved more on his mark; it felt like some was had stabbed him with a frozen knife. His vision was blurring in and out. "Oz if your joking about this, it's not funny."

Before he could respond he body started to go limp, as a portal to the abyss opened in front. He fell into it blackness that was engulfed his mind and body. Alice and Gil ran to grab Oz but it was too late. The Portal had closed before they could reach him. "Crap this is bad. I can't transform without Oz here...and the clown shouldn't be fighting weak chains, but seaweed head can't fight chains for long with a gun" Alice was mentally cursing their luck once again. Only this time around Oz won't come running to them.

"Eliot; get Leo, Ada and Alice back from the door and out keep them out of my way" was all Gil said as he closed his eyes. He rarely called on Raven's power let alone summoned him for a fight. He wasn't worried about Break, the man was a chain himself or damn near close to it. He felt the hum race though his body, then they heard it. The sound of battle between two chains, just outside the doors, sounded like it was a gruesome fight though no one really knew who was fighting.

"Please tell me you got this Raven because I really don't have the energy to fight after the battle with the armada of chains." Break said broadly sitting on the stairs with Alice. Suddenly the battle sounded like it was over, there was no sounds coming from outside. Gil opened his eyes as the door opened and a kid no older then Oz looked walked into the house. Behind him was a small dog like chain that growled.

"Your bird was easy to kill" the kid said. Gil pulled out his gun. The dog charged at him. In a second it was over.

"It was only easy because I was holding back and my Raven isn't dead, it was un-summoned kid." Gil said coldly, darkly. Ada shivered, holding onto Eliot's arm. It wasn't the violence that scared her, no; it was how fast it seemed to take for the Gil who hated everything and the world because Oz was gone to return. "Alice are you come or are you just going to sit there?" He asked not bothering to look at her. Break held her back from going to him. It was a good thing too, he collapsed to the floor.

"He forgets that using Raven's power or summoning him drain a lot of energy from his body. Not all of us are gifted with Oz's high energy."Break said. Ada ran over to her friend checking on him. She frowned.

"Gil, why are you pushing yourself so hard? You made yourself sick again...I know my brother means a lot to you but you won't be able to help him if you're sick." Ada said moving the hair from his face trying to sooth the man who was still trying to fight his way free from her embrace. Even out cold he could tell it wasn't Oz holding him. "Alice, could you please go to Gil's room and grab the large black pillow that has blue lightning on it and bring it here please." She said sounding so calm.

"You know he can hurt you Ada." Eliot pointed out from where he stood watching. He would help if she needed it but she didn't seem to need it at the moment.

"I know but this isn't the first time Gilbert has done this, and I'm guessing it won't be the last." Alice came back with the pillow walking it over kneeling next to her.

"How is a Pillow going to help him?" Break had to ask. Most of the time He and Sharon had to leave him where he fell because they couldn't risk him fighting them. Ada didn't answer, all she did was take the pillow and gently press it against Gil's chest. In less than a second Gil stopped fighting and just laid there, clutching onto the pillow. "It's a magic pillow isn't it?"

"Yes and no" was all she said content with just petting the man who was using her lap as a pillow. Alice reached out to touch the pillow only to have Gil growl pulling the pillow as close to him as he could. His eyes snapped open when her fingers brushed the back of his hand. They were cloudy and unfocused; as if his eyes were open while he dreamed.

Slowly his head turned to look at her. "Daughter?" he whispered out. She pulled her hand back fast. No longer touching him, his eyes once again closed. No one knew what to do or what to say about that. Alice was creped out by it, so much so she was hiding behind Break, staring at Gil like he had gone mad.