Author's Note: I was inspired by the new Paramore CD, but didn't really want to put the songs in, so there are lyrics throughout the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue. I don't own Paramore either, but I do own their CDs.
He just drove away, solidifying the fact that they were no longer an 'us', but for some reason she couldn't believe it. They can't be over, they got through so much to get to where they were then one thing happens and he thinks he can throw it all away? She's not going to believe it's over, she can change his mind, give him a few calls, pour her heart out to him from a distance; he'll come around. They were meant for each other.
She pulls herself together, tears no longer an issue as she marches home with a new found determination. As soon as she walks in the door she pulls out her phone and goes for it. She had planned out what she was going to say to him, but it all ran away from her memory when she heard his voicemail telling her to leave a message.
"Uh hey, it's me….Andy. I know you're hurting and you need a little time and a little space to think and I'm sorry that I didn't give that to you today, but I'm not giving up on us Sam. I'm going to call you every day. You don't need to pick up; I'll just leave you messages until you're ready to talk about it. I love you Sam."
She stopped pacing for the last sentence of the phone call. Giving him time and space made her feel a little uneasy, she just wanted everything to go back to how it was a few days ago, how they were a few days ago. The last sentence…it just felt right. There was nothing holding her back from saying it, she knew what she felt for him and she wasn't afraid to tell him. She is in love with him.
It had been weeks, she had been leaving him messages just like she warned that she would, but he never answered. He barely even acknowledged her at work. Things did not look good for them as a couple. But, walking out to the cruiser one morning, he stopped her, saying he wanted to talk. She had hope that he wanted her back, but instead he asked for the key to his truck back. In that moments she wanted to slap him, punch him, hurt him physically in some way. She wanted to cause him the pain that he had just caused her, but at the same time she wanted to pull him in and kiss him, show him what he's missing, make him understand the loss that he had actually suffered by walking away from her. In that moment she made up her mind, no more Sam. She didn't need him; she was moving on. He broke her heart, so why should she sit around waiting for him to come back to her.
Everything was going great; she had a great break-up buddy. She even had a certificate to prove that she was over Sam. But what does a piece of paper know? Nothing. She was fooling herself, but couldn't admit it.
Holding a bomb in your hands that could potentially kill you really makes people man up. Sam never really told her anything about his feelings for her, he kept it all locked away. But at the last possible chance, when it really counts, he lets it out.
"I love you Andy. I do."
It was too late. She had already given up on him, gotten over him, at least according to her certificate. So even though he poured his heart out to her after keeping his emotions locked away for so long, she left. She had begged Luke for a spot and he was giving her one, she couldn't just back out.
Undercover wasn't exactly what she had expected. She had Nick as a partner and he was always there, but she was lonely, lonely for one person specifically. She missed Sam, she couldn't cry in his arms about the challenges of undercover because he wasn't there. It wasn't his fault, she had left him, but even if it was his fault she wouldn't care. Sam Swarek always had a way of getting people to forgive him.
After fooling herself for the past few months, sitting in the cover apartment she realizes her feelings for Sam are still as intense as they ever were. Her heart could handle the distance separating them, her feelings were so strong nothing could get in the way; she just hoped that he felt the same.
Thinking of Sam she tried to calculate exactly how far away she was from him, not that knowing the distance would change anything, but the problem was, she really had no idea where she was. She literally couldn't count the miles. But right now she wanted to be home, next to his warm skin, seeing the smile that she loved.
Thinking of him brought images of the past back. What had happened between them broke her heart. The pain of him walking away still didn't hurt any less than it first did. She was not immune to the pain, but she wasn't afraid of the hurt any more. Relationships weren't always great and she realized that. She would rather have the pain caused by her intense feeling for Sam than feel nothing for him. She needed him in her life and if there was pain along with joy that came with being with him, she would take it.
But there were still things for them to work on. Their break-up had caused her to lose a little faith in him. There are darkened places deep in her heart, places that used to be a blazing light, but now it's just a tiny spark. Her faith in him wasn't completely lost but it was slightly diminished. It's just a spark, but it's enough to keep her going. The scars on her heart, made patterns in her mind, things that would take a while to forget. But while she is still alive and able to feel, she will let the pain teach her that hearts can heal. Whether the person who broke it also helps to heal it or someone else, it can always heal.
When he found out she had gone missing, he knew he had to find her, and find her he did. They got her back safely, but getting her back made something click within him. He had been lost without her. He had Marlo, but just seeing her again, he knew she had found him again. He was rediscovered. He knew what he wanted and it was her. Anything that involved her being with him, he wanted, and yet for some reason, he stayed with Marlo.
Seeing them in the break room together, kissing; it was like a punch in the gut. She didn't expect it. There wasn't a word that could describe the hurt. It was as if the dullest knife in the world was sawing through the softest skin on her body. It broke her heart to see him with someone else. What a mess, they had made everything so complicated, when it shouldn't have been. Love should be easier.
Walking home she couldn't stop herself from thinking about him, even though she knew he was with someone else she couldn't stop the hope she had for them. She was so enveloped in her thoughts when she finally recognized the car driving beside her. He was at the wheel, staring at her out the window as he kept the car at her pace.
"Wanna ride?"
She didn't even process what she was doing until she was already in the car. Her body had reacted within milliseconds as her mind fought to catch up. The drive was quick, she was practically home when he picked her up, but she couldn't stop herself from climbing into his truck. She was drawn to him. The truck came to a halt outside her condo as Sam turned to her.
"I'm glad you're back."
She looked at him, watching him watch her. She let a sad smile creep onto her face, "Me too. Thanks for the ride." She grabbed her bag and reached for the handle to get out when he stopped her, "You know it wasn't easy to love you." She sat back knowing she couldn't just walk away when he was opening up. "I mean, loving you was easy, but making it work was hard. I made it hard. I was afraid." She took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. The relief that washed over him at her touch made him realize that she was worth any of his fears. But, now he was too late, he had moved on, at least physically.
She released his hand, "After being gone for six months you think the feelings would stop or calm down a little bit, but after all this time I still get butterflies just by the sight of you. I'm still into you Sam Swarek and that's not going away." She didn't really know what to say after that so she stopped herself before she rambled on. She started reaching for the handle again, thinking she had scared him or made him angry, but he stopped her again, "Would you wait for me?" He looked at her, searching for an answer, but was meet with confusion so he continued on, "Would you wait for me to get over Marlo?"
She looked at him wondering if he was serious, "If you asked, I would wait." He smiled and nodded, "Will you wait for me then?" She nodded, staring into his eyes, making sure he meant what he said, "Absolutely. I have one condition though." His eyebrows raised in intrigue waiting for her to continue. "Do you love me?" He knew that he did, but actually saying it was a lot harder for him than you would think. Knowing his struggle with actually voicing his feeling, she smiled and added, "All you gotta do is say 'yes'". The tension that had grown within him eased at her words, he turned his body and looked her straight in the eyes, "Yes."
She opened the door and hopped out, turning back to him before closing the door. "Good. I was hoping you would say that." He laughed lightly at her response. She really knew how to make a guy sweat. He added a hurried "'Night McNally." Before she closed the door and walked away.
Author's Note: I don't really know if I like how it turned out, but I will let you decide for yourselves. Thanks for reading!
