She doesn't know exactly how she's found herself here again. Brenda's small, relatively messy apartment should, for a number of reasons, be abhorrent to her or at least uncomfortable. Instead Sharon only feels safe and cared for. But this could have something to do with where she is currently laying: her back against Brenda's chest, her hips between Brenda's legs, her hair combed in Brenda's careful fingers.
Over a long morning of avoiding Jackson Raydor, this position, this comfort, is all she's been able to think about. She'd texted Brenda with hands that were shaking in anger as Jack wheedled his way further into Rusty's confidence. Currently, the two boys are taking in some excessively violent film somewhere. Just another plan made without her knowledge - Jack had sent a message last minute to say they were going as soon as Rusty was out of class.
It hurts Sharon's heart to see Rusty so ensnared. Partly because she suspects Jack's attention and interest are self-serving and he'll soon become one more fading figure in Rusty's life, leaving as quickly as he'd appeared, likely amidst a string of hollow promises. Their comraderie hurts doubly because it reminds her of how little Jack cared to extend the same effort for his own kids. How is it that it comes so easily for him now with a boy that isn't even his?
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Brenda's voice draws her out of her thoughts again, reminding her where she is, reminding her that at least for now, she doesn't have to think about the man she's chained too, for worse or for worst. Instead she can think about the gentle arms of this woman she really only sees once in a while. The woman who for some reason gives her comfort, gives her sex, gives her time, whenever she needs it most.
Sometimes she wonders if Brenda does it as a favour. She wonders if Brenda is doing these things because they're what Sharon did for her when her marriage with Fritz dissolved. But when Brenda kisses her, Sharon doesn't mind if it's all just a favour. It feels better than that. And even if that's all it is, she can't find it in herself to care or to stop or to consider what the repercussions of their little island of make-believe might be.
Sharon lets out a shaky laugh. "Nope. I just want to forget about it for a little while."
"Okay. Sounds like a plan." Brenda replies. She drags her fingers in another zig-zag across Sharon's scalp. Then she shifts herself, rearranging them both so that Brenda lays with her back against the couch and Sharon is face-to-face with her, hugged tightly to her body.
Brenda curls a strand of hair behind Sharon's ear and resumes the scalp massage for a while, smiling when Sharon hums and shuts her eyes.
They lie like that until Sharon's phone buzzes in her purse. She sighs loudly at the shattering of her oasis. She turns and sits on the couch, reaching for her bag and checking the cell - a text from Rusty saying they're picking up dinner on the way back, asking if she wants anything specific from the thai restaurant. Sharon responds that she's happy with anything and that she'll be home a little later.
She drops the phone in the purse, drops the purse back on the floor, and drops her forehead against her palms. She tries to rub away the headache that just won't respond to Advil.
She feels the couch cushions move as Brenda sits up beside her. Sharon turns her head, still propped against one hand, and looks at Brenda.
It hits her like a slow-moving wave and in a few moments, Sharon's eyes are stinging and she can't really pinpoint why. Because it's so many things lately: the fear of losing Rusty as per Emma's request, the renewed intrusion of Jack in her life, the fact that even she hasn't seen her kids in months. And on top of it all, she's lost in this mess with Brenda, not really sure where they're going or if they're going anywhere at all. And all of it hits her all at once and she feels like she can't move.
Then Brenda moves for her. She pulls Sharon into her arms and kisses her cheeks, wetting her lips in the tracks of falling tears, without a care. Sharon grips Brenda's arms as if they are her last hope. She cries quietly, almost without a sound and only the occasional sniffle. Brenda turns Sharon's face towards her and kisses her lips gently, encouraging the woman to respond. Sharon gives in rather quickly, letting Brenda's lips lead her. It feels as if Sharon is at the end of a rope in a dark place and Brenda is pulling her out, little-by-little, leading her back into the light.
When they stop kissing, Sharon smiles. Her eyes aren't dripping anymore and her whole body is warm.
"Do you have to leave?" Brenda asks quietly.
Sharon smiles a little wider. "No. Not just yet."
Brenda sits back against the couch and pulls Sharon with her. "Good. Cause I'm not ready to let you go just yet."
That's all they say for a while. Sharon curses herself for smiling more but she can't help it. Because Brenda is troubling and strange and distracting and somehow she knows just how to give Sharon what she needs.
She knows how to give her hope.