Disclaimers: I don't own "The O.C." I also don't own the "fall of the sparrow" concept, nor the book it was taken from, "Arm of the Starfish" by Madeline L'Engle. Own a couple copies of the book though...

A/N: Post-finale. I don't know what's up with my weird titles lately...

Fall of the Sparrow

They all think Ryan's too old for his age and Ryan hasn't the heart to tell them he feels younger than he has in a long time.
Younger in a negative sense. Young in the sense of naïve and weak and overwhelmed.
If Ryan hadn't met Sandy, moved to Newport, Theresa wouldn't be pregnant –at least not by him, at least not under these circumstances- and Ryan wouldn't be homesick.
Because Chino-Ryan wasn't nearly as stupid as Newport-Ryan. Chino-Ryan was far more jaded and not nearly as charming as Newport-Ryan, and Theresa had liked him a whole lot less. Chino-Ryan knew actions have consequences and he was never blinded by emotion, except for maybe the occasional burst of anger. Chino-Ryan had never heard the term "rage blackout" much less applied the term to himself.
Then again, Chino-Ryan didn't have a whole lot of friends. Aquaintances, sure. Guys who had his back because he'd had theirs awhile back and old debts had to be repaid. Chino-Ryan didn't feel much either. He was too busy getting into, and then out of, trouble, or working to pay the bills and feed his mom's latest addiction. Chino-Ryan didn't fall for a girl he barely knew. A girl who was taken. A girl who was toxic.
Hell yeah, Ryan knew Marissa was toxic. She was just like his mom, a clingy addict. But she was also beautiful, and sweet, and in need of saving.
So, okay, Ryan had a savior-complex. It was a part of him that he couldn't shed when Chino-Ryan had molted into Newport-Ryan. It was the catalyst that drove him back to Chino, because Ryan couldn't turn his back on a damsel in distress. Or a guy in distress for that matter. His father could, Trey could, and Ryan didn't want to become either of those men. Ryan wanted to be Sandy Cohen, even before he met the guy.
Sandy was the kind of guy who cared about the fall of the sparrow. Ryan had read the term in a book once, and it stuck with him. Even at the tender age of twelve Ryan had noticed his tendency to care too damn much, and had spent years analyzing himself. He'd analyzed and curbed his hero-complex. He'd taught himself not to speak much, or move much, or draw any attention to himself.
Then he got arrested, moved to Newport, and all his hard work was shot to hell. In Newport all eyes had been on him from the beginning. They all wanted him to talk, or save them, or both at once. Now Ryan was back in Chino and he was trying to rebuild his armor link by link. It was damn hard the first time. It was nearly fucking impossible now. Ryan just wanted to go home.