Matthieu sighed, looking at his expanse of white, half-frozen land, the permafrost making it a perfect foundation for the stereotyped winter wonderland. Indeed, this was where the wonders happened that were so desired by children and adults alike. This was where the magic happened, and where everyone could forget their problems.
Yet, there was good reason why Matthieu despised this land. A good reason that everyone supposedly knew, but nobody cared to change. And that was the reason why his winter wonderland, rather than being its true beauty, was plagued with that icy, gravelly foundation beneath the powdery white snow. It was why the sun was harsh, as were the winters. It was why he felt as an exile, but you'd be an exile too if your own pet couldn't care to remember your name. You'd be an exile if nobody, not even your younger brother, cared enough to recall who you were.
And then there was…him. The man with the grey hair that was nearly white and the garnets for eyes, who had visited once, only once. The man who proclaimed he was the most awesome, spectacular person on the planet, while everyone else was close to nothingness. He even said that thing against his younger brother, which Matthieu saw as preposterous.
"Why would you call family not as good as you? Alfred does the same thing, but..." Matthieu tried to ignore the panging feeling that maybe he should be the same as Gilbert and Alfred, Gilbert being the egotistic garnet-eyed one and Alfred being his young brother who had sparkling blonde hair that complimented his cerulean eyes. Why was Matthieu such a strange case of an older brother? Why didn't Matthieu want to be seen more than Alfred? Why was Matthieu so passive?
"Maybe if I become louder…would people be more inclined to see me?" Matthieu asked himself, but this time aloud. The idea made his heart swell with glee, but how could he accomplish such a task? When Alfred and he had been growing up, sure, he had been the louder one; he had even burned down Alfred's capital as to stop the rebellion and to please their father, Arthur. But now, he had changed. Now, he was more polite and reserved, not wanting to fight or to be seen in the same horror as he had been seen in during their childhood. Perhaps it had been just a phase, and now he wanted to calm down and be mature, as all humans and nations did eventually.
"Hey! Captain Invisi!" That scratchy, oh-so-irritating voice of Gilbert called to him, that nickname following the suit of his tone and persona. "What're you doing up here in the cold all alone? Plotting to take down Ivan? 'Cuz he needs it. Bad."
Matthieu sighed, not wanting to ever get involved with Ivan, the other arctic nation that was the opposite of him; cold, dark, and insane. Ivan was so much older than he, though; would Matthieu turn out like that if he stayed in the cold for too long? Or were they so different that such a thing would never happen? It had to make you wonder; rumor had it that at one point the elder, larger arctic one had been the same as Matthieu.
"No. I would never plot to take a country down." Matthieu blinked, shifting uncomfortably, shifting his weight from foot to foot in some sort of dance. "Every country deserves to live; we were all created from the hearts of people."
"Yeah, right. Thanks for that. You're a few decades too late, though." Gilbert seemed to glare at Matthieu, as though it were his fault that he had been destroyed as a country at the resolution of the Great War. As though Matthieu had had any say in it. It was so wrong to blame someone who had been innocent for the death of a nation.
"Gilbert…you know it wasn't my fault you died. It wasn't anyone's fault." Even if he hadn't died, he had disappeared for quite some time; everyone had been genuinely surprised when he had reappeared. Ludwig had been in tears; even Roderich and Elizaveta had begun crying when they had seen him return. Even if you despised a nation, when they returned…it was a tearful time.
"Trust me, I know that. But, I mean, you didn't celebrate my revival! I took Poland's whole namesake! He's never disappeared and then come back! How could you miss that?" Again, Gilbert made it sound like Matthieu had paved the way to Gilbert's death and then had not had the gall to show up to the celebration that had taken place following his rebirth.
He stared at Gilbert, recalling how he had been raised. He remembered Arthur and Francis telling him to always be decent, no matter how he was treated by anyone else. He recalled how everyone deserved to be treated with respect, and that's why he had remained silent for so long. Memories of the past when he had been proven wrong and had realized that Canada would never be as powerful as the European nations stabbed at him, causing his blue eyes to glaze over with depression.
But then…something changed. Gilbert had no power over him as Arthur or Francis or even Alfred had had over him. Matthieu was a free man when it came to Gilbert. Since he was neither father nor mother nor brethren to order him around or make him feel horrible. When it came to Gilbert, Matthieu could do as he wished.
"Gilbert, I wasn't there because I hardly know you! We've never met in the past aside from the Great War, and even that time was limited because I never went to Germany or Europe in general to fight! You just show up in my land and expect me to bow to your 'awesomeness'. If you were so awesome, you wouldn't have died!"
His breath was heavy and rapid when he stopped talking, eyes widened from what he had just said. He would not be invisible anymore. Rather, he would be one of the most visible countries in the world. He was older and larger than really every other man in the world, aside from Ivan, who took the top tier in height and intimidation. Just because he was seen as polite and kind as a stereotype; did that mean he was supposed to take all this emotional tearing and accept it? Everyone made the mistake of saying he was too delicate to fight. He was the country famed for hockey, which was one of the most intense contact sports of the world.
"I'm awesome because I died and then came back, Matty!" Gilbert laughed, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Like Matthieu was supposed to accept the emotional abuse and perhaps lavish in it. This made his realization that he had been kept in the shadows and accepted being invisible for too long.
Ever since Alfred had decided to declare independence, Matthieu had sort of been pushed aside and forced to watch as the younger brother grew more and more powerful while he was used as only a shield from the scary nations that wanted a part of him and Alfred. He hadn't minded being used as a bodyguard, but it made him tear up when he realized how he was being used through matured eyes.
"When Alfred first wanted independence, I was with him…" Matthieu thought, staring blankly as he tried to make it seem like he was listening to Gilbert with some care. "And then Arthur and Francis fought over him for a while, debating what to do. And I was left alone." He sighed, though he knew full well that Gilbert would never ask why he had done so.
"I burned down his capital so Arthur would pay more attention to me." He felt his nose burn as surefire tears burned behind his eyes. "And he didn't. All he cared about was how Alfred had actually gotten hurt and had grown up…" It was a painful memory; he had thought that perhaps burning down a city would get him more attention. But apparently…he had been wrong. "I did it for Arthur. All for Arthur…and I was still left in the dark. I'm the oldest; why is Alfred so special? Why does everyone love him? Why does he get to be the hero?"
"Hey, Matty." Had Gilbert taken five seconds out of his narcissistic life to care about Matthieu's feelings? Or was it just another question he cared not to answer? Hopefully it was the former, but you never could give Gilbert the benefit of the doubt.
"What?" He snapped, blinking at how he had behaved. Why was he behaving so cruelly? Was he changing in a similar way that Ivan had at some point?
No…he needed to calm down. This was Gilbert, not someone who wanted to hurt or change him. Alfred was a thousand times more annoying, and that was someone he had to spend all of his time with because, well, they were brothers. Gilbert was someone he trusted and dealt with because they were friends and he recognized that Matthieu was there and not just a shadow of a nation. If only everyone else would do that…
Gilbert shrugged off Matthieu's angry tone, considering it to be a side effect of just…drama in general. Living around Alfred could have its disadvantages, even though he considered Alfred to be a pretty cool person. And living around Ishmael…it probably had its irritations, since he had heard that Ishmael thought of Matthieu as Alfred, whom he hated.
"I was just wondering why you looked so weird. Like you were about to cry or something. What happened? Sorry for freaking out, dude. It's just…I always show up and you kinda ignore me, even though I know you exist. It's just kinda screwed up, you know?" His English was horrible; even more than perhaps Alfred's, or such was the comment most nations had about how Alfred had changed Arthur's language for his own, adding all sorts of slang to it and making it his own.
"I was just remembering how people always ignore me…even when I was younger." Matthieu sighed, knowing there were two extremes Gilbert could take. Either he would completely ignore the problem or he would freak out and try to cheer Matthieu up by any means.
"That's a shame, Matty." Gilbert sounded genuine enough, like he was actually very sorry to hear such a thing. "I hate how people ignore you all the time. Just because your totally not awesome little brother gets all the fame and glory, you're pushed away. You're just too nice and polite and shy to say anything to anyone or get mad. Which is awesome, you know. At least people will want to be around you, and nobody would want you to get hurt. If the world ends, I want to be on your team."
So he hadn't taken an extreme as had been anticipated. Maybe Gilbert wasn't as predictable and intense as had been supposed. Maybe he was just like every other average nation or human. This made Matthieu smile, mainly because he knew he could trust Gilbert and that the partially albino man wasn't a flaky sort of guy that would drop him in an instant. He had seen Matthieu's varying moods, and now knew every side there was to him.
"Yes…I know." He sighed, a bit depressed still. "But you've got it sort of unlucky too. Since you died and all." Matthieu couldn't let Gilbert think he was pathetic and weak as everyone else did! "I mean, you died because of Ivan and Ludwig, didn't you? Your own brother let you die. Alfred would never do that to me." It was true, as far as he knew. Alfred was lazy and yet wild and put Matthieu in danger because of the way he behaved, but he loved his older brother to death and would do anything to keep him safe. The burning of Washington D.C. had had no effect on their family life; both understood why it had been done and accepted it as it was.
"I know! It totally sucks!" Gilbert frowned and slumped; Matthieu had just had to bring up the one thing that depressed him, hadn't he! And the day had been so great! Why did Matthieu have to bog down every mood? Sighing and shrugging, Gilbert gave up the idea. It was better than how Ludwig was, who found the need to stop every good mood, especially the good ones.
"Hey…don't be sad…" Now Matthieu felt guilty, as he always did. Why was it no matter what mood the day was; he always had to ruin it? He needed to make Gilbert feel better now, else he'd feel horrible for however long it took for him to forget. Which could take quite a bit of time. Time he didn't need to spend feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. At least you're alive now." It was high time the blonde took a bit more action in being a more visible man.
He put an arm around Gilbert's shoulders, sighing again as he did. The irritating curl of hair he had always presumed to be his erogenous zone wavered, as though wanting to be grabbed. Thankfully, Gilbert was not so keen on grabbing it and making Matthieu shake with anticipation and pleasure. Once. One time, Gilbert had done it, and he had sworn to never do it again. And, curious enough, Matthieu actually trusted Gilbert and held him to his word. Even if it were a mistake, the trust they shared would follow them to their final days.
"It's so easy for you to say that stuff." Gilbert sighed, putting his chin in a hand he held up. "I mean, you've got a family that's there for you, and they're always pretty awesome with your problems. I've got a dead Vati and a stickler younger brother who thinks he's awesome when he's not. Just because he invaded Ivan or whatever. He got his ass kicked, but whatever. He still thinks he's cool, saying I'm not awesome!"
"Well, Alfred always says I'm not as cool as him because whenever he goes to a foreign country and gets loads of foreign chicks falling at his feet, and I don't." Matthieu whispered, barely loud enough for even his own ears to pick it up. "I guess my family is pretty cool, even if they don't always pay attention to me." He sighed as well, smiling to contrast Gilbert's actions. "Either way, you're awesome and still visible. Nobody forgets you. And I may have a better family, but your family remembers you and stands by you."
Was he…being more courageous and proud? Gilbert wondered, staring at the honey-golden hair of Matthieu. "Hey, Matty. You seem different." He decided to just blurt out his mind, as he always did. No reason to keep everything under wraps. "But in a good way."
Matthieu smiled, laughing a bit. "I know. I wanted…" He paused at first, but then continued with his sentence. "I don't like it when you're all depressed. Awesome countries shouldn't be, you know? They need to be proud and ready for anything."
Nodding, Gilbert lifted his head. "Yeah, I understand. Which makes you pretty awesome."
Matthieu blinked, and then smiled. "If you say so…" He trailed off as opposed to what he really wanted to show, though he guessed Gilbert really wouldn't notice a difference. "Thank you. I know it's hard for you to call someone else awesome."
The two sat there, side by side, with the albino feeling a bit odd in giving Matthieu the title of "awesome", and Matthieu in surprise that Gilbert was in such an awkward stance, all stiff and frozen, staring into space as he had been doing before.
Though they were different, they would always be friends.