Disclaimer: I own nothing from the HP movies, books, etc. I own nothing from the WB or any movies this story might reflect. This is simply a humorfic for entertainment purposes only.

A/N: Plot bunnies for Easter... (smile) Rocky Horror Fans will appreciate this...or hate it. Either way, I love it. Besides, this is a pointless thing to make people laugh. So..there. (by the way my summary is horrible)

RATED M FOR A REASON PEOPLE

Summary-if this is considered a decent one: Hermione and the others figure something terribly obvious out when the war begins; They could use the time turner to prevent it from even happening! However, the time turner somehow gets stepped on, and starts acting funny. This causes chaotic journeys and insane visits to a distorted past. Can Hermione and the others figure a way to fix the time turner to return to the present before all hope is lost?

...Maybe they will, maybe they won't.

Join Hermione, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Fred, George, Neville, Seamus, (-eh. You get the idea.) in a jaw-dropping, side-splitting adventure.

(Tiny spoilers from older books. Like who died in the fourth and fifth book. Not the one that we just had.)

Msmadhatter's Disturbingly Nonsensical Fanfics Present:

The Hogwarts Horror Twilight Zoning Dancing Pirate Picture Show

Chapter One: Moonlight Make-out

"She's staring at him again."

Hermione peered through the bushes at a tall male figure. His pale complexion radiated under the full moon's light.

"Severus seems distracted. His mind must be racing with something we'd all die to know." Hermione was intrigued.

Ron laughed under his breath, "Like he hasn't showered in days?"

"Ronald!" Scolded Hermione, "I need silence. How can I do this if you are joking about it? I'm going in."

Harry added softly, "Be careful. He doesn't know you are the one who is meeting him."

"I know. I'm surprised McGonagal even allowed this to happen. If she hadn't told Snape to meet him now for important war business, we wouldn't get away with this."

"Go. Before he leaves."

Standing up wasn't a problem and neither was walking. But walking towards a man Hermione secretly loved was a problem, which made her job discomforting. She watched with want as he ran his long fingers through his hair. She couldn't tell if he was anxious. The thought of the indifferent man having a caring layer underneath it all was a bit exciting. His back was turned to her as she drew nearer with heavy breaths leaking from her lungs. She tried to be silent, but her own nerves sparked a bit. Finally, she was inches from him. He smelled delicious.

"Sir," The voice of a young woman startled Snape.

He turned on his heel and took in a sharp breath. "Ms. Granger, I would advise you to tell me immediately why you are outside past cerfew. Just because you have been head girl the past couple of years, right up to this-your last, it does not mean you can wander about wherever and whenever you like!"

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

"I need something, and I can't ask anyone else. It's important that you understand and cooperate." Hermione wasn't usually so forward with her professors. However, the reality with being near Snape after school hours was titilating to say the least.

Snape scowled, "You need something. But you couldn't wait until tomorrow after class or another suitable time? Are you dense? You must be to think I would help such a rediculous, pompous school girl."

"I'm not pompous. Maybe I am rediculous, but you won't think so after this request. Just hear me out." She smirked kindly.

As if Snape's cold heart melted, he gave in with a nod. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want." Hermione tried to calmly release her emotions. "I want you to let me touch you. The war is almost near. We are all going to fight. I want to remember you as ... as a man. Let me show you love. Let me feel your warmth."

There were no words. Snape was dumbfounded.

Hermione added with a cute wink, "I know you want to be inside of me."

"Ms. Granger, I can't believe..."

"Believe it, Sev." A moment passed before she said, "I'm yearning for you to make me scream."

That was the icing on the cake. Severus was overcome with emotions and quickly wrapped his arms around Hermione. He pressed his lips hard on hers, hoping to please them and crush them simutaneously. His member woke up, rising to the special occasion.

Nearby were two best friends with gaping expressions. They were ready to leave, but had to wait for Hermione's lead.

Ron quietly joked to Harry, "Should we be taking notes?"

Severus pinned Hermione into a tree and felt her up. He was surprised how silky her skin was under his rugged touch. Making her gasp caused him to feel even more aroused. To cause a beautiful and smart woman to flinch under his hold was more than enough love for one lifetime. He enveloped her body with his robes and undid the buttons on her pants. Hermione bit her lip. She let him explore, but knew it was too much. She was letting her fantasy get in the way of reality.

"Sir," Hermione pleaded, "I can't take anymore. I want to be in your bed with you. The forest isn't comfortable for me."

Taking a good look around, Snape didn't think so either. He let Hermione button her pants back up and started to walk towards the castle.

"Come," He said, "and I will let you in my sheets. Let's entangle them."

Harry and Ron both sniggered at Snape's sudden suave attitude. They glanced at Hermione, who almost followed Snape, but ran to the bushes where her pals eagerly waited. Snape noticed a lonely feeling and looked behind him. He started to call out Hermione's name with concern.

"Ok... I can't do anymore. Let's go!" Hermione pulled on a chain that was around her neck. The Time Turner emerged from under her shirt. She waited for Ron and Harry to place their hands on her shoulder for her to spin the wheel once.

Ron laughed. Harry laughed. Hermione blushed.

"I'm so glad you learned how to turn back time more efficiently." Harry smirked as the threesome reappeared in their Gryffindor Common Room.

For months, Hermione had been studying the Time-Turners effects and abilities. After awhile, she found out how to erase everything that's happened after the time she went back to. In other words . . . She never convinced McGonagal to let her meet Snape in the woods for an 'against-Voldemort war conversation'; And she never lived through those lustful moments in the forest. No, in fact, the three were two nights previous. But the Time-erase ability could only be used on half-moon and full-moon nights.

"Well, I think I finished my dare." Hermione grinned with malice.

Harry blurted, "I guess so. This extreme truth or dare is really fun. My turn?"

"Hey," An idea popped into Hermione's head. "Why don't we go back to when the Dark Lord first emerged? We could prevent him from harming Harry while possessing Quirrel. Maybe Harry would have enough strength to finish him off there if we leave him a clue or something. Do you think it would work?"

"If we try and fail, would it effect the future?" Ron had a good point. As usual, no one listened to him.

Harry asked Hermione, "If it works, what kind of reaction will it have? I mean, will things that happened be erased if there is no Voldemort?"

"Maybe. In fact, if we do it correctly...We may bring back the dead who have suffered the years afterwards. But it would also mean you wouldn't have been in the Triwizard Tournament. You can accept that, right?" The obviousness of this question's answer meant Harry didn't have to reply. Hermione took the silence as a yes.

"So, we doin' it?" Ron questioned again.

Hermione nodded and said, "Yes, we are going to attempt the most significant . . ." after these words, the boys grew tired of listening. They wanted to go already. So, their male ears heard, " blah, blah, blah, blah, dangerous, blah, blah, bring wands, blah, blah, blah, blah, Dungeons and Dragons, blah, Voldemort, blah . . . Boobs and butts."

Of course, that was nothing near what Hermione actually said.

But who cared at this point? The adventure of a lifetime was so near, and only babbling mouths stalled it.

"Yep." Harry forced a smile on his face.

Ron grinned like an idiot, "Ok."

Hermione furrowed her brows, "You guys really want to?"

Harry sideglanced at Ron, "Uhh...yeah why not?"

"It's a great idea."

"Ok," Hermione stood up, "Then I'll go get Snape."

The boys shouted, "What?"

"You said it was a good idea to invite him along." Of course Hermione was kidding. She knew all along the boys weren't listening to her.

As the boys argued and mumbled, Hermione took hold of her Time-Turner. She took it off and adjusted the chain to fit her more snugly.

"We'll go in the morning. As for Snape, he won't be. I didn't invite him. Try listening to me once in awhile. It might benefit you in the long run." Hermione got up to return to her private room.

When she was out of sight, Harry sighed. He said, "Women, you just can't please them."

"Yes you can," Ron raised his eyebrows, "Give into everything they say and be their slave. It's a little emberassing at first, but domination can actually be pretty fun."

"You dunce," Harry shook his head, "I meant emotionally. And what the hell is with you? Domination?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Yeah. It's kind of hot. But if the girl whips you too hard, it might leave a mark."

"Dude," The topic apparently disgusted Harry, "shut up. I'm going to bed."

Harry stood up and left Ron all by his lonesome.

"Guess I should hit the hay too."

A painting of an old man on the wall spoke, "Sonny, did anyone ever tell you that you really don't make a difference in this world? Seriously, try something stupid tomorrow. It won't even matter."

"Why would you say that?" Ron was hurt.

"Because," The painting snarled, "you're annoying the hell out of me right now by being in this room. That, and you're a horrible waste of a character. Just go to bed and dream of Hagrid again."

"Wha?" Ron had the last straw. He stood up in defeat and left for bed. At least his pillow was nice enough to stay soft for him.