The Eternal Solace

I feel your hand upon my cheek

When did your flesh become so cold?

I see the tear drops in your eyes

I thought you never cried

I watch the light fade softly

Did you ever even try?

Now all I have is a marble stone

To tell all here you lie!

The wind picked up to a fever pitch as a lone blonde haired man made his way slowly towards the object of his attention, a single rose the colour of the sun held in his right hand, a bottle with no name clutched in his left, his knuckles were white from the force with which he held it…yet the glass never broke.

I never really realised just how dull and bleak my life had become until the day you decided to waltz into it, never knew just how my heart had cooled until you warmed it with all the love you held for me.

I never did tell you I loved you did I?

Its funny really when you think about irony, you were the one who had always chased after me now here I am chasing the memory of you, your smile still haunts my dreams, I still hear your laughter coupled with the annoying way you would shout my name, the ghost of your touch lingers still upon my skin along with the last kiss you graced my lips.

His gaze softened as he traced a hand over the marble stone that he could not tear his attention from, he traced his fingertips over the name etched there and a heartbreaking sadness filled his almost gold coloured eyes.

Oh how I should have told you those words you longed to hear.

You must have known how I felt, you must have seen it in my eyes…I was never very good at shielding the emotion fully in my eyes, all you had to do was look closely into their golden depths and you could easily read what I was feeling there…you did look closely didn't you?

It would have been our second anniversary this year, funny that, I had never really imagined a relationship that would last…it seems I was correct in that assumption but oh how I wanted to be wrong, I wanted to last the distance with you, wanted to wake up every morning to the light that was your smile, how I took the sight of you for granted makes my heart break.

But then we never really realise what we have until it's gone do we?

Nobody in this world wants to be lonely, I know more than most what its like to sit in the darkness and watch as the world passes by, to be a part of the shadows that lurk untouched beneath the sun, I used to watch the happiness people radiated and I hated that I could never be part of it.

But you proved me wrong didn't you, you showed me in that carefree way you had just how I could be a part of all the things I never knew I craved, you used your passion for life and your innocent beauty to capture me in ways no one before you ever could, with the force of a hurricane you crashed through each and every one of the carefully constructed walls I had erected around my heart.

I never stood a chance against you did I?

You amused me, you annoyed me and you damn well stuck to me no matter how hard I tried to push you away…yet I couldn't get enough of you, no matter how many times I told myself I wasn't right for you I always let you back into my home…our home because I needed you more than I had ever let on…god you'll never know how much I needed you…still need you.

The wind carried his tortured sob away from his lips and he sank slowly to his knees, his hands gripped the hard earth beneath him the stem of the rose crushed by such cruelty…yet the bottled remained oblivious.

All the people I had scoffed at, all the sarcastic comments I had made towards an emotion I secretly longed to feel, you finally showed me what it was like to be in love, and I never got the chance to thank you…to show you how much you meant to me in return.

We went through so much to be together, you sacrificed everything for me and I was so willing to do the same for you…I may not have been at first but I swear to you I would have given everything I had for you, would give everything I have now just to feel you in my arms again.

Do you remember our wedding day?

You looked so breathtakingly beautiful in that white tux that you wore, your cheeks flushed the same dull pink as your hair and I had never felt an emotion like it as I watched you walk towards me, I was so lucky you have found you…that you found me, is it any wonder I wanted to make you mine.

I don't recall much of the party we had afterwards other than the fact that you glowed, I remember holding you in my arms as we danced our first dance, when I held you it felt like you had been made to fit my embrace and mine alone, how I wanted to freeze the moment and spend an eternity with you held tight to me.

He looked down at the battered rose and a soft sob escaped his lips, another stark reminder of something beautiful which he had helped to destroy.

That night still haunts me, to this day I picture the sadness in your eyes, the single tear that fell so slowly down your cheek as you turned and walked away from me.

Why couldn't I have held my tongue, why did I feel as though my damn book was more important that what you had to tell me, too many why's and what ifs have crossed my mind since that night, I can't go on with them taunting me with images of what could have been.

I was the first person to the hospital when I received the call, I drove like the very hounds of hell were at my heels to get to your side, the sight of your battered body almost undone me when I was at last at your side, and the blood…even now my stomach churns at the mere memory of it, how your fragile body was dyed that sickly shade of red.

You were still conscious then, I whispered my sorrow over and over again, begged for your forgiveness and you did, with a smile on your bruised lips you forgave me for being the heartless bastard everyone had always perceived me to be.

But I had a heart and it was breaking…I say had because you took it with you when you went away.

Sighing he placed the rose down upon the ground and turned his attention to the bottle in his hand, his fingertips shook as they fumbled with the lid finally managing to pull it off, a portion of the colourless substance splashing onto his hand, with a small smile he swallowed the contents wincing at the bitter taste…he lowered himself so that he was lying upon the cool earth a small smile upon his lips.

Twenty five, you were so young, what right did the world have to take someone so young away? What right did the drunk that caused you to swerve your car have to walk into the road without looking…too fucked up and too drugged up to care that his actions would have consequences.

I'd been waiting for you all of my life and I took you for granted when you were there, and you forgave me over and over again, it hurts so much to know that you were so forgiving when I didn't deserve it…god I never deserved any of it.

I can't take what this world has to offer without you, I can't carry the image of the lights slowly dimming in your usually sparkling gaze, I can't go on with the memory of your smile and your laugh flashing before me every time I close my eyes…every time someone calls my name I swear that its you but it never is.

I want that laugh again; I want the smile that lit up the room whenever it graced your lips.

I've left everything in order, you know me organized until the end, but then again that's why you fell in love with me right, and I know deep down that although you often stated otherwise you wouldn't have had me any other way…I love you my darling…I can't wait to feel your arms around me again.

I swear to god that I'll find the light you always showed me.

His breathing had hollowed now before his chest finally rose, then fell then all was still, the clouds which up until that moment seemed to part and the light glinted off the words hollowed in gold on the gravestone the man lay beneath.

'Here lies Shuichi Uesugi, beloved husband and devoted friend, may your songs echo in the heavens above always'

And as the sun was covered once again and the wind picked up its pace, petals the colour of the sun danced in the frenzied breeze and if you were to listen closely you could swear that you heard the sound of soft laughter echo in its wake.

This was written for my most beloved friend who has recently passed away, she had always wanted me to do a piece for the anime Gravitation, I have never watched an episode of it as of yet but I did some research into character names and I hope to someday get round to watching the anime that she loved so much…I know that its not a very happy piece but I think I just needed to write my pain out and this is the result.

I don't mind if you don't review I'll just be happy if you stop by to read it, to any of my readers who have been reading my Harry Potter fiction you may understand now why I haven't updated for you, to my beautiful Kelly may you find your peace away from all your pain.

Angel-Wings XxXxXxX