Just a simple, humorous, somewhat of a crackfire, oneshot for my 55th reviewer of Save the Innocent - sonadow1111.
This Fanfic includes the follow criteria!
AU all the way.
Lame Jokes.
Obsessive use of sarcasm.
My weird sense of humor.
Yugi's POV (so technically his weird sense of humor...)
Some OOC, most likely with Yugi - but who doesn't like a overly cynical character?
And some fourth wall breakage? Just that... the main character knows this is a fanfic... and what not.
AND FINALLY - somewhat of a smut.
Read & Enjoy (:
ONESHOT!
Rescue Me!
You know what's weird…?
Like, legit, down-to-the-bone, creepy?
No guesses? Well, let me tell you then: It's when you wake up strapped to a chair, in the middle of a barely lit room, with a transvestite staring right at you like you're some alien species from Pluto.
Yeah… that one sent me peeing my pants before I could even scream.
Now I honestly have no idea how I got here. I'm guessing it was probably from that bogus street vendor me and my idiot friend, Jou, stopped at. I told him that he specifically could not buy that freaking gold fish this creeper was selling! But does he ever listen to me?
No, he never does.
Why?
Because he's Jou – that's why.
And here I am now, bound to a chair in the middle of a dark room, where the only light I can see is coming from above – hovering right above my head. Perfect, absolutely fan-fucking perfect, I can work on my tan while I'm strapped to a chair against my will!
The chair's not even comfy! Now, if the chair was like from La-Z-Boy, then I might not be complaining this much! The chair my rump has been sitting on for the past… eh, I'd say five hours or so, is the type you find at a garage sale for fifty cents!
My butt is worth a helluva lot more than fifty freaking cents!
Alright… alright… calm down, Yugi. It's not the end of the world yet. The creeper who's eyeing you like a piece of meat seems rich enough, so I don't think he's going to sell me to the black market trades just yet… but that still doesn't ease the nervousness and fear that's coursing through my tiny body right now! If I keep reminding myself, that this could all be some sick and twisted dream from that late night batch of cheese fries I ate, it should keep me sane enough for about… two more hours before I fully snap.
Till then, I might as well waste my time responsibly.
"So… is there any reason why you're staring at me like that?" I raised an eyebrow towards my kidnapper, who seemed pretty shocked that I had actually spoken to him rather than just sit there and pretend that he wasn't ogling.
Ha… what a weird man; understatement of the year, I know.
"You speak!" Well, obviously I speak, did I not just utter a sentence two seconds ago, or am I losing my sanity faster than I had expected? Oh well… might as well try to keep this psycho happy (so he doesn't snap and kill me) for a little while.
"You do too!"
Oh no, a slight pout was on his face now. Good going, Motou, you might have just ticked your kidnapper off. "Don't sass me, Boy. I just need you to sit all nice and pretty for me."
"Well, I'm obviously not going to do much of anything since I'm tied to a chair," I deadpanned. Seriously, where did he think I was going to go, China? Wal-Mart? Yeah, sure, totally, because I can get so far hopping to those places with a chair tied to my back!
"I knew I should have taken the blonde one instead," he mumbled quietly to himself. But, it wasn't quiet enough to pass by my super-awesome hearing!
"Nah, I think you made the right choice in kidnapping me." I replied as nonchalantly as I could. You know, now that I actually had time to take a look at my surroundings – this place wasn't half bad as far as deserted warehouses are concerned. You know, it has its own air conditioning unit, and the boxes are all piled up neatly and orderly like someone actually had the time, and the OCD, to make sure everything was spick and span. The floor only had a few rats scampering around, and now that I actually took a good hard look at it – the windows were only covered with so much dirt I'm pretty sure I could barely make out my reflection in them if I stared through them long enough!
Don't you just love a kid with a good sense of sarcasm?
"Oh really?" the girly man asked with a hell of a lot of sarcasm. Whoa! He's second language was sarcasm too? Who knows… we could be long lost brothers – even though the mere thought of that creeps me out to no end…
"Yes really, Mr. Skeptical." I tried my best to actually recline in my chair, but you can only lean back so far without toppling over when your tied down to a chair. "Jou is far more annoying, and a lot more rambunctious, than I am. If you would have taken him, let's just say you might find a better use for the ropes than just tying up Jou."
It seemed like he had caught onto my drift, because his face seemed to blanch considerably – almost as white as that long, shoulder length, hair of his. He nodded with simple understanding before he began to pace around the room for a reason that is still unknown to me. So, I thought: "Hey, what the heck? I'm stuck here for a while so I might as well strike up conversation."
The conversation went on pretty well, you know as well as a conversation could go between a captive teen and a psychopath trannie. Anyway, it seemed the more I talked to him – the less freaked out I was about this whole situation entirely. But just one question still haunted the very depths of my mind…
"Why did you kidnap me again?"
He looked startled for a quick moment, but that already passed before he was smirking at me with that insane grin of his. The creeper of a man brushed back his hair, so that I could get a very good look at his… was that a golden eye? What the hell? What is that thing!
"Now, why on earth should I tell you about my plans?"
"Because I'm inadvertently involved in all of this shenanigans," HA! I love that word… shenanigans… "Meaning, that if you want me to sit here like a good little captive – you should tell me exactly whyI should sit here all nice and charming like."
I could drive a very good argument when I wanted to. The man seemed to have caught my drift once again, he sighs that defeated sigh I was waiting for! Crossing his arms across his red jacket (it was a really loud, really annoying, red jacket), he started to explain all his shenanigans to me. "I need you to lure out The Pharaoh."
"Ehhhh?" I looked at him like he was the alien from outer space – which in this situation, and how he was dressed, you could pretty much place that label on him as a nametag and go on his way. "You do know that this is Tokyo, right, and not Egypt which is in a whole other different continent?"
He scoffed, like I just asked him the most idiotic question in the world. Honestly, this man was the most idiotic person in the world! Like, how he dressed for example: All red suit with white puffy cuff links, a white and pink ascot, and oh my! We can never forget about his all too flashy white boots now can we? If anyone was from a different planet… it was definitely this guy. And the sad part was… I didn't even know his name.
"So, Mr. um…,"
"You will refer to me as Pegasus, Boy." He bit off curtly and I just had to laugh. Not only was this guy a Michael Jackson wannabe – he was also named after a flying horse! Could this day go on any better?
"Ah, okay, Mr. Pegasoos-,"
"-Pegasus!" he interrupted me. Jeez, he was such a rude little flying pony…
"Right, right, Pegasoos," that gained me another growl from our fellow psychopath. "So you've kidnapped me in order to lure out this...Pharaoh?" I raised an eyebrow and he nodded furiously towards my realization. "And what makes you this The Pharaoh is going to come save me?"
In all honesty, I actually knew The Pharaoh quite well – I mean why wouldn't I? He is my boyfriend after all. His real name was Yami Atemu though, and he has a fetish for all things leather and tights. So if you suddenly walked in with tight leather pants on… let's just say things could get pretty kinky… pretty fast.
Actually, that's basically how we met up in the first place. Good times… good times…
But I'm heading off track here. This really wasn't the first time I've ever been kidnapped. Dating a superhero just automatically sends out signals to all the baddies in two to come and snatch me up. Because, of course, I love to be kidnapped in the middle of the night and wake up tied to a chair! It's such a rush, such a thrill! Why wouldn't I enjoy it?
Ha… more of my wonderful sarcasm.
"Are you seriously going to play the dumb card here?"
"I don't know, is it working or am I going to have to lay down a royal flush?"
"Was that a lame excuse at a joke right now?"
"Why yes… yes it was."
You know, after your 110th, or your 120th time of being kidnapped – you learn not to take these situations seriously. I mean sure, the first time is always the scariest because you're absolutely freaking out on the fact that you could possibly die at the hands of a psychopath, but I'm never really concerned anymore. Why should I? My pharaoh will come and save me, rescue me, and shower me with love for about four nights straight as compensation for being kidnapped… again.
Who am I to complain about that?
"Look, enough fooling around boy! I will bound and gag you if the need arises." His sad attempt at a threat just made me want to laugh at Pegasoos – he was such a funny guy.
"Sure, whatever you say, Pegasoos."
"That's it!" oops, looks like I just bent the last straw with that comment. Now here comes the part where the evil villain goes on in a long tirade about how the hostages of today were becoming more and more cynical. In their minds, no one appreciated a very good kidnapping nowadays – it was like the world has just lost their sense of fear! Then I would just sit there, and pretend to be sympathetic and nod every once in awhile – just to get on their good sides – but then I'd probably say something like:
"But Pegasoos, making a TV show based solely on people playing card games is just overrated."
This would result in the baddie saying something along the lines of:
"You don't understand a damn thing about the wonderful world of card games! Now that you can play solitaire on the computer now – no one takes the time to actually play it by themselves anymore!"
And thus, after a couple more snarky comebacks, I'd be strapped onto a conveyer belt, leading me to my doom. I might shout a few words that would feign fear and shock, and I might even throw a few begging words here and there like:
"No, Pegasoos, please spare me! I'm only a boy!"
"Stop calling me Pegasoos, you brat!"
Of course, my begging would get me absolutely nowhere, so I'd just mindlessly whistle a tune or two to pass the time before my knight in shining armor crashes through these windows, lands on the ground perfectly while striking a pose and a smile, and starts to make his foe feel inferior and worthless.
That's my Yami.
"Pharaoh, I'm glad that you could finally make it!" Pegasoos crackled loudly, and obnoxiously – jeez I hate some villains' evil laugh. It comes from the diaphragm you guys! The freaking diaphragm! If you can't do it right, just don't do it at all.
That's what my grandpa would say whenever I brought up the topic of sex – just a little fun fact I thought I'd share with you all.
"Release my aibou, you fiend!" I really liked it when Yami called me that – his aibou. It always sent shivers up my spine, and sent my knees into a jelly like pool of bliss. Jesus, I'm one love struck teenager now aren't I?
"Not a chance, Pharaoh. Unless, of course, you are able to beat me in a game of my own design – which I highly doubt you can." Oh God, why did I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was not going to end out nicely?
"Fair enough," that's why my love turned to me, flashing me that wonderful smile that always sent me swooning. "Do not worry, Aibou, I will free you shortly."
"Take your time! I'm just sitting here strapped to a conveyer belt leading to a boiling vat of hot coals and magma! Don't mind me at all!" I stated with the most cheery smile I could place on my face. If Yami took the hint, which he probably did since he already grew a tolerance to my obsessive use of sarcasm, he just brushed it off with another wonderful grin and turned his attention to Pegasoos – oops sorry, I meant Pegasus, my bad.
"So, Pegasus, what exactly did you have in mind?"
Oh sweet Jesus… that freaking grin was plastered on his face again! When will the creeper ever stop?
"It is a game of my own creation. We will draw cards until we have reached the limit – five. We will battle with holographic monsters on a low budget special effect system my team has designed to fit in this warehouse. We will each start out with two thousands life points. For each five hundred points we get deducted – we strip. Whoever is completely butt-naked and out of life points by the end of the game, loses."
Of course it's always the creepers that have to involve something sexual in any game they created. Since Yami was always open minded, and always ready to strip in front of me when he had the chance, he gladly accepted the offer. To my surprise, this weird game went on for a quite awhile and before I knew it, Yami was in his boxers and Pegasoos was wearing a…
Oh my God… is that a bra? Someone just kill me now… I've seen too much!
Thank the Lord Yami saw me squirming in my chains – not just from the sight of a grown man in a bra, but also because I was becoming closer and closer to my "demise" – Yami decided it was time to stop fooling around and put an end to his shenanigans!
Using his all too popular move, mind-crush – without even waiting for Pegasoos to finish his turn, mind you – and pretty much wiped the floor with this creeper once and for all. He left the man in a limp form, lying in his own puddle of drool.
I guess Yami didn't want to make this oneshot draw on anymore than it should, just my guess anyway.
Moving with speed that could put Superman to shame – sorry Clark, The Pharaoh's got you beat – he quickly untied me from the conveyer belt just as one of my lightning bolt bangs were about to be singed off from the fire – thank you, Yami.
"Aibou, are you alright now?" he asked as he cradled me in those warm arms of his. How could I say no? Instead of answering though, I just snuggled into his arms and enjoyed all the warmth and love that I could feel radiating from my body.
"So I'm guessing now that you've rescued me, we go off somewhere to have: "I've-just-rescued-you-from-a-kidnapping sex" again?"
"You've been reading the Superhero Manuel too?" he asked with a genuinely amused smirk.
"Eh, I just skimmed. I liked the detailed pictures though – very inspiring."
After some more sexual innuendos, Yami carried me bridal style – with a very firm hand planted directly on my ass for "good support" – and whisked me away from that horrible warehouse. We flew over the houses of many people, my arms around his neck and my face buried into the crook of his collar bone as we passed by the many lit buildings of Tokyo.
When we finally landed at our destination – my house since Grandpa was once again on another exhibition – he kicked down my door with ease, promising to fix it in the morning if he ever remembers about the poor thing.
On our magical journey to my bedroom, he captured my lips in an all too sweet, and equally passionate kiss. His tongue gently probed and prodded at my bottom lip, as his teeth began to tug gently on my flesh. He always knew I was weak against that all-too-skillful tongue of his, and moaned into the kiss, allowing his tongue to enter into my moist cavern and make quick work of mapping that place out.
He ran his tongue over the roof of my mouth, along the gums and the inside of my cheeks, turning my legs into jelly. I thank God that by the time I thought I would just melt in his embrace, we had reached the bed and Yami was gently laying me down – our lips never broke contact though.
He made quick work of our clothes and before I knew it, our legs were entangled, our naked chests were rubbing against one another – not to mention our hardened erections – and our fingers were already intertwined.
Yami whispered sweet nothing in my ears as his hands roamed across my body, rubbing, caressing, pinching, as his mouth also started to explore the vast plain that is my body. His tongue would flick over my nipples occasionally, causing my eyelids to flutter to a close and my mouth to hang slightly as a groan escaped my lips. Dear God I loved it when he teased with those little nubs! But I wanted more… a lot more.
"Please… hurry…," I nearly begged as I widened my legs far enough so that Yami could take a good, hard, look at my erection that was asking for attention!
"As you wish, Aibou." He dragged his tongue slowly down my abdomen, stopping here and there to leave quick, and short, kisses against my skin. I was starting to work up a sweat, and the nerves and electricity that jolted through my body just made me want him even more! I needed that tongue over my erection, I need to feel that heat and want that only my Yami could produce.
His tongue was taking its damn time to get to my manhood though – but I knew he was only teasing because the real prize was going to be even better. Yami flicked his tongue into my navel, swirling it around for a while before giving it another kiss. Slowly, his tongue made sparks explode everywhere on my body as he left gentle kisses on my hipbone, and the skin that was so dangerously close to my throbbing manhood!
After he decided that I had suffered long enough – took him a damn long time to decide too! He grabbed my erection in both hands and started to pump slowly. The pumping started to increase as my hips started to buck in time to his touches – but I wanted more. I begged, and I groaned his name, hoping he would take the bait – which he did.
Yami's mouth instantly enveloped my manhood, and I couldn't stop the almost animalistic like scream that escaped my lips. I completely lost it then, bucking wildly in and out of his mouth so he could go deeper. His tongue worked wonders, up, down, around my stiff and leaking shaft. I was so close to coming, so close to releasing my seed, but Yami wouldn't have that.
He gave me a good hard squeeze, causing me to jerk and yelp at the same time, as his firm grip kept me from my oh-so-needed release.
"I don't think so, Aibou. I'm going to make this the most heavenly experience you've ever had." He leaned in closer so that his breath, and those God given lips, was just a mere kiss away from my ear. "I'm going to drive you insane tonight."
"Oh God… please do!" I whined helplessly.
After that, well, I won't go into that much detail because the content would be so smutty and perverted it could be kicked off the site. Anyway, if you even thought I'd tell you what would happen, well, you're somewhat mistaken – because what happens behind closed doors obviously stays behind close doors. But, I will leave it up to your imagination, and the countless of fanfics and fanart that will probably be created after Yami's rescue airs on the news later on.
Other than that I will tell you one thing: Yami most definitely kept his promise.
What was I thinking? Leaving you all hanging without any sex! Oh well, like Yugi said - it's all up to your imagination, and whatever fanarts start to appear from Yugi's rescue haha. Jeez Yugi, you're such a weird kid you are...
Well, sonadow1111 I hope you enjoyed your oneshot! And I hope everyone else did too (:. This is actually my first oneshot... so hopefully it has a good plot and what have you.
I hope you enjoyed my weird sense of humor (:, it feels good to write something like this from time to time! Even though my Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe (Naruto) is basically all humor with romance splashed inbetween... while Save the Innocent (Yu-Gi-Oh) is always angsty and drama with some humor always sprinkled in somehow.
Anyway, I think I'm done babbling! Thank you all for reading, and once again I hope you liked your oneshot sonadow1111 (:.