Stagedoor Confidential
Characters
Amy Gallagher- host of "Stagedoor Confidential" and journalism student at Columbia
Clarissa- acting student and believes she is the center of the universe
Ella- emotional but loves the idea of stagedooring
Eva- college student, very naive and perky and Ella's best friend
Lucia- Broadway fan and a bit of a gossip and has problems with Maggie
Maggie- a little too friendly and sure of herself
Ned- former nerd, now simple fan and friend of a cast member
Sabrina- imbalanced emotions and has issues with Clarissa
Tamara- know-it-all and always has to out-do others
Actors- Adam; Jessica; David; Jeremy; Kirsten; Danny; Sean
Setting
A news show setup, brightly colored, a desk that has the words "Stagedoor Confidential" printed on it
The back of a theatre, a door reading "Stagedoor", metal barriers set around it
Open with Amy sitting at the newsdesk. She's wearing
a grey suit jacket and skirt with a purple tee shirt
underneath, her hair is very professional. Lights come
on and broadcast music fades out. Amy drops some
papers she had been looking through and looks straight
in front of her.
Amy: (smiling) Hello everyone out there in the i-Universe. I am Amy Gallagher and this is, of course, "Stagedoor Confidential". This is the only place to see the underbelly of the Great White Way and the only podcast to tell the truth of all those star struck fans. Today we stagedoor Broadway's freshman hit musical, (film jumps) now playing at the (film jumps) theatre. During my studies for this show, I repeatedly ran into members of a specific group of fans, luckily, on the day of filming I was able to catch up with a large number of this group. Six to be exact, plus one I'd never seen before and another who, (smirks) apparently, belongs to another group, but our car-cam got them all together. (sitting up straight)As always, I must inform our viewers that all those shown on this podcast have signed a release. No one appears without their consent. So now let us roll the tape and see what (film jumps)'s fans have to say on "Stagedoor Confidential" May 22.
Switch to a small, but impressive, crowd gathered
around the stagedoor. Most are females in the
twenties, but some males, older, and younger people
are there. Amy walks in, wearing the same purple
tee shirt now with jeans, flip-flops, aviator
sunglasses, and a back pack. She now has on a wig
over her real hair. She walks toward a group of six
girls and one guy.
Amy- (to the group) Hey.
Lucia, Sabrina, Ned- Hey.
Amy- Is this where the cast comes out?
Sabrina- Yep. (pointing to the door) 'Stagedoor'.
Amy- Thanks. (moves away from the group, a couple feet)
Eva- I have one of the songs stuck in my head.
Tamara- Which one?
Eva- The one that girl sings when she's dancing with that guy. It was in the second act.
Lucia- (sarcastic) Very precise.
Eva- This one. (starts humming)
Tamara- Oh, you mean (film jumps)
Eva- Probably. Ella?
Ella- (not really caring) That's the one.
Ned- (walking to Ella) What's your problem?
Ella- No problem here. Why?
Ned- 'Cause you look pissed.
Ella- (defensive) Well, I'm not. Just tired, someone had me up at five am. (looks at Lucia)
Lucia- (loudly) Hey, it's not my fault it takes us two hours to get here.
Ella- (loudly) No, but it is your fault that we got here two hours before the tickets went on sale. Why'd you volunteer me to be a place holder anyway?
Eva- (coming between them) Come on, I was here only a half hour after you. But, hey, we just saw a nice, happy show. What ever happened to life imitating art?
Ned- (clears his throat) It's "art imitates life".
Tamara- Besides, with Sabrina here, none of us have to fight. She'll do it all for us.
Sabrina- (hands up) Leave me out of this.
Tamara- Why? You know you do it. I've known you for four years and you're always the one to fight. No one else. Especially when it comes to you-know-who.
Sabrina- (proper) Who ever could you be referring to, Tamara?
Tamara- (seriously) You know, Clarissa.
Lucia- (hitting Tamara gently) I think she was kidding.
Tamara- (embarrassed) Oh.
Eva- Wait. Who's Clarissa?
Ella- (putting her arms around Eva) Oh, she doesn't know, isn't that sweet? I'm so jealous. (moves over to let Ned in between them)
Ned- (to Eva) Clarissa is only the biggest bitch that ever walked this planet.
Sabrina- Ned! Since when do you talk about people behind their backs?
Ned- You gonna tell me I'm wrong?
Sabrina- I never said that. But still.
Lucia- But still nothing. Ned-y boy's right. She has a giant ego, her head is inflated with nothing but air, and her mouth spews crap to make sure everyone around her knows who she is.
Tamara- Not to mention that 65 of the people here know and hate her.
Sabrina- Please can we not talk about her right now? I just had some M&Ms.
Eva- Wait, is she here today?
Sabrina- (rolling her eyes) Probably. She's here almost as often as the cast itself.
Tamara- Honestly, she's here every time any one of us is here and between the five of us we have, what, thirty seven shows?
Eva- Wow. (laughing to herself) That's ridiculous.
Ella- Tell me about it. Add that onto the fact that she thinks she's going to be in the show since she's been here so many times.
Lucia- When did she say that?
Ella- (turning to Lucia) That's what she told Samantha a couple weeks ago when she came out after the mat. I told you, didn't I?
Lucia- No, what happened?
Eva- Wait, who's Samantha?
Tamara- She's in the ensemble. She played (film jumps).
Eva- (remembering) Oh. She can't dance.
Tamara- No, but I think if she tried any harder she might've popped out of her top. (Tamara pantomimes the act)
Ned- Okay, you saw that, too. I thought it was just wishful thinking on my part.
Eva- No, no, I saw it, too.
Ella- Anyway, yea, the last time I was here, when George went on as (film jumps), Ned and I were standing here waiting to talk to Jeremy, you know, for him to get out since he takes for-ev-er. Well, Clarissa stopped Samantha and oh my God, she looked like she wanted a plane to just fall on both of their heads.
Ned- (nodding in agreement) Oh, yea. Plus she was starving, she said she hadn't eaten anything since a powerbar an hour before the show.
Sabrina- And you know those actors, they'll kill you if you get between them and their food.
Ned- Right.
Ella- (dismissing their comments) Yea, well she was really nice, stopped to talk to her with a phony smile and everything. Then she started talking about how she'd be able to replace her. (throwing her hands around) To her face!
Tamara- Christ, imagine telling someone that you would like to replace them. Poor Samantha.
Sabrina- And she's so sweet.
Lucia- (shaking her head) That witch! Who'd do that?
Eva- Apparently Clarissa would. (to Ella) No wonder you've been using her name to describe Professor Espinoza. She sounds horrible.
Sabrina- You haven't even heard the worst of it.
Lucia- (putting her arm around Eva's shoulders) Oh the stories we could tell you.
Eva- (wide eyed) You mean there are more? How many? Ball park figure.
Lucia- A dozen, I'd say. And those are just ones we've witnessed.
Eva- Wow!
Ned- (in his best tour guide voice) If you'd like to hear some of the terrible acts of one Miss Clarissa, I'm sure Lucia's just itching to tell you some good stories.
Ella- (before Lucia could say anything) How 'bout I tell you? (to Lucia) You're wasiting for Candy Cane to come out, right? He'll probably be out first ones.
Eva- Wait, who's Candy Cane? One of the actors?
Ella- Yea, Adam, actually. (to Eva's raised eyebrow) It's a long story. But Clarissa? That's a bunch of little stories all rolled into one. (guiding Eva away) Going back to the beginning, all those months ago. It was, like, October and she was wearing a sheer top over her bra- and that was it and …
Lucia- (gesturing to Ella) What's her problem?
Ned- I dunno, you tell us. You're the one living with her.
Lucia- Yea, but you are her cousin.
Ned- That doesn't mean anything. I only see her here at the show. Other than this it's online conversations.
Tamara- Me, too. And it's like talking to two different people.
Sabrina- Like Jekyll and Hyde?
Tamara- (thinking about it) Kinda.
Sabrina- I think it has something to do with Stagedoor. (Ned, Lucia, and Tamara look at her questionably) At stagedoor she always seems, like, pissed but online she's funny.
Lucia- You're right. It's like some post-traumatic disorder thing. After the show she hits a low but is better once we get back to the apartment. You think we should ask… (someone comes out the door, whispers) Hey, it's Candy Cane. (calls) Adam!
Adam- (walking over) Hey! How are you guys?
Lucia- (with a huge smile) Good, and you?
Ned- OK, and you?
Tamara- (with a huge smile) Great, and you?
Adam- I'm good.
Lucia- Hey, I was watching TV a couple nights ago and I thought I saw you. When did you do "Will and Grace"?
Adam- (laughing) Oh, that had to be, like, four years ago. What channel?
Lucia- Eleven, I think.
Adam- I have to tell my girlfriend that she missed again. She's been trying to see me as a gay man for a few months now, since I told her. (looking around) Well, I should get something to eat before all of the McDonalds are filled with theatre-goers.
Ella- (rushing over) Before you go, Adam. Can you sign her playbill? (pushes Eva next to him)
Eva- (giggling) Hi.
Adam- Hi. How are you?
Eva- I'm good. I loved the show, you were great.
Adam- Thanks. Was this your first time? (signs her playbill)
Eva- Yea. I loved it. (giggles)
Adam- Well, I'm glad you liked it. (hands back playbill) I have to go. Have a good day. (everyone waves as he walks off)
Tamara- (whispering) Girlfriend? Why does he have a girlfriend?
Lucia- Honestly!
Ella- You know nights get lonely. Even members of an ensemble need some lovin'.
Tamara- (annoyed) No, Ella. Not like that. I mean, he's gay. Why doesn't he have a boyfriend?
Eva- He's gay? Who said?
Lucia- (waving her hands around) His body language, his voice, his ability to dance. He's flaming!
Ned- Apparently not. And, at the risk of cliché-ing it up, I told you so.
Tamara- There's no way he's not. He has to be.
Ned- Why because she-who-must-not-be-named said he was?
Eva- (to Ella) Clarissa?
Ella- Yup. (to Tamara and Lucia) Since when do you guys listen to her?
Tamara- We don't, he just seems so out.
Sabrina- Honestly. He's my gay best friend and everything.
Ella- Well, he's not. He said it himself, not Clarissa, he has a girlfriend. Keyword: 'girl'. Deal with it.
Ned- Okay, can we please stop discussing Candy Cane's personal preferences.?
Ella- Oh right.
Eva- What?
Lucia- Ned has this thing about (air quotes) 'the gays'. Not quite homophobia, he just doesn't like hearing about it.
Sabrina- But he's totally fine with the idea. We just can't speak of it.
Eva- (catching on) "Don't ask, don't tell."
Ned- (annoyed) Alright, alright, can we please move on?
Sabrina- Oh, come on, we have time and this is the best place to do tit. It's gay-central. It's like the mother ship.
Ned- Maybe but I still don't…
Lucia- You know he can't talk about it ever since...
Tamara- (cutting her off) Jessica just came out.
Ella- Which one?
Tamara- Nonna.
Sabrina- Oh, I still need my picture with her.
Ella- Me, too. (thinking) Oh, wait, I got it last time. (to Eva) Do you want one with her? She's the sweetest thing ever.
Eva- (confused) Nonna?
Ella- Another long story. Do you want one?
Eva- Yea. Am I ever going to learn the meanings behind the names?
Ned- Not if you enjoy your sanity. (Lucia elbows him) Ow.
Sabrina- (grabs Jessica's arm) Hey, Jessica. I have got to tell you again, I completely love your (film jumps).
Jessica- (smiling) Thank you. All of you. (looking at the group) Wait, I don't know one of you, do I?
Ned- (pointing to Eva) That's Eva. It's her first show.
Jessica- Hey, there. It's nice to meet you. (Eva giggles) So, this was your first time seeing the show? (Eva nods) Well, how'd you like it?
Eva- It was a lot of fun. You did a great job. (holds out her playbill)
Jessica- You want me to sign? (Eva nods and gives her the playbill) Oh, shoot, I didn't grab a sharpie. People don't usually ask me to sign.
Ella- Why not?
Jessica- Oh, please. I'm nothing special. But I will sign for you guys. That is, if anyone has a pen I could use. (Lucia gives her a pen) Thank you. (signs and gives playbill back) Anyone else?
Sabrina- (meek) Not today. (Jessica's smile shrinks) But can I get a picture with you?
Jessica- (smile widens and gives back pen) Sure, come here. (puts arm around Sabrina) Who has the camera?
Tamara- I do. (holds up camera) You ready? (takes picture) Okay.
Sabrina- Thank you.
Jessica- (confused) Did it take? I didn't hear anything.
Tamara- No, it took. See? (shows her picture)
Jessica- Oh, good camera.
Tamara- Thank you, cost me a paycheck. (pushing Eva) I think she wants one now.
Eva- (giggles) Please.
Jessica- No problem. Come here. (pulls her close)
Tamara- Say cheese!
Jessica- Cheese!
Tamara- (takes picture) Thank you.
Eva- Thank you.
Jessica- No sweat. (looking around) Now, if I remember correctly, I took my pictures with all of you.
Ella- (amazed) How'd you know?
Jessica- (laughing) I go on (film jumps) dot com. I remember seeing all of yours. I think. (raising an eyebrow) Do I?
Lucia- (nodding) Yea. We all have one with you.
Jessica- Then I'm going to go. I'm actually supposed to be meeting my friend Jacqueline, like, now.
Tamara- Jacqueline Besty? From (film jumps)? (Jessica nods) We saw that last night. She was great in it.
Jessica- Oh great. I'll make sure to tell her that. (starts off) Okay, all, I'll see you soon. Thanks for coming. (everyone waves her off)
Eva- I liked her. She talked a lot.
Sabrina- Right? And she's the cutest person ever. This is her Broadway debut so she's, honestly, just happy to be here.
Ned- And she played (film jumps).
Eva- Yea, I got that. (beat) Thank you, though. (Ned nods)
Ella- (leaning in close) Hey, Tamara. Your best friend's here.
Tamara- (rolls eyes) Oh, God, please don't mean who I think you mean.
Sabrina- I think she means Maggie. She's against the wall, next to the door.
Tamara- Oh, so she can talk to everyone like she doesn't see them four times a week? (drops sarcasm) Does she have anyone with her?
Eva- Yea. She's talking to the guy who played (film jumps). What was his name? (thinking) I remember looking because he looked a lot like my sister's ex-boyfriend.
Ella- (distracted) David.
Eva- (nods) Right. David, because my sister's ex is Anthony and his brother is David. (to herself) Not this David because that David is, like, fourteen now and this David's probably in his thirties.
Ned- Wow, look who opened up? (claps) It's about time. (Eva smiles at him)
Lucia- (to Tamara) I still don't know why you don't like Maggie. It's not like she Clarissa.
Tamara- No, she's Clarissa-esque. She's Clarissa-ish. Maggie's only a couple steps behind Clarissa. You heard what she said about me.
Lucia- So, she said you were loud and obnoxious? You are!
Tamara- I may be but she doesn't have to tell everyone.
Sabrina- Yea. If you really want to know just spend two minutes with her. (Lucia elbows him)
Eva- Wait, if she said that about you, what did she say about the rest of you?
Ned- Well, nothing. (Eva raises eyebrow)
Tamara- (mocking him) Well, not that we know.
Lucia- Please. With (film jumps) dot com we know everything that goes on at stagedoor.
Eva- (turning to Ella) So, anyway, do you have any nicknames for David over there?
Ella- Of course. Tastey.
Eva- Tasty?
Ella- With an "e", yes.
Tamara- (ignoring Eva and Ella) I just don't like her. She calls me obnoxious and yet she'd the one who doesn't shut up about (film jumps) she doesn't even know about.
Lucia- Like what?
Tamara- Like David. She's not even a fan of his but she'll go on and on about the other shows he's been in. She's so fake AND she'd here all the time. You know they can completely see through her. Unless David is really stu-- (Lucia elbows her) What? (Ned motions to David)
David- (walking past them) Hey.
Lucia- Wait, David. (he stops) We have a first timer her.
David- Oh, really.
Sabrina- Yup (points to Eva) and I think she wants you to sign her playbill.
Eva- (holding out playbill) If you don't mind.
David- Of course not. (signs) So, how'd you like it?
Sabrina- (fast) She loved it.
David- I'm glad.
Tamara- And can I have a picture with you. (gives camera to Ned)
David- Yea. (leans into her) Smile. (Ned takes picture)
Tamara- Thanks, David.
David- You're welcome.
Eva- Can I...
Sabrina- (jumping in) Can I get one, too?
David- Sure, come on.
Sabrina- (moves between David and Tamara) Thank you.
Ned- Say cheese. (takes picture)
David- Okay, I gotta run. I'll see you guys later.
Sabrina- Bye. (they all wave)
Eva- (to everyone) What was that?
Sabrina- What?
Ella- (whispers) Here we go.
Eva- You completely blocked me.
Sabrina- Block you? How?
Eva- (angry) I was asking me for a picture and you cut me off.
Sabrina- (eyes wide) Oh my God. I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize.
Eva- (taking a breath) It's okay. You just didn't hear me. (turns away from group)
Sabrina- (to Ella) I really didn't know.
Ella- It's okay. (turns with Eva, they walk away)
Lucia- Wow, check out the New Kid. (laughs)
Ned- (looking at Lucia) Please don't ever speak like that again. (frowns) Sabrina, did you really not hear her, because I did?
Sabrina- Oh, I did. (everyone is shocked) What? Don't look at me like that.
Tamara- Why did you do it then and then tell her you didn't hear her?
Sabrina- (rolls eyes) Come on. It's not like I knew he was going to run off like that.
Tamara- Then why couldn't you wait?
Sabrina- Easy for you to say, you jumped at him as soon as you could.
Tamara- Don't be jealous because I asked your boyfriend for a picture first.
Ned- (voice raised) Hey! Stop it. How old are you two? (to Sabrina) Can you just say why you blocked Eva?
Sabrina- Why not? People do it to me.
Tamara- Who?
Ella- (walking back) Hey, look who we found. (Ella and Eva are with a man)
Lucia- Oh, hey Jeremy.
Sabrina, Tamara- Hi.
Ned- Hey, man. (shakes Jeremy's hand) What's up? How you been?
Jeremy- Nothing much. You guys?
Ned- Nothing. We got a (film jumps) virgin.
Ella- Nice, Ned.
Jeremy- (laughs) Yea, we already met.
Eva- (looking at Sabrina, speaking to everyone) Got my picture, too.
Tamara- Good. Oh, hey, you were great today. (sarcastically) I barely noticed you bumping into Georgette during (film jumps). (Jeremy blushes)
Ella- Ah, leave him alone.
Lucia- Honestly, it's not like it's his fault he was born without rhythm. (all laugh)
Kirsten- Hey! (they all turn)
Sabrina- Kirsten! (hugs Kirsten)
Jeremy- Hey, it's my on-stage fiancee. She'll tell you I can dance.
Kirsten- I could... but I hate lying to fans. (all laugh at Jeremy)
Eva- Hi, I'm Eva. (shakes Kirsten's hand) This was my first time. You played (film jumps), right?
Kirsten- Yes. (Eva holds out playbill) Sign? Sure. (signs) Jer, we have to get going.
Jeremy- Oh, right.
Ned- Where are you heading?
Jeremy- Rehearsal. We're doing thjis charity show-thing next week.
Lucia- Do you mean (film jumps)?
Kirsten- On Thursday, yup.
Sabrina- We're going.
Kirsten- Oh, goodie, fans. (to Eva) I love fans.
Eva- (laughing) I got that.
Maggie- What up, my bitches? (all turn)
Sabrina, Lucia, Ella- Hey.
Jeremy- Okay, so we have to go.
Ned- Alright, man. (shakes Jeremy's hand, cheek kisses Kirsten)
Kirsten- We'll see you next week. (cheek kisses all)
Ella- Bye, guys. (all wave)
Maggie- Where're they going?
Tamara- (stand-off-ish) Rehearsal.
Sabrina- They're doing a charity show next week.
Maggie- The one at (film jumps)? (Lucia nods) I wanted to go to that. They sold out before I got paid.
Lucia- You know why that is, right?
Maggie- No, why?
Ella- (rolls eyes) Oh, no, she'd going to start it again.
Lucia- (to Ella) Shut up. (to Maggie) You remember those girls who started coming here last month? The ones who dressed up like the characters?
Maggie- The ones who came every Saturday and Sunday last month, with that rather large woman?
Lucia- That's them. Well, I heard that they know someone who works at (film jumps), you know, where the concert is, and they reserved half of the room for them and their friends.
Sabrina- (sighing) So much for charity, right?
Ella- Honestly.
Eva- That's just mean. How did you guys get tickets?
Lucia- (shrugs) We bought them, like, six weeks ago.
Maggie- (to Lucia) Who told you they're the ones who bought it out?
Tamara- (cutting Lucia off) Danny, hi.
Danny- Oh, hi. How are you?
Tamara- I'm good and you?
Danny- I'm doing alright. The rest of you?
Ned- We're good.
Maggie- You were fantastic today. Honestly, it was like the best I've seen in a while.
Danny- Well, thank you. (starts to leave) I'm sorry, but I really have to get going. Thanks for coming, all of you. (walks off)
Ella- Well, he was in a hurry.
Lucia- Probably off to meet his mother, I heard he was a real mama's boy.
Tamara- I think he just didn't want to be here. (looks at Maggie) Some fans are a bit too much to handle.
Sabrina- (under her breath) Cut it out.
Maggie- I'm sorry, was that directed at me?
Tamara- Just a tad.
Maggie- That's funny because I heard you were the one that scared Kiesha off a couple weeks ago.
Ned- (putting an arm around Tamara) Come on, lets stand over there.
Tamara- (to Maggie) Oh really. (shrugs Ned off) And who sold you that load?
Maggie- You really want to know? It was--
Sabrina- (cutting her off) Alright everyone. Let's just calm down. (they all sigh deeply and stop) Now, who hasn't come out yet?
Ella- Um, (thinking) Squiggy. (looks at Maggie and Eva) Sean.
Eva- Wait, did he play (film jumps).
Tamara- Yea, he's the understudy and since Paul's in Texas he's been on all week.
Eva- (smiling) He was cute.
Sabrina, Lucia, Ella- (dreamy) Yes he is.
Ned- (to Eva) He makes them swoon.
Tamara- Unfortunately with the swoon comes the bottom-feeder.
Maggie- In my neck of the woods, we call her Clarissa.
Sabrina- (confused) Wait, so you know about her? (pauses) In that way, I mean.
Maggie- Of course I do. Who doesn't?
Ned- Then why are you two friends?
Maggie- Because I have to get my bootlegs somewhere.
Ella- So you've been... using her?
Maggie- Pretty much. (all look at each other)
Sabrina- (coughs) You know we boot, too, right?
Lucia- Yea, and as far as we know we're the only ones with consent from half of the cast. We got some pretty great ones, pictures and videos. Hourglass Flipster.
Maggie- Really? Wait, you're Hourglass Flipster on (film jumps) dot com?
Sabrina- That's me, well, us.
Maggie- So you're the ones who shot (film jumps), the one Jessica's website?
Ned- That's Sabrina's work. You have seen them, then?
Maggie- I posted it on my journal. (beat) Clarissa told me it was hers. That she used her brother's email to put it up.
Tamara- Big surprise.
Sabrina- That son of a... (bits her lip) She's taking credit for my video, she has some nerve.
Maggie- All of your videos, actually, and all of the pictures. (Sabrina huffs and cracks her knuckles)
Eva- Hold on, is that what she was doing with the camera? (to Ella) You told me she was checking to see if the batteries worked. I had no idea you were (whispers) bootlegging!
Ella- Don't worry, it's not like we sell it. Or even record the whole show. Plus we have the cast to back us up. (pauses) She's really steady.
Eva- But...
Lucia- Sean's out. (Ella, Sabrina, Eva, and Lucia all smooth down their hair) How long do you think it'll take him to get over here?
Ned- Well, the crowd's thinned some.
Tamara- That's because Rosalind left already. That fake boobed, conceded, scene---
Maggie- ---stealing, fame hungry witch. (looks at Tamara; Tamara looks back; both shocked) You don't like her?
Tamara- (shakes her head) You neither? (Maggie shakes her head)
Ned- Oh, isn't this sweet? They both harbor a hatred for the same (pauses), what was it?
Sabrina, Lucia- Fake-boobed, conceded, scene-stealing, fame hungry witch. (they laugh)
Ned- That's it. (Eva and Ella mouth 'Wow')
Maggie- Wait, why don't you like her?
Tamara- Well, none of us do, actually. Well, off stage, that is. She's just... she's just...
Ella, Eva- A fake-boobed, conceded, scene-stealing, fame hungry witch.
Ned- That's it. (they all nod)
Lucia- Sean's , like, six people away.
Sabrina- (to Eva) You want your picture with him?
Eva- (surprized) Yea, do you?
Sabrina- If he has the time. (leaning into her) And don't worry, he's straight so you can like him, I mean really like him. (both look at Ned)
Ned- It's fine, discuss his romantic life. Anyway, I think he has a girlfriend, so don't get your hopes up too high. Then again, I don't know, don't quote me on it. (all look to Lucia)
Lucia- Don't look at me, I don't have a clue. Though I'm hoping he is single, if you know what I mean. (elbows Eva)
Ella- (singing to herself) Sean's coming, Sean's coming. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy Sean. (noticing others) What?
Tamara- You're dancing. You don't dance.
Lucia- Not in public anyway.
Ella- (shrugs) Well, I'm happy. (smiles at them)
Ned- (puts an arm around her) And if you're happy, I'm happy.
Sean- (behind Ella) And I'm happy. (all turn to him)
Ella- (startled) Omigod. You scared me.
Sean- sorry. (hugs her) I didn't mean to. I'm just glad you're happy.
Ella- And you know why, don't you? (he shakes his head) It was your (film jumps) in there that made me happy.
Sean- (blushes) Aw, thanks. How are all of you?
Tamara- Good. How're you?
Sean- I'm going well. Were you all inside?
Lucia- What you didn't see us?
Sean- No, but I'm pretty sure I heard you. There's no mistaking you guys during (film jumps).
Ned- That was them. Your 'fangirls'.
Sean- Well, thanks for coming.
Sabrina- Before I forget, this is Eva (pushing her forward) today was her first show. I think you hooked her.
Eva- You were really good. You have a great voice, very commanding.
Sean- That's sweet, thank you. (hugs her)
Eva- Can you sign my playbill? (holds it out)
Sean- Of course, hon. (signs)
Eva- Thank you. And I'd like a picture if you don't mind.
Sean- Of course not. (leans into Eva; Ned takes picture) Oh, right you have that Jack Bauer camera. Silent but deadly.
Sabrina- Care to face the Power of Bauer again?
Sean- Hey, (shrugs) I'm a risk taker.
Clarissa- (steps between Sean and Sabrina) Hi, Sean.
Sean- Um, hi. (fake smiles as rest grind teeth) How are you?
Clarissa- Not good, why haven't you taken me backstage yet?
Sean- I'm sorry?
Clarissa- I told you I wanted to go backstage, since I am an actor and all, and you haven't taken me yet.
Sean- (stammering) Well... I... Uh...
Eva- (to Clarissa) Excuse me, Clarissa, is it? (Clarissa looks at her) Yea, I believe my friend here was talking to Sean, not you.
Clarissa- What?
Sabrina- Come on, Eva, it's alright.
Eva- No, it's not and that's the problem. You guys have been complaining about her all day and yet you're letting her do this. (to Clarissa) Now, will you please wait until we have finished before you start with your crap? (to Sabrina) Weren't you going for a picture?
Sabrina- I, uh...
Clarissa- (to Eva) And who are you?
Eva- Oh, I'm Eva. It's my first time at the show and you are not going to ruin it for me. Or my friends for that matter.
Clarissa- Okay I don't know what these people have been telling you, but I've never done anything to them.
Eva- Really? Telling Sabrina the only way to get what you want is by pushing others out of your way?
Sabrina- How'd you know that?
Eva- (to Sabrina) I heard. And telling Tamara things she doesn't want to hear and blaming Maggie?
Tamara- She did what?
Eva- Then, of course, you basically turning Ned homophobic? I'm thinking something along the lines of calling him gay for hanging out at Broadway shows.
Ned- Eva! Come on!
Eva- Feeding Lucia some lame-ass rumors that she's sure to spread because, (to Lucia) no offense, (to Clarissa) she'd kind of a gossip.
Lucia- Hey! I'm right here.
Eva- And Maggie, who I don't even know, seems to be scaring away the actors and I'm pretty sure it's not because of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. You had something to do with that, huh?
Maggie- Wait, how'd she... you think my eyebrows are perfect?
Eva- And, finally, Ella. The girl I've known since junior high pulling a 'Two Face' from who she really is and who she is here. I'd say she was PMSing or something, but then I think of her when she's only dealing with the actors. When it comes to the fans, she clams up and my theory is that each and everyone of them holds a little bit of you and she hates that. Am I close?
Ella- Eva, I don't know what to say.
Clarissa- Who are you?
Eva- I'm the newest (film jumps) fan. And I don't think that should entitle any silence, inside or outside of the theatre.
Ella- (pulling Eva aside) Eva, out of all the dirt I told you about her,why those? (pauses) How those? I didn't even tell you about them.
Eva- I'm not studying criminal psychology for fun. Plus everyone (indicating everyone at stagedoor) figured that stuff out already.
Tamara- Talk about a fake boobed, conceded, scene---
Lucia- ---stealing, fame hungry witch. Honestly.
Clarissa- You are all such... I can't believe you... I didn't do... It's just that...
Ned- Hey, Clarissa, I guess it's good you're an (air quotes) "actor". You spparently need a script at all times.
Maggie- (to Clarissa) One word, three syllables: 'De-Friend-ed'. (Clarissa huffs and turns to leave)
Sabrina- (to Clarissa) Oh, and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped taking credit for my videos and pictures. (sweetly) Thank you. (Clarissa storms off)
Eva- (sighs deeply) So? Happy? (they all give small laughs)
Sean- Uh. (coughs) Do you still want a picture?
Sabrina- Actually. (takes camera from Ned) I think this would be better. (goes to Amy) Excuse me? Would you take our picture?
Amy- (confused) Um, sure, yea. (Sabrina joins group and Sean) Okay, say (pauses) 'Stagedoor Confidential'. (takes picture)
All goes dark for a minute. When lights come back on,
Amy is at her desk wearing her business attire.
She has a smile on her face and stands.
Amy- Ladies and gentlemen, Lucia, Tamara, Ned, Sabrina, Maggie, Ella, and Eva. (Amy walks out from behind the desk; Lucia, Ned, and Maggie walk in on one side; Tamara, Sabrina, Ella, and Eva on the other; all smile) On behalf of all of our viewers: Thank you. I've never had that much excitement at a stagedoor. So tell me, Ned, was that the most eventful stagedoor for you too?
Ned- (laughs) Oh, yes. And I"ve been to quite a few. But none like this, ever. And I never want it to happen again, but if it does explode I'll call you. It's cool to have it on tape.
Amy- Promise? Tamara, have you been back yet?
Tamara- To (film jumps)? Of course, but after people see this I think we may need to take a break from it for a little while.
Amy- Or go undercover, like your's truly. What about the actors, how'd they react to this being filmed, especially Sean?
Lucia- (puppy dog eyes) Oh, poor Sean, he was so paranoid. He thinks he started the fight and didn't want everyone to see it.
Maggie- Yea, but afterwards, when we explained everything he calmed down a bit. And the others who were filmed see it as big press, a 'breakthrough' if you will, for the show.
Amy- We aim to please. And about the whole camera business?
Ella- (innocently) Whatever are you talking about? (laughs) No, um, it is true that we have permission from some of the cast, but I think we may have to be a little more careful now.
Amy- Well, I was talking about your pictures from stagedoor. (laughs) I assume they've all been posted on (film jumps) dot com? (all nod) But going back to the argument, Sabrina, how does it feel to have it all off your chest?
Sabrina- Oh, there's too much to say. If you really want to hear it all you can go to my journal at (film jumps) dot com backslash sabsie23. But in one word: relieved. I'm relieved.
Amy- I can imagine.. And last but certainly not least, Eva. (pauses) Wow.
Eva- I know. (shakes her head) I am not usually like that but it was my first time and I'd had enough already. I didn't want it to end the way it would have had I not spoken up. I wanted it to end on a high note, something I could remember fondly.
Amy- Well, you positively did that.
Eva- (quietly) Thank you.
Amy- Alright, we are going to have to sign off but first I want to thank these people once more. Eva, Ella, Sabrina, Tamara, Maggie, Ned, and Lucia thank you for joining me here at the studio and out at the theatre. To those actors who appeared in the video: Adam(film jumps), Jessica (film jumps), David (film jumps), Jeremy (film jumps), Kirsten (film jumps), Danny (film jumps), and Sean (film jumps). Please, go out to the (film jumps) theatre and see (film jumps). Keep fans like these busy and people like you and I entertained. Lastly, I want to thank Clarissa, I want to thank her her making this a show like no other but with what I've heard and scene about her I don't think thanking her is the best source of action. I am Amy Gallagher and this has been another edition of 'Stagedoor Confidential'. And remember, the stars don't come out the door unless you're there to greet them.
The broadcast music rises and Amy starts to
shake Maggie's hand. Ella is whispering
something to Eva, Tamara is smiling and
saying something to Sabrina, Lucia is waving
to the camera, Sabrina takes out her own
camera and starts to film, and Ned is talking
to Maggie and Amy. Lights and music fade
out.