The Only Way
When it was finally Kate's turn to draw a name from the basket, there weren't many folded up pieces of paper left, and she could tell by the expressions of those that'd selected before her who was relieved and who, too, now dreaded the infernal Christmas tradition that'd invaded the Twelfth, thanks to her all-too-merry fiancé.
She'd begged Rick not to bring up the idea to Gates, insisting it wouldn't end well, as was so often the case where he was involved. Sure, her captain had been unexpectedly supportive of their personal relationship to that point, but Kate still felt that with one wrong move, the whole thing could collapse around them like a house of cards and he'd be gone. Gates was way too difficult to read, and a round of precinct Secret Santa seemed fated for disaster.
Unfortunately for her, she was wrong. When Rick had walked out of Gates' office wearing a grin from ear to ear, Kate had actually caught herself physically pouting. All the holiday decorations in Gates' office the previous year, how many times she'd spotted her straightening the gold star atop her miniature plastic tree, and humming "Jingle Bells" during those few weeks, it had all come back to her in that moment. Victoria "Iron" Gates actually enjoyed Christmas. Kate was still on a road back to that place, though, a road she preferred not involve a cheesy gift exchange that would undoubtedly culminate in some silly trinket she didn't want or need.
Kate tucked the unopened scrap of paper into her hand until everyone else was done with their selections. She worked in a room full of detectives, didn't want them to read her face as she'd done theirs. No, instead she shuffled back to her desk alone, leaving small groups of others engaged in chitchat about the "fun" to come and teasing each other about who might've picked whom. She glanced around furtively as she took her seat, spotting Rick bounding her direction, so she set her pick aside, visible yet still folded, and turned her attention nonchalantly to her current case file as she waited for the inevitable.
"So, who'd you pick?" Rick's body landed in his chair with such enthusiastic force that he nearly tipped over backwards, his excitement at such an elevated level that the near mishap barely even fazed him.
Kate somehow managed to quash a laugh. "I believe the secret to Secret Santa, Castle, is that I don't actually share that information with you. Besides, I haven't looked yet."
He didn't understand, of course. How the hell had she not looked? That was the most fun part of the game. Spotting the paper on her desk, he reached out for it without a hint of hesitation or stealth.
"Excuse me," Kate scolded without diverting her eyes from her casework, "what does that say?" She tapped her pen against the nameplate on the desk as she spoke.
Rick looked down and answered, "uh, Detective Beckett?" It came out as more of a question than an answer, her implication seemingly lost on him.
"Right, so, how about you keep your hands off of Detective Beckett's things where they don't belong, okay?" She snapped up what he was so anxious to see and pocketed it for later.
"Well, I suppose as long as that's not a euphemism, I'm fine with that rule," Rick quipped as he stood and straightened his jacket. "I need to go, anyway. I've got some best-Secret-Santa-ever shopping to do. I'll see you at the loft later?" He didn't even have the patience to wait for her reply.
xxxx
The idea came to her in a moment when her mind was elsewhere, on busy things, the rarest kind of moment since she'd found out, and she just knew it was the one way she'd be able to find enjoyment in any of it - Secret Santa, Christmas, the toughest weeks in her every year. Once it'd set in, once she could see it all playing out in her head like a movie, she had to find a way to make it happen, no matter how tedious the journey to its realization.
"Javi," Kate whispered across the empty desk between them, the bull pen early-evening quiet. "Hey, Javi," she hissed a second time, finally capturing his attention and waving him over. He obliged, confused and showing it.
"Why the hell are you whispering?" he asked, looking around the all but deserted room. "We're, like, the only ones here."
"Who did you get for Secret Santa?" she asked, maintaining her hushed tone and ignoring his bite.
"No way, girl. I'm not telling you who I got," he replied, feigning offense at the mere question. "You'll find out soon enough." He turned to walk away, amused by the fact that his usually collected partner seemed somewhat unsettled, but one step and he quickly spun back around. "Okay, but you tell me yours first," he said giddily, reversing his hard line in no time flat.
"Good to know how easily you cave, Espo," she said, shaking her head in disapproval. "Just tell me, okay, did you pick Castle by any chance?"
"Nah," he answered almost jubilant, "and I don't envy the person that did. That freakin' guy has everything."
"Helpful, thanks, Javi. Get outta here," she insisted, shooing him away. She looked again at Stegner's name, written in holiday red and green on the slip of crinkled paper, before tossing it into the trash can. Of course, it would've been too easy for it to have been the first person she asked.
xxxx
Kate woke early the next morning, more irritable than she had of late. She hadn't slept much over the past week or so, the holidays and her mother, among other things, weighing heavily on her mind. She showered and dressed, kissed a slumbering Rick before heading off to the precinct. She wanted to get an early start, having spent far too much of the previous afternoon preoccupied with a damn gift exchange instead of her case.
Stepping from the elevator onto the fourth floor, she found Ryan and Espo giggling about something or other, and it was definitely too early for those two, she thought, dropping her messenger bag beside her chair and heading immediately for the break room to fill her water bottle - anything for one more minute of quiet.
"So, Beckett, I hear you're looking for the person who picked Castle for Secret Santa," Ryan asked with a singsongy confidence, sounding much like the cat who swallowed the canary.
Kate barely acknowledged his presence. She knew him well enough to already read it likely wasn't him. "You're not that person, Ryan, so I suggest you keep moving."
It was obvious she wasn't in the mood. "No, I'm not," he mumbled soberly and rushed away, shrugging as he slinked back to his desk, rubbing at his muscle after Espo's disapproving punch to the arm.
The three found themselves in Gates' office later that morning, summoned there to brief her on the updates from their canvas and their research. Rick had a meeting and some writing to do and wasn't sure he'd make it in at all, which was more than fine. Kate needed the time, anyway. She'd already asked half a dozen people at the precinct if they knew who'd picked him for Secret Santa, but none of them had any idea - or none of them wanted to share the information. Either way, Kate was frustrated and distracted, her plan, thus far, an entirely uphill climb.
"So, we're running financials on Matthews and we should have-"
"I'm sorry, can you two please give us a moment," Gates interjected, interrupting Kate mid-sentence and banishing Espo and Ryan to the bull pen with a wave of her finger. They stepped from the room, obedient yet puzzled by their abrupt discharge. "Is there something wrong, Detective?" she asked sharply. "Something we need to discuss?"
"I'm sorry?" Kate asked, uncertain what had prompted the scrutiny.
"Well, you just referred to our prime suspect, Michaels, three times as Matthews, so I have to assume there's something going on. I'm just trying to find out what that something is."
Kate's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she began to feel both hot and cold at once. "Sir, I-"
"This wouldn't have anything to do with this Secret Santa business, would it? I heard you asking around earlier about Mr. Castle. You were trying to find out who'd pulled his name, yes?"
"I'm sorry, sir," Kate said, absent the right words for much more than that. "Yes, I was, but…"
"I picked him, Detective. I have Mr. Castle, if that knowledge helps you any."
Kate felt an odd sense of relief in that moment, a flutter of excitement, even, though she could hardly believe she'd sparked such a ridiculous conversation, and with her boss of all people. "Sir, yes, actually it does." She took a moment for a breath. "I wonder if you'd maybe consider swapping with me. I'm sure it probably sounds silly, but it would mean a lot."
Gates wasn't entirely certain what to make of the request, why Kate would want to be Rick's Secret Santa when they were already involved in a relationship and would likely already be exchanging gifts, but she imagined, given Kate's efforts, it must be important, so she acquiesced. "On one condition, Detective," she said. "Please be sure Mr. Michaels gets what's coming to him."
Kate managed a tiny smile at her superior's ribbing. "I will, sir. And, thank you."
xxxx
The loft was quiet when Kate arrived that evening. Rick had texted earlier to let her know he'd pick up something for dinner, so she came straight from the precinct. Without knowing exactly how much time she'd have alone, she hurried straight to the bedroom, unbuttoning her coat and tossing it unceremoniously onto the chair in the corner. Her pulse quickened as she pulled open one of her drawers, the drawer where she'd hidden them days before.
They sat there in the box just as she'd left them, and it shook her still to look at them, to realize all they meant. She reached into her coat pocket and grabbed the slightly mangled red bow she'd swiped from the Twelfth that afternoon, wrapping it around as best she could. Rick wouldn't care how it looked. He wouldn't even notice as he tore into the box, she knew. Marking it Love, Your Secret Santa, she brought the box out to the kitchen counter and placed it there, where she knew he'd see it just as soon as he arrived home with the food. And then she waited.
It felt like hours, but it was just minutes. Kate wondered and thought and worried and hoped, everything all at once. She sat forward in the chair of his office, where she'd taken up residence in wait, when she heard him come through the front door, the energy born of her nerves now entirely in control of her body. She watched as the overhead light came on in the kitchen and brightened the room. She could hear the shuffle of paper and plastic for a brief moment, and then it was suddenly quiet. She knew he'd found what she'd left. And now he would know, too, know what she'd carried in her mind and on her shoulders for those few days.
"Kate," he called out, once and then twice, but she didn't reply. She wanted him to find her, wanted to see the look on his face before she said anything. He stepped through the doorway of his office after a short moment, finally, her heart beating as it never had before. "Is this…are we…a baby?" The elation in his voice struck her like a bolt of lightning.
"Merry Christmas, Castle," she said as he stepped to her and took her in his arms.